Sherri Shepherd Reminds Us Of The Real Problem With Interracial Dating
I'll never forget the day my then 13-year-old nephew told my family that he was dating a white girl, all hell broke loose.
The heavens fell and mountains moved as my mother and sister rolled their eyes into oblivion with disappointment. Now, to be fair, there were also rumors that the little girl's parents were witches, which was disturbing to say the least, but the real kicker was the fact that my nephew thought he could date interracially without catching any flack from the black women in my family.
Fast-forward to my junior year in college, when I brought home my boyfriend, who was very much white, and only caught sh*t about it from the men in my family. My mother and sister, who both had given my nephew hell for dating a white girl, said virtually nothing about my newest partner.
It's 2018, and although racial tensions have never been higher, I would like to think we've evolved far past the societal rules and concepts that existed when Emmett Till was alive. Black men and women alike are no longer beaten and persecuted for pursuing romantic interests outside of their race, and have the freedom to select a partner in whomever they choose.
Yet still, interracial dating is a vibrant subject of debate in our country. One that even celebrity TV host, Sherri Shepherd, has encountered in her own personal life. In a recent interview with The Breakfast Club, Sherri revealed that her preteen son was not interested in black girls. She told the hosts that she discovered this revelation after having a conversation with him about the girls at his school. She said:
"I am going through this thing, he likes these girls and … there's not that many little Black girls in his school … 'cause he came in and he said, 'Mommy, I like white girls' … The little Black girls get mean with him," she says of her 13-year-old son Jeffrey Charles Tarpley. "Like, sometimes they don't wanna speak. Sometimes they act crazy. And he's like, 'Why they act so crazy?' And I'm like, 'I don't know.' So I keep trying to tell the little girls to be nicer so he can come towards you. But the other girls see him and they go, 'Hey, Jeffery' and they wanna feel his hair."
She also said that her son mentioned that black girls "moved their neck" when they talked to him, implying a defect in their attitudes and way of expression.
When Sherri asked what to do about her personal conundrum, Charlamagne suggested that she surround him with more positive male figures while Angela Yee's solution involved presenting him with more representation of people that look like him. While both of their suggestions are valid, I'd like to propose a different remedy to Sherri's "problem."
Our societal views will remain tainted if we don't address misinformation and cut it down at the root. Sherri's "problem" is not in her son's wanting to date outside of his race, but in his innate negative perception of women of color.
Before we even have the chance to have our first menstrual cycles, we are labeled as angry, bitter, or as Sherri's son would say, "mean." There is a preconceived and false notion that black men date white women because of some defect that exists within women of color.
The truth is, love is love. And Sherri's son finding love in a young girl that is not black is not a problem to be resolved. The underlying mindset that black women can be fit into this infamous box of stereotypes is the real issue at hand.
Until we start addressing these truths and confronting falsely perceived ideologies about race, how can we really progress as a society?
When men make declarations that shun and ostracize black women, it's a reflection of how they feel about themselves. For this reason, when a man tells you he only dates one race of women, just know to run in the other direction.
I've been with a few white men that claim to only date black women, leading me to perceive there's a box he wants me to fit in, and if I do not, he may become disinterested.
To some, this distinction is preference. To me, it's discriminatory and perpetuates a need for some serious self-reflection.
All in all, Sherri's son is a preteen and this mindset is one he's sure to grow out of. The comments to his mom can't be taken literally, but are proof that it's time to change the way we think about race and interracial dating as a people.
We no longer live in a time where black men can be killed for pursuing a woman outside of their race. This change in times also means that it's time to get rid of stereotypical and inaccurate racial stereotypes that plague us from childhood.
Featured image by s_bukley / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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