I remember my first time ever having sex like it was yesterday – all three minutes of it.
I braced myself in preparation for how painful articles led me to believe it'd be, but was pleasantly surprised that aside from the first stroke, his focus on my clit made my first time only mildly uncomfortable. And several strokes less than I thought it would be. I was 17, a few months shy of 18. We were at his mother's house one Tuesday afternoon. He loved cars and was working on the two he owned outside in his yard, the bass of loud rap music blaring. I guess it was in an effort to make us discreet despite how contradictory it all seems in retrospect.
I was the kind of nervous where it was largely in part due to the unknown, and about 47% was confidence with an “I'm ready" air. I loved him before I knew I did (he'd later become my first long-term relationship). He was a junior, tall, light skin with this beautiful smile, and he had this ponytail at the exact right time I had a thing for long hair. Everything about our chemistry and connection was effortless and I felt safe with him. I never saw losing my virginity as a special awakening moment or rite of passage as most people prophesized it to be. It was just sex to me although with some love added to the mix, it grew to be much more than that. I wondered though if I was the only one whose first time wasn't all that the sitcoms prophesied or, if on the flipside, it was everything that rom-coms suggested prom night first time love-making sessions to be.
I decided to ask five people about their cherry poppin' first time experiences.
I was a junior in high school and had been with my on-and-off again high school sweetheart. He was extremely respectful of me and my body. I always felt safe and protected with him. We had a couple close encounters before – making out then eventually into oral sex – but I told him I refused to lose my virginity in the back of a car so it was what it was. The week of Valentine's Day, it was clear from our body chemistry that we weren't going to be able to put it off much longer so that weekend, we went shopping and eventually went over to one of his really good friend's house for a couple's movie night. His friend's family had a theater in the basement with an attached guest bedroom so that was the scene of the magic. When we finally went in the room, I wasn't nervous but I was afraid from our most recent attempt that my first time might hurt. I took control, got on top, and eased my way down. He was very gentle with me, making sure I was okay, until I no longer wanted him to be gentle.
The soundtrack was whatever movie was playing. But in my mind, the song that I knew I would lose my virginity to was "Take It Off (Dim the Lights)" by Pharrell, an album that I was absolutely obsessed with at the time, so that's what I fantasized about while we were doing it. When it was over, I was expecting the world and the universe to shift, but I pretty much felt the same as I had always felt, just normal. I was excited to share with my friends that I had finally been initiated as a woman but even then, I don't think I said anything until weeks later. I felt just as close to my boyfriend then as I had always been, and although I knew that he wouldn't be my husband or anything, I was and am still, very happy to have given my virginity to him.
My earliest sexual memory was when I was 8, I was young (laughs). I think my classmate wanted me to touch his penis in exchange for some candy. I was like, I wanted some candy, he has some candy, so I'll touch his penis. Even when I was young, I remember dry humping with people. I can't remember my first taste of sex, but I remember I was really young. I lost my virginity when I was 19. I don't know how to word this, but this person was the first man I ever felt comfortable with outside of the males in my family. At this point we weren't even quote unquote together, we were just friends. I developed really strong feelings for him and vice versa. I was really comfortable with him, he was just different. He didn't make me feel like I had to be guarded, or scared, or nervous. I was just really comfortable which is probably why that came about. Because of previous trauma, I had a detachment to sex.
I felt like sex made girls damaged. I had a misogynist view of a woman being touched sexually and that making her “destroyed."
I thought sex was taboo and a thing people did to be nasty. That was all prior to him though. I wasn't afraid to lose my virginity. I was ready. I hadn't heard a lot of horror stories. The people I had known who had lost it had really exciting, thrilling stories about it. I would always hear, “You know when you're ready". I remember it hurting. I remember overthinking it, like what if he doesn't like me after this? What if it's not good? Physically, it hurt at first, but it was like a welcoming pain, like (sighs), I can deal with this pain. We were in my dorm room. My roommate was gone. I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I remember the music was on. I think my feelings at that point were invalidated through him. I hadn't completely let go of the “sex destroys women" perspective I had, but he invalidated those beliefs because he made me feel so pretty afterwards. He didn't dog me out. He didn't leave. I had this feeling of immense reassurance from him. I don't have any regrets, but I kind of wish I wasn't as grossed out by sex as long as I was.
I was 18 when I lost my virginity. I was with the guy for two years at the time. We went to the same high school together, but he was a grade ahead of me. I was under the impression that I was in love and that we would last forever. Now that I think about it, he had been making me feel a little guilty about not doing it. We broke up the summer before and I met some people and did some things, obviously not the big thing, but I did some things. We reconciled shortly after. I don't think there was anything special about him other than the time and energy I felt I put in the relationship for the two years it had been a thing. I was obsessed with sex, obsessed with it, and really wanted to do it but I was picky and wasn't about to do it all willy nilly. I was afraid though. I knew what to expect but it was happening and it was my first experience so there was some fear and apprehension there.
I'm looking back it like, “Damn Shauna" (laughs). I kinda just went for it one day. It was on the floor of my dorm room, freshman year of college, first semester (laughs). It just happened. One thing escalated after the other, and I was just like eff it. I was feeling like, Am I doing this right? Is everything alright body-wise? I was really confident body-wise. Like goddamn, I was hot as shit back then and I look back and feel like I wasted my time with this fake ass Mexican. Afterwards, it wasn't like a shellshock but It was like, so I just did it, okay. It was alright. Honestly, my first time wasn't that great. When I look back, he wasn't that great. It hurt. He made me fried chicken and mac n cheese afterwards. But damn, if I knew then what I know now, I would have ruled college life.
I was 17 and it was right before my senior year. She was the most significant woman I've ever had in my life. I was a guy and a senior in high school and at that point I was the only person in my group of friends that hadn't lost it, but I wasn't about to give it to just anybody. At the time, the girl I was with was the most important person in my life and honestly, I took her virginity as well so it was kind of a mutual thing. She made me feel like I was the greatest man on earth which is part of the reason why I have the ego that I have now (laughs). I feel like the first time with anybody is really awkward, especially for us because it was both of our first time. It hurt for her and she bled a little bit. I don't feel like my first time is worth remembering other than the fact that it was my first time (laughs) that's the only reason the story is memorable.
I lost it at four in the morning in the computer room of my grandfather's house.
I was really eager to do it, but I wasn't eager to throw it away. The furthest I'd gone before her was a semi handjob so I was very sacred about what I had. From an ego perspective afterwards, I felt free. I felt like a weight was lifted. I didn't even have to tell people, they just knew. It was in my demeanor, the way I talked, how I carried myself. They knew something happened to me. My uncles asked me, “Did you lose your virginity? Did you wear a hat?" There was this coded language (laughs). But sex didn't make me look at her any differently. I didn't love her any more, I didn't love her any less. It was something to get out of the way to focus more on the relationship. The act of sex was just something we were ready to be like okay, we've done it already. After losing it, I was eager to do it more though and do it better (laughs).
I was 16 and at my buddy's house – he was a really great friend of mine – all of us were pretty close because we grew up together. There was me, my friends, my buddy's parents, her, and her mom in the house. She asked me to come in her room. She was my childhood sweetheart so we always had a thing. We were talking, joking around. Being kids, one thing led to another, we started having sex, and it was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. Her mother's bedroom was four feet away from where we were and my buddy's parents' room was the wall that separated us in that her room.
It was really awkward because in the background all I heard was this fighting game so it was a whole bunch of males moaning the entire time (laughs). I was distracted, but still really into it because she was so beautiful to me. The next morning, she moved to California so that was awful. I thought it was overrated. When we had sex, I was like, oh okay. I never really felt this intense pressure to have sex because none of my friends were really having sex like that except for my homeboy that had started in the eighth grade. There was way too much foreplay, like way too much foreplay. We were both scared because we didn't have a condom. We had sex for like fifteen minutes and stopped because we didn't want her to get pregnant at 16 so the foreplay started back up. Like a couple of weeks after, I wanted a new experience to really experience what sex is like in a more comfortable setting so I lost my virginity and shortly after, that became my hoe phase (laughs). Sex was incredible.
Do you remember your first time? Share your story below!
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
The Fall Equinox begins on September 23, 2023, and it’s time to embrace abundance, gain clarity, and know that you are worthy of your desires. The Fall Equinox marks the beginning of fall and the end of summer and is a turning point of the year, where things settle in and come to fruition. The energy that fall brings is one of harvest, but it is also one of release, letting go, and finding your ground. Coming from a summer of intensity, drama in love, and overall moving through a space of deep spiritual growth- now that fall is here, we are ready to decompress, dream, and enjoy that which we have created for ourselves.
What Is the Energy of the Fall Equinox 2023?
The energy this fall is opening up new doors of abundance and is a time of reaping your rewards in life. Fall begins at the same time as Libra Season, and a lot of these blessings have to do with love and the relationship developments that will be taking place over the next few months. With a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Libra occurring a few weeks after fall begins on October 14th, something enchanting is happening in romance right now. The scales are coming into balance, new beginnings are occurring, and clarity prevails.
Relationships over the next few months are about focusing on the gifts and gratitude you find in them and accepting where things need to change as well.
By the time winter begins, most of the planets that are currently in retrograde will be direct, and this signifies the change of pace that fall is bringing. This fall highlights Eclipse Season overall, and the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Taurus on October 28th will be a time of creating boundaries, honoring your values and energy, and closing a chapter in your life that doesn’t align. Financial worlds are growing and finding new ground, but with Jupiter still in retrograde in Taurus until December 30th, patience is needed here.
Over the next few months, give yourself the space to gain some new perspectives, make room for love, and grow in abundance.
Your guidance this fall is to take those first steps toward the goals you have been pondering over this year. There is a Full Moon in your sign a week after fall begins, and you get the opportunity to enter this season with less baggage and more closure. You will possibly be starting a new position or working in a new field, and you need all the good energy to back you right now. Know that you can count on your skills and talents to move you further in life and that help will be there when you least expect it. This is a fall of abundance for you, Aries, claim it.
Your lucky days this fall are: Sep. 29, Oct. 13, Nov. 13, Nov. 21
Patience, patience, patience, Taurus. You are creating something beautiful in the world right now, and the time it’s taken to get you here will all be worthwhile. Your guidance this fall is to nurture your world and your dreams and to bring more love and compassion to your life. You are preparing for a new reality but need some more time to dream it up and define that which you want for yourself and your future. The Full Lunar Eclipse happening this fall is occurring in your sign, and you are moving through some major closures in your life right now. This is a creative time for you, Taurus.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 28, Oct. 29, Nov. 6, Nov. 20
This fall is all about taking care of yourself and valuing your time and energy, Gemini. The way you see yourself and your life are coming up for review right now, and you are being urged to look at yourself in a better light. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde for the last time this year on December 13th, just before fall ends, and this time is all about taking what you have learned and choosing better for yourself. You may be tested to be more confident or true to yourself right now and over the next few months, and it’s about owning your part in this life and standing up for what you want.
Your lucky days this fall are: Sep. 25, Oct. 21, Nov. 20, Dec. 12
This is an abundant fall for you, Cancer. You have worked diligently on claiming the opportunities and new doors that have been opening for you, and you are feeling free to be your successful self. You are encouraged in your independence right now, and you have proven to yourself just how talented you are and how much you have grown. No major aspects are happening in your sign this fall, giving you the space to breathe, create, and receive your rewards. Happiness fills your world, and even though you still feel like you are just getting started in a sense, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the gifts that are presenting themselves today.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 13, Oct. 15, Nov. 12, Nov. 13
This fall is a turning point for you in love, Leo. New developments are taking place in your relationships, and you are being received especially favorably. This is the time to open your heart to growth and new possibilities and to get creative with what you are looking for right now. The Last Quarter Moon happening in your sign on November 5th will be a turning point for you this fall. Your unique charm and charisma are enough, and you attract many to you through your natural energy and love for life. Your ship is coming in this fall, and your heart is fulfilled.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 1, Oct. 31, Nov. 5, Nov. 14
Virgo, this fall is a blessing for the heart space. You are feeling in tune emotionally, and there is positive energy coming your way and into your love life. You have spent a lot of this year healing, forgiving, and finding your voice, and over the next few months, you will be creating the spaces you have been looking to enter in your life. Venus enters your sign for a month on October 8th, and there are some pleasant surprises in store for you during this time. Fresh starts are coming in for you, and spiritually, you are awakening to the gifts within you and in your heart. Your beauty is showing, and love is coming in for you this fall.
Your lucky days this fall are: Sep. 25, Oct. 22, Nov. 5, Nov. 20
This fall is a new beginning for your financial world, Libra. Autumn begins the same day Libra Season does, and you have some extra motivation and energy within you right now. You are ready to put the action behind the intentions you have been setting for yourself financially, and this is a time of plans coming together and falling through to success. The more you stay focused and diligent, the more opportunities that can come for you right now. The first month of fall, the Sun is in your sign, and this is really the time to get things moving in your life, especially with a New Moon Eclipse in Libra on October 14th happening as well.
Your lucky days this fall are: Sep. 27, Oct. 14, Oct. 30, Nov. 20
It’s all about the vision for you right now, Scorpio. You are focused on the future, your path ahead, and manifesting your dreams, and there is something passionate about the next few months for you. You may be taking some risks this fall as you test the boundaries on how far you want to go with something and what worlds are opening up to you now. Mars is in your sign from October 12th until November 24th, and life is exciting for you right now. You have your eyes on the prize and are ready to move forward toward the things that are lighting you up right now.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 12, Oct. 13, Nov. 6, Nov. 13,
This fall is about taking a leap of faith, Sagittarius. Your guidance over the next few months is to do the things that you would do if you knew you would be supported in doing them. Less self-doubt is needed now, as you are walking on new ground. You are moving towards personal healing you have been wary of from the beginning, and you are ready to let go of some energy that has been holding you back. Trust that once you decide on something, the universe instantly begins to make it happen for you. Your season begins on November 22nd, and it’s time to put yourself first more. Have courage in yourself this fall.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 8, Nov. 22, Nov. 24, Dec. 12
This fall is all about clarity for you, Capricorn. You are a wise soul, and you are owning this energy about yourself right now. Over the next few months, you will be developing spiritually, helping those who need your sound advice, and evolving in life. You have found a new sense of enlightenment and are enjoying the clear perspective that has been gained. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign on December 13th, right before fall ends, and this is when you will be feeling more tested to take the lead in your life and use your voice. Overall, fall 2023 is your time to surrender to the good within you and in your life, Capricorn.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 10, Oct. 23, Nov. 4, Dec. 1
Things are moving fast for you this fall, Aquarius. This is a successful, harmonious, and passionate time for you, as many opportunities come your way at once. It will be hard to settle down with all the energy flowing through your life over the next few months, as you have so much to do and so many people to see. Overall, however, this is positive energy that you have been looking forward to in your life, and everything is coming together and moving forward where it was once stagnant. Fall is giving you the closure and the opportunity to reinvent yourself and start on new, solid ground in your life.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 30, Oct. 31, Nov. 20, Nov. 28
Your guidance for fall is to have balance in your life. There is a lot of new coming in for you, but you are also working on letting go of what has fallen. You have grown in many ways this year, and financially, you have seen growth as well but may be feeling the weight of responsibilities this has come with now. To move through this season with the most grace, give yourself more time to rest, to be, and allow things to fall into place on their own. Saturn has been retrograde in your sign since June and goes direct this fall on November 4th, Pisces. This is your opportunity to see things more clearly, protect your energy, and feel more in tune with your internal guidance system.
Your lucky days this fall are: Oct. 22, Nov. 4, Nov. 6, Dec. 12
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