Welp! I have bad news for anyone who likes sleeping with women: You're not always doing the damn thing in the bedroom, homie.
Sorry to say, but the fact is that most women don't consistently have orgasms, and there's science to prove it.
According to Psychology Today:
Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse - no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man's penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship...
Rounding things out: About half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse. About 20 percent seldom or ever have orgasms during intercourse. And about 5 percent never have orgasms, period.
In other words, intercourse is not the key to most women's sexual satisfaction.
So all of that celebrating you were doing at the end of the bed...
After (what you thought) was an especially great performance...
was for nothing. Sorry.
I'm sure that some of you reading are wondering if these people are giving each other oral? The sad reality is that a lot of women have awful oral sex lives, too. Such was the case in the latest episode of comedienne Amanda Seales' web series "Get Your Life" on Issa Rae's YouTube channel.
When she and her new bae turned Netflix and Chill up a notch, she discovered that he was awful at giving oral.
No for real, it was terrible. She was confused out in these streets.
To make a long story short, she discovered that sometimes a woman has to fake an orgasm to get a clearer understanding of whether he was a bad lover, or she was a demanding receiver? We feel you girl.
In Amanda's case, she found that faking an orgasm did her a favor, and exposed how awful her boo's "carpet munching" skills were. But in other cases, you may have to fake your orgasm because it's how you finance your high end shoes fetish (hey, no judgement here).
Whether you feel some kind of way about it or not, it's perfectly normal to fake an orgasm. You would have probably had to fake it anyway, no matter what situation you're in.
Don't believe me? Here are 5 reasons why women fake orgasms, and not all of them are bad.
1. To put a smile on your face
Sometimes faking an orgasm will give your boo the confidence they need to bring you to your climax. Allowing him to think that he's doing it like this...
Can turn a dud into some for unadulterated, thug love. Plus, stroking your ego is a win-win. You put on a good show, and you still got good reviews. Bravo!
2. You're taking too damn long.
Look we have to work in the morning, and what we're doing is enabling you to finish so we can go to sleep. Because this ish right here below...
Is not what we want to be doing all damn night. Or as Cosmo writer Anna Breslaw puts it,
That way you don't have to deal with the half-awake dude licking his palm and segueing into a post-coital fingerbanging session that feels as obligatory as the drama club diva's rendition of "On My Own" in a high school talent show. No thank you.
3. We were drunk
Do you realize that Beyoncé made a song, and created a trending word, from drunk sex?
And she probably didn't even get to orgasm, but she had a hell of a story behind it. Now that's dope.
4. It's painful
Let's be honest. When you were doing this...
It was painful. But we didn't want to kill your enthusiasm, because you believed in yourself and was going hard. So we faked it until your enthusiasm died down a little. You're welcome.
Plus, painful sex is also an indication of deeper medical issues, and no one wants to kill the mood with "I think I have cervical cancer."
5. There's something we want from you
Christmas is just around the corner, and no matter how many times we have told you that we wanted something, especially things of monetary value, you acted like you didn't hear us. So as long as you keep thinking that you're putting it down like this...