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5 Men and Women Reflect On Their "First Time"
I remember my first time ever having sex like it was yesterday – all three minutes of it.
I braced myself in preparation for how painful articles led me to believe it'd be, but was pleasantly surprised that aside from the first stroke, his focus on my clit made my first time only mildly uncomfortable. And several strokes less than I thought it would be. I was 17, a few months shy of 18. We were at his mother's house one Tuesday afternoon. He loved cars and was working on the two he owned outside in his yard, the bass of loud rap music blaring. I guess it was in an effort to make us discreet despite how contradictory it all seems in retrospect.
I was the kind of nervous where it was largely in part due to the unknown, and about 47% was confidence with an “I'm ready" air. I loved him before I knew I did (he'd later become my first long-term relationship). He was a junior, tall, light skin with this beautiful smile, and he had this ponytail at the exact right time I had a thing for long hair. Everything about our chemistry and connection was effortless and I felt safe with him. I never saw losing my virginity as a special awakening moment or rite of passage as most people prophesized it to be. It was just sex to me although with some love added to the mix, it grew to be much more than that. I wondered though if I was the only one whose first time wasn't all that the sitcoms prophesied or, if on the flipside, it was everything that rom-coms suggested prom night first time love-making sessions to be.
I decided to ask five people about their cherry poppin' first time experiences.
Lauren
I was a junior in high school and had been with my on-and-off again high school sweetheart. He was extremely respectful of me and my body. I always felt safe and protected with him. We had a couple close encounters before – making out then eventually into oral sex – but I told him I refused to lose my virginity in the back of a car so it was what it was. The week of Valentine's Day, it was clear from our body chemistry that we weren't going to be able to put it off much longer so that weekend, we went shopping and eventually went over to one of his really good friend's house for a couple's movie night. His friend's family had a theater in the basement with an attached guest bedroom so that was the scene of the magic. When we finally went in the room, I wasn't nervous but I was afraid from our most recent attempt that my first time might hurt. I took control, got on top, and eased my way down. He was very gentle with me, making sure I was okay, until I no longer wanted him to be gentle.
The soundtrack was whatever movie was playing. But in my mind, the song that I knew I would lose my virginity to was "Take It Off (Dim the Lights)" by Pharrell, an album that I was absolutely obsessed with at the time, so that's what I fantasized about while we were doing it. When it was over, I was expecting the world and the universe to shift, but I pretty much felt the same as I had always felt, just normal. I was excited to share with my friends that I had finally been initiated as a woman but even then, I don't think I said anything until weeks later. I felt just as close to my boyfriend then as I had always been, and although I knew that he wouldn't be my husband or anything, I was and am still, very happy to have given my virginity to him.
Jane
My earliest sexual memory was when I was 8, I was young (laughs). I think my classmate wanted me to touch his penis in exchange for some candy. I was like, I wanted some candy, he has some candy, so I'll touch his penis. Even when I was young, I remember dry humping with people. I can't remember my first taste of sex, but I remember I was really young. I lost my virginity when I was 19. I don't know how to word this, but this person was the first man I ever felt comfortable with outside of the males in my family. At this point we weren't even quote unquote together, we were just friends. I developed really strong feelings for him and vice versa. I was really comfortable with him, he was just different. He didn't make me feel like I had to be guarded, or scared, or nervous. I was just really comfortable which is probably why that came about. Because of previous trauma, I had a detachment to sex.
I felt like sex made girls damaged. I had a misogynist view of a woman being touched sexually and that making her “destroyed."
I thought sex was taboo and a thing people did to be nasty. That was all prior to him though. I wasn't afraid to lose my virginity. I was ready. I hadn't heard a lot of horror stories. The people I had known who had lost it had really exciting, thrilling stories about it. I would always hear, “You know when you're ready". I remember it hurting. I remember overthinking it, like what if he doesn't like me after this? What if it's not good? Physically, it hurt at first, but it was like a welcoming pain, like (sighs), I can deal with this pain. We were in my dorm room. My roommate was gone. I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I remember the music was on. I think my feelings at that point were invalidated through him. I hadn't completely let go of the “sex destroys women" perspective I had, but he invalidated those beliefs because he made me feel so pretty afterwards. He didn't dog me out. He didn't leave. I had this feeling of immense reassurance from him. I don't have any regrets, but I kind of wish I wasn't as grossed out by sex as long as I was.
Shauna
I was 18 when I lost my virginity. I was with the guy for two years at the time. We went to the same high school together, but he was a grade ahead of me. I was under the impression that I was in love and that we would last forever. Now that I think about it, he had been making me feel a little guilty about not doing it. We broke up the summer before and I met some people and did some things, obviously not the big thing, but I did some things. We reconciled shortly after. I don't think there was anything special about him other than the time and energy I felt I put in the relationship for the two years it had been a thing. I was obsessed with sex, obsessed with it, and really wanted to do it but I was picky and wasn't about to do it all willy nilly. I was afraid though. I knew what to expect but it was happening and it was my first experience so there was some fear and apprehension there.
I'm looking back it like, “Damn Shauna" (laughs). I kinda just went for it one day. It was on the floor of my dorm room, freshman year of college, first semester (laughs). It just happened. One thing escalated after the other, and I was just like eff it. I was feeling like, Am I doing this right? Is everything alright body-wise? I was really confident body-wise. Like goddamn, I was hot as shit back then and I look back and feel like I wasted my time with this fake ass Mexican. Afterwards, it wasn't like a shellshock but It was like, so I just did it, okay. It was alright. Honestly, my first time wasn't that great. When I look back, he wasn't that great. It hurt. He made me fried chicken and mac n cheese afterwards. But damn, if I knew then what I know now, I would have ruled college life.
Jason
I was 17 and it was right before my senior year. She was the most significant woman I've ever had in my life. I was a guy and a senior in high school and at that point I was the only person in my group of friends that hadn't lost it, but I wasn't about to give it to just anybody. At the time, the girl I was with was the most important person in my life and honestly, I took her virginity as well so it was kind of a mutual thing. She made me feel like I was the greatest man on earth which is part of the reason why I have the ego that I have now (laughs). I feel like the first time with anybody is really awkward, especially for us because it was both of our first time. It hurt for her and she bled a little bit. I don't feel like my first time is worth remembering other than the fact that it was my first time (laughs) that's the only reason the story is memorable.
I lost it at four in the morning in the computer room of my grandfather's house.
I was really eager to do it, but I wasn't eager to throw it away. The furthest I'd gone before her was a semi handjob so I was very sacred about what I had. From an ego perspective afterwards, I felt free. I felt like a weight was lifted. I didn't even have to tell people, they just knew. It was in my demeanor, the way I talked, how I carried myself. They knew something happened to me. My uncles asked me, “Did you lose your virginity? Did you wear a hat?" There was this coded language (laughs). But sex didn't make me look at her any differently. I didn't love her any more, I didn't love her any less. It was something to get out of the way to focus more on the relationship. The act of sex was just something we were ready to be like okay, we've done it already. After losing it, I was eager to do it more though and do it better (laughs).
Dexter
I was 16 and at my buddy's house – he was a really great friend of mine – all of us were pretty close because we grew up together. There was me, my friends, my buddy's parents, her, and her mom in the house. She asked me to come in her room. She was my childhood sweetheart so we always had a thing. We were talking, joking around. Being kids, one thing led to another, we started having sex, and it was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. Her mother's bedroom was four feet away from where we were and my buddy's parents' room was the wall that separated us in that her room.
It was really awkward because in the background all I heard was this fighting game so it was a whole bunch of males moaning the entire time (laughs). I was distracted, but still really into it because she was so beautiful to me. The next morning, she moved to California so that was awful. I thought it was overrated. When we had sex, I was like, oh okay. I never really felt this intense pressure to have sex because none of my friends were really having sex like that except for my homeboy that had started in the eighth grade. There was way too much foreplay, like way too much foreplay. We were both scared because we didn't have a condom. We had sex for like fifteen minutes and stopped because we didn't want her to get pregnant at 16 so the foreplay started back up. Like a couple of weeks after, I wanted a new experience to really experience what sex is like in a more comfortable setting so I lost my virginity and shortly after, that became my hoe phase (laughs). Sex was incredible.
Do you remember your first time? Share your story below!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Shaunie Henderson Says Creating 'Basketball Wives' Was A 'Matter Of Survival'
Before Shaunie Henderson married Pastor Keion D. Henderson, she was married to NBA star Shaquille O'Neal, and they share six children. However, the former couple was officially divorced in May 2011, a year after the first season ofBasketball Wivespremiered. While the reality TV show, which chronicled the lives of women who were exes or current girlfriends/ wives of basketball players, had a lot of people tuned in, it also faced a lot of criticism. One of the criticisms was the portrayal of the women on the show who, at times, were fighting with each other.
However, in our exclusive interview with Shaunie, the Undefeated author said the show was created out of necessity.
"We just tend to tear our own people up for whatever reason. When I started Basketball Wives, it was really a matter of survival for me. I was in desperation mode. I needed the show to be successful because I had to figure out how I was going to live and provide a life for my children," she said. "Basketball Wives is a platform and it is a space for women to have the freedom to be and say and do what represents them. And what that is, is their decision, right? I just provided the platform for it to happen.
She also explained that she wanted to help other women financially by having a platform that will give them access to opportunities.
"I knew that I had lost my voice before, and I wanted to provide a space to ensure that other women didn’t lose theirs. Again, what they decided to do with the camera time and who they decided to show up as is on them, but here's the platform, and I think for many women, it has been just that. It’s boosted them into a space in their life where they're able to make money and branch out into other opportunities that they may not have had otherwise."
"I knew that I had lost my voice before, and I wanted to provide a space to ensure that other women didn’t lose theirs. Again, what they decided to do with the camera time and who they decided to show up as is on them, but here's the platform, and I think for many women, it has been just that. It’s boosted them into a space in their life where they're able to make money and branch out into other opportunities that they may not have had otherwise."
Basketball Wives: LA Cast. L-R: Jac'Eil Duckworth, Brooke Bailey, Jackie Christie, Shaunie Henderson, Evelyn Lozada, Jennifer Williams, and Brandi Maxiell
Photo by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images
One of Basketball Wives' most infamous moments was the fight that occurred between Evelyn Lozada and Tami Roman in the second season. While it was a very explosive scene, Shaunie revealed that behind the scenes, the following day, everything was copacetic. She recalled that moment and said it was one of her most cherished memories from the show.
"It was probably the day after the infamous fight between Tami Roman and Evelyn Lozada. Evelyn had coined the “non-mf factor” phrase, and production had broken up their fight the night before. Me and her were on the beach, and Tami called to see what I was up to. I told her I was with Evelyn, and she said she was coming to meet us," she said.
"I'm thinking I'm about to be in part two. There's no security, we were off for the day and I was sure it was about to be horrible. Tami gets there. She’s already got her cigarette lit, her bob is bouncing as she walks up to us, and I just remember her saying, ‘What y’all heffas doing?’ It was just like nothing had happened at all. It was like they fought, they got it out, and she was off to the next thing."
She added, "Those type of moments I wish people could experience and see that although things happen that seem outrageous, it’s all love. It doesn't always end up perfect. But for the most part, we have had a really, really good time."
Read more from the interview here.
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Feature image by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images