All Summer 2021: Here's Who Totally Deserves An Award For Killing The Game This Summer
Summer 2021 has come, and (almost) gone, ladies and ladies--and lawd, we just cannot believe it! As we sit back and think about all of the ways in which we enjoyed these three months of *insert applicable Drake lyric here*, we can't help but to feel content with the fact that even though we're medium-ly outside, we did the best we could with what we had. I mean, if you really think about it, Summer 2021 was a tiiiiime, honey. We've managed to narrowly escape potential (and adamant) dictatorship, survived virus(es), while somehow still having a few pennies in our coin purse. We discovered new hobbies and threw the middle finger up at anything less than we deserve. And, the icing, is that we balanced it all with a brunch or two. It took a lot of liquor, it took a lot of weed. But we made it, sis! Even with all the chaos that we may have had to endure, we made it. Clap for yourselves!
And listen, in addition to us living our best-ish lives, one of my favorite things about this summer, was seeing celebrities be just as confused, thankful, humbled, adaptable, relatable, and frickin overwhelmed as we were. They too made the best of a summer-coming-off-of-a-pandemic-but-not-really-because-it's-still-happening, just as we did. And they did it all while entertaining the rest of us (because it's still a little gross outside and we don't wanna go out there like that just yet, fren).
So, in an effort to celebrate the culture, here's a few of our faves who killed this summer, award style!
Biggest Summer Bag: King Bey
And by "bag" we don't mean purse! Queen Bey showed up in the 9th hour, rocking a 128.54 carat, 82 facet cushion cut yellow stone diamond, only worn by four people ever—Lady Gaga, Audrey Hepburn, and Mrs. E Sheldon Whitehouse—in its lifetime (her being the only Black woman), and posed alongside her billionaire husband in front of a never-before-seen Basquiat painting, all for an ad she was paid likely millions for.
Jesus. Christ.
Best Summer Style: LeToya Luckett
OK, so LeToya Luckett has never not shown up as best dressed, but this summer…listennnnn. Sis had that baby, followed through on what she needed in love, and has been showing out for 90 whole, 24-hour days. And the cherry on top was the blonde finger-wave pixie that literally no one can rock like she can. Get it LeToya!
Summer Of Living Their Best Life: Chloe Bailey
Now, you ladies know more than I do that Chloe Bailey is special. Don't get me wrong, both her and sister Halle, will take over for young, Black, starlets everywhere, but Chloe is different. She shut down challenge after challenge, created her own challenges, gave the people immaculate content, stayed consistent, and earned all her praises. She has a long way to go before she gets to the top of her career, but she definitely, without any ounce of any doubt, will arrive.
And baby, when she gets there, y'all better buckle up for the ride.
Best Glow Up: Tiffany Haddish
Listen, our good sis Tiffany has found her lookkkkk, mkay?! Sis has never looked better, which beams from inside to out due to the fact that she shed some weight, chopped off her hair, dropped a few bad habits, and found a peen that she loves and wants to hang on to. Love to see it!
Most Likely To Drop An Anticipated Project Soon: Rihanna Tha GOAT
She will surprise us with an album this year, she will surprise us with an album this year, she will surprise us with an album this year. *Speaking it into existence*
Celeb Kid Of The Summer: Kaavia Wade
Lawd, she's a spitting image of her daddy, she often hangs and learns from her mom, and in a year or two, she will be the undeniable star. Kaavia Wade is precious. She represents so much freedom we all wish we had in our lives as young, Black, thriving, young girls. She doesn't take crap and is coined as the resident "shady baby," even with a book to match. Gabrielle Union described her openness so perfectly by telling PEOPLE:
"She's free to be this amazing, dynamic, shady at times, loving at times, funny at times, Black little girl when the world has been not so kind to Black girls and women. So for so many people, she's just straight up freedom and what it can be like."
Summer MVP: Missy Elliott
Missy 'Damn' Elliott has been living hunni, and we are 100 percent here for it. She (somehow) turned 50 years old, has received, and accepted, her overdue flowers, she is humble, gracious, and she minds her business. The fact that she gets to sit back and enjoy the fruits of her labor, as well as teach the newer generation what she has learned in the process so openly, this queen is without a doubt the MVP of the summer. It's the fact that she is soooo celebrated for me. Thank you, Missy!
She’s Up Next: China McClain
Um, so I don't know if you know, but China McClain has a huge following in the digital world, mainly TikTok. Her content is widely shared and loved and sis has curated her own lane. Although she has been in the game for a while as a child star, she has found solid footing as the woman she is today. Keep an eye on her. She will shock us all, just wait on it.
Most Likely To Help Us Keep These Summer Bods In Shape: Tracee Ellis Ross
As if coming from Diana Ross isn't flex enough, Tracee Ellis Ross has given the culture everything we need from it in a way that only she can. She's so open and effortlessly who she is, that it literally exudes, making us all come back for more. She doesn't take life too seriously, she only moves the way Tracee would move, and she keeps us on our toes when she pops out for vacay. If anyone can keep us in check about this pandemic weight gain, it is she. She is her.
Social Media Feed Of The Summer: The Smiths
Between Will's videos and nostalgia, Jada's tough conversations and advice, Willow crossing over into a world that has all of our support, Jaden being a rapper and humanitarian, and Trey with the lowkey vibes, the Smiths are everything we need on Al Gore's internet. They don't promote the mess, they stick together, they are unapologetically melanatedddd. Like, fan me.
Listen, we live in a world where we have to control our own narrative. So many "influencers" and celebrities absolutely do not. They are just here to collect a check, play the game, and run the race.
The Smith family is not that. They keep us fed, and they are willing to show up in a way that we can all learn from. And they do so as a family. Love, love, love.
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Featured image by Bryan Steffy/Getty Images for WWE SummerSlam After Party
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise y’all or not to know that a few years back, Vice published an article entitled, “Women Get Bored in Bed Faster Than Men.” When it comes to the clients I work with, what I will say is men tend to underestimate how creative women can be while women seem to overlook that men fake orgasms just about as much as they do. My grand takeaway from all of this? Folks need to be intentional when it comes to keeping the spice alive in their sex life; especially if they’re in a long-term relationship.
That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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