Cuffing season is upon us, ladies and gentlemen and we are rapidly approaching the prime time of the year for Netflix and Chilling.
There are approximately two months left in the year and now is the time to get your 2020 intentions all the way together, but in the midst of preparing for your rebirth for the new year, it's never a bad idea to catch up on some up on some of the new and Black AF content on Netflix.
Whether it's with your boo, your bestie, or by your own damn self, xoNecole has the perfect list of flicks to add to your watchlist this November.
Bebe’s Kids (Nov 21)Giphy
We don’t die, we multiply! If you’ve never called someone a “bebe’s kid” then you might want to turn Netflix on and watch this 90s classic. It was just added to their November lineup making it the perfect addition before Thanksgiving.
Sparkle (Nov. 1)
We got to see our fairy godmother in her very last role before her untimely death in this reboot of an old school classic. Starring Whitney Houston, Jordin Sparks, and Tika Sumpter, Sparkle tells the story of a young girl from Detroit with dreams of becoming a star.
Superfly (Nov. 1)
I was today years old when I learned that Trevor Jackson looks so damn good with a perm and I'll take two, please. This 2018 crime drama remake stars Trevor Jackson and Jason Mitchell as Atlanta-based drug kingpins who find themselves in more trouble than they can handle.
Love Jones (Nov. 1)
I'ma let y'all finish, but Love Jones was one of the most iconic love stories of all time. More than 20 years after the date of its release, the film has held its ground as truly necessary and essential to the culture, and much to our delight, the film is finally making its way to the streaming platform on November 1st.
Paid in Full (Nov. 1)
Paid in Full
Based on the 1987 hip-hop track by Eric B. and Rakim, Paid in Full is another underrated classic that we didn't know we needed back in our lives. On Nov. 1, you can relive all of the nostalgia of this 2002 crime drama in real-time.
Cleopatra Jones (Nov. 1)
Netflix did not come to play with it's throwback selection of films this month, and the 1973 Blaxploitation action-comedy hit, Cleopatra Jones is here to give you the ultimate boost of feminism and style inspiration that you've been needing this fall.
Getting Played (Nov. 1)
This 2005 romantic comedy stars Vivica A. Fox, Carmen Electra, and Stacey Dash as a group of friends who decide to play a game of seduction on a stranger (Bill Bellamy).
King's Ransom (Nov. 1)
Before his hit role as Dre Johnson on Black-ish, he starred as a rich, arrogant divorcee who finds himself all the way f*cked up after staging his own kidnapping and being betrayed by his partners in crime.
American Son (Nov. 1)
This Broadway play-turned-Netflix Original tells the story of an estranged couple who are forced to put aside their differences after the disappearance of their teenaged son.
Burning Cane (Nov. 6)
As the winner of three awards at the 2019 Tribeca Film Festival, Burning Cane was written and directed by 19-year-old filmmaker, Phillip Youmans, and is set in rural Louisiana. In a story about faith, addiction, and redemption, this young cinemetographer's debut is sure to get you all the way in your feelings.
Let It Snow (Nov. 8)
With Christmas time approaching, its understandable to get a touch of the Holiday blues, but Shameik Moore's new rom-com will definitely get you in the spirit.
The Great British Baking Show: Holidays Season Two (Nov. 8)
Tis' almost the season for milk and cookies and this British baking competition has you covered with brand new holiday special.
Nailed It! Holiday: Season Two (Nov. 22)
Nicole Byers and her crew make failing funny AF and the gang is back together for the holiday edition of the Netflix original cooking competition, Nailed It. Featuring hilarious guest stars and even more hilarious kitchen mishaps, the search is on for America's Best Worst Cook on November 22.
Holiday Rush (Nov. 28)
Starring Romany Malco, La La Anthony, and Deon Cole, this holiday comedy tells the story of a radio DJ and his four spoiled children who, after losing his job, are forced to forfeit their lavish lifestyle.
Atlantics (Nov. 29)
Directed by the first Black female director to ever compete at the Cannes Atlantique (and win), this supernatural drama is a "ghost love story" that is inspired by the real-life experiences of Senegalese migrants.
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Featured image Love Jones
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
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What Are Intrusive Thoughts & How Do We Manage Them?
TW: some depictions of intrusive thoughts may be disturbing for readers.
Have you ever caught your mind drifting off to entertain the most disturbing scenarios imaginable? Maybe you can’t stop thinking of all the ways a loved one could pass away or worrying that you left every candle lit in your apartment to which you’d return to a home in ruins. If distressing ruminations like these have crossed your mind, you may be experiencing an intrusive thought.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted or distressing thoughts, images, or impulses that pop into your mind without your control or consent. These thoughts can be repetitive, unsettling, or even violent in nature, and can cause anxiety and frustration for those who experience them.
“Generally they're unwanted thoughts that come up in our head that interrupt what we're doing or thinking, and can feel very foreign,” says Adia Gooden, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and host of the Unconditionally Worthy podcast. “It’s any thought that intrudes or interrupts what you are doing. They can be distressing and upsetting for us because it feels like we are not in control of them, and they're coming up out of nowhere and aren’t in line with how you normally think.”
What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?
Certain trauma or stress can contribute to the development of intrusive thoughts, so having a challenging experience from the past or current life situations may trigger them to form. “An intrusive thought could come in the form of a flashback, image, or a thought about something that's happened to you,” Dr. Gooden tells xoNecole. “When it gets to the point where you feel like you can't function or make clear decisions, that's when intrusive thoughts become really challenging.”
While some of the 1 billion videos found under the #intrusivethoughts hashtag on TikTok would lead you to believe that these thoughts are nothing more than casual displays of our imagination going untamed. Intrusive thoughts are more than sticking your hand in a soap dispenser, wanting to cut all your hair off at 3 a.m., or having a random impulse to eat fake bread in public.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America reports that approximately six million individuals, equating to roughly two percent of the American population, encounter intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are often linked with obsessive-compulsive disorders, but they can also manifest in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or anxiety.
Examples of Common Intrusive Thoughts
Because of the explicit nature of intrusive thoughts, they tend to cause shame and internal conflict in those who experience them. Although these thoughts can differ from person to person, these ideation can consist of:
- Violent or aggressive thoughts towards oneself or others, such as harming or killing someone;
- Sexual thoughts that are unwanted or inappropriate;
- Repetitive thoughts, such as a song or a phrase that keeps repeating in your mind;
- Contamination or germ-related thoughts or the fear of contamination and getting sick;
- Religious or blasphemous thoughts, such as questioning one's faith or having thoughts that go against religious beliefs;
- Doubts or uncertainty about one's own actions or decisions, such as fear of making a mistake or fear of not doing something right.
Intrusive Thoughts and OCD
That’s why Dr. Gooden encourages everyone to understand the difference between our fleeting thoughts and impulses and true, intrusive thoughts. “What level of distress does it cause and is it something you would never consider,” she says. “If you're finding that these thoughts are getting in the way of you living your life and that you're controlled by the thoughts, those are some signs that it would be good to get some support in navigating it.”
She also emphasizes the importance of understanding that while we may not always have control over our thoughts, we can control our behavior. “On TikTok, people are sort of blaming intrusive thoughts on their behavior, and our behavior is always a choice,” she says. “If we are in our right mind and we're not having a psychotic episode, our behavior is our choice — we are not obligated to follow any given thought that we have.”
Are Intrusive Thoughts Normal?
With intrusive thoughts, it’s natural to question whether these thoughts are “normal” to have. However, these thoughts are not meant to define who you are as a person but simply indicate that you have a functioning human mind with automated thoughts that you, or any of us, can’t control. These thoughts may come, but they don’t have to be acted upon, nor do they define who you are.
“I've worked with clients in the past who say, ‘Why am I thinking these things? What's wrong with me?’ But if you're not acting on the thought, then it's probably not a huge issue,” Dr. Gooden says. “If you are thinking a harmful thought towards yourself or someone else and you are making plans to act on that thought, then yes, we need to do something about it.”
How To Manage Intrusive Thoughts
If you are struggling with managing unwanted thoughts, Dr. Aida suggests taking these tips to help manage your mindset when they occur:
- "Recognize that it's a thought and thoughts are just thoughts. We often put a little bit too much weight on our thoughts, and that can create a lot of distress. But remember that thoughts are not facts."
- "Having a thought that's disturbing or upsetting doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean that you are suffering from a mental illness."
- "Sometimes the best thing you can do is say, 'Huh, that was an interesting thought. I'm going to let that go. That thought is not helpful for me right now."
- "Ask yourself: is this helpful? Is it helpful for me to buy into this thought and believe this thought? Asking that question can be really helpful because we are not at the mercy of our thoughts. If it's not helpful, you can let it go."
Intrusive thoughts can feel bizarre and foreign when they come up, but they aren't inherently "bad." Our minds can sometimes be filled with random and inappropriate thoughts, but that's what our stream of consciousness does: it thinks. Fortunately, we can release those thoughts at any moment; you don't have to follow through with them.
And ultimately, not every TikTok diagnosis is one that we should label ourselves with.
"It's important for people to acknowledge what they're experiencing but not run too quickly to diagnose themselves with some mental illness or disorder," Dr. Gooden advises. "It ends with confusion, and we miss the opportunity to understand the people who really do have that mental health challenge."
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Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images