'P-Valley' Actor Blue Kimble Says His DMs Are Open & He's Accepting Applications
One look at Blue Kimble, and your mind may instantly play Trey Songz's "Panty Droppa" from his 2009 Ready album. However, what many may not know is that there's a lot more to him underneath those rock-hard abs and pearl-like smile of his - and I don't mean from the waist down.
Prior to his acting career, the born and raised ATLien played in the NFL with the Buffalo Bills (which would definitely explain his solid stature). Once he began to pursue acting wholeheartedly, Blue's resume stacked up as he appeared in shows and movies including The Game, Being Mary Jane, Fast and Furious 5, and TVOne's The Bobby DeBarge Story alongside Adrian Marcel. Just two short years ago, Blue starred in UMC's drama series Monogamy. And this year, he's added a starring role in television's newest drama series, P-Valley(which airs on Starz on Sunday nights at 9 p.m).
When first connecting with the 34-year-old heartthrob, his deep, warm voice embraced me with positive energy and light-heartedness as we exchanged stories about where we're currently located and how our mental health is being maintained amidst all that's happening during this time. As an actor, model, and former pro athlete, you can imagine that Blue must have women flocking to him, but according to the leading man, he's still looking for his leading lady and his DMs are open, accepting applications.
The eye candy who also happens to be soul food (you hear that, ladies?) talked to xoNecole about his favorite strip clubs, his trials and fears in love, and how he's willing to climb any mountain to help his woman reach her 'peak'. Here's what he had to say.
*Some answers have been edited for length and clarity.
xoNecole: Tell us about 'P-Valley', which is the highly anticipated stripper drama on Starz. How was the filming experience and what were some of the greatest things that you learned?
Blue Kimble: Wow, P-Valley coming to Starz. The stripper drama, like you said (laughs). First, off the bat, there's nothing on TV like that right now giving you an up-close, raw, direct look into the life that goes on in the strip culture and some Southern culture. It's just a taste of Southern culture - raw [and] gritty within a strip club. Katori Hall, the creator - she is a genius, award-winning playwright. The honor to work with her and the cast is amazing.
My character, Rome, he's a Southern hustler and former drug dealer turned music exec. We know that story has been heard and told a lot within the music industry (laughs), so I was just able to put my real spin on it from actual accounts and my Southern heritage and culture came out in the role. It was a blessing to pay homage to all that. I really like it and I know people are going to gravitate towards this a lot, and I can't wait for y'all to see it.
How would you say, if at all, you relate to your character?
Like I said, he's a Southern hustler, gentleman, [and] businessman - those are some of the things that I have grown up around and had a foundation of, being from the South, being from Atlanta. It's a culture. Every city has their own type of lingo, type of swag, type of attractions, and raw. Just like a street cat from New York is not gonna sound like a hustler from Atlanta, Tennessee, Alabama or Mississippi. Just to be able to pay homage and pull from real-life accounts, it was an honor.
When it comes to relationships, how do you balance your career, time for your significant other and time for yourself? I’m pretty sure as an actor, it’s already hard enough to find time to be on your own, so how do you balance that with the person you’re dating?
Look at you with more good questions. Jeez, you are on it. The industry is a difficult thing to handle within itself. When I fell into it after I transitioned from football, this was a whole new world, but a lot of it had the same connections with me as playing sports. Athletes get a bad rap and stereotypes within relationships, so to come from that and go right into my film career - which started afterwards and I was blessed to fall into - it's some of the same stereotypes. For some of the relationships that I've tried to have, it was hard for my significant other to just fathom the time that I would be away or what I was doing.
It takes a lot of understanding and time; sometimes I can make someone jealous. Not about what I'm doing or who I am or what I'm aspiring to become - jealous of the time that I'm not there to give the woman in my life. That has been a balance that I've been figuring out. Now I'm even older, wiser, more mature and I'm looking for all that. I'm still looking and searching. I'm not saying that I'm flipping over every rock in town looking for my queen, but when she reveals herself to me, I will be ready, willing and accepting.
"I'm still looking and searching. I'm not saying that I'm flipping over every rock in town looking for my queen, but when she reveals herself to me, I will be ready, willing and accepting."
Courtesy of Blue Kimble
How can you tell the difference between women who genuinely want you for you or just the clout and the attention that comes from being with you?
That's a good word that you used - genuine. You took it right out of my mouth. I try to surround myself with genuine people. You can only play and fool somebody for so long and the truth will always reveal itself. Who you really are is gonna come out; you can only play that you're genuine for an hour or two (laughs). The truth will seep out, leak out and reveal itself. I pay attention to those types of things and I try to keep myself around grounded people, people with like-minded energy and people who aren't going to use me or sponge me for my good energy.
That's what people gotta understand not just within relationships, but life period. Stop letting people drain you for your worth, your goodness, your light or your energy because that's what a lot of people are - they're leeches for the light, for the sun, for the good energy. Watch it and protect your energy.
This is a fun personal question for me because you’re an actor. Do you ever try to get into character for the bedroom with role playing?
Look at you with all the good questions (laughs). I'm a facilitator when I'm with the women that I'm with and my job is to please her. Whatever it takes to please her and get her to where she gotta go, that's what we're doing. If she wants me to put on a Superman costume, I'm doing it if that's what's gonna get her to the moon. Whatever it takes.
How can you say that your acting skills and your views on relationships have evolved from the beginning of your career to where you are now?
In the beginning of my career, I was younger, and I tend to grow daily - mentally, physically, spiritually. I'm definitely more mature than I was in my craft, acting, and delivering as well as I am within life, learning and relationships. Not saying that I was ever intentionally being a jerk or a bad person (laughs), because I try to be a good person as much as I can. But I still grow within my understanding of my actions and the actions of the people I'm around. I'm still learning and growing right now. When you stop growing, that's when you die. I don't ever wanna stop learning and I'm looking forward to some significant woman to come around and teach me some more. Come teach me, girl!
Do you think you’ll ever find true love one day? If so, what does true love look like for you and what do you look for in a partner, for all of the women who are about to submit their resumes to you?
Wow, you really think I'm about to get a lot of resumes. You really think it's about to go down like that? With myself and the woman I'm with, I like confidence. Show your confidence because confidence leads to sexiness and your sex appeal. Those are always good things and things that men will gravitate to in their significant other because at the end of the day, it's about attraction. You have to attract someone before you can see how much you can grow together and see if you have that bond. I'm open - my heart and mind are open.
Yeah, I do think that I will find that love that you spoke of. Now, I'm not gonna force it; a lot of people do that and try to force love. When it comes and reveals itself, I'm gonna be ready for it and I'm gonna receive it. All the ladies, or potential suitors like you said, that's putting their resumes out there - hopefully, I do. With my family, my mother and my father are still together; they've been married before I was born and they're still together and still in love. That's what love looks like to me [and] I know what love looks like. I'm a Black man that comes from a family that has embodied love.
With that being said, I also know what fake love is. Show me that real love. Like you said, I need genuine people around me. Do not come around me with that fake love. 2020 is all about 'real'. We need that real love going forward; 2020, no more fake love! People [have] been showing us fake love for a long time now. Reveal your truth.
"With myself and the woman I'm with, I like confidence. Show your confidence because confidence leads to sexiness and your sex appeal. Those are always good things and things that men will gravitate to in their significant other because at the end of the day, it's about attraction. You have to attract someone before you can see how much you can grow together and see if you have that bond. I'm open - my heart and mind are open."
Courtesy of Blue Kimble
So, what are some things that attract you to a woman initially?
You're cheating. You're not supposed to ask me about that. You're trying to get me in trouble.
Man, look, I’m just doing my job. I’m not, I promise.
I like a woman's smile - the smile does a lot, and the eyes. Because everyone else is gonna say body features like shapes, thighs, butts, chest and this, that and the other, but that only goes so far. When you get down to the eyes and the smile, that's when you're able to tell what's real and genuine about her. The eyes never lie.
What are your dating non-negotiables and how does it differ from when you’re casually dating a woman versus when you’re trying to be serious?
Like I said, I'm pretty open, but anyone who's disrespectful, I don't deal with. I don't like disrespect in any fashion, and not just towards me. Just that type of energy that you bring and that also relates to some negativity. I'm a very positive person and I like to keep positive people and energy around me. Disrespect and anyone going out of their way to be disrespectful - I just can't. I don't care how pretty you are or attractive you are, nastiness overrides all of that. I'm open and try to figure out and understand any and everything, but someone who's just trifling and disrespectful, I can't allow that.
You mentioned that understanding is a huge foundational element for you when it comes to relationships. What are some other important qualities that make a successful relationship for you?
Definitely communication and good communication comes from understanding. Once you're on a level of understanding amongst both of you, that's the growth and you will have reached that level and those bonds that are unbreakable. I just feel like a lot of people rush into relationships of titles and status without having a level of understanding between them and not even being friends.
Before you try to build with someone in that type of fashion, definitely like a relationship long-term, I feel that you need to be friends first before you can become anything else and people don't establish a friendship. The person you're in love with is supposed to be your best friend. Be in a relationship with your best friend - it's not a business arrangement. That's the genuine bond and that's what you have to establish to make longevity.
"The person you're in love with is supposed to be your best friend. Be in a relationship with your best friend - it's not a business arrangement. That's the genuine bond and that's what you have to establish to make longevity."
Courtesy of Blue Kimble
Lights on or light off - and why?
You almost made me spit my water out (laughs). There's levels to that. Like I said, when I'm with someone, I do what pleases them. If my partner prefers the lights off and candles and that type of vibe, then that's what we're doing. But if she likes the lights on and she wanna look and she wanna be able to see everything and check it out, then we'll do that too (laughs)! I like to look and see what's going on, personally. I'm gonna do whatever my partner needs to get her to the mountain top.
'P-Valley' is embedded in the world of strip culture, so it would be very remiss of me to not ask you what are your top three favorite strip clubs?
Everybody else wouldn't know them. That's Atlanta talk - I'm from Atlanta, so the world may not know. You have to understand that Atlanta is enriched in strip club culture and Atlanta has the most strip clubs per capita, at least that's what I've been told and it's hard for me not to believe. We have strip clubs on every corner downtown (laughs). We've always had a stripper culture. I went to my first strip club when I was about fourteen or fifteen years old.
[In] Atlanta, you gotta check out the Blue Flame, that's an Atlanta staple; Magic City, another Atlanta staple. See, there's this throwback for real Atlanta people - Club Nikki's. Club Nikki's was the spot and they shut it down; it's been shut down forever, but the building is still up.
Speaking of strip clubs and strippers, if the woman in your life was to surprise you with a lap dance, what’s the song to get you in the perfect mood?
I would probably be more excited about those things. I wouldn't care if she's doing it in silence (laughs). The song that's gonna get me in the mood and not her freaky stripper outfit…
Songs are important. You don’t want your stripper giving you a dance to The Jackson 5’s “ABC”, now would you?
Yeah, so what song do we need? (laughs). TLC, how 'bout that? That's a good one? "Red Light Special".
I like that. I’ll accept that answer.
That's a good one. The Tank song, "When We".
His song “Dirty” is a good one, too.
There you go. TLC for the old heads, Tank's "When We" for the young people and my young girls to show them some love.
For more of Blue, follow him on Instagram. Catch him on Starz's P-Valley on Sunday nights at 9pm.
Featured image courtesy of Blue Kimble.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images