Recently, I watched a YouTube video that was so ridiculous (to me, anyway) that I'm not gonna even link y'all to it. The gist was it featured a woman who was going on and on about us not needing men anymore because we've got technology. When another woman refuted her point by bringing up the fact that it takes both men and women to keep humanity going, I thought about a woman in my own world who is currently so fed up with guys that she's now named her vibrator, claiming that is the only "man" she needs. Chile.
True confession here — I have never used a vibrator before. Even when I used to be a big-time masturbator, there was no electronic device that helped me along my merry way. Still, it's not like I don't get that there aren't some pluses when it comes to those who choose to have one — or seven or 10 of them. I mean, anything that can give you an orgasm can help to relieve stress. With a vibrator, you don't have to worry about getting an STI/STD (unless you're sharing it with them) or pregnant from one. And if you struggle with climaxing during intercourse, a vibrator can help you to figure out why and/or it can deliver to you what you can't seem to (at least currently get) any other way. Check. Check. And check.
Still, if you read enough of my content, you already know that I'm all about balance and also making sure that you are clear on the motives behind why you do what you do. So, if you happen to be like the woman that I know who thinks that vibrators don't have a potential "downside" like just about everything else in life, I just want to take out a couple of minutes to offer you some things to think about.
It Could Lead to Clitoral Discomfort
According to one study that I checked out, around 53 percent of women admitted to using a vibrator (personally, I think it's significantly higher than that). Many of them said that they used theirs at least four times a month with 71 percent of them saying that they didn't experience any side effects. Glad to hear it. Still, something to keep in mind is, if you're using your vibrator constantly, it could lead to some level of clitoral discomfort over time. How in the world can that happen? If you're continually giving your clitoris direct stimulation, the discomfort could come from the vibration stimuli that never really lets up.
Is there a "hack" for this? One of the main things to keep in mind is that you should use lube with your vibrator (that will significantly decrease the chances of any minor "rub burns" from happening) and that you try and avoid always applying direct pressure to your clitoris with your vibrator as much as possible.
It Could Give/Spread an Infection
If you're the only one who is using your vibrator, how in the world can it give you or spread an infection throughout your body? Well, bodily fluids are just that and if you're using your vibrator without thoroughly cleaning it after each and every use, that could cause bad bacteria to "double up" and give you some sort of infection. Or, say that you like to penetrate your vagina and your anus. Remember how we were instructed to wipe from front to back while growing up? If you're not applying this similar take on the sexual tip, you could give or spread an infection throughout your system that way too.
This is why it's so important to use a vibrator that's made of nonporous materials such as silicone or glass; that you use a washcloth, an antibacterial soap, and warm water to clean your vibrator, and that you store it in a box or pouch, so that dust and debris doesn't get onto it.
It Could Cost You a Couple of “Orgasm Phases”
You've probably heard that there are several phases/stages to having an orgasm before. Well, while some sex and wellness experts believe that there are eight of them (climax, resolution, restoration, turn-on, peaking, excitement, plateau and stillness) most say that there are only four — desire, arousal/plateau, orgasm and resolution. Desire is what happens when you're in the process of getting excited about getting turned on. Arousal/plateau is your body's response to sexual stimulation that helps to bring you to an orgasmic state (such as foreplay, oral sex and intercourse). Orgasm is your climax. Resolution is what happens when your orgasm is completed, you start to come down from your "high" and satisfaction (and oftentimes fatigue) transpire.
Well, here's the thing about a vibrator. Once you get a handle on how to make it work for you, oftentimes you jump right to the orgasm while basically bypassing desire and arousal. While you might be reading this and thinking "OK…and?", the point here is you deserve to experience all stages including being turned on and the true pleasure that comes from foreplay, oral sex, etc. Besides, there are things that happen during those phases that oftentimes don't get talked about, nearly enough. This brings me to the next point.
It Could Cause You to Miss Out on Hits of Nitric Oxide and Oxytocin
A colorless gas and essential molecule that your body needs is nitric oxide. A natural hormone and chemical messenger that's in your system is oxytocin. Nitric oxide is essential because it can improve your blood pressure, decrease muscle soreness, strengthen your heart, help to manage type 2 diabetes and keep your blood vessels nice and healthy. Oxytocin gets discussed quite a bit over this way because, not only does it help partners to bond during sex, it also reduces stress, promotes physical healing, cultivates emotion-related memories, increases sexual arousal and encourages sound sleep.
Thing is, when you constantly opt for a vibrator over a human being, it could cause you to skip right over the arousal phase which is how both of these things are substantially triggered. So, you could be missing out on some of the chemical and hormonal benefits that sex with an actual person is able to provide you that sex with a vibrator does not.
It Could Negatively Affect Your Communication with Your Partner
One of the challenges that I have with some of the clients that I work with is when they are mad at their husband, they decide to "take it out on their vibrator". Since all they seem to be concerned with is spiting their man (by not giving him any) and getting the stress out from being pissed, they can end up, oftentimes without even noticing it, becoming addicted to this approach. This prevents them from fully talking things through with their partner, so that a healthy sexual (and emotional) connection can resume. Another challenge is when a newly-married woman has been so used to relying on her vibrator (and/or faking orgasms with her partner) gets married and realizes the responsibility that comes with marital sex (meaning, it's not just something that you should do randomly; it needs to be seen as a staple in the union), she doesn't really know how to effectively communicate with her partner what she needs in order to be (or remain) sexually fulfilled.
Yep. That's another challenge that comes to totally relying on a vibrator for sexual satisfaction — it can have you internalizing your needs while taking on the mindset, "Screw him. Where's my vibrator at?" and when you're in a serious long-term relationship…yeah, that's not good.
Patterns are patterns and vibrators can put you into one like anything else. That said, if all you're really concerned with is getting off and nothing else, once you do have sex with a human being, you could find yourself so caught up in immediate gratification that you don't know how to enjoy everything that leads up to climaxing or even all of the pleasure that can come after it (check out "Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The 'Afterplay'?"). It can have you so self-consumed and even selfish that you end up being impatient with and perhaps unrealistic about what it means to engage another individual.
As you can see, everything has a flip side to its coin. A vibrator has pros and potential cons, if you're not careful. So, before you push play on Whitney Houston's "All the Man That I Need" as you get your vibrator out of its box, reflect on what I just said. A vibrator can be a source of pleasure yet it shouldn't be treated like a replacement for sex with an actual person. Because let's be real — there isn't one.
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