As the world turns, we must keep styling and profiling - no matter where we are working. The first three months of 2020 have been trying. But like the lit black women we are, we will continue to believe that greater is coming, and we will make it through. We always do. I mean, our ancestors conquered worse.
Many of us have been encouraged or forced to work from home. No matter the circumstance, it's a privilege. It may seem like it's the perfect time to chill and relax, but it is essential to continue to be productive. When working from home, some things to keep in mind include:
- Keep a consistent routine.
- Time management is important.
- Schedule breaks.
- Listen to your body.
- Stay positive.
- To-do lists are your best friend.
- When using Zoom to video conference, try out the "Touch Up My Appearance" filter.
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We want you to have a divine work from home space and routine that includes showing up in modish outfits that are both comfortable and stylish. Some will say that dressing up to work from home is silly, but there's a way to choose uncomplicated lewks. Most of all, we want to differentiate what we wear to work and what we wear to bed because it helps our brain understand when to be productive and when to lounge.
Ahead, find getups seen on some of our favorite style innovators that are attainable when working from home.
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Featured image courtesy of @monroesteele/Instagram
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RELATED
Since no one covers dating, love and relationships, and sex as we do at xoNecole, this guide will delve into the intriguing world of zodiac sign compatibility. Here is everything you want to know about how each sign interacts with others, how the planets impact compatibility and what are the most and least compatible zodiac signs.
Zodiac Compatibility Chart
(March 21-April 19) |
(April 20-May 20) |
(May 21-June 20) |
(June 21-July 22) |
(July 23-August 22) |
(August 23-September 22) |
(September 23-October 22) |
(October 23-November 21) |
(November 22-December 21) |
(December 22-January 19) |
(January 20-February 18) |
(February 19-March 20) |
Table of Contents
- The Big Three In Astrology: Sun, Moon & Rising Signs
- Cusp Signs and Compatibility
- What Makes Someone's Zodiac Sign Compatible
- Planets That Help Shape Zodiac Sign Compatibility
- The Most Compatible Zodiac Signs
- Love Matches by Sun Sign
- Least Compatible Zodiac Signs
- Opposite Signs and Compatibility
- Conclusion
The Big Three In Astrology: Sun, Moon & Rising Signs
But there is more to zodiac compatibility than just your sign. Even if you are slightly into Astrology, you’ve heard of the sun, moon, and rising signs. This is also called the "Big Three" referring to the three essential components of an individual's birth chart.
These components provide insights into their personality, emotions, and outward demeanor. Together, they offer a comprehensive view of a person's astrological profile, shedding light on various aspects of their life and character.
Evheniia Vasylenko
The Sun Sign
Key Characteristics:
- Represents the core of one's identity
- Governs one's ego, basic personality, and life purpose
- Determines one's zodiac sign (e.g., Aries, Taurus, Gemini, etc.)
- Reflects the conscious self and how one expresses themselves
Your sun sign is the most well-known aspect of your Astrology chart. It represents the essence of your being, your fundamental motivations, and your core personality traits. When people ask, "What's your sign?" they usually refer to your sun sign.
- Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
- Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
- Leo (July 23 - August 22)
- Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
- Libra (September 23 - October 22)
- Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
- Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
- Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
- Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
- Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
For example, if your sun sign is Leo, you will likely exhibit traits associated with Leo, such as confidence, creativity, and a natural flair for leadership. Your sun sign is like the spotlight that shines on your outer self, revealing who you are to the world.
Astro expert Avalldar Astrology says, "For many people, the Sun will not necessarily be the most influential placement when it comes to romantic compatibility, precisely because we have entire charts that we need to look at in order to see all the dynamics at play between all the planets."
The Moon Sign
Key Characteristics:
- Represents one's emotional nature, instincts, and subconscious mind
- Governs emotional reactions, feelings, and inner desires
- Determines one's zodiac sign based on the Moon's position at birth
- Reflects the inner, emotional self and how one processes emotions
While the sun sign represents your conscious self, the moon sign delves into your emotional world. It provides insights into your innermost feelings, reactions, and instincts. Your moon sign influences how you respond emotionally to various situations and process your inner world.
For example, if your moon sign is Cancer, you may be deeply sensitive, nurturing, and strongly connected to your family. Your moon sign can reveal why you react emotionally in specific ways and what brings you emotional fulfillment.
The Rising Sign (Ascendant)
Key Characteristics:
- Represents the mask or persona you present to the world
- Governs your outward behavior, first impressions, and physical appearance
- Determines one's zodiac sign based on the position of the Ascendant at birth
- Reflects the way you interact with the world and your immediate environment
The rising sign, also known as the Ascendant, is the sign that was on the horizon at the exact time of your birth. It represents the image or facade you project to others, your first impression, and your approach to the world. It's often described as the "mask" you wear in public.
For instance, if your rising sign is Virgo, you may come across as organized, detail-oriented, and practical when you meet new people. Your rising sign influences your appearance and how you present yourself.
Cusp Signs and Compatibility
Now let’s explore more about cusp signs and what that means for your compatibility. Cusp signs occur when an individual's sun sign is near the beginning or end of a zodiac sign, resulting in a blend of characteristics from both signs. Think Cancer (June 21 - July 22) sign born right at the end of the zodiac date of July 22.
For example, if someone is born on March 21, their sun sign would be Aries, but they are on the cusp of Pisces and Aries because the zodiac sign changes from Pisces to Aries on or around March 20. As a result, cusp individuals often exhibit traits from both adjacent signs.
When it comes to cusp signs, compatibility can be as intricate as the sun, moon, and rising signs. A few things to consider when thinking about dating someone who is on the cusp are shared traits, open communication, and individual variability. Effective communication is vital in any relationship. Cusp individuals may benefit from openly discussing their unique blend of traits with potential partners to foster understanding and avoid misunderstandings.
What Makes Someone’s Zodiac Sign Compatible?
First, know there are so many different types of Astrology, and different astrologers use different combinations, formulas, and theories to draw their conclusions for compatibility. In general, zodiac sign compatibility is the idea that particular signs are naturally more compatible due to their shared traits, while others may clash.
However, one way to get a better sense of compatibility, at least outside of the zodiac signs, is by examining the elements (fire, earth, air, water), modality ( cardinal, fixed, mutable), and extensively, aspects (conjunctions, trine, squares, and sextiles extensively).
Sounds confusing? We know, so let us explain.
The Elements of the Zodiac: Fire, Earth, Air, and Water
There are four elements in Astrology: fire, earth, air, and water. Signs of the same element often share common characteristics and are more likely to get along.
While signs within the same element tend to have good compatibility, there can also be strong connections between signs from complementary elements. For example, fire and air signs often get along well due to their shared enthusiasm and communication skills. Similarly, earth and water signs can form deep emotional bonds.
Zodiac Compatibility in Sex and Friendship
Fire Signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Characteristics and Qualities: Fire signs are known for their passion and energy while also being adventurous and impulsive.
Sex Compatibility: Due to that passion and energy, when two fire signs come together, their sexual connection can be intense and filled with excitement.
Friendship Compatibility: Their enthusiasm and energy will continue to drive the enjoyment of adventurous and dynamic friendships with fellow fire signs.
Earth Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Characteristics and Qualities:Earth signs are typically grounded and practical and are characterized as patient and reliable.
Sex Compatibility: Earth signs are sensual and grounded. They appreciate physical touch and connection. Physical intimacy tends to be fulfilling and harmonious in relationships between earth signs. A Taurus is focused on pleasure, and a Virgo is focused on pleasing, so this is a good match for both of them.
Friendship Compatibility: Earth signs value stability and practicality. They tend to form grounded and dependable friendships with other earth signs.
Air Signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius.
Characteristics and Qualities: Often described as intellectual, communicative, social, and flexible.
Sex Compatibility: Air signs are intellectually driven and enjoy mental stimulation. For them, communication is a key aspect of sexual compatibility. When two air signs connect, their mental rapport can enhance their sexual experiences.
Friendship Compatibility: Air signs are intellectually driven and enjoy stimulating conversations. They often have intellectually engaging friendships with fellow air signs
Water Signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces.
Characteristics and Qualities: Water signs are emotional, intuitive, empathetic, and sensitive.
Sex Compatibility: Water signs are emotional and intuitive. They seek deep emotional connections in their relationships, which can translate into profoundly satisfying sexual experiences when two water signs come together.
Friendship Compatibility: Water signs are emotional and intuitive. They tend to form deep and empathetic connections in their friendships with other water signs.
Quality aka Modalities
To take it a step further, let’s explore quality. Also known as modality, this refers to the mode of operation or the primary style of a zodiac sign. Each sign is categorized into one of three modalities: cardinal, fixed, or mutable, which describe the sign's general approach to life and how it interacts with the world.
- Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn): If your sign is cardinal, you're likely seen as a natural leader or initiator. You're often the person who starts projects, comes up with new ideas, and leads others towards a goal. You're dynamic and proactive but might need help with following through as you're always looking toward the next big thing.
- Fixed Signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius): Being a fixed sign means you're seen as stable, reliable, and persistent. You're the person who sees things through to the end, displaying remarkable resilience and determination. You excel in maintaining and nurturing projects or relationships but may sometimes be perceived as stubborn or resistant to change.
- Mutable Signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces): If you're a mutable sign, adaptability is your forte. You're flexible and versatile, able to adjust to new situations with ease. You're the person who can go with the flow and make the best out of changing circumstances. However, this can also mean you might find it hard to stick to decisions or be seen as inconsistent.
Aspects
Aspects in Astrology are about the angles formed between planets in your birth chart, reflecting the interactions between different parts of your personality. These aspects can be harmonious or challenging, shaping your character and life experiences.
- Conjunctions (0 degrees): When two planets align closely, their energies merge and intensify, creating a focal point of power or tension in a birth chart. This can be harmonious or challenging, depending on the planets involved.
- Squares (90 degrees): Representing challenges and obstacles, squares force us out of our comfort zone, propelling us towards growth through struggle and resistance. This also indicates challenges or internal conflicts and learning through overcoming obstacles.
- Trines (120 degrees): The trine is a flow of energy that brings ease and harmony, highlighting natural talents and facilitating effortless success in the areas affected. This aspect often reflects your talents or areas where you succeed with little effort.
Examples include Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius ( fire signs), as we mentioned above, so it comes as no surprise these signs are compatible.
- Sextiles (60 degrees): The aspect is when the planets are about two planets apart. This harmonious angle can be opportunities presenting chances for growth and learning. They require some effort to utilize but generally support your progress.
For example just to name a few, Aries sextiles Gemini and Aquarius. Taurus sextiles Cancer and Pisces. Gemini sextiles Aries and Leo. And Cancer sextiles Taurus and Virgo.
- Oppositions (180 degrees): Have you ever heard of the phrase opposites attract? Here, planets sit across from each other, creating a tug-of-war effect that can lead to tension but can also lead to significant personal growth through understanding opposing viewpoints. This aspect shows tension or conflicting interests, bringing out the need for balance and compromise.
Overall, understanding these concepts can offer a more nuanced view of your zodiac sign, revealing strengths, weaknesses, and potential growth areas. It can help you understand why you might gravitate towards certain behaviors or patterns in life and how you can use this knowledge for personal development and better relationships with others.
Planets That Help Shape Zodiac Sign Compatibility
So, what do the planets have to do with compatibility among zodiac signs? As we mentioned, a harmonious aspect (like a trine or sextile) between these planets in two individuals' birth charts can indicate strong compatibility, while challenging aspects (like squares or oppositions) might point to areas of growth, tension, or conflict.
The Sun- the very essence of our being. In relationships, it reflects our basic personality, our ego, and our core identity. When sun signs are compatible, it often indicates a natural understanding and appreciation of each other's fundamental nature, a key ingredient for lasting connections.
Sign it governs: Leo
The Moon- the realm of emotions, instincts, and the subconscious. Moon sign compatibility delves deeper, beyond the surface level of interactions, touching the heart of our emotional needs and nurturing instincts. A harmonious moon sign connection can mean a deeply satisfying emotional rapport and understanding, a feeling of "coming home" when you're with your partner.
Sign it governs: Cancer
Mercury- the planet of communication. Mercury’s influence dictates how we think and communicate, which is essential in understanding and resolving conflicts in relationships. Compatible Mercury signs often find a natural flow in conversation, understanding each other's thought processes and perspectives with ease.
Sign it governs: Gemini and Virgo
Venus - the goddess of love and beauty, representing how we express love and what we seek in relationships. Venus sign compatibility is a key player in romantic attraction and shared values in love, dictating the harmony in how love is given and received.
Signs it governs: Taurus and Libra
Mars - the planet of action and desire. Mars influences our drive, our passions, and, yes, our sexual energy. Compatible Mars signs can lead to a fiery and dynamic connection, full of passion and vitality.
Sign it governs: Aries
Jupiter - the planet of luck and expansion. Jupiter's influence in a relationship can signify growth, optimism, and a sense of adventure, bringing a joyous and expanding quality to the bond.
Sign it governs: Sagittarius
Saturn - the teacher, representing discipline, responsibility, and long-term commitments. Saturn's role in compatibility is often about the durability and seriousness of the relationship, ensuring that the bond is not just fleeting passion but has the strength to endure challenges.
Sign it governs: Capricorn
The Most Compatible Zodiac Signs
1. Leo and Libra
When Leo and Libra are together, they are almost always the center of attention! With Leo being ruled by the Sun, they know how to satisfy the Libra's desire to be appreciated and reassured. With Libra being ruled by Venus, they know how to shower Leo with the love and attention that they deserve. Both Leo and Libra know how to bring out each other's true star power and help each other grow into their best selves.
2. Scorpio and Pisces
The watery pair of Scorpio and Pisces just instantly understand each other. Although not many others can match Scorpio's intense and passionate energy, Pisces is almost always up for the task! These two are able to be truly vulnerable with each other and appreciate the depth of their connection. Pisces' intuitive side always knows how to break through Scorpio's barriers and immediately knows how to comfort them. Scorpio challenges Pisces to take a walk on the wild side; Pisces encourages Scorpio to be themselves.
3. Aquarius and Sagittarius
Aquarius and Sagittarius never have a dull moment with each other! Sagittarians are always in pursuit of knowledge and live for adventure. Aquarians love to discover the most unique subjects and are always down for a good debate. This pair knows how to mentally stimulate each other. Although they both value their independence, they know how to effectively divide and conquer. They both enjoy learning from each other and helping each other explore new territories.
4. Taurus and Cancer
With Cancer's protective nature and Taurus' romantic tendencies, these two are one of the most loving couples ever! Tauruses help Cancers to ground themselves and provide them with the comfort and stability that they crave. Cancers help Tauruses get comfortable with expressing their emotional sides and make them feel appreciated. This couple is the epitome of the phrase, "Home is where the heart is." They truly understand how to make the other feel at peace and how to cater to each other's love languages.
5. Virgo and Capricorn
Virgo and Capricorn are the power couple of the zodiac! These two earth signs know how to get things done when they are together and can truly motivate each other. They both want to see each other win and will supply each other with the encouragement that they need. Virgo and Capricorn almost instantly bond over their witty sense of humor and their intellect. Virgo shows Capricorn how to appreciate the small things in life; Capricorn shows Virgo how to see the bigger picture from a new perspective.
6. Aries and Gemini
When Aries and Gemini are together, the conversation almost never stops! These two know how to keep things going and will always be the life of the party. The passion between these two signs is almost unmatched! Aries knows how to perfectly capture Gemini's attention and keep the relationship fresh. The Gemini values all of the Aries' complexities and knows exactly how to keep their fire alive. Gemini teaches Aries that life does not have to always be so serious. Even as a couple, these two are genuinely the best of friends!
Love Matches by Each Sun Sign
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Best Matches: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini
Good Matches: Aquarius, Libra
Read More: Aries Woman And Aquarius Man Love Compatibility
Read More: The Love Compatibility Of A Libra Woman And An Aries Man
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Best Matches: Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer
Good Matches: Pisces, Scorpio
Read More: Pisces Woman And Taurus Man Love Compatibility
Read More: Watch This Taurus & Capricorn Love Match Put Their Relationship To The Compatibility Test
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Best Matches: Libra, Aquarius, Aries
Good Matches: Leo, Sagittarius
Read More: Gemini Woman And Leo Man Love Compatibility
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Best Matches: Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus
Good Matches: Virgo, Capricorn
Read More: Cancer Woman And Virgo Man Love Compatibility
Read More: Cancer Man And Libra Woman Love Compatibility
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Best Matches: Aries, Sagittarius, Gemini
Good Matches: Libra, Aquarius
Read More: Leo Woman And Capricorn Man Love Compatibility
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Best Matches: Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer
Good Matches: Scorpio, Pisces
Read More: The Love Compatibility Of A Virgo Woman And Scorpio Man
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Best Matches: Gemini, Aquarius, Leo
Good Matches: Aries, Sagittarius
Read More: Pisces Woman And Libra Man Love Compatibility
Read More: Libra Man And Cancer Woman Love Compatibility
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Best Matches: Cancer, Pisces, Taurus
Good Matches: Virgo, Capricorn
Read More: Scorpio Woman And Aries Man Love Compatibility
Read More: The Love Compatibility Between A Scorpio Woman And A Cancer Man
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Best Matches: Aries, Leo, Gemini
Good Matches: Libra, Aquarius
Read More: The Love Compatibility Between A Sagittarius Woman And Leo Man
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Cancer
Good Matches: Scorpio, Pisces
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Best Matches: Gemini, Libra, Aries
Good Matches: Leo, Sagittarius
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Best Matches: Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus
Good Matches: Virgo, Capricorn
Least Compatible Zodiac Signs
So you’ve read all about how you should analyze which zodiac sign is the most compatible for you. But what about signs you should avoid? For these, not only do the zodiacs come into play, but also the elements and modalities of each. Here are the least compatible zodiac signs.
1. Sagittarius and Taurus
Sagittarius and Taurus incompatibility is more obvious than most matches on this list. Sagittarius wants to be on a plane, and Taurus wants to be at home. Taurus wants tangible results, and Sagittarius finds happiness in exploring the mind and different ideals. This pairing isn’t the most compatible because they both want very different things in life, not to mention they are always at a different pace.
2. Scorpio and Gemini
Scorpio and Gemini together create chaos. Although they have a lot of fun together, this pairing is better off seen in a working environment, rather than a romantic one. The thing about Scorpio and Gemini is that they don’t get each other. It’s hard to understand where the other person is coming from, which often leads to miscommunication and hurt feelings between them.
3. Aquarius and Cancer
Aquarius and Cancer rarely get involved romantically together, as this pairing does better in a friendship than a relationship. Cancer can seem like too much for aloof Aquarius, and Aquarius can be too in their head for Cancer’s heart-centered, emotional energy. Cancer tends to be intrigued by Aquarius. However, the relationship is usually one-sided. Cancer will often feel like they are giving their all, but that is never enough for Aquarius, who may acknowledge Cancer’s efforts, but at the end of the day, it’s not what Aquarius needs to feel fulfilled romantically.
4. Capricorn and Leo
Capricorn and Leo have too many power struggles and ego conflicts in order to make the relationship peaceful and positive. Disagreements often arise within this partnership, and they have to work especially hard for the relationship to progress and grow. The thing about this couple is that Leo wants to be adored and cherished, and Capricorn isn’t about the theatrics.
Capricorn likes to take things slow and gradually evolve as a couple, whereas if Leo isn’t getting everything they need right away, they will feel let down and unloved. In order for this partnership to work, there needs to be compromise and honesty about what is expected within the relationship.
5. Libra and Virgo
Now, this pairing is on the list of least compatible because they are constantly questioning where each other stands and are rarely on the same page. This isn’t a complete disaster for a relationship, but it’s definitely not the top recommended either. The thing about Libra is that they don’t really get Virgo and Virgo’s meticulous thought process. Virgo feels the same way about Libra and thinks they spend too much time on things that aren’t as important to Virgo.
Communication can be good here as they are both more mentally active signs. However, Libra tends to be someone that Virgo never seems to fully grasp. They are both nurturing individuals, but in a relationship, they tend to feel like they aren’t getting what they need.
Opposite Signs and Compatibility aka Sister Signs
Ever wondered why you are attracted to someone completely opposite then you? This can be explained by the term sister signs. A sister sign is the zodiac sign located in the exact opposite position of your sign on the zodiac wheel. The relationship between opposite signs can be either soulmate energy or very challenging if both parties aren’t willing to look at their reflection and learn from each other.
Evheniia Vasylenko
The sister signs in Astrology are:
- Aries and Libra
- Taurus and Scorpio
- Gemini and Sagittarius
- Cancer and Capricorn
- Leo and Aquarius
- Virgo and Pisces
For example, with a Gemini, this pairing is all about having fun and expressing themselves. Gemini and Sagittarius, in many other pairings, often feel misunderstood, but these two match energy. Being both explorers of life, Gemini’s inner curiosity and Sagittarius’ need to know more make for not only good conversation but exciting experiences together as well.
Is An “Incompatible” Relationship Based on Zodiac Signs Doomed?
It's a myth that certain zodiac signs are destined to be incompatible. While your natal chart might reveal challenging dynamics, it doesn't dictate the success or failure of a relationship. Instead, it provides insights into areas where you might need to exert more effort or make adaptations. Understanding this can help you navigate relationships more effectively, regardless of astrological compatibility.
Rather than viewing your chart solely for compatibility, use it as a tool for deeper self-understanding. Focusing on planets like Venus, Jupiter, or the Moon can reveal key aspects of how you seek emotional comfort and express love.
For instance, the Moon's placement can indicate your emotional needs and comforts, while Venus may reveal how you prefer to give and receive love. Jupiter, on the other hand, sheds light on the ways you feel most comfortable in providing for your partner. Recognizing these aspects can help couples understand their values and find common ground.
Conclusion
While astrology can provide valuable insights into potential compatibility, it's essential to remember that real relationships are complex and multifaceted. Finding your cosmic match is not solely determined by your zodiac sign but by shared values, communication, and understanding. Embrace the uniqueness of your relationships, and let the stars be a guiding light rather than a strict rule.
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- xoNecole Horoscopes | Zodiac Signs, Compatibility, Predictions ›
- What You Really Need To Know About Compatibility Based On Zodiac Signs ›
Okay, but why is that, though? What in the world is wrong with a man who is out here enjoying his best life, and why do a lot of ladies, at the very least, think that nice guys are (yawn, yawn) boring? Hmph. I’ve got my own theories — believe that. And so, let’s get into what research reveals, what a few of my thoughts are and then please, hop into the comments to offer up your insights too.
As far as the title goes, let’s tackle the happiness thing first.
(Some) Women Don’t Like Happy Men. Now, Why Is That?
To tell you the truth, before even getting into this, I can vouch for it being accurate because some people are so entitled and self-involved that, so long as their own needs are getting met, they don’t care if the other individual is suffering or not; I have watched enough interviews, read enough articles and worked with enough couples to know this is indeed the case. Yet according to a particular study, the reason why a lot of women are “into” unhappy men is actually a bit more, let’s go with the word “shallow,” than that.
You see, reportedly, while men find women who smile to seem more submissive and vulnerable, women think that men who aren’t smiling come off as having a stronger sense of pride, which could mean that they are more masculine or competent. Strangely enough, women who participated in this same study also thought men who looked ashamed (yep, ashamed; probably because that plays into the whole bad boy image thing) to be more appealing, too.
Let’s unpack this, shall we?
As far as men finding women with happy faces to be more inviting, I guess that explains (even if it’s subconsciously) the whole “random men telling us to smile” thing, huh? For the record, whenever guys ask me why some of us don’t respond to that very well, I’ve shared that my opinion is, whether Black men realize it or not, telling us to smile can feed into the “angry Black woman” stereotype — because just because we’re not smiling, that doesn’t mean that something is wrong.
And so, a stranger telling us to do something can be off-putting because…we don’t know you. Simply saying “hello” or asking us how we are will typically garner a more positive result. But hey, that’s just my opinion. *Elmo shrug*
PeopleImages/Getty Images
Anyway, as far as women thinking that a man who doesn't smile is more of a masculine one — I mean, when I look at pictures of men who are not smiling, oftentimes it does convey a message of sexiness that can be hella appealing. At the same time, though, a man who smiles comes off as hella sweet and super endearing…so, I guess it’s all about what you’d prefer in a man, right (by the way, why can’t it be both)?
Now, I will say that if you prefer a man who comes off as melancholy or you think that a guy who is animated or excited a lot is “sassy” (does everyone get that sassy means bold and disrespectful, not effeminate?), you might want to do some self-reflecting on that — because that has more to do with you than him, sis.
The reason why I say that is because, well, it’s like an article that I once read that said a lot of people would choose unhappiness over uncertainty and that’s rooted in remaining in the energy that is familiar instead of trying something new. So…on the relationship tip, if you find yourself in patterns with men where neither one of you is very happy and/or there are low-grade levels of drama a lot of the time, you might want to ponder that 'unhappy over uncertainty' thing.
Oh, and if you’re someone who doesn’t so much prefer unhappy men, it’s just that you don’t care if they’re unhappy or not so long as you’re good — that’s called being selfish, and you’d be better off single than anything until you can get that together. A healthy relationship includes reciprocity of needs and wants being met. If one of you is lacking in that department, a dysfunctional dynamic is what you’re a part of. And even if it’s not immediately, eventually, both of you are gonna end up unhappy because of it.
(Some) Women Ain’t into Nice Guys. Is That a Fact or a Myth?
Nice guys finish last. Again, we’ve all heard the saying before. I’ve even written on the topic before, coming to my own conclusion that while they might finish last, they also tend to finish best. However, it wasn’t until I did some Scriptural deep diving that I realized that you’d be hard-pressed to find the word “nice” in any translation of the Bible except for The Message. However, what you will find is the word “kind” — take “love is kind” (I Corinthians 13:4). Now put a pin in that for a moment.
So, the research on women not liking nice guys. One study revealed that while men find nice women to be attractive, women? Eh, not so much. The article said that women find nice men to be a bit of a “womp-womp” and less sexually appealing. The conclusion drawn was that guys (mostly strangers) who were responsive oftentimes came off as either potentially manipulative or too eager to please. Some women also found them to be less dominant.
Another article I checked out said that women found men who drink and smoke to be more attractive than men who didn’t, especially when it came to short-term and/or casual sex situations. The same article said that the entitlement and self-importance of narcissistic people tend to turn folks on (chile) — at least initially.
Yet another article featured a psychologist who said that many women like the “un-nice guys” because they enjoy how unpredictable they can be.
And then there was a study that I personally found to be interesting: a lot of women, once they are ready to settle down, prefer a nice guy; however, while they are dating, they find nice guys to not be as sexually appealing.
Know what I got out of all of this? Women like the adrenaline rush of men who don’t fall into the “nice guy” category when it comes to dating, sex, and anything that has an expiration date. Oh, but when it comes time to settle down, and they are looking for dependability and stability, oftentimes, it’s exactly the nice guys they are after.
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Hmph. No wonder many men are so sensitive about being “friend-zoned” and I get exactly why. Sounds to me like a lot of women use nice guys (more than actually love them), and that’s not cool. Know what else it sounds like? Like a lot of women aren’t very nice to themselves if they think that a nice guy isn’t an awesome person out the gate — and I’m kinda-sorta preaching to the choir when I say that because, while there is indeed something mysterious and alluring about men who aren’t very…agreeable, they can also take a lot out of you in the long run and not in a good way.
Because how can you build anything of value that will see the distance if the person you’re involved with isn’t very nice — or better yet, KIND.
- Kind people are attentive.
- Kind people are honest.
- Kind people listen well.
- Kind people tend to be generous.
- Kind people act responsibly.
- Kind people hold themselves accountable.
- Kind people are respectful.
- Kind people are reliable.
- Kind people are open about their feelings.
- Kind people care about others’ feelings.
If you read all of that and the first thing that comes to your mind is, “I get that, but they’re not the most fun, spontaneous, or sexually satisfying as the other guys” — eh, that’s not really true. It’s just that media, bad friends (or good friends who give bad advice), and whatever “programming” we’ve had from the former sex partners we’ve experienced has us believing that crap. Yet the reality is that you don’t need a non-committal ass in order to orgasm.
In fact, kind men are gonna care about you “pre-sex,” “during sex” and — get this — after sex. Days and weeks after sex. Not only that, but they’re gonna have sex WITH you, not just AT you — meaning, a lot of men get off on you getting off for their ego not so much your satisfaction. That’s why they don’t stick around very long. Their interest leaves with their ejaculate. That might be an “ouch” yet it’s true.
Besides, I promise you that, just like the happier you are within yourself, the more you will want to be with a happy individual, the kinder you are to yourself, the more you will want to be with a kind man. Not after you’ve been torn to shreds (emotionally) by men who weren’t nice or kind — right now. In the present moment.
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It’s not shocking that a lot of women aren’t thrilled at the thought of a happy man or a nice guy. “Alarming” is the word that I would choose because, again, in order to have a healthy, happy, and thriving relationship, you are going to need to be happy within yourself and nice to yourself, and so is the man who you’re involved with.
If that doesn’t sound very appealing to you — well, a hoodie that I once saw (that I turned into a T-shirt because I totally dug the message — immediately comes to mind: “What you need isn’t love…it’s therapy” because two things that love consist of is internal happiness between two people and niceness and kindness towards each other. Full stop.
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