
Nia Long has been serving aging-like-fine-wine goals for women for over two decades as we watched the actress grace the big screen in some of our favorite movies.
But off-screen, her love life remained a mystery until she began dating Ime Udoka, a former assistant coach of the San Antonio Spurs. Last year, the 44-year-old actress got engaged to Ime, while putting a stamp on the career-life balance most women desire.
This will be Nia's first marriage, after being in no rush to walk down the aisle before. As a matter of fact, back in 2013 during the promo for The Best Man Holiday, the mother-of-two opened up about the pressures career women of a certain age have placed on themselves to get hitched, as well as the burden of guilt those same ladies often carry when wondering whether or not they chose career over family:
"I think that women who are extremely driven to success, ambitious, I think they get to a point in their lives where they're like, 'Uh oh. I am 30-something years old, and I don't have a husband and I don't have children yet and what does that mean?' I think what it means is stay in your course because it's going to happen when it's supposed to happen. "It doesn't happen for everyone at the same time, so you can't compare your life to someone else's."
And although Nia encouraged the act of "doing you" while your love life falls into place, the star also made sure to point out the importance of being aware of love, and not pushing a potentially good thing away either:
"You have to have an open heart to be vulnerable to accept it when it does come. I think the more success you have as a woman, you kinda go, 'Well, I don't really need a man 'cause look: I have everything I want,' but the truth is you do need a partner because at some point in your life you're not going to want to walk alone."
[Tweet "You have to have an open heart to be vulnerable and accept love when it does come"]
That's certainly a refreshing way to see things. Career women are often praised for their ability to run successful business or climb the career ladder, but are hardly praised for their ability to remain focused during the time it took to reach a certain level of success. Sometimes that focus might include sacrifices and placing a few things on hold (i.e: holding off on starting a family until later). Quite often when a 30-plus woman is accomplished yet still single, people will use the very thing they praised her for, against her- which was her drive to ensure success and a safety net for herself.
A top-ranking male CEO of a fortune-500 company in his 40's might be regarded as one of the "youngest in his position," plus no one says a word if he hasn't married yet. But if it were a woman, although she'd get applauded on the work tip, she'd be pretty much written off as ancient for all else. We guess that's where the perception of having a "biological clock" that's ticking sets in.
Nia's engagement and her optimism is definitely hope for the new modern, working woman who is here for the dollars and the diamond (ring, that is- aka love!)
Patience truly is a virtue!
Congrats to Nia!
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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The Acne Expert-Approved Skincare Routine This Author Swears By
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
For historian and influencer Blair Imani, beauty is in the details. Because she never really had acne outside of the occasional zit, she never really saw the importance of creating a skincare routine. However, the year 2020 marked a change for her and the way she approached taking care of her skin. “I had to make peace with the fact that I was getting acne in my adulthood,” she recalls. “It made me step back and realize that I was not taking care of myself, and I was putting a lot of value in whether or not I had acne. Choosing to confront that insecurity and focus on recognizing my beauty despite what I’d been taught has made all the difference.”
In addition to a newly implemented skincare regimen, the Los Angeles-based creator takes care of herself through her anxiety and ADHD medications, prayer, stretching, reciting mirror affirmations, and intentional forms of self-care. She tells xoNecole, “Self-care for me has been shifting to adding more plant-based proteins to my diet and pausing before I react to things. I’ve been learning the importance of amplifying the good instead of shouting at the bad and trying to apply that in my work.”
As an author, self-expression is something Imani knows a thing or two about. In our conversation, the 28-year-old recalls leaning into makeup at the age of five. Whereas her peers had parents who stigmatized makeup, her parents fostered her freedom of creativity and self-expression through makeup. It would eventually lead to one of her most significant beauty lessons: “You can just wear lipstick. You don’t need to wear a full face of foundation and concealer to justify it.” For Imani’s biggest beauty lesson to be centered on lipstick is quite the alignment as the woman behind the best-selling book, Read This to Get Smarter, has also created a beauty line where lipstick is the star of the show.
The Blair Imani x Fempower Beauty Smarter Lip Sets launched early last month and is a collection of matte/dewy lip color duos that include bold shades, nude shades, as well as shades paired with affirmations of mirror decals. Her favorites from the collection? “For a basic [shade], it’s 'Self,' and for a statement, it’s 'Ubuntu.' But my must-have is 'Ujamaa' which is our bold scarlet red with a message about resource sharing and cooperative economics.”
Kaelan Barowsky
Courtesy of Blair Imani
Imani shares about entering the beauty space with her own collection, “It was so aligned. It didn’t feel like a departure, it felt like a continuation of my work in a new arena.” She continued, “Turning it into a business partnership that was mutually beneficial and was helping folks to get smarter through the medium of lipstick was an obvious path forward.”
Keep scrolling for more insight into Blair Imani’s morning and night skincare routines.
Blair Imani’s A.M. Skincare Routine Looks Like…
Step One: Double Cleanse
Face Reality L-Mandelic Face and Body Wash
Face Reality Skincare
“In the morning, I start with a double cleanse. I use Face Reality’s Ultra Gentle Cleanser first and follow that with the Face Reality L-Mandelic Face and Body Wash. I love that these are a gentle way to remove excess oil. At first, I was on the fence about washing my face twice, but it actually helps because I need different kinds of oil removal.”
Step Two: Tone
Face Reality Calming Facial Toner
Face Reality Skincare
“I follow that with my Face Reality Calming Facial Toner, which I have in a spray bottle and spritz on my face. Sometimes I mix it with the Thayers Cucumber Facial Toner. I love how they make my skin feel refreshed and hydrated.”
Step Three: Moisturize
Bloom Effects Royal Tulip Moisturizing Nectar
Bloom Effects
“I also add the Royal Tulip Moisturizing Nectar from Bloom Effects for moisture. It’s really gentle and I love how my skin feels after I’ve let it soak in.”
Step Four: Lip Care
Smarter Lip Set "The Nudes"
Fempower Beauty
“I make sure to put on a Smarter Lip Set even if it’s one of the sheer glosses because of the hydrating hyaluronic acid that Fempower infused into the formula. Don’t forget that lip care is part of skincare too!”
Blair Imani’s P.M. Skincare Routine
Step Five: Acne & Spot Treatment
Face Reality Sulfur Spot Treatment
Face Reality Skincare
“In the evening, I do my exact morning routine, but I add in two products: the Face Reality 10% Acne Med and the Face Reality Sulfur Spot Treatment. I love putting these on in the evening so that they have time to take effect while I’m sleeping. Then, I wake up and I do it all again!”
Featured image by Kaelan Barowsky, illustration by Kyra Jay
Originally published on April 13, 2022