We can't be the only ones who still have "Free Mind" playing on repeat. Since the release of her debut EP For Broken Ears in 2020, the Nigerian-born singer-songwriter has captivated audiences with her deep, soulful tone that reels you in with every word of her melodies. Most known for providing the lovelorn vocalizations in Wizkid's "Essence," Tems has taken the music scene by storm on a global scale, accomplishing feats such as winning a Grammy and collaborating with the likes of Drake and Rihanna before even having an official album out.
Tems attends the 95th Annual Academy Awards on March 12, 2023.
Mike Coppola/Getty Images
The 28-year-old assures that her debut album is underway. After causing a splash in early 2023 because of a viral moment involving a daring headpiece at the Oscars, Tems, whose real name is Temilade Openiyi, is making waves yet again in the latest issue of Interview Magazine where she speaks candidly with Kendrick Lamar about what sparked her love for music, the freedom and fear of creating, and what she learns from mistakes.
Keep reading for a few key moments from the feature.
Tems on Celine Dion sparking her love for music:
"I was an extreme introvert when I was younger. I didn’t really talk much. My mom’s friends would be like, 'Yo, Temi, come take a picture,' and I’d just turn around. I’m not sure when the first time I heard music was, but I found myself loving the radio, and I used to hear Celine Dion. Nigerians love Celine Dion. Her songs are very emotional, jump-off-a-cliff-type songs. They entered my soul. I think that’s where my love for music started."
On being drawn to melodies and how she hears music:
"The melodies. Lyrics also moved me, but there were some I couldn’t relate to. There were rap songs I was listening to that were about a man impregnating you. I didn’t understand that, so I didn’t feel it in my spirit. But I started hearing melodies of my own that weren’t in the song. Even now when I hear music, it’s a frequency I experience. That’s how I started freestyling, because I started singing over the songs that I was listening to with my own melodies that I was hearing in my head."
Tems on remembering her "why" when she feels pressure to conform:
"Yeah, you have to remember how you felt when you started as an artist, to understand the reason you’re doing what you’re doing. Yes, it’s to be seen, or to make a name for yourself, but beyond that, why are you doing it? Most of the time it’s because you have a story to share, a message to give. When you become more known or seen, it’s very easy to get caught up in, 'What do people expect of me now?' But for me, it’s like, 'What do I expect of myself now?'
"Because you’re the one that has to live with yourself, the one that has to sleep with the decisions that you make. Trusting yourself is so key, and I’m not going to stop trusting my guts just because people can see me now. It’s like being in a zoo. The animals don’t change their behavior just because you’re looking at them. They’re always going to be who they are. So why should I change?"
On losing and finding herself in the freedom of her craft:
"...sometimes it freaks me out. Sometimes I freestyle to a point where I can’t feel my feet. I’ve entered somewhere and I don’t even know where I am anymore. I’m just pouring out my gut and then when I’m done, I don’t remember what I just did. If you didn’t record it, it’s almost as if I blacked out."
Tems on how she views mistakes:
"I use it as fuel. Every time I feel like I shouldn’t have done something, I’ve noticed that things always sort themselves out. The thing about making mistakes is there’s grace. We’re all going to make mistakes, but what happens when you do?"
To read Tems' full conversation with Kendrick, click here.
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Featured image by Jeff Spicer/Getty Images for BMI London Awards
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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