Butt kissers. Suck ups. Brown-nosers. Boot-lickers.
These are some of the "nicer" terms of what we like to call coworkers that stroke our boss' ego to a high degree. "Butt kissers" are known to be extreme in their behavior, and are constantly looking for ways to overly impress the boss to gain respect, rewards, and perks. While I do not fully condone this type of behavior, I have to admit that the idea of "butt kissing" has a little value.
I don't think that an employee should be fake and do the utmost to impress their boss, but I do believe that an employee should look to make a good impression and build a relationship with their supervisor. While you are avoiding spending extra time with your boss because you think it will make you look like a "butt kisser", your coworker is in the office with your boss building a relationship that can possibly get them far. They are not only doing their work, but they are taking time out to establish a unique bond with the head person in charge.
If you are serious about your career and professional development, you cannot let your personal ego of not looking like a "butt kisser" get in the way of your grind. If you are thinking that working hard to build a relationship with your boss is pointless and that you work ethic will speak loud enough on its own, you are sadly mistaken. Change your mindset and think more like a strategic, well-rounded employee.
I once had a coworker that would always go visit our former boss a couple of times a week to 'just talk.' He would ask our boss about his day, his family, how his weekend went, his plans for the upcoming weekend, and other random things. As a current boss, I admit that managers are just as human as other people; in other words, we don't want to talk about work ALL the time. Sometimes as a boss, I feel closer to my staff when they talk to me about things other than work and I feel that we are building a relationship.
There were also times when my coworker would talk to our boss about things work- and/or career-related. He would bring up his work experience and passions and would get our boss' advice on meeting his goals. Personally, I have done that plenty of times. In the company that I work for, many of our high-level professionals do not work in my same office, so unfortunately, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting them in person. Nonetheless, I have never let distance or a lack of a face-to-face introduction keep me from networking and building important relationships.
Recently I decided that I needed to get to know more people in my company, just in case I ever wanted to go up for a promotion or just needed advice. I looked on my company's directory and found the emails for people that I wanted to connect with and learn from. After that, I sent a personalized email to each person and introduced myself, and also mentioned that I wanted to learn more about what they did. After they replied back to me, I emailed them back and asked if I could steal about 15 minutes of their time to further chat and learn more about them. I emailed about four people in my company and I received a positive response back from each. If you want something, you have to go after it and you cannot be timid.
Besides reaching out to people that I didn't know in my company to network with, I have also reached out to my own boss countless of times. I have met with my boss on several occasions to just chat and to also discuss my future goals and things I wanted to learn. I know the idea of 'popping in your boss' office to talk' may seem intimidating at first, or even a little weird. Honestly, it won't be weird unless you make it. Try to not think so hard about it and just use your voice and genuinely talk. Being courageous and open-minded in building a relationship with my boss wasn't something that I've always done.
When I first started out in my career, I would stay in my office, with my head glued to my computer screen, trying to look and be productive. I wasn't focused on talking to my boss more than I should, or going to visit my them unless a meeting was penciled in on my agenda. I think that alone was what my problem was: I needed a perfect agenda for everything in order to make a move. Getting over this has not only landed me promotions, but it has also helped me network with others, and I have been able to build a valuable relationship with my boss.
So what can you do to build a relationship with your boss? Here are a few things that I suggest:
1. Regularly check in with your boss to just 'say hi.'
Whether it is once a week or once every two weeks, take time to sit down with him or her to just chat about work-related and non-work-related items.
2. Suggest to your boss about having a monthly informal performance review.
Some companies only have yearly performance reviews. While a good boss meets with his or her employees informally or formally more than once a year, an even better employee will regularly seek performance feedback as well.
3. Reach out to your boss to grab lunch with you.
Connecting with others through good food is common. Eating lunch with your boss will not only take them out of the workplace, but it will also allow you to connect with him or her in a different atmosphere.
4. Take the initiative to learn more about what they do.
I firmly believe that a well-rounded and more marketable employee is someone that knows more than what they were paid to do. In other words, if you are in marketing, you will be more of a well-rounded employee if you know about HR or Operations. Learning more skills will not only make your company look good, but it will make you look even better. Talk to your boss and ask them to teach you what they know. If they are like me, they will feel overjoyed and like they are making a difference.
What are some of the other ways to build a relationship with your boss? Share your thoughts below!
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At the top of 2022, I started diving deeper into human design and used it to harness my energy, avoid burnout, and attract aligned opportunities to my life. And, honestly, it has been life-changing! So let’s get into it!
While other self-discovery tools may help us understand how we are, human design can help us understand our core energy power and how we can optimize it to be who we are meant to be. The practice combines aspects of Astrology, numerology, Kabbalah, chakras, and I Ching to create a blueprint unique to each individual.
At its core, human design is based on the understanding that individuals are composed of nine energy centers or chakras, which are all interconnected. These centers influence various aspects of our lives, including relationships, career choices, health, and emotions. By understanding our personal energy centers, we can begin to recognize patterns within our lives that may no longer serve us and make informed decisions about changes we would like to make to create more balance and harmony. What’s not to love?
Well, while all of that sounds great, let’s get back to my main point: I really didn’t understand what any of that meant when I first looked up human design. If that’s you right now, I’ll break it down for you below.
Finding Your Human Design Type
Human design is based on five distinct energy types: Generators, Manifestors, Projectors, Reflectors, and Manifesting Generators. Each type brings a unique set of gifts and challenges, but all require a conscious approach to channeling one’s power to be successful.
You can quickly search human design calculator to find your type. All you’ll need is your date, time, and place of birth.
Now I will need you to get that time of birth precisely right because I fumbled mine by a few minutes and got a completely different type. (If you’re not sure when you were born, it’s time to call your mama!)
When you get your chart, it will say several things, but today, we will focus on each type’s strategy (how to align with your type’s unique power) and not-self theme (how you’ll know you’re not in alignment with your strategy).
The Five Human Design Types
hip hop squares intuition GIF by VH1Giphy1. Generators
We’re kicking it off with Generators because it’s likely that you are one. They make up about 70% of the planet (including manifesting generators); as the name implies, these folks have undeniable energy. They are the busy bees of the world and were made to build.
If you’re a Generator, your strategy is to respond, not to initiate! That can feel confusing because we usually hear we should go out and chase what we want. But you have a unique way you should go about it.
When looking at a human design chart, Generators will always have a defined sacral center. This gives you the capacity to generate energy for life and work. Your strategy to respond also means that you need to trust your intuition. Instead of chasing after any and everything because you can, you need to use your intuition and your endless supply of energy “to respond” to those opportunities that light you up.
Check your chart for your “authority,” which will give you deeper insight into your decision-making process.
And trust me, opportunities will come left and right because being a Generator means you have an open and enveloping aura constantly pulling life towards you.
When you ignore the above by initiating or chasing opportunities instead of responding, not checking in with your authority, and choosing opportunities that are just “okay,” you will activate your not-self theme of frustration, feeling “stuck,” and you can even end up quitting.
When a Generator lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: satisfaction.
2. Manifesting Generators
Manifesting Generators are part of that 70% of generators in the world. And much of what is true for a Generator is true for a Manifesting Generator. Similar to pure Generators, Manifesting Generators respond to life through their defined sacral center before initiating and they utilize a strategy of waiting to respond before initiating energy.
The difference between Generators and Manifesting Generators is that Manifesting Generators are designed to move from responding to initiating quickly—basically, they go in hot! For this reason, you can sometimes seem restless or impatient as your human design type is coupled with the desire to act even though there is an intrinsic need to wait.
But just like that spark can burst into a flame that will get you going on your next project, it can quickly burn out when it’s not the right project. So once again, tune in to your authority and respond to the right opportunities.
When a Manifesting Generator lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: freedom.
Snl Season 47 GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy3. Manifestors
Don’t shoot the messenger, but, Manifestors are the only ones that should be initiating. These folks make up about 9% of the world and are here to get things started! They are innovative, thriving off freedom and autonomy.
The unique Manifestor magic is in their strategy to inform. Not everyone's ready to handle a Manifestor's powerful impact. Your aura is naturally closed-off and repelling, which can be intimidating for some. Some folks may feel energetically off around a Manifestor and not even understand why. Others may perceive a Manifestor as arrogant.
But because you have a defined throat center in your chart, you are very influential when you speak. Opening up and informing other types about your big plans can relax the energy around you, allowing you to initiate in peace. While you may be tempted to move in silence, you’re not a sacral being like the Generators and may not have the energy to carry out your big plans.
Manifestors are among the types that are recommended to work less than 6 hours a day. Not only may you need to get buy-in for your plans, but not informing can set off your not-self theme anger which will only increase the resistance to your plans.
When Manifestor lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: peace.
4. Projectors
Now, remember how I told you to make sure you got the time right when calculating your type? Well, I first got a Manifestor, which is so dope, right? I’m the ONLY type that gets to initiate? Heck yes! Welp, I ended up being a Projector, and it turns out that instead of being able to initiate, my strategy was to…wait for an invitation? I was confused and lowkey disappointed, but now I get it!
To all my Projectors, we make up about 20% of the world. We are the seers and guides of society. We have an absorbing and penetrating aura that allows us to see deeply into people and things in a way that no other type can, so it’s easy for us to bring ideas to life by directing energy and helping others reach their potential. That’s why we make such fantastic leaders, guides, and advisors.
Our strategy is to wait for the invitation. While we may so easily see the inefficiencies at work or the incompatibility of our friend’s relationship, when we are not recognized and invited in to offer our two cents, we can quickly be hit with a “who asked you?” or worse, we are ignored.
Especially regarding careers, relationships, and big moves, we need to be recognized for our strengths and invited in to share more of them. That means we do not go out chasing opportunities, but instead, we work on embodying the kind of person invited to the opportunities we want and placing ourselves to be seen and recognized. Start tuning in. What are folks always telling you you’re good at, thanking you for, or telling you you should do? Those are already invitations for you from life.
This is hard because every message about success tells us to do the opposite. But what happens when you don’t do this? When you try to force things, and they inevitably don’t go as planned? We activate our not-self theme of bitterness.
But here’s the good news, when a Projector lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: success.
Serenity Now Meditation GIF by MOODMANGiphy5. Reflectors
Finally, we have the rarest of them all! Reflectors comprise just one percent of the population and are the ultimate chameleons. Reflectors have a unique ability to observe and discern their environment in profound ways, deeply understanding the people, places, and energy around them.
They don’t have defined centers, so they can both accurately reflect their observations and easily become influenced by outside energy sources. Because of this, their strategy is to wait a lunar cycle before making decisions.
Reflectors must use this innate sensitivity to carefully choose who they spend time with, investing in those who feel elevating and expansive while avoiding anything toxic or draining.
Additionally, solo time is fundamental for Reflectors so they can take the necessary breaks from absorbing others’ energies and reset.
When a reflector lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: harmony.
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Featured image by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash
Originally published on February 6, 2023