I don't know who needs to hear this but almost never counts, sis. It was me. I needed to hear that. I am guilty of over-loving and overcompensating for a man who almost could have been the one. I've fallen in love with the idea of who a man could be instead of the man himself and I'd give it zero stars.
Would not recommend.
With every breakup comes a lesson and a blessing, and for LisaRaye, she says that it was marrying her ex-husband, former Turks and Caicos Prime Minister Michael Misick, for potential. On her recent appearance on Claudia Jordan's show, Out Loud, when asked about her biggest shortcomings, LisaRaye had this to say:
"For me, hands down, I should have married for love."
The actress, who met her former spouse in 2005 and tied the knot a year later, explained that because she was dating with the intention of marriage, she accepted hoping that she would later grow to fall in love with her partner.
"It was the potential of falling in love, but I should have been in that before the marriage. The dream he sold me was, 'I want to date you in our marriage.' I had never heard of that before and I was thinking, that's kind of clever!"
LisaRaye explained that she was making a lifetime commitment to someone she wasn't quite in love with, the idea of building a life with mutual goals was too intriguing to reject:
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"And we're going towards that way anyway, so OK. We can accomplish what we're trying to accomplish sooner in a partnership. In a partnership. A partnership is what I thought I was getting into."
LisaRaye said that although sh*t was sweet up until that point, she later found that she didn't know her partner at all:
"Then I got in there and sh-t changed and switched and it was like, 'Who are you?' I'm sure he asked who am I as well."
LisaRaye explained that the couple, who ultimately divorced in 2009, experienced problems with finances and infidelity that were ultimately irreconcilable. Lisa said that she may have been able to work through the pitfalls in their relationship if she had taken the time to fall in love with her former partner before meeting him at the altar.
"But if you have that love, that foundation, then you can weather a storm that you wouldn't necessarily weather…I would have stayed a little longer if my heart was involved. It wasn't there."
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other:
@prettyhonore.
There’s nothing like finding a good TV series or movie to watch on your favorite streaming services. The summer is the perfect time to explore what’s new and exciting or revisit an oldie but goodie. Both Netflix and HBO Max have some exciting and new releases for July. From HBO Max’s Rap Sh*t, which is presented by Issa Rae to the season three premiere of Ludacris’ Netflix animated series Karma’s World, there are plenty of options to choose from. So get your streaming on below.
Here is the full schedule of what’s coming to Netflix and HBO in July.
What's New On Netflix: July 2022
July 1
Stranger Things Season 4 Volume 2 – Netflix original movie
A Call to Spy
Big Daddy
Blue Jasmine
Boogie Nights
Catch Me If You Can
Deliverance
Falls Around Her
Final Score
GoodFellas
I Am Legend
Insidious
LOL
Mean Girls
Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
Natural Born Killers
Old School
Police Academy
Semi-Pro
Seven
Snatch
The Dark Knight Rises
The Dirty Dozen
The Pursuit of Happyness
The Talented Mr. Ripley
The Terminal
Vampires
Wyatt Earp
Zero Dark Thirty
July 2
Operation Romeo
July 3
Blair Witch (2016)
Oh My Baby Season 1
The Art of Incarnation
July 4
Leave No Trace
July 5
Attack on Pearl Harbor: Minute By Minute Season 1
The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch Season 1
July 6
Control Z Season 3 – Netflix original series
Girl in the Picture – Netflix original documentary
Hello, Goodbye, and Everything in Between – Netflix original movie
King of Stonks
Uncle from Another World
Fast & Feel Love
July 7
The Flash Season 8
Karma's World Season 3 – Netflix original series
VINLAND SAGA Season 1
July 8
Boo, Bitch – Netflix original series
Capitani Season 2 – Netflix original series
Dangerous Liaisons – Netflix original movie
How To Build a Sex Room – Netflix original documentary series
Incantation – Netflix original movie
Ride on Time Season 4
Jewel – Netflix original movie
The Longest Night – Netflix original series
Ranveer vs Wild with Bear Grylls – Netflix original interactive special
The Sea Beast – Netflix original animated movie
July 9
Hurdang
July 10
12 Strong
July 11
For Jojo – Netflix original movie
Team Zenko Go Season 2 – Netflix original animated series
Valley of the Dead – Netflix original movie
July 12
Bill Burr: Live at Red Rocks – Netflix original special
How to Change Your Mind – Netflix original documentary series
My Daughter's Killer – Netflix original documentary
July 13
Big Timber Season 2
CHiPS (2017)
D.B. Cooper: Where Are You?! – Netflix original documentary series
Hurts Like Hell – Netflix original series
Never Stop Dreaming: The Life and Legacy of Shimon Peres – Netflix original documentary
Sintonia Season 3 – Netflix original series
Under the Amalfi Sun – Netflix original movie
July 14
Kung Fu Panda: The Dragon Knight – Netflix original animated series
Resident Evil – Netflix original series
July 15
Alba – Netflix original series
Country Queen – Netflix original series
Farzar – Netflix original animated series
Love Goals (Jaadugar) – Netflix original movie
Mom, Don't Do That! – Netflix original series
Pan
Persuasion – Netflix original movie
Remarriage & Desires – Netflix original series
Uncharted
July 16
Umma
July 18
Live is Life – Netflix original movie
My Little Pony: A New Generation: Sing-Along – Netflix original movie
StoryBots: Laugh, Learn, Sing Collection 2: Learn to Read – Netflix original animated series
Too Old for Fairy Tales – Netflix original movie
July 19
David A. Arnold: It Ain't For the Weak – Netflix original special
July 20
Bad Exorcist Seasons 1-2 – Netflix original series
Virgin River Season 4 – Netflix original series
July 21
Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous Season 5 – Netflix original animated series
July 22
Blown Away Season 3 – Netflix original series
My Village People
One Piece (New Seasons)
The Gray Man – Netflix original movie
July 25
Gabby's Dollhouse Season 5 – Netflix original animated series
July 26
August: Osage County
DI4RIES – Netflix original series
Shania Twain: Not Just a Girl
Street Food: USA – Netflix original documentary series
July 27
Car Masters: Rust to Riches Season 4 – Netflix original documentary series
Dream Home Makeover Season 3 – Netflix original documentary series
The Most Hated Man on the Internet – Netflix original documentary
Pipa – Netflix original movie
Rebelde Season 2 – Netflix original series
July 28
A Cut Above – Netflix original movie
Another Self – Netflix original series
Keep Breathing – Netflix original series
Oggy and the Cockroaches: Next Generation – Netflix original animated series
July 29
The Beauty Queen of Jerusalem Season 2 – Netflix original series
Case Closed: Zero's Tea Time / Detective Conan: Zero's Tea Time – Netflix original animated series
The Entitled – Netflix original movie
Fanático – Netflix original series
Purple Hearts – Netflix original movie
Rebel Cheer Squad: A Get Even Series – Netflix original series
Uncoupled – Netflix original series
July 31
The Wretched
What's New On HBO Max: July 2022
July 1
A Kind of Murder
A Simple Plan
Act of Valor
Angels in the Outfield
Arbitrage
Backstabbing for Beginners
Baggage Claim
Blanes Esquina Muller (AKA Blanes St and Muller)
Bringing Out the Dead
Catch a Fire
Code of Silence
Confidence
David Copperfield
Doctor Who: Eve of Daleks
Sin City (Unrated Version)
Godzilla (1998)
Goodbye, Mr. Chips
Hollow Man (Director's Cut)
How to Screw It All Up (AKA Cómo mandarlo todo a la mierda) – Max Original Season 1 Premiere
I Spy
Indecent Proposal
Julia
La Ciudad De Las Fieras (AKA City of Wild Beasts)
Last Night in Soho
Lisztomania
Lone Survivor
Lord of War
Losing Isaiah
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter
Mrs. Winterbourne
One for the Money
Overboard
Pawn Sacrifice
Postcards From the Edge
Rio 2
Running Scared
Safe (2012)
She's Having a Baby
Sleepers
Sleepless in Seattle
Snow Day
Spy Kids
Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
Suite Francaise
That Awkward Moment
The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer
The Con is On
The Counselor (Extended Version)
The Great American Pastime
The Heat (Extended Version)
The Impossible
The Legends of Zorro
The Other Woman
The Plot Thickens Season 3 Premiere
The Raid
The Satanic Rites of Dracula
The World's End
This is Elvis
Thoroughbreds
Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
Warrior
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
July 2
Before Midnight
Sidewalk Stories
July 7
Miss S – Max original Season 1 premiere
The Visitors – Max original Season 1 premiere
July 9
Mad Max: Fury Road
July 10
The Anarchists – HBO limited documentary series premiere
July 11
Tuca & Bertie Season 3 premiere
July 12
Craig of the Creek Season 4C premiere
Edge of the Earth – HBO sports documentary series premiere
The Bob's Burgers Movie
July 14
FBoy Island – Max original Season 2 premiere
Vote for Juan (Vota Juan/Venga Juan), Season 1 and 2
Vote for Juan (Venga Juan) Season 3 – Max original premiere
July 15
Kung Fu Season 2 premiere
The Rehearsal – HBO comedy series premiere
July 16
Godzilla (2014)
July 17
Rat in the Kitchen Season 1 premiere
July 19
We Baby Bears Season 1D premiere
July 21
Almost Fly – Max original Season 1 premiere
Pacto Brutal - O Assassinato de Daniella Perex – Max Original Documentary Series
Rap Sh!t – Max original Season 1 premiere
The Last Movie Stars – Max original 6-part documentary premiere
July 23
Walker Season 2 premiere
July 26
Bugs Bunny Builders Season 1A premiere
July 27
We Met in Virtual Reality – HBO original documentary premiere
July 28
Citizen Ashe – Max original premiere
Love Monster – Max original Season 3 premiere
Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin – Max Original Season 1 premiere
Wellington Paranormal – Season 4 premiere
July 29
Superman & Lois Season 2 premiere
The Milestone Generation
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The law of attraction is tricky. A few years ago, I felt something was deeply wrong with me because I kept attracting people who hurt me. No matter how hard I tried to fix myself, and alter my energy, the same type of people kept coming my way. I'd talk to my friends about it and ask them, "Why do I keep attracting this type of person? Why do I keep having the same experiences?"
It took me a while to realize that the biggest thing I was doing "wrong" was not recognizing the power I had in choosing the people I let into my life. Blaming myself for the people I was "attracting" was pointless because I had no power or control over who was attracted to me. None of us do.
Instead of asking ourselves, "Why do I keep attracting this type of person?" we should try asking, "Why do I continue to give energy to people who show signs of not being a good fit for me?"
To have healthier and more fulfilling relationships, we must be intentional about who we entertain and make space for in our lives. We have to own our decision to continue patterns with people because they provide us with a familiar discomfort we’ve become accustomed to settling for. While we aren't responsible for the way people treat us, we are responsible for understanding why we decide to stay.
So, how do we lay the foundation for choosing the right people?
1. Show up as yourself.
When we first meet someone, it's tempting to show up as our representative or be the person we think someone is looking for. To find people we're compatible with, we must be brave enough to be ourselves, even if that means not being liked or accepted. As long as we find the courage to radically love, value, and accept ourselves, we put ourselves in the position to meet people with whom we can sustain healthy and meaningful relationships.
2. Build a relationship with yourself.
Being disconnected from ourselves can make it hard to be connected with other people. Learning to love, honor, and respect ourselves helps us create a strong foundation for building healthy relationships with other people. When we feel safe with ourselves, we'll feel more confident when putting ourselves out there to get to know others. When we begin having conflicts, which is guaranteed to happen whenever people get to know each other, we'll be able to communicate our needs and boundaries to increase intimacy in the relationship. If the relationship doesn't work out, we're less likely to blame ourselves and more likely to trust that we can make more fulfilling connections in the future.
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3. Don't be afraid to look "needy."
Sometimes we're afraid to ask for what we need to feel safe or comfortable in a relationship because we fear looking "needy." When we present as "needless," we end up in a community with people that like being around us because we don't ask for anything. As a result, the relationships become one-sided as they grow more comfortable and content with not doing anything for us. As the relationship progresses, we attempt to let our needs be known and grow resentful as our requests go unnoticed. Being open about our needs helps us discover people we're compatible with in friendship and romance. Having needs is one of the things that makes us human, and some of these needs can only be filled when we're in relationships with other people. Remember, sometimes you're not asking for too much; you're simply asking the wrong person.
4. Let people unfold.
Sometimes we commit to people too quickly. We become captivated with the idea of someone, and when the truth of that person is revealed, we are disappointed, or worse, we're in denial. Natalie Lou, the author of the Baggage Reclaim Series, always reminds readers that "people unfold." Over the course of getting to know someone, we may discover signs that unveil incompatibility. If we're not careful, we'll overlook those signs and keep moving forward because we don't want to be wrong about someone.
We don't want to be alone again. We don't want to stop being friends with someone. But, in the end, we hurt our own feelings by choosing to deny the reality of our situation. We also draw out the ending of what would likely be an unfulfilling relationship. The more time we spend engaging with people we aren't compatible with, the less time we spend connecting with people we fit well with.
5. Choose people that choose you.
Stop chasing after people who are running away from you. Some of us learned that we were difficult to love, and we internalized that our relationships would be challenging and filled with uneasiness. When we receive mixed signals, crumbs of attention, or poor treatment, we're prepared to fight and perform to sustain the relationship and prove ourselves. Our nervous system gets triggered, and we mistake those feelings of uncertainty for attraction and love. But that's not love, and we are worthy and deserving of so much more.
We deserve mutuality. We deserve to be around people who want to be with us as much as we want to be with them. We shouldn't be in a state of constantly questioning if someone is as invested as we are, nor should we be performing for love. Choose people that choose you—no forcing, no begging.
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6. Become comfortable with impermanence.
Everyone you meet and build a relationship with won't stay in your life forever, and that's okay. Everyone isn't meant to stay. Sometimes we try to prevent people from leaving or refuse to walk away because we're uncomfortable with endings. More importantly, we're uncomfortable with what endings say about us. By trying to control whether or not people stay, we're attempting to control the uncontrollable. It's a losing game, and we end up hurting ourselves and others in the process. Longevity in a relationship is not an indicator of health or fulfillment, nor does it serve as a reflection of our worthiness.
7. Stop making excuses for people.
When we feel unlovable, we can have a strong desire to stop other people from feeling the same way. We'll try to accommodate, justify and tolerate unacceptable behavior in other people because we don't want to be mean or reject people. We aren't responsible for protecting other people from rejection or disappointment. If we're being honest, sometimes we struggle with the idea of rejecting someone because we don't want to deal with the pain of being rejected and assume others can't handle it either. When people hurt us, we lean into being too understanding instead of assessing the relationship and establishing boundaries. Don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself for someone else's behavior in hopes that if you take responsibility, you can evoke change. Part of being in healthy relationships and establishing respect is showing others you have the strength and courage to protect yourself.
Taking responsibility for our lives is scary, but it's where healing begins. While we can't be in control of everything, we can exercise our power to choose. Letting people into our lives isn't a passive activity. The relationships we choose to pour energy into play a significant role in our happiness and well-being. Give yourself the love, compassion, and foundation you need to choose wisely.
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As a Black woman, Kelis knows how important it is to work with other Black women, help each other and give each other opportunities. The “Milkshake” singer has always been a voice for female empowerment with her popular female anthems like “Caught Out There” and “Bossy” and in a chat during Refinery 29’s Unbothered Presents The Glow Up festival, Kelis opened up about the Black women behind her legendary career and how Black women should create safe spaces for ourselves.
In a clip she uploaded to Instagram, she said “I have a Black female OB. I have a Black female business manager.” She also mentioned that one of her managers is also a Black woman.
“Like for me, that for me is a safe space,” the mom of two explained. “I need to be able to know that when I call you about my business, about my child, about whatever it is, that I’m talking to someone who speaks my language for real.”
“Because they know if I win, we all win. It can’t be the other way around,” she continued, “It wasn’t designed to be that way. So for me, that’s the safe space. I want people who look like me, who talk like me, that’s what I want. That’s what makes me feel good.”
Kelis received a lot of praise for her comments including from TV host Tanika Ray who wrote “This!!!! Reflection is everything and vital for success.”
Kelis has been diversifying her career since her first album Kaleidoscope in 1999. The “Jerk Ribs” singer is also a chef and often shares recipes as well as food she’s grown on social media. She also sells organic beauty and culinary handmade products.
*Editors note: this article contains information about sexual assault, child pornography and rape. Please read with care. If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). If you are thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the Suicide Crisis Line at 1-800-784-2433.
On June 29th, R&B singer and producer Robert Kelly, best known by his stage name R. Kelly was sentenced to 30 years in prison by New York Federal Court after being convicted in September of 2021 on charges of racketeering and sex trafficking. The sentencing was announced after many of his victims tearfully shared the impact his graphic abuse of them has had on their lives. This conviction and sentencing come nearly thirty years after the singer began facing allegations ranging from rape, possessing child pornography, marrying a then-15-year-old Aaliyah, having his own sex cult, and more.
In the weeks leading up to the sentencing, xoNecole spoke with four Black women activists who work diligently to address sexual violence within the music industry and writ large on R. Kelly’s conviction. Now that Kelly has been sentenced, we’re sharing our conversations with each one, condensed below: author and founder of the Me Too movement Tarana Burke (featured in the docuseries Surviving R. Kelly and the Russell Simmons documentary On The Record) and the founders of the #MuteRKelly movement Kenyette Barnes and Oronike Odeleye (who also appeared in Surviving R. Kelly ) and author and activist Sil Lai Abrams, who shared allegations against Russell Simmons in The Hollywood Reporter and the HBOMax documentary On The Record.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - JUNE 07: Tarana Burke speaks onstage at the TIME100 Summit 2022 at Jazz at Lincoln Center on June 7, 2022 in New York City.
Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images for TIME
xoNecole: I also invited journalist and Surviving R Kelly documentarian dream hampton who declined an interview but did provide a statement:
“As someone who wants to believe in restorative justice, I think this could have been the beginning of actual healing and justice had R Kelly, at any point, admitted to the harm he's caused for decades. His victim should have a financial fund from which they can draw to rebuild their lives. He could have changed the culture by being accountable in this way. He could have opened up a conversation where predators and abusers could enter too. Which is radical. But no, he'll have his sentence meted out to him by a broken system. He will continue to have the currency of love and devotion by countless Black people, even as he spends these years in prison. It is all a shame.”
xoNecole: What was your initial reaction to the news of R. Kelly’s conviction?
Tarana Burke: I was asked this question when [Harvey] Weinstein was convicted when [Bill] Cosby was convicted and it stays the same: these convictions are not a victory. I understand the catharsis for the survivors. There is a duality, that you have an immediate sort of excitement that feels like we have *something.* Right? You can’t help it. I think that’s human nature. That feeling of we have something, especially as Black women. Because we never get anything. So, I think there’s that first wave of that.
And then there’s the immediate slap in the face – especially if you engage in anything public, like social media or walking down the street – of the rejection of that. So my reaction came in stages, is what I’m explaining. That first stage of sort of surprise and relief that we got something. And that something is acknowledgment of that – even from a f-cked up system – an acknowledgment that our trauma and our pain deserve acknowledgment. It deserves accountability. You have that first wave and then you get slapped in the face with “no, it doesn’t.” I don’t know if we even had sixty seconds of whatever that first wave was. I get settled in just the catharsis of the survivors. It’s like they get a chance to breathe after holding this sh-t for so long. They get a chance to be like, “I get to hold something.”
Sil Lai Abrams: I was not surprised because the conviction was the result of decades of lobbying by activists and advocates. In many ways, his social currency in the Black community was diminished in a way that would enable a conviction to occur in the criminal legal system. To dream’s point, the system as it exists is not one that takes into consideration the needs of survivors or even those that have caused harm. He’s being used as a totem in many respects and I believe that his conviction in some way shields other people who cause sexual harm because I think that society can look at him, point to what will occur with him, and say, “You see? The system works because R. Kelly went to prison.” When in fact, his incarceration does nothing to address the systemic nature of sexual violence and the very broad ways in which harm affects our entire society.
Oronike Odeleye: Honestly, my first reaction was relief. I was relieved for his victims because they have been gaslit for years about the abuse that they’ve suffered. I was also relieved for myself. This has been a long journey that I did not mean to embark on [as a founder of the #MuteRKelly movement]. It’s been emotional and hard, so I’m glad that my part was over and now someone else can take over. And I was relieved for our community because for so many people, a lot of the visceral and emotional reaction they had to this was not necessarily about R. Kelly but about their own interactions. Their own experiences of abuse and trauma that they had carried, a lot of the secrets they had carried and they wanted to see justice play out. I was relieved for everyone involved.
Kenyette Barnes: It was very complex emotions. There was sadness of course because no one wants to be a part of perpetuating a broken system that over incarcerates Black bodies. However, thirty years has gone by and nothing has been done. And on several occasions, I believe that Robert Kelly had the opportunity to fix this in some way and didn’t. So my feelings were sadness because I feel like why did it get this far? My next emotion was a sense of relief for the survivors. They had been fighting for years. The #MuteRKelly movement had put that advocacy on a global stage. And through strategic organizing had resulted in a financial boycott of his music. We received some backlash and unfortunately, this accountability included the criminal justice system.
PARK CITY, UTAH - JANUARY 25: Sil Lai Abrams attends the 2020 Sundance Film Festival - "On The Record" Premiere at The Marc Theatre on January 25, 2020 in Park City, Utah.
(Photo by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images)
xoNecole: It’s been nearly thirty years since allegations against R. Kelly first started. Why do you think it’s only now that we’re seeing a conviction?
TB: There had to be like six exposés. I feel like The Miami Herald did one. The Chicago Tribune did one. The Village Voice did one. And so, it’s not from lack of media coverage. It’s not from a lack of raising voices. Every Black woman journalist that I know has been raising their voice across social media. More than one social media campaign. Because #MuteRKelly preceded #MeToo going viral. People conflate those two. The #MuteRKelly hashtag started in August of 2017 after the article came out in Buzzfeed. It got amplified after the #MeToo movement went viral [in October 2017]. So, it took all of that and then the documentary to get people to pay attention. But it was like we had to stand on our heads and light ourselves on f-cking fire in order to get one singular Black man. There’s this narrative about the Black man being targeted. It’s so crazy because that was the singular person. And to your point, we’ve been talking about him for nearly twenty-five, thirty years. And it took that because of that famous Jim DeRogatis quote from The Village Voice where he says the one thing that he’s discovered in all these years that he’s been chasing R. Kelly is that nobody in America matters less than Black girls. I’m paraphrasing the quote, but I’ll never forget reading that quote. This is a sixty-something-year-old white man from Chicago who writes about rock n’ roll, who just on his own was so bugged out about how no one was paying attention to R. Kelly.
SLA: The #MuteRKelly campaign is really the driver behind this push for accountability, this incarceration, without which I don’t believe this would’ve occurred. It took a certain amount of critical mass to come together. They had built a groundwork and a framework for the campaign in the years preceding the #MeToo era. So when #MeToo exploded in 2017, it just facilitated his downfall, so to speak, because there was such a tremendous body of work, of evidence that had been collected and been disseminated for at least three years, I think. So, I believe that is a large part of why this has happened.
In addition, our views around sexual harm have evolved. And even now when someone is now “legal,” [i.e. age 18+] that is no longer seen as a shield against allegations or recognition of predatory behavior. So, for example, you could see an 18-year-old in a consensual – “consensual” – relationship with a 45-year-old and people don’t respond the same. People will call that out and note the disparities in power between the two parties. And I think that’s a big part of it. There is a very slow shift that’s going on in online discourse and I think that’s very healthy. I think another reason why change is happening is because many of the barriers that existed before such as all-powerful public relations agencies and representatives for some celebrities are no longer as effective because social media has had a democratizing effect upon those who recognize harm is occurring.
OO: I think so much has changed within our society. The way we talk about sexual abuse, the way we think about rape. The way we now have vocabulary around grooming. The way that we understand consent. The way that we talk about adulthood and childhood are different than when these allegations first came out thirty years ago. So, I think we are in a place now, to really reckon with all the things that he’s been doing. I think the time that it came out, the idea of these rampant groupies I guess a very dominant idea. We did not think about women’s bodies in the same way. We really thought about women’s bodies as the spoils of war for rich and famous men.
KB: Because they were Black girls and we didn’t give a damn. Even in the space of defending Blackness against white supremacy, that Blackness is Black masculinity. It is not Black femininity. We look at rates that over 60% of Black girls are going to be a survivor of sexual assault before her 18th birthday. Sexual violence as a practice tends to be intraracial.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 21: Oronike Odeleye attends 2019 ROOT 100 Gala at The Angel Orensanz Foundation on November 21, 2019 in New York City.
(Photo by Arturo Holmes/Getty Images)
xoNecole: Why do you think the #MeToo movement hasn’t taken off in the music industry the same way it's taken off in Hollywood?
TB: This idea though that Hollywood was broken wide open is not true. I think the cases that we saw were really huge. Weinstein was obviously the big one and there’s several more behind that. And for one Weinstein, there’s 25 that we don’t know about. And that’s why they keep trickling out little by little and they just get less and less attention every year. Because people care less and less every year. So the question of why hasn’t there been a case as big as Harvey Weinstein in the music industry? I don’t know. Most people when they ask this question they’re asking about hip hop and R&B. I have heard horrific stories off the record that artists have shared with me or industry folks have shared with me and I’ve said why won’t you come forward? And they’re like, "There’s no way that my career would recover if we did." In fact, there were people who would not come forward about R. Kelly even though R. Kelly doesn’t even have a career, because they were scared of the retribution inside of the industry. So, I don’t know what the music industry is set up in vs. Hollywood in terms of the way people’s careers are controlled. But if we’re talking about white women vs. Black women, Black women just have way less protection. And I think Black women have way more to lose. Even if you look inside Hollywood, how many Black women in Hollywood have come forward? And the ones that did come forward, look what happened to them.
SLA: The music industry has always been one in which personal relationships can facilitate success even with individuals with no talent. There isn’t a requirement of any type of education. The barrier to entry is very, very low in many respects. Which is a good thing. At the same time, in the way in which people are connected to each other and the amount of money that’s at stake, people are unwilling to go against the status quo. They’re not willing to speak up because they don’t want to have their money messed with. I believe that society is a cesspool of relationships that are highly interwoven and interconnected, the music industry in particular is just particularly patriarchal. It’s particularly rife with nepotism in a way that really encourages groupthink and group movement.
OO: Well, I don’t know if I would agree with [the framing of that question]. I think that it has in fact put artists and record labels on notice that the community is paying attention. Right now, I’m seeing so much conversation around Trey Songz. We’re seeing so much conversation around Chris Brown. We’re seeing so much conversation about Tory Lanez and violence against women. So I think everyone is hyper-tuned in and paying attention now. And so I think people now are way quicker to call these things out when they’re seeing it and to come forward.
Kenyette Barnes
Photo courtesy of Kenyette Barnes
xoNecole: Even with the conviction of R. Kelly which has been a long, long time coming, the culture that created him and allowed him to thrive still exists. What do you think it’ll take to finally dismantle rape culture within the music industry and writ large?
TB: This is the magic question. I think we have to have a huge culture shift and I think it has to happen from multiple directions. The example I use all the time is cigarettes. A little over thirty years ago, we could smoke on airplanes. Most people under a particular age don’t remember that. I remember when you could smoke on airplanes, in clubs – everywhere. And that’s how I grew up. Sitting in the back of my father’s car with the windows closed and he was smoking a cigarette. Then there was a huge concerted effort to shift how we thought about smoking cigarettes. And it’s obviously a very different paradigm, but the reason that I use it is because when I think about how they came at that, it was political, because laws had to change that said you can’t smoke in public places. It was a public narrative. We had major campaigns but also you don’t see the Marlboro Man anymore. Cigarette smoking was cool because everybody did it everywhere. It was a part of the culture that was just sort of ingrained. The way that rape culture is so ingrained that it's natural to us. So there was a political intervention, there was a cultural narrative intervention. There was a research intervention. All of a sudden there was all this research on how second-hand kills. Obviously, people still smoke now. But the culture around smoking today and the culture around smoking thirty years ago are completely different. I think about shifting rape culture the same way. We need multiple interventions.
SLA: Going back to what dream said, I think that there needs to be a space in our society where people can actually acknowledge the harm that they’ve caused in a way that’s not going to be met with highly punitive measures. We have to look at the ways in which sexual harm is fostered. It happens everywhere, the music industry is an easy scapegoat. I honestly don’t have an answer if I knew what it would take I would be extremely wealthy. I don’t have the answers, I have some ideas but everything is connected to something else. I’m a huge advocate for restorative justice and our existing system just doesn’t work when it comes to facilitating some kind of redress, for harm period, but particularly for sexual harm. As dream had said, because Robert refuses to take responsibility, it doesn’t even open the door to any type of restorative action. But also, I don’t want to forget that we can posit about restorative justice and restorative practices and how I think that would be an appropriate way to proceed, but the people whose voices matter and who's going to drive restorative justice are his survivors. So if his survivors don’t want that to occur, I can’t offer that as a unilateral response that’s going to address things. Some might want to see him incarcerated. That’s their choice. I’m not going to shame them for it.
KB: I think what #MuteRKelly did was a direct attack at the music industry. And it was one of the first campaigns that really directly targeted the sexual oppression of Black women and girls. I think we’re going to have to continue those conversations. I think we’re going to have a call-in of the entertainment industry. We saw people like John Legend and Chance the Rapper really speak against this, but we need more.
If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
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Halle Bailey and her boyfriend DDG are one of the cutest celebrity couples in the game right now. After confirming their relationship in March 2022, Halle, 22, and DDG, 24, made their red carpet debut as a couple over the weekend during the 2022 BET Awards. In an interview with Extra, The Little Mermaid star shared that she was “nervous” about their debut. “We’re like tryna figure out what we were going to wear. All this stuff,” she said. The couple matched each other’s fly with both wearing all-black outfits.
While Halle and her sister Chloe began to reach stardom after singing covers on YouTube, reach led to a record deal with Beyoncé’s Parkwood Entertainment, DDG also started his career on YouTube and built a very impressive fanbase from there. Here are a few other things about DDG that we know thus far.
Who is DDG?
PontiacMade DDG or DDG, which stands for his name Daniel Dwayne Grandberry Jr., is a rapper from Pontiac, Michigan. He got his start in the music industry in 2014 by releasing music videos in high school where he graduated as valedictorian and later through vlogs on his YouTube channel. He attended Central Michigan University but later dropped out to focus on being an entertainer. While he was signed to Epic in 2018, in 2020 he founded his own record label called Zooted Music with his longtime managers.
In an interview with Billboard, he opened up about owning his masters. I met with every single label you can think of, and I knew what I brought to the table,” he said. “I came with a good fanbase already, I came with good music and a hit already. I came with everything already. So to not get what I wanted from a label would just be shooting myself in the foot. It was never about the money.”
“Before I signed, I already had the money. It’s just good to have a machine behind you and the whole building trying to take you to the next level. I just knew what I brought to the table. I knew what type of deal I wanted and that it should work in my favor.”
While they’ve dropped hints on social media that they were dating, it wasn’t until March that they made it Instagram official. The “Treat Me Right” artist gave his boo a birthday shout on Instagram and displayed several moments of them together. “Happy Birthday to the beautifulest, the flyest, the sweetest ❤️ love you forever 🥺💎 @hallebailey,” he wrote for the caption. She replied, “u will make me cry again” along with heart emojis.
Since making it Instagram official, Halle has gushed about her man multiple times. More recently, she tweeted two photos of herself wearing the “Moonwalking in Calabasas” rapper’s clothes. “i live in my mans clothes lmao,” she wrote.
But perhaps one of their sweetest moments was when the “Ungodly Hour” songstress was giving DDG singing lessons on TikTok. The couple was singing Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come” and fans couldn’t get over how adorable they were. Some were even impressed by DDG’s singing capabilities.
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