OK, So WTF Is 'Winter Vagina'?
Back when I was a teenager, I remember going into a health store and overhearing my mother speaking with a homeopath. For whatever the reason, what stood out to me most was the woman saying there was such a thing as "widow's disease". According to her, if a woman hasn't had sex in a couple of years and then does again, it's not uncommon for her body to literally flood with vaginal fluid and the nickname for it is, well, widow's disease. Ever since I heard her say that, I have never forgotten it nor have I been able to Google search it; however, it has caused me to keep an ear out for other "huh?!" things about vaginas that may cross my path. In walks, winter vagina.
If you just scrunched up your nose and/or your eyes got wide while looking at the screen, that's exactly how I felt when I first heard the term. And since apparently it's something that tends to creep up around this time of the year, I figured this would be as good of a time as any to break down what it's all about. Are you ready to protect yourself from ending up with — chile, CHILE — winter vagina? I totally feel you.
What in the World Is “Winter Vagina”?
And just what in the world is a winter vagina? From what I've researched, this is something that a midwife from London has been receiving a lot of buzz about. Basically, since cold weather can lead to lower humidity, brisk winds and less moisture, it's no secret that all of this can cause our skin to dry out. No shocker there, right?
OK, but wouldn't it make sense that if say, the lips on our face can feel extra chapped during the fall and winter seasons that our "lips down below" would as well? Especially since when it's colder outside, we tend to rely on central heat which can totally zap the moisture that is in the air out from whatever room that we are in. Ladies and gents, I give you, winter vagina.
The reason why this is so important to keep in mind is because, oftentimes, whenever the topic of vaginal dryness comes up, it's usually centered around there being a drop in our system's estrogen levels or some other kind of medical condition. However, thanks to the introduction of "winter vagina", now we've got something else that could be the reason for why we're not very moist (or wet enough) down below. And since a dry vagina can lead to vaginal infections and definitely uncomfortable sex, it's important that each of us are proactive about keeping our vagina naturally lubricated, as much as possible — especially around this particular time. Because, as you can see, while winter is cool, a winter vagina isn't. So, just what can you do to stay on top of this issue?
5 Things You Can Do to Prevent “Her” from Experiencing It
1. Eat some phytoestrogens.
If you think that your vagina is dry because your hormones are a bit off kilter, something that can help is to eat foods that are high in phytoestrogens. The reason why is because an even balance of estrogen can help to keep your vagina moist. Some of those foods include dried fruits, sesame seeds, peaches, wheat bran, cruciferous vegetables (like cauliflower and broccoli), peaches and alfalfa sprouts.
2. Moisturize with extra virgin olive oil.
If your inner or outer lips feel drier than you would like, something that can bring them instant relief is extra virgin olive oil (oil that is made from pure cold-pressed olives oil). The fatty acids and antioxidants in it are great when it comes to deeply moisturizing your skin, repairing damaged skin tissues and providing antibacterial benefits too.
Just make sure to not use this as a lubricant when it comes to engaging in penetrative sex if you're going to use a condom. The reason why is because oils tend to dissolve prophylactics which is definitely not what you want to happen if you're trying to prevent a potential STD or unplanned pregnancy.
3. Use lubricant during sex.
Now, if you want to use some lube (and I totally get why you would. Check out "The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant"), just make sure to go with one that is silicone or water-based instead. Silicone has amazing slip while water-based is good for your sex toys. Either way, it's probably the best way to combat winter vagina as far as sex is concerned, so make sure to have at least a couple of tubes lying around somewhere.
4. DIY vaginal wash.
You know something else that can dry out your vagina? Perfumed soaps, gels or body washes. Not only that but they are also prone to throw off your vagina's pH balance (check out "Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced"). This is why it's best to use water only, something that is all-natural (a bar that I got on Etsy that I really like is Kaishasorganic's Tea Tree Yoni Soap) or, you can even make your own vaginal wash. If you're interested in trying "Door #3", I've got you covered. A couple of years back, I wrote "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes" for the site. I've made some of them myself. They're dope.
5. Sleep naked with a humidifier on.
Listen, something that I've been telling anyone who will listen is they should definitely invest in a (new) humidifier. Since it's officially cold/flu/COVID season and none of those viruses like higher humidity environments, sleeping with one on can help to prevent you from getting sick. It also can help to keep your skin really moist, including your vagina, especially if you sleep naked. It's something that can effectively help to fend off a winter vagina all fall and winter season long — which is definitely a good thing. Extremely so, sis.
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
This New Scalp Care Line Is Exactly What Your Wash Days Need
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
How To Keep Your Long-Distance Friendship Thriving
One of the many chapters casually missing from the Adulthood Manual is the section on how to keep and maintain friendships.
The concentrated environment of colleges and universities truly did a number on how we perceived the frequency we’d be able to meet up with our friends beyond graduation. There was just something comforting about knowing that if we ever needed a venting session or to meet up for lunch, our friends were just a dorm room away. But as years passed, jobs changed, pandemics hit, and marriages happened, our friendships had a way of moving further away.
Thus, long-distance friendships were born.
Take me, for instance. In the (many) years since I made my first big-girl move away from my small town to New York City, I have since lived in Los Angeles, back home to the South, and now Chicago — which means I have a lot of friends and associates, spread across the country. And while that may seem like an appealing status, knowing a lot of people doesn’t away correlate to having deep connections with them.
As humans, we tend to like people we see often. It’s the Mere Exposure Effect. This psychological phenomenon refers to having the tendency to develop a “preference for things or people that are more familiar” to us than others.
So when our friends are out of sight or not in close distance to meet up regularly, celebrate life’s milestones, or just shoot the breeze in pleasant yet mundane activities, they tend to become out of mind. That’s why, in the case of long-distance friendships, creating opportunities for connection is essential for their longevity.
Sometimes quick check-ins via Instagram DMs and comments just aren’t enough to keep the gel between two friends bonded. A text here and there, mixed with a couple of “I was thinking about you’s,” don’t always hit the same as setting up a FaceTime call, a prescheduled coffee chat over Zoom, or pulling up to their city. Real life happens between social media updates and tweets, and in order to be a part of these moments, even from miles away, you’ll have to put in a little more effort.
While it may feel like a chore to keep your friendships thriving with miles between you, distance doesn’t have to be a barrier to keeping the dynamic alive. And here’s how:
Know How Much Communication You Really Need:
When it comes to our friends, sometimes we can expect a certain level of communication — whether a lot or a little — that we may have never expressed. But communication, especially from a distance, can’t be a guessing game.
When connecting with your long-distance friends, be open to sharing your communication needs and how much you’d like to see the two of you contribute to the relationship. Do you consider yourself a “bad texter”? Are bi-weekly check-ins more your speed? Or would you like to have a touchpoint every other day? And does this work for both of you? Being clear and transparent from the start will help limit moments of miscommunication and hurt feelings and allow more grace to be given.
Reconnecting Isn’t Awkward:
Say life gets busy, and you fall off from communicating with your friend on a regular basis. These moments can make us go back to our old ways, where a minor pause in communication can lead to more time passing before we pick up the phone again.
In long-distance friendships, awkwardness is not your friend, and in most cases, the passing of time doesn’t constitute the end of a friendship. So reach out. Don’t let your brain convenience you that you won’t be welcomed back or that your friend has completely moved on from you. It’s okay to send a “Hey girl, life has been life-ing, my bad” text and pick things up where they left off. There’s nothing awkward about reconnecting. After all, you are friends.
Don’t Run From Healthy Conflict:
If there’s one thing that long-distance friendships can guarantee you, it’s that challenges will happen and conflict will occur, but it’s how you handle the conflict that matters.
Misunderstandings are going to happen, a tone will be misread, and you or your friend might say something in jest that’s taken personally. In each case, don’t run from correcting these moments. Sometimes, it is necessary to take a step back and give each other some space to reflect and reach an understanding. But when you communicate to be understood and not to “win,” you allow healthy conflict to be an opportunity for personal growth and a chance to grow together.
Develop A Friendship Anchor:
When you think about your long-distance friend, what’s an interest or hobby that you all share in common? Is there a TV show you can binge-watch together? Or are there some gym goals you both can keep each other accountable for? Establishing these casual touchpoints can help keep your friends top of your mind and create inside jokes and shared memories you can look back on.
Make Room For Growth:
The truth about adult friendships is that the woman you grew to learn and love when the friendships first started will bloom into a new version of herself that you’ll have to learn all over again. And that’s the beauty of friendship.
She’ll become a wife or mother, brokenhearted, or pivot into a new passion. Still, you can grow separately and support each other along the way. While it may feel foreign to get reacquainted with the new version of your friend, remember it’s probably just as much, if not more, strange and different for her too. But it’s the support that matters because that’s how sisterhood lasts.
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