As someone who is a minimalist in the cosmetics department, I must admit that I did smile when I read articles (like this one here) that said, even when it comes to make-up trends, the “less is more” approach was going to be super popular all year long.
And so, with that being the case, that got me to thinking that whether you’re someone who goes the au naturel route as much as possible or you are a self-professed artist extraordinaire when it comes to how you adorn your face, now is a really good time to offer up some solid tips on how to make sure that your skin is healthy, glowing and beaming.
Because no matter what, skin that is as flawless as possible, is the foundation for all of us to put our best face forward. Wouldn’t you agree?
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1. Rosemary Oil
When it comes to beauty uses, rosemary oil probably has the best reputation when it comes to stimulating hair growth. Still, don’t sleep on it as it relates to your skin because it contains properties that help to deeply hydrate it, bring elasticity to it, reduce inflammation and, if acne is something that you deal with, rosemary’s antibacterial benefits can help to keep pimples at bay as well. Plus, if you’re like me and you like for your skin to have a natural “dewy” look, a drop or two (or three) of rosemary on your skin will provide that effect for hours on end.
2. Hyaluronic Acid
Hyaluronic acid is definitely my ish. So much, in fact, that I once penned, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday” for the platform. Yeah, if you want your skin to be on-point on a consistent basis, this acid can help to get you there thanks to its ability to hydrate, improve elasticity, provide anti-aging effects, soften the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, and even bring healing to symptoms related to eczema.
Also, if you’ve got dry skin that you can’t seem to get rid of, because hyaluronic acid is 1000 times the weight of water, you can trust it to moisturize your skin for longer periods of time than many commercialized moisturizers that are on the market. Dope.
3. Rose Petal Toner
If you want to keep your skin’s pH levels in balance, reduce the appearance of your pores, increase your skin’s hydration, and deep clean your skin after washing it, skin toner can make that happen. That said, if you want your toner to be as natural as possible, why not make some out of rose petals? For many years, rose water has been praised for its ability to reduce inflammation, slow down the signs of aging, tone your skin, and decrease the effects of oxidative stress. For tips on how to make rose water out of rose petals, go here. Some toner recipes with rose water in them? Here, here, and here.
4. Infused Ice
Looking for something that will reduce the inflammation of pimples or will shrink the appearance of pores? Look no further than some regular ole’ ice. Definitely if you’ve had a rough (or great, if you know what I mean) night and your eyes have bags to show it, a cold compress on them for about 20 minutes will brighten things right on up. And, if you want to get some nutrients into your skin in the process, freeze the water with some lemon (the vitamin C in it will stimulate collagen production), Aloe vera gel (it will moisturize oily skin without encouraging breakouts), or fresh sage (it will fight off free radicals and the signs of aging). Your skin will certainly thank you if you do.
5. Vegetable Glycerin
If you’ve ever tasted vegetable glycerin before and you wonder why it’s sweet, that’s because it is a type of sugar alcohol that is made by warming up plant-based oils like soy, palm, and coconut. Since it works as a humectant, vegetable glycerin works as a powerful skin moisturizer. If you’ve got eczema or psoriasis, it can help to soothe the irritated skin that is oftentimes associated with it. Another cool thing about this particular product is it is able to make the texture of your skin feel baby soft smooth too.
6. Turmeric Oil
Something else that I am super fond of is turmeric oil. The curcumin that’s in turmeric has antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties that are literally able to give your skin a rich and healthy glow. If you’ve got acne or discoloration on your face due to the marks that acne leaves behind, turmeric can assist with those as well. Two other bonuses that come with turmeric are it can reduce blotchiness and oxidative stress. So, if you’ve never given turmeric oil a shot, perhaps this has convinced you.
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7. Mandelic Acid
My latest “Where have you been all of my life?” skincare addition is mandelic acid. Listen, if you’re looking for an acid that — is a gentle exfoliant; can turn over fresh skin cells in record time; will have your skin feeling baby-soft smooth; will soften the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles; helps to unclog pores, and is on-10 when it comes to treating hyperpigmentation (especially the kind that acne leaves behind)? Whew, chile! Again, I wish that I had known about this sooner.
For the record, what I am speaking of is the acid that’s in serum form. What I personally use is The Ordinary’s Mandelic Acid 10% + HA. It’s affordable. It’s gentle on my skin. It’s also not as…intense as a mandelic acid chemical peel. In fact, if you want to go the chemical peel route, my two cents would be to speak with a dermatologist or esthetician; those can be pretty potent. The serum kind, though? I’d do a commercial for The Ordinary if I could (I like a lot of their stuff, actually…).
Oh, and if you really want to brighten your skin up, vitamin C extract in the day (it can brighten up dark spots on your skin) and marula oil at night can certainly get you there in fairly record time (about four weeks).
8. Ginger Tea
Wanna spritz your skin with something that’s all-natural? Try a little bit of ginger tea. The properties in ginger are great for it because it helps to boost your skin’s collagen levels; works to improve the texture of your skin (when used regularly); has antioxidants that can help to clear up acne; brightens your skin tone, and they can fade minor scarring of your skin. To make your own spritz, steep fresh ginger or a couple of ginger tea bags for 20-30 minutes. Allow the tea to cool completely, pour into a small spray bottle and refrigerate. Use to freshen your skin whenever the mood hits.
9. Marula Oil
If you’re in the mid-to-latter stages of perimenopause, treat your skin to the info that is featured in “So, What Does Menopausal Skincare Consist Of Exactly?” One of the things that I shared is the fact that if your skin is drier than usual (due to all of the hormonal shifts), marula oil is the perfect oil for “sealing your skin” with the moisture that it needs after showering or bathing. Marula oil is also bomb because it contains anti-aging properties, helps to protect your skin from UV damage, and can reduce the bacteria that cause breakouts too.
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10. DIY Tea and Essential Oil Steam
If you can’t remember the last time that you’ve steamed your face, you are well past due. Not only does the face steaming process deep-clean your pores and increase blood circulation to your face, it also helps to hydrate your skin and, if you add some herbal tea or essential oil into the mix, it can soothe your skin as well. If you need some help figuring out which loose leaf or tea bags to put into your steam water, check out “I've Got 10 Teas That Will Help You To Age (Even More) Gracefully” and “10 Different Ways Herbal Teas Can Fit Into Your Beauty Regimen.”
As far as essential oils go, lavender can help to calm your skin, geranium can help to minimize the appearance of your pores and sandalwood can give you a natural healthy glow. For tips on how to properly and safely steam your face at home, go here.
11. DIY Serum
If you’ve ever wondered what a serum actually is, it’s a product that is most effective if you apply it right after washing your skin and right before moisturizing it. The purpose of a serum is to provide a lightweight yet super potent kind of liquid to your skin that is filled with ingredients that can help to heal a variety of skin-related issues such as dryness, acne, and aging. Although there are an endless amount of commercialized serums on the market (like these here, here, and here), you can also make your own.
One of my favorite recipes comes from the website The Sweetest Digs and it consists of jojoba oil, rosehip oil, vitamin E, and a variety of essential oils. You can read more about how to make it along with how it can do wonders for your skin here.
12. DIY Bronzer
Although it’s rare that I am going to wear anything more than mascara and lipstick (literally), when I want my skin to look hella radiant, I have absolutely no problem brushing on some bronzer. In my opinion, nothing can give you a quicker sun-kissed glow than it. The key is to go with a shade that is a couple of shades darker than your natural skin tone and to evenly apply it on your bare skin or on top of your foundation.
Yes, there are bronzers that you can buy; however, if you’d prefer to customize your own, it’s easier to make than you might think. If you’ve got some cinnamon, nutmeg, and cocoa powder and a little bit of time, you’re halfway there. For a recipe that is easy to follow, go here.
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Bonus: Kojic Acid Soap
Long story short on this one kojic acid is an acid that is made from fermented rice wine. The science of it all is when applied, it helps to prevent the enzyme tyrosinase from forming. Why is that relevant? Well, tyrosinase is actually what helps to control melanin production and while we all know that melanin is all good, when it is overproduced to the point where it creates hyperpigmentation (like when your skin is trying to heal from the inflammation of a pimple), that’s when it can become problematic.
And although, the acid itself, some people have used it to lighten their skin, in the form of soap, it’s simply good at fading dark spots over time. In fact, some skin experts actually say that it’s really effective at evening out the skin tone of darker hues (a Black YouTuber who goes by GRAYCYLYN sings its praises here). I’ve used it and I have not one regret, so as we close this out, if you want to “wash some radiance” onto your face, here’s a viable option. Enjoy!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And honestly, the holiday season isn’t exempt from this. I know from personal experience because, as someone who hasn’t observed any for many years now (without one regret), you’d be amazed by all of the theories that I’ve heard as to why that is the case. SMDH.
Chile, you don’t have the time and I don’t have the space to get into all of that nonsense. For now, I just want to provide a silver lining from my having to endure other people’s yapping by letting those of you who may not be super enthusiastic about the holidays this year (or any year) either that there is nothing wrong with that — or with you.
I’ll break down why and how I’ve come to that conclusion.
Not Being “on-10” Doesn’t Make You a Grinch
GiphyHonestly, I have some pretty solid memories about Christmastime. Because my mother grew up with an alcoholic father (and supreme spiritual hypocrite), she was very emotionally tied to the holiday because it was the only time that she recalled having real peace in her home. And so, we did the Christmas thing, pretty much to the hilt — fresh Christmas trees, baking Christmas-themed desserts, watching holiday movies, going caroling, stringing popcorn…you name it.
It wasn’t until I became an adult and I started doing research on the origin stories of holidays (check out “The History of Christmas” if you don’t already know about it), in general, that I became more and more detached. Plus, as a seventh-day Sabbath observer (Exodus 20:8-11, Hebrews 4, Matthew 28:1) — every Friday sunset through Saturday sunset was like a holiday in certain ways to me, so I never really “lived” for traditional calendar ones.
That doesn’t mean that I am all "Bah humbug" to folks who are totally into the holiday, though. For instance, my godchildren’s father acts like Christmas is a drug for him and so anything Christmas-like that he can think of is his fix. And although the girls (6 and 14) know that I don’t observe, I am good for getting them a “cold weather present” usually around the time the temps drop (in October) instead of an actual Christmas gift. And although I usually pass on hanging out with folks on Christmas Day, I’ll help bake a cookie or two in the days leading up to it.
So yeah, the first thing that folks who are pretty “meh” about Christmas need to be reminded of is that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make you a Grinch. If you recall the Grinch’s story, he did have some trauma and so he took it out on Christmas. Meanwhile, most of us who can take or leave the holidays, we aren’t “mad”…we’re just…for the most part…disinterested. The rest of y’all “do you,” though. And we mean that sincerely.
Not Being Thrilled Doesn’t Mean That You’re Depressed Either
GiphyI’ve shared before that there is someone in my world who gets so excited about Christmas that I almost want to see if there is a disorder linked to it. LOL. I mean from the start of October on, you are going to hear about her Christmas plans, plus, you are going to start seeing holiday décor up in her house — and she’s always been that way.
Because she knows that “I’m good” on Christmas, there have been times when she’s asked me if it’s because my parents divorced when I was young or if it’s because my family lives overseas or if it’s because I am not married and never had children. Shellie, you’re way too excited for your birthday for you to just…not care about Christmas. I think you might be suppressing something.
Good lord, girl. LOL. I’m excited for birthdays because another year of life in my right mind is a blessing. Christmas, personally, doesn’t make a ton of sense to me (especially to be spending a lot of cents) and so, I’ll pass. It’s really not any deeper than that. Besides, it’s not like I’m sitting in the dark somewhere on Christmas Day rocking back and forth in a corner. If anything, I really appreciate how quiet the world seems to be (both online and off) while everyone else is doing their thing. THANK YOU.
So yeah, if Christmas — or the holiday season, period — doesn’t have you jumping up and down, don’t let other people’s enthusiasm gaslight you into thinking that you should see a therapist. That said, for the record, if someone has mentioned depression to you, here are some signs that mental health professionals say are associated with holiday-related depression:
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Trouble sleeping
- Anxiety
- Tension
- Internalized frustration
- Feeling lonely and isolated
- Not doing any of the things that you typically enjoy
Do you see not wanting to go to a holiday party, opting out of Christmas shopping with a bunch of friends or preferring to not have any Christmas decorations up in your house on the list? Yeah, me neither. Moral to the story: Please don’t let people get you down by trying to manipulate you into thinking that if you aren’t like them, something must be wrong with you. During the holiday seasons or otherwise, chile.
Use This Time (Unapologetically) for Yourself
GiphyRemember how I just said that one of the things I damn near adore about Christmas is, since everyone is focused on their own families, I can get some real quality time to myself? Although a lot of things are closed on Christmas Day, you can still order a favorite meal the day before, turn off your phone and sleep in on Christmas Day and, if you want to get out and about — I don’t know about y’all but one of my favorite things is to go to the movies alone and movie theaters are always open on Christmas.
You know, I’ve shared before that I once interviewed a Jewish woman who was married to a Christian man. Together, they observe Chrismukkah and there is something that she said about it that has always stayed with me (paraphrased): “I don’t believe in Christmas but anything that can bring peace, joy and goodwill to humanity, even for a day, that is something that I can get behind.” I agree. And sometimes, what we need to remind ourselves is we need to set aside time to bring peace, joy and goodwill to ourselves. Use the holiday season to do that, if nothing else. You won’t regret it.
Do Private Things More than Public Ones
GiphyEven beyond Christmas, specifically, what if the entire holiday season is something that you’re pretty ho-hum about because things like mall traffic, stressed out relatives and the busyness of it all aren’t your favorite things? My two cents would be to not put your head under the covers and just wait for January 2 to arrive. Instead, opt out of big celebrations and do “calmer and quieter” things with some of your favorite people.
Since pretty much from a couple of days before Christmas until kids go back to school, folks are not on their “usual schedule,” go to brunch with your favorite aunt (or uncle), host a sleepover with a couple of girlfriends and/or Zoom one of your buddies to create vision boards for the new year.
Listen, just because you may not be in the traditional holiday spirit, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take advantage of the time that it offers for you to do some quality things with people you care about. Just you and them. No one else.
Create Your Own Traditions
GiphyNot into the 12 Days of Christmas? Pamper yourself for the week leading into the New Year. Don’t want a Christmas tree? Have some roses or poinsettias sent to your house. Couldn’t care less about a ball dropping on New Year’s Eve? Rent out a huge Airbnb New Year’s Eve and enjoy a change of scenery.
Y’all, just because the holiday season comes with its own traditions, there is no written rule which says that you have to follow them — or that you can’t come up with some of your own. Hell, if you put enough thought into this tip, you might look up and realize that you absolutely adore this time of year — just for a totally different set of reasons than most. Beautiful.
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