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<p>It's always inspiring to hear a story of someone who has not only <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/lessons-success-black-women-talk-tech-conference/?rebelltitem=6" target="_blank">created their own opportunities</a>, but has won big by doing so. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/alicia.aes/?hl=en" target="_blank">Alicia Scott</a>, CEO and founder of <a href="https://rangebeauty.com/" target="_blank">Range Beauty</a>, is an avid researcher and savvy communicator who initially Googled her way into finding a solution to a problem that impacted not only her life, but the lives of other Black women: inclusive yet clean cosmetics. And her efforts took her to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-women-tech-industry/" target="_blank">business and bankable success</a>, turning $300 into $300,000 within the first three years of business.</p><p>The idea turned into a mission when Scott was working in the fashion industry and saw how Black models had to carry their own makeup kits because artists claimed they didn't have the tools to create looks on <a data-linked-post="2647528189" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-best-foundations-offering-range-for-dark-skin/" target="_blank">darker skin tones</a>. "It made me think of the lack of shades available to us. On top of that I was dealing with eczema and acne-prone skin, so I wanted a line that wouldn't irritate my skin," Scott said in an interview with xoNecole. </p><p>"That was in 2014, [when] there wasn't as much of a clean beauty trend [around] as there is now. So when I would look for alternatives, a lot of the products that would come up were very fair shades. In doing more research, I found out about the issues with Black women being exposed to twice the amount of toxic beauty products due to the lack of products for our skin tone. Just thinking about how those ingredients were tied to breast cancer and hormone disruption, I just really wanting to create a solution."</p>
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1Nzg5Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDg4Nzk0MX0.55WPUoUb7L6t-hU6nojdxD7co-vSooTmqd2_-so1FcY/img.jpg?width=980" id="cd46c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="60ad5bc64159491a7db8f18a87a4d34e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="2271" data-height="3024" />
Image courtesy of Alicia Scott
<h5>"I found out about the issues with Black women being exposed to twice the amount of toxic beauty products due to the lack of products for our skin tone. Just thinking about how those ingredients were tied to breast cancer and hormone disruption, I just really wanting to create a solution."</h5>Google Me, Baby
<p>Fast-forward to 2017. Scott knew she needed to do her research and used one of the best free resources available: the Internet. She was able to connect with a woman-owned manufacturer to help her create what she wanted to offer. "I didn't have the funds to work with a lab, so I skipped that step. I said, 'Well what can I do next?' I found a manufacturer by Googling what I wanted to create and came across a site called Cosmetic Index. It contains everything you'd need to start your brand. I knew I wanted one based solely in the U.S. and narrowed [the list] down to those that had detailed information. I then found her page, went through her website and Googled information about her. I called the number that was listed and went from there." </p><p>Scott's manufacturer already had experience in cultivating products for sensitive skin after personally dealing with the issue from a face surgery. "That was perfect because it was such a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-girl-sunscreen/" data-linked-post="2649863869" target="_blank">niche</a>. I was able to speak with her and tell her what I wanted to create and the mission behind my line, and then work with her to get the line started. I was using calendula flower and chamomile extract [for the eczema] as a way to avoid having to use steroids which was recommended by the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/girl-hair-camille-verovic-finding-balance/" data-linked-post="2648197782" target="_blank">dermatologist</a>. I want to be sure to keep oil at bay, so what can we use as an alternative. A lot of products that have mattifiers aren't great for our skin and can clog our pores so we talked about using French clay as an alternative. That's how everything started."</p><h5>A starter kit with Scott's final formulation was sent to her home, and on her living room floor, she was able to create multiple shades of brown foundation. She came up with packaging, registered an LLC, and in 2017, Skinny Dip Cosmetics was finally born. The initial cost for the soft launch: $300. Revenue came in at about $1,000 in the first three months, Scott recalled.</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NzkxMC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NDMwOTM3N30.r-0WCplP4b1EmFyLup_vfIYmhW4bh4JBzv6zlUe8vWM/img.jpg?width=980" id="4ed3e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="eaadee376d35f55662d2294adbb4a583" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="2271" data-height="2878" />
Image courtesy of Alicia Scott
Social Media For the Win
<p>Scott took the next step of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/alex-wolf-millennial-social-media/" data-linked-post="2615479979" target="_blank">building up a social media following</a>, using yet another free resource to build her customer base, further launching Twitter and Instagram accounts for the brand. "One day, I took a picture of the product and posted it on Twitter, and one of the major influencers at the time saw it and reposted it with [the phrase] 'This is what you call Range,' and it just blew up." </p><h5>She decided to close shop in order to rebrand and officially relaunched as Range Beauty in 2018. After the relaunch, revenues hit $20,000 and then went up to $45,000 by 2019. She was finally able to leave her 9-to-5 working in diversity and inclusion for a tech company, and by the end of 2020 she'd made $300,000 by the end of last year.<br></h5><p>How was she able to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/nichole-lynel-boss-up-interview/" data-linked-post="2634129265" target="_blank">scale</a> in such a way to see big wins? More research, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/arian-simone-keshia-knight-pulliam-fearless-fund/" data-linked-post="2640296542" target="_blank">pitch competition</a>s, and honest feedback. YouTube star Jackie Aina is behind a pivotal moment in Scott's journey to raise funds and continue <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/brand-strategist-erin-winters-boss-up/" data-linked-post="2641469291" target="_blank">building revenues</a>. She revealed, "[Years ago,] I was following YouTube mogul Jackie Aina, and she posted that she was doing a grant competition for Black founders. I think the first prize was $5,000, and I was like, 'OK that's something cool.'" </p><p>"That was my first time applying for a grant or even knowing what a pitch competition was. From there, I looked into what I needed to have ready. I was already an avid watcher of <em><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-lip-bar/" data-linked-post="2500788279" target="_blank">Shark Tank</a></em>, and I went online to search the commonly asked questions. After that, I applied, and I got into the competition. They flew us to L.A. and I pitched on her YouTube channel. I was one of two who won the grant."</p><p>After that, Scott said she got so much great feedback, that she kept applying for any grants she could, whether they were targeted to women-owned or Black-owned startups. It was at an event in Atlanta that she received direct feedback that led to a major pivot and more money for her business. </p><p>"[I participated] in a pitch competition with what is now called the <a href="https://www.fearless.fund/team" target="_blank">Fearless Fund, headed by Arian Simone</a>. At the time she was doing these individual pitch competitions. I applied, made it through the first two rounds, and then we went to the headquarters. I remember a judge saying, 'You have a good pitch and great energy, but when it comes down to your product, you're not telling us what sets you apart from your competitors.' At that time, Fenty had just launched, so me coming from this inclusive end saying, 'Oh we have all these shades,' and Rihanna launched with all these shades <em>and</em> had a whole campaign--- it's like, 'Oh, you can't really come from that angle anymore, so now what's next?'"</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Switch Up and Level Up
<p>Scott knew she had to shift her approach a bit to remain competitive and continue seeing success in getting <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/closing-gap-female-entrepreneurs/" data-linked-post="2644870693" target="_blank">capital</a>. She knew she didn't want to get business loans, and she also knew she wanted to be able to sustain her company's growth. After much thought, she finally had a light-bulb moment.</p><p>"At the time, I wasn't speaking to the fact that I created this brand with eczema and acne in mind and with skincare benefits. There wasn't anyone doing that <em>with</em> inclusivity at the time. Once I switched the messaging and started applying that, everything started taking off. I joined New Voices [Foundation] family very early on after seeing <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/melissa-butler-new-complexion-based-launch/" data-linked-post="2647774001" target="_blank">Melissa Butler</a> speaking on it. They would send emails that [informed subscribers] about different grant and pitch competitions and I'd just apply to all of them. I began tailoring my pitch and my application to the point where I was becoming a finalist. All in all I've received $50,000 in grant money, and I just received my first investment of $200,000 off of a pitch competition."</p><p>Range Beauty products can now be bought on the company's Website as well as in Target, a company whose relationship she's proudly maintained and cultivated since 2018. </p><img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NzkyOC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNjU3ODczN30.eCH07rtRGXR6zyeg3yoo8OCdwVqNsa4qF6-tqSTv3zU/img.jpg?width=980" id="4c76c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="73a0dd5bd7a8f8c36f9b21e1324cdfd1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="2379" data-height="1499" />
Image courtesy of Alicia Scott
<h5>"At the time, I wasn't speaking to the fact that I created this brand with eczema and acne in mind and with skincare benefits. There wasn't anyone doing that <em>with </em>inclusivity at the time. Once I switched the messaging and started applying that, everything started taking off. All in all I've received $50,000 in grant money, and I just received my first investment of $200,000 off of a pitch competition."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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<p>"[By 2019] they saw me at the Essence + Target Holiday Market, and they introduced me to the accelerator team. I applied, and I was accepted for the March 2020 class. Going through the program and just receiving the welcoming I did--- the excitement about what I created---and having them say we want you on Target.com or in store was pretty validating. Even though I knew what I was doing was great for Black women for the community, having such an authoritative figure like Target say this is amazing...it was a huge thing for me."</p><p>Also, Scott counts the exposure her company received during the Black Lives Matter movement as a huge catalyst for her <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/boost-sales-for-your-small-business/" data-linked-post="2633573611" target="_blank">business growth</a>. "To see our name pushed to the top of a lot of lists and receiving the exposure and having that followed up with different retailers reaching out, that was again, very validating. I ended 2019 and said, 'I want our sales to be at least 10K per month for 2020,' so ending the year at $300,000 in revenue was like, 'OK, this is what happens when I put myself behind this full force and full-time.'"</p><p><strong>Find more about <a href="https://rangebeauty.com/" target="_blank">Range Beauty</a> via their website or on IG <a href="https://www.instagram.com/range_beauty/?hl=en" target="_blank">@Range_Beauty</a>.</strong></p>
<p><em>Featured image courtesy of Alicia Scott</em><br/></p>From Your Site Articles
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Celebrity News
Ryan Coogler Credits His Wife For His Success, Says She Believed In His Potential
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<p><a data-linked-post="2518480188" href="https://www.xonecole.com/stop-making-me-your-relationship-goals-a-word-to-single-ladies-from-a-married-woman/" target="_blank">"Relationship goals"</a> is a term that is thrown around way too loosely these days. Mostly because there's levels to that shit, ladies. Buying an overpriced purse or shoe isn't a goal. Going on a vacation isn't a goal. And eating at some fancy place isn't a goal. Yes, each of these are nice, and yes, they all create memories for the two of you, butttttt you can do all the above with--or for--<em>anybody</em>. </p>
The real goal comes from investing into your partner's aspirations.
<p>Hear me out. </p><p><em>Black Panther</em> director Ryan Coogler knows a thing or two about blockbusters AND relationship goals. In 2013, he was included on <em>Time</em>'s list of the "30 People Under 30 Changing the World". His work has been hailed by critics for centering on often overlooked cultures and characters—most notably Black people. He has frequently collaborated with actor <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/michael-b-jordan-love-language-self-care/" data-linked-post="2641094440" target="_blank">Michael 'Bae' Jordan</a>, who has appeared in all of his feature films. And in 2018, he was named the runner-up of <em>Time's</em> "Person of the Year".</p><img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMDEwMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNjM2OTk2Nn0.rzZHOYjovlNyM8Z0mpzj8uvhH3EeRJz4CSLemJc4Ss0/img.gif?width=980" id="1beb6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="30dda0beea0c36e148b96879e6e5b98a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="476" data-height="266" />Giphy<p>Basically, he only looks to bring the culture forward--that is his passion. And with mega movies such a <em>Fruitvale Station</em>, <em>Creed</em>, and <em>Space Jam: A New Legacy</em> all under his belt, we can see this clear as day. After all, <em><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/why-black-panther-is-more-than-a-movie/" data-linked-post="2533136597" target="_blank">Black Panther</a></em> has grossed $1.3 BILLION worldwide. </p>
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But if you ask Coogler, himself, he'll tell you that he owes it all to his wife, Zinzi Evans.
<p>Back when Coogler was just a college student, playing football, and gearing up to fall back on going to medical school if becoming an athlete didn't work out, one of his teachers encouraged him to take up screenwriting, which he fell in love with. But as a broke college kid, he didn't have the resources to properly do the work. So instead, he'd type up scripts in Microsoft Word, which he described to the <em>Ebro in the Morning</em> radio show, as "impossible".</p><blockquote>"But then my wife, she was my girl at the time, they had a software where you could write screenplays. I was trying to write in Microsoft Word. It's impossible because your format gotta be right. I was broke, playing football on the little scholarship money. And my wife scrapped together some cheese and bought me Final Draft, which is the software that you write your movies on. And she got me that."</blockquote><div id="3e384" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6642bccab9fd4535129fa0b81604b8c4"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuCgR7UBNEa/"
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</div></blockquote></div><p>And since, the two have taken over Hollywood by partnering on projects, forming Proximity Media (production company), and <a href="https://deadline.com/2021/02/black-panther-ryan-coogler-wakanda-series-disney-plus-exclusive-disney-television-deal-proximity-media-1234684707/" target="_blank">signing lucrative heavyweight deals with Disney for television series</a>. And although the power couple keep their private life under wraps, they welcomed their first child in 2019. The couple hasn't revealed the sex of the child yet, Coogler is on record hoping for a little girl….well, multiple girls, actually. He told <em>The YBF:</em></p><blockquote>"I found I want daughters real, real bad. Like plural. I thought, making '<em>Fruitvale Station', </em>I want kids. But like, on this one, I have to have some daughters."</blockquote><p>Or basically, more little women that he can pour into, thanks to his wife believing in him. </p><p>--</p><p>So again, what are your relationship goals?</p>
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<h4>Are you a member of our insiders squad? <a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today</a>!<br/></h4><p><em>Featured image by <em>DFree / Shutterstock.com</em></em></p>Related Articles Around the Web
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<p>Navigating <a data-linked-post="2649770505" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-is-a-demiromantic/" target="_blank">romantic relationships</a> has been quite challenging in this season. The ongoing pandemic has created bridges apart from our loved ones–whether we live with them or not. The ongoing uncertainty based on the time we're living in has just brought on more anxiety, depression, and <a data-linked-post="2577260699" href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-periods-of-isolation-can-help-you-heal-evolve/" target="_blank">isolation</a>. </p><p>There is so much <a href="https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2020/08/13/the-pandemics-toll-on-relationships" target="_blank">data</a> out there saying the pandemic has either torn people apart or brought them closer together. Our whole lives got flipped over a year ago, which has caused a lot of friction for people to face their <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/overly-argumentative-sign-of-insecurity/" target="_blank">insecurities</a> and underlying issues in their relationships. </p><p>For many people, this is the first time they have paused to address specific areas in their lives and question their intentions in every category in their lives. And often, when people see the things they have to work on, they may choose to push the other person out because it's what feels safe to them versus opening up and trying to work on things as a team. </p><p><strong>Here is a run-through of some of the major issues many romantic relationships are facing and some tips for <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/three-c-s-of-healthy-relationships/" target="_blank">improving your love lives</a> during these challenging times. </strong></p>
The major issues couples are facing during the pandemic:
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY5MTcwOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3Njg4NDYzN30.kqMMwArHL6SAFLEH1iat1z5nUsOGbFSjBo4Kt0TFqzM/img.gif?width=980" id="1a1f8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="3cb51639395383a400413782afacdf7f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="200" />couple yell GIF by Cam'ronGiphy<p>One of the unique factors that keep recycling itself during the pandemic is simultaneous <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/stressed-out-here-are-10-steps-towards-immediate-calm-tranquility/" data-linked-post="2629636029" target="_blank">stress</a>. Most times in relationships, both individuals aren't dealing with stress coming at them from every angle, so it allows one person to be more supportive while the other person is trying to process the next chapter in their lives. However, COVID has made it challenging for both partners<em>—</em>whether they face <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-apply-unemployment-benefits/" data-linked-post="2645670723" target="_blank">job loss</a>, which adds to financial stress, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/support-your-loved-one-depression/" data-linked-post="2639612127" target="_blank">losing a loved one</a> due to COVID or any other health condition, and having limited or no access to engage with other people and events to attend to take their minds off their issues for a moment.</p><p>I asked differentiation-focused therapist <a href="https://www.choosingtherapy.com/paul-roy-taylor/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Dr. Paul-Roy Taylor</a>, from mental health start-up <a href="https://www.choosingtherapy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Choosing Therapy</a>, how he would advise dealing with simultaneous stress this season. His perspective was quite informative. "A little compassion goes a long way, which is easier when the stress is unrelated to the relationship. It's important to recognize no one signed up for this brand of coupling: together all the time, no external stimuli, no friends, working from home. It'd almost be unusual if stress levels weren't high right now. </p><h5>"Start by separating those things that are actually within your control from those that aren't, then take a look and see which stressors you control as a couple, followed by talking about those particular concerns with your partner. This will help you diffuse the stress in the right directions while freeing you to focus on the stressors that are yours to bear and trying to disregard the ones that no amount of worry is going to fix."</h5><p>The keyword is <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/things-to-expect-from-friendships/" data-linked-post="2634800715" target="_blank">compassion</a> because it's hard on everyone in this season. I know it's hard to be completely mindful regarding your approach to being present for your loved one, but the best you can do is try to be gentle and understanding as you'd like them to be for you. It's that <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/knowing-partners-love-language/" target="_blank">little effort </a>that will take both of you a long way.</p><p>Many people are also dealing with the<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/habits-of-happy-couples/" target="_blank"> lack of healthy boundaries</a> during this season. Boundaries are essential because it allows individuals to deal with things first by themselves to function in their relationships. Due to the limited outside support systems like seeing family and friends to balance our emotional and mental headspaces, couples are now forced to rely only on each other for <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-exactly-is-relational-anxious-attachment-style/" target="_blank">everything</a><em>—</em>which can add a lot of pressure and conflict to their union. Our amplified home lives leave very little room to separate work life, time for yourself, and couple time which interferes with maintaining a balanced routine.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Tips for maintaining a healthy relationship during the pandemic:
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY5MTcxMS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3NzIyNjYzM30.8HlYBPb-UwgaOhLaTQCMQXbpAJG9xU-3ncw6HyRnLCQ/img.gif?width=980" id="28aa1" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="132441a4554d44acb7e23868cab3c43e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="400" data-height="275" />high five tracee ellis ross GIF by HULUGiphy<p>Believe it or not, communication is the most essential aspect of any and every relationship. During this season, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/gabrielle-union-on-quieting-the-noise-finding-a-way-out/" data-linked-post="2647523599" target="_blank">anxiety</a>, stress, and depression are incredibly high and often lead couples to having more negative emotional reactions and arguments. And because tension is so high, it can lead to couples withdrawing from being more intentionally open about how they're doing and feeling on a daily basis.</p><p>I asked Dr. Taylor how he would advise individuals in relationships to communicate more mindfully or intentionally when they <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/couples-communication-mistakes/" data-linked-post="2640275822" target="_blank">struggle with communication</a> how they feel often. He mentioned a few insightful tips. "That's usually a problem with fear of conflict, the need for <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/when-your-feelings-arent-validated/" data-linked-post="2650032971" target="_blank">validation</a>, a desire to keep the peace, trouble tolerating anxiety around difficult conversations, or some form of all four. </p><h5>"I advise people to try out new communication skills with people they don't care about and work up. It's much easier to start working on <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-listen-to-partner-better/" data-linked-post="2646273764" target="_blank">communication skills</a> when the stakes are low since you'll be building up your tolerance for when it really matters."</h5><p>We all have topics we aren't as fond of speaking about in a relationship, but it's essential to actively deal with the issues versus suppressing them and having them blow up in the future because you're choosing to avoid it for temporary comfort. Life has been hectic as hell to get through, but we have to continue to seek new ways to support each other actively. Being mindful of our intentions is the root of our beginning to make things better, and it starts with being open to talking about how we can <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/ray-and-roslyn-singleton-marriage/" target="_blank">support one another</a>. Instead of hanging on to every word your partner is saying, lead with being a good listener and stop taking things personally<em>—</em>constructive criticism is the backbone to our growth.</p><p>Set up a clear routine to help add some form of structure to help motivate each other. Pencil in work time, you time, us time, and try your best to maintain those boundaries to help each other thrive in this season. If you're in a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/make-long-distance-relationships-work-tips/" target="_blank">long-distance relationship</a>, make sure you and your partner are staying on track with your <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/facetime-date-wasnt-weird/" target="_blank">FaceTime dates</a>, whether daily or every other day. There are still many ways you can grow together, read books, watch movies and shows, play online games, or work out together on FaceTime.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Tips for couples interested in exploring couples counseling:
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<p>The pandemic has added many news issues in relationships, and it has also amplified existing problems. Some individuals are having a rough time dealing with how to deal with personal issues while still being present in their relationship. "It's important to differentiate a pure couple's problem from a problem that's affecting the couple," said Dr. Taylor. "Is each person a participant in this problem, such as with sexual foreclosure or boredom? Or is it that one person is having an issue, such as anxiety, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/mental-health-impacts-sex-life/" data-linked-post="2645881138" target="_blank">depression</a>, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/lower-stress-levels-at-work/" data-linked-post="2646439386" target="_blank">stress management</a>, etc., and it's affecting the relationship? For couples problems, I do not advise individual therapy. I would suggest that unless it is a purely mental health issue, individuals should endeavor to solve relationship problems in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/xx-reasons-why-women-and-men-should-go-to-counseling/" data-linked-post="2638991411" target="_blank">couples therapy</a> and not individually with their own therapist. </p><h5>"After all, what do you have to say about your relationship that a therapist deserves to hear, but your partner doesn't? That sounds like avoiding intimacy to me. And it certainly doesn't help to be in both couples therapy and individual therapy if you just keep the peace in couples and then go talking behind your partner's back about the real stuff to your individual therapist, which is most often what happens."</h5><p>You can pick and choose when you want to be open with friends, but transparency in a relationship is necessary all the time. Even when we have good intentions, and they end up making our partner feel bad, we have to choose to work through it <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-differences-between-compromise-and-sacrifice-in-a-relationship/" target="_blank">together</a>. This is why couples therapy can take the lead with learning how to hear each other more effectively and learn how to support each other in rough times. </p><p>I asked Dr. Taylor what advice he had for couples that are having a tough time in this season that are open to seeking couples therapy but aren't sure it can <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/repair-damage-friend-fight/" data-linked-post="2646045133" target="_blank">repair their relationship</a> or maybe are just afraid of being vulnerable with a stranger. As per usual, he had some gems to share. </p><p>"The goal of couples therapy isn't to repair the relationship. It's not about supergluing you both together regardless of circumstances. Largely the first step in couples therapy is getting the partners to make a decision about whether they even want to try to be together. It's very common that one person sitting in the room has already left in their head, and they're just going through the motions. The second step is to agree on what the problem is. Couples don't always walk in on the same page with that issue. So I would say if you're considering going into couples therapy, if at a minimum, you have a goal of gaining a better understanding of what you each want in a relationship and a partner, as well as what kind of partner you want to be. </p><h5>"If you go in with that <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/simple-mindset-shifts-change-life/" data-linked-post="2644890665" target="_blank">mindset</a>, it has a high degree of success—if not now, then in preparing you for couplehood down the line. It also helps you succeed because it does not depend on what your partner does in terms of how they handle themselves in couples therapy and their willingness to engage in the process."</h5><p>I know times are rough for all of us in some way or form, but I just want us to take our time with ourselves and our significant others. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/dating-relationship-2020/" target="_blank">Tread lightly</a> and lead with trying to understand first rather than pointing the finger at your partner. We can't win being opponents; we can only win as a team to celebrate our shared victory.</p><p><strong>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">xoTribe Members Community</a> today!</strong></p><div class="ad-tag">
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<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em><br/></p>From Your Site Articles
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Culture & Entertainment
Regina King Supporting Andra Day's Golden Globe Win Is Peak Black Girl Magic
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<p>I'm not sure how many times I can say that we don't deserve <a data-linked-post="2649947045" href="https://www.xonecole.com/regina-king-one-night-in-miami/" target="_blank">Regina King</a> on this here platform, but here is one more: we don't deserve her. At all. She is a whole, live goddess out here, which she has shown time and time again. And her sustainability and <a data-linked-post="2640970166" href="https://www.xonecole.com/regina-king-comfort-zones-dreams-go-to-die/" target="_blank">longevity in this game</a> proves this to be true. </p>
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<p>Please check on me later, guys. I am not OK. *sobs*</p><p>--</p><p>This may be Andra's first major role since bursting on the scene with her song, "<a href="https://youtu.be/lwgr_IMeEgA" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Rise Up</a>". But to be embraced this way by the one and only Ms. King, lets me know that we'll see her in many, MANY, more.<br></p><p>Congrats, Andra!</p><p><strong>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">xoTribe Members Community</a> today!</strong></p>
<p>In her latest act of magical being, Ms. King set her sights on <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/andra-day-skincare-routine/" data-linked-post="2650594107" target="_blank">Andra Day</a>, who is coming off a high of playing the legendary blues singer, Billie Holiday in <em>United States vs. Billie Holiday</em>, had just became the second Black woman in history to win the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/viola-davis-to-play-michelle-obama/" data-linked-post="2650813517" target="_blank">Golden Globe</a> for 'Best Actress In A Motion Picture - Drama', and King and her dog, Cornbread, crashed her on-air interview with <em>Access Hollywood</em>'s Scott Evans to celebrate. The rest went down in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/books-black-joy/" data-linked-post="2650133913" target="_blank">black joy</a> history books. </p>
<div id="92043" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="cc47d35e58570e47194c203ec6883752"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CL8RKvFgYGq/"
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</div></blockquote></div><p>I am literally tearing up right now. </p><p>Any who, the reaction was captured by the cameras, which Day uploaded to her Instagram account with the caption:</p><blockquote>"kept tryna come up wit a caption for dis but I jus...u inspire me n ur love soooooo real! livin legend, brilliant <a href="https://www.instagram.com/iamreginaking/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">@iamreginaking</a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/onenightinmiami/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">#onenightinmiami</a>"</blockquote><p>King, who was up for her own Golden Globe for Best Director for the movie <em>One Night in Miami...</em>, didn't give one damn, as she went to support, cheer, and love on, Andra. Just imagine all of the conversations between the two that caused them to celebrate this way. Love to see it!</p><p>And everyone loved it just as much as I did!</p>
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From the movie’s IG page:
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMDYxNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNTMxNTUyOX0.e-x1g9Lv62p9vKayHrAvMUQtcmZDUAD2mh5a2TJPRd8/img.jpg?width=980" id="df168" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2053dad183bcf53ad3d74bb91274f7cf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="828" data-height="134" />To those who are well-aware that they’re queens:
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMDYxNy9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzA1NzMxOH0.nxN0WLARK1vlllShi_IN7rt0hGsFFkGIqutUlgyuxYI/img.jpg?width=980" id="b7393" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e724cb61aebcbcec44e86ef5b510f531" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="828" data-height="214" /><div class="ad-tag">
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To those who felt they were there:
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMDYyMC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1ODY5NjgwN30.t2S88MMX_VzH531KQXXTOPEtcZ7iwbyhGhChNmmM31A/img.jpg?width=980" id="5fa74" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6e5d9cdb842e3249a086a526ddec369c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="828" data-height="174" />And even Scott Evans tapped in:
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<p><em>Featured image GIF via Access Hollywood</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p class="">Sometimes, it really is crazy that no matter <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/simple-ways-to-improve-sleep/" target="_blank">how much sleep I get</a> (I pretty much make it a priority to get no less than six hours every night), I can still end up feeling mad tired. Sometimes, it's right when I wake up, other times it's <a data-linked-post="2645981874" href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-overcome-a-midday-slump/" target="_blank">around lunchtime</a>. I work from home, so while I do know that it can ever hurt a sistah <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/incorporating-a-nap-into-your-daily-could-make-you-more-productive/" target="_blank">get a catnap in</a> on the regular, I've gotta admit that sometimes, even that isn't enough. Since I don't wanna walk around feeling worn out and weary all of the time, I decided to do a little research.</p><p>If you read the title of this article and was like, "Yeah. Why <em>is</em> that?", while I don't promise to provide all of the answers, I'm hoping that this will at least point you into the direction of connecting some dots, so that you can go throughout your day <a data-linked-post="2646161764" href="https://www.xonecole.com/put-your-mental-health-first/" target="_blank">feeling energized</a> instead of drained (because feeling drained sucks).</p>
Some Pretty Common Causes of Fatigue
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1OTI1OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTM3MTgyMH0.wHnM252hzEhFIw_-mrY2_gDypuHIwYFz5pQAi7-sACc/img.gif?width=980" id="a0aae" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5a9f48be47a0f8e56645799b512d44fb" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="281" /> <p>So, what exactly is <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-you-need-mental-health-day/" data-linked-post="2628217235" target="_blank">fatigue</a>? It's when you are constantly feeling tired or exhausted, sometimes with no clear understanding of why. When it comes to what causes this to happen, there are a variety of things. Sometimes it's due to not getting enough rest (if you're getting less than six on the regular, that's not good, wise or healthy; try and make sleep a top priority). If you are anemic or borderline anemic, this can sho 'nuf zap your energy. Allergy season is a huge fatigue trigger.<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/big-sean-depression-mental-health/" target="_self"> Depression</a> or<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/all-natural-ways-calm-anxiety/" target="_self"> anxiety</a> is another one (because it's hard to relax and rest when you're feeling low or your mind is working into overtime). </p><p><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-women-heart-disease/" data-linked-post="2581595775" target="_blank">Heart disease</a> is yet another cause of fatigue. Did you know that food allergies are as well? That actually makes a lot of sense because, since food is designed to fuel us, if your body rejects it for some reason, how do you get the nutrients that you need? An underactive thyroid, diabetes and a poor diet are also things that can lead to you feeling tired all of the time. Oh—so can a lack of exercise because when your body becomes lethargic, that can also fatigue you.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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When Should You See a Doctor?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1OTI2My9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzOTQ2NDgxMn0.izscTfU4wy3hqrMCnfPHp6hDmNVIGN43bsOq_MnxoIw/img.gif?width=980" id="b27ec" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="197e6a2228ed2a0bc5037d4107d50853" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="420" data-height="367" /> <p>The reason why it's so important to know the various (main) causes of fatigue is so you can decipher what you can do on your own vs. when you need the help of a medical professional. In a sec, I will share some energy restoration hacks that can help you to get closer to your goal of feeling revived again. </p><h5>However, if after a couple of weeks, none of those things work and/or you've got symptoms like unexplained weight loss, shortness of breath, body inflammation, numbness, blurry vision, nonstop headaches or migraines, constant muscle weakness or cramping—all of these point to indications that there could be an underlying health issue that you may not be aware of.</h5><p>Make an appointment with your physician as soon as possible, so that they can run tests and let you know for sure what is going on. Also, if your doctor does offer up a clean bill of health, it can't hurt to schedule a session or two with a reputable therapist/counselor/coach. Sometimes physicians aren't able to pick up on emotional stress or trauma and that also could be a reason why you are feeling the way that you do. </p><p>Mental health is vital when it comes to feeling energized too. Make it a priority as well. Now for the DIY hacks.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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10 Quick Hacks for Restoring Your Energy Levels
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1OTI2NC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODcwNTc2M30.3fa8IJWOApMHnJhJp1mVLfELtZdrT2nXlaEF2Vk1Gso/img.gif?width=980" id="42efc" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="789d0c424d10fb9944587bb51fa50491" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" /> <p><strong></strong><strong>1. Pay attention to your posture.</strong> Here's something that's interesting. Did you know that if you slouch it can make you tired? The reality is that when your bones are in alignment, it makes your muscles do much less work which means that your body, overall, is less weary. So, sit up straight in that office and chair. Watch the burst of energy that this one shift in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/women-daily-vitamin-supplement-routine/" data-linked-post="2650290576" target="_blank">your daily routine</a> is able to provide.</p><p><strong>2. Watch your sugar and caffeine intake. </strong>If sugar and caffeine are the two things that you rely on in order to get the energy boosts that you need, they actually could be working against you rather than for you, long-term. The reality is that sugar causes your blood sugar level to spike and then tank (which is why you can be hyper one moment and exhausted the next). As far as caffeine goes, while it has the ability to temporarily suppress your body's sleeping mechanism, it doesn't actually "produce" energy at all. This is one of the reasons why, if you're tired, you can oftentimes find yourself needing more and more of it throughout the day. Sugar and caffeine are "fixes", not a real solution. You'd be better off checking out our article, "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/in-a-bad-mood-these-foods-will-lift-your-spirits/" target="_blank">In A Bad Mood? These Foods Will Lift Your Spirits!</a>" and snacking on something from there instead.</p><p><strong>3. Sniff some citrus essential oil. </strong>Sometimes, we underestimate our sense of smell. That said, if you're looking for an immediate midday pick-me-up, something that you might want to try doing is putting some citrus (sweet orange or lemon) essential oil on a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/pressure-points-massage-best-sex/" data-linked-post="2645644290" target="_blank">pressure point</a> like your temples or your wrists. It's the kind of oil that can enhance your mood and invigorate you. Just make sure that if you put it on your face that you dilute it a bit with a carrier oil like sweet almond or grapeseed; sometimes essential oils are a little on the strong side.</p><p><strong>4. Take several online breaks.</strong> I semi-recently<a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk/4471607.stm" target="_blank"> checked out an article</a> that said "infomania" can actually cause our IQ level to drop. </p><h5>The reality is that constantly checking emails and being on social media can overwhelm our mental circuits and totally zap our energy. This is why it's a good idea to take several online breaks throughout the day and to set firm "off hours" at night.</h5><p> Whatever is happening out in cyberspace will be there when you return. Trust me.</p><p><strong>5. Chew some gum. </strong>A lot of us chew gum simply because we like the taste of it. But there are actual benefits that come with putting a piece of it into your mouth. Gum has been proven to reduce anxiety and stress levels, increase your alertness, help you to focus better and, because a minty flavor has the ability to stimulate blood flow as well as your senses, chewing something like peppermint or wintergreen gum can actually make you more alert too.</p><p><strong>6. Spend some time outside.</strong> First up, indoor air pollution is oftentimes 3-5 times worse than the pollution that is outside. Taking in too much "yuck" can drain you, off top. Also, there is a pretty common connection between low energy levels and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/easy-immune-boosting-hacks/" data-linked-post="2647479493" target="_blank">Vitamin D deficiency</a>. Since the sun is a great source of Vitamin D, that's why spending some time outdoors, perhaps during your lunch break, is such a good idea.</p><p><strong>7. Turn the temperature up a bit. </strong>This might be an ah-ha moment for you. </p><h5>Did you know that when the temperature drops around us, that causes our body temperature to fall as well which sends our system a cue that it's time to go to sleep (that actually provides good insight into why bears hibernate)? </h5><p>At nighttime, this doesn't matter much but if you're feeling chilly throughout the day, turning the thermostat up a degree or two might help you to yawn a little less.</p><p><strong>8. Eat some honey. </strong>I'm a big fan of honey for a lot of reasons (check out "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-great-reasons-manuka-honey-is-the-ultimate-beauty-find/" target="_blank">Manuka Honey Is The Ultimate Beauty Find</a>"). The reason why it's a stellar energy hack is because honey is an unrefined sugar that can be easily absorbed into your system. And since carbs are what cultivate energy, it can only benefit you to take in a teaspoon of honey on the days when you feel super out of it.</p><p><strong>9. Don't suppress your feelings.</strong> Last fall, when I wrote the article, "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/youre-tired-types-of-rest-you-need/" target="_blank">You're Tired AF. But What Kind Of Rest Do You Need?</a>", it explored some of the kinds of rest we need in order to feel our best selves. Well, something that I discovered about myself was that during my own fatigue moments, oftentimes it was emotionally related. Because I used to be somewhat codependent, I would sometimes stress over relationships and that would be draining. </p><h5>While there is definitely something to be said for being polite, respectful and using good timing in sharing what's on your mind, if you feel weighed down on the mental tip, this too could be the cause of your tiredness. Get that ish off of your chest. You'll sleep so much soundly if/once you do.</h5><p><strong>10. Have a set bedtime.</strong> OK, raise your hand if you've got a scheduled bedtime. If you don't, that could be another reason why you're tired all of the time. By going to bed at the same time every night, it keeps your body's internal clock in great shape. This, in turn, makes it easier to fall asleep and wake up the next morning. I get that if you've got a work deadline or children, this may not always be possible. However, if you're sacrificing sleep for Netflix or Black Twitter, it's really not worth it. Create a schedule, read a book for about 20 minutes before the time you decide to go to sleep (reading poetry, non-dramatic non-fiction, Scripture, etc. has a way of settling the spirit) and watch how much better you feel. It's a proven hack that can give you a boost of energy. I can vouch for it personally.</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em><br/></p>From Your Site Articles
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