From Rocawear To Rich Girl Candy: My Fashion Brand Celebrates The True Empowerment Of Women
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Mieka Joi's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I have always loved fashion and how it makes us feel. I love the creativity and individuality that is encouraged. I love the places that it can take you. I love the happiness it brings...
Your outfit can literally elevate, and even transform, your mood and confidence. And what's even better, is we can achieve an amazing look on any budget.
Throughout my life, the experiences that I've had, the things that I've seen and learned, and the opportunities that I have come across, is what ultimately drove me to make the decision to dive head-first into a space that I oh so loved.
And from there, a dream was born...
The Birth Of A Designer
I've lived my life as the CEO and Head Unicorn of my fashion label, well before I even founded the company. It was always just in me.
I'm a Chicago girl—in every aspect—born and raised. I grew up with entrepreneurship at the forefront of my household, as both of my parents were business owners. Since birth, I saw my mother, a successful single black female entrepreneur, give everything she had to her business and family. So naturally, I didn't know any other way in terms of a profession. Witnessing her work ethic, instilled a different level of confidence in me when it came time for me to pursue my own passion and career.
My company is Rich Girl Candy. We're a mood-changing symbol, using neon and varying colorful elements to encourage happiness and light-feeling childlike bliss. We pride ourselves on being a feeling; a vibe. And we celebrate individuality and standing apart from the status quo.
When you see my brand, you see color, fun, flair, and fashion, something many shy away from.
Long before getting to the point of where we are today, I worked in the fashion and styling game, dating back to my sophomore year at Clark Atlanta.
My roommate and I were approached with an opportunity to intern for a top-tier district buyer for Rocawear. And for me, this was a dream come true.
Rocawear? As in Jay-Z's Rocawear?
Sis, I am on the way...
I mean, Jay has always been one of my favorite artists, and I adore the Rocawear brand, of course, even to this day. So, basically, there was never even a moment where I considered otherwise.
We each accepted and ran with being students of fashion. One of the dopest experiences ever. Being in that environment, and just being in the presence of so many people I could learn the inner workings from, was beyond priceless. I was able to first-hand observe the fashion industry from a different perspective, which of course, was intriguing.
From here, there were a few bumps and bruises, developed companies, and partnerships made. I even took on various clients for styling and consulting, and eventually, Rich Girl Candy was born. This was in 2013–I was 25 years old.
And since that internship, to now, you've seen my work on a few of our faves—Serena Williams being one (she looked so bomb that day)—in addition to many others.
The Beginning Of Forever
I'm often asked the origin of RGC, and for me, it's simple. Rich means "abundance". And in some capacity, we are all rich—whether rich in love, rich in friendship, rich in health, or even in wealth. Basically, I want all women to be fruitful. I actually originally planned for RGC to solely be a high-end resale shop for designer bags and shoes. The accessories would originally serve as a treat to women, similar to how candy is for kids. Thus, Rich Girl Candy.
Over time, we became an all-in fashion brand, complete with a girl's youth line, partnership collections with celebs, athletic wear, swimwear, and even grinders—color always being the focus. While evolving, I knew I wanted to target fly basketball and soccer moms—those moms who match sweats with a Chanel bag or mix their fave designer dress with sneakers instead of heels. I wanted our woman to be completely comfortable, but still turn heads, whether running errands or going to a concert.
Our first year, we honestly wasted way too much money, there was so much trial and error. My biggest disappointments and lessons lived in these moments, hell they survived there. I was forced to become well-versed in fashion basics—ones that people don't necessarily consider, such as understanding the necessity to plan 6-12 months ahead of time (because ladies, fair warning, no factory is ever on schedule). This changed my entire perspective on how I conduct business.
So, now, while most are mapping out their 2020 fiscal year, I'm thinking of 2022.
But make no mistake about it, I've had so many rewarding moments with my business. One of my favorites, last year—the first time we attended ComplexCon in Chicago. Such a monumental moment for my team and I. For one, it was ComplexCon, the mecca of the most influential minds in the country. And two, it took place in my hometown. Being in LA and traveling often, can all take its toll. So this, for me, was a full circle moment.
Entrepreneur Girl, In A Rich World
Listen, ladies, I tell my story solely to empower. That's all I really want. My entire brand is based on it. To empower is to truly want to see others win, while supporting that win in whatever capacity you can. It's being the example, or the leader, for all women to look up to and grow from. I may not agree with how someone runs their business, but we are all doing what works for us. Everyone has their own journey, and that's OK. And this goes for all women, of all shades, with all body types, and in all facets of work.
Empowerment isn't exclusive to a specific group of women who have passed a specific threshold. And it's certainly not for sale.
We are so much more powerful when we support each other in the lanes that we choose for ourselves, we deal with enough shit on our own.
And being in my world, I often see a faux notion of that support; a thin layer. This isn't enough for me. I believe in wholehearted loyalty and protection of our queens—and if you really wanna have that conversation, let me know. I'm always intrigued by the mere misconception.
So, my advice and affirmations as a business owner lie here:
- If entrepreneurship is a path you want to take, or a path you're currently on, stay your course. It's your course.
- There will be many people wanting you to pay them to build your brand. No one can build or sell your brand like you can. Get help where necessary, but when it comes to vision, save that money, sis.
- The best publicity is free. Quality product sells itself.
- You will want to give up. Don't. These times just confirm that you're on the right path. Nothing great comes without fear. Keep going, always.
- Find your passion. Don't take on a journey just because you see someone making money from it, that's not your passion. It's forced. Therefore, it's work.
When I'm overwhelmed I meditate. I pray, I read, I take time to reflect inward; mostly tapping into what lessons the universe is trying to teach me. I'll listen to a few of my go-to podcasts and I'm big on journaling, it helps to release buried feelings and emotions.
As for what's next for me, with the quarantine, only God knows. A lot of the events and festivals we had for summer have been postponed, so now we're in campaign mode, which represents our new reality. I am, however, focusing on engaging with our customers and audience, letting everyone know we are in this together, and in the meantime, building out the brand, making key connections, and promising a solid next move.
And I'm making a point to do all of the above, while continuing to support everyone around me. And you too.
To keep up with Mieka Joi, follow her on Instagram at @miekajoi_.
If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
Feature image courtesy of Shaun Michael.
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images