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What Should You Do If You Or Your Partner Are Loud Snorers?
A hill that I will definitely die on is the fact that a lot of long-term couples do not end up calling it "quits" because of "big issues". Nah, it's usually the little stuff, building up over time, that drives them almost to the brink of insanity. Something that tops the list? Snoring. It's actually one of the main reasons why more and more married folks are choosing to have a sleep divorce (check out "Is It A Bad Thing If A Married Couple Is Headed For A 'Sleep Divorce'?").
Because I personally think that intimacy isn't just about sex but also moments that couples share like sleeping together, I wanted to do my part to encourage people to stay in the same room, as much as possible. So, if you and/or yours are big-time snorers and it's starting to get on each other's very last nerve, how about trying one of these 10 hacks out first?
1. Add a Couple of Pillows
If you've got a ton of pillows on your bed and you and yours happen to be snorers, they can work to your advantage beyond mere aesthetics. That's because, when you make a point to slightly elevate your head, that can keep your airways from collapsing and too much pressure from being on your chest which can result in you snoring a lot less. Just make sure to not stack up so many that you end up with a crick on your neck. Those can be the absolute worst.
2. Light a Lemon Soy Candle (or Diffuser)
OK, before I get into the benefits that come from lighting a lemon candle before going to bed, it does need to go on record that falling asleep with one comes with potential hazards. That's why it's best to either light the candle for 2-4 hours prior to turning in (and then blow it out) or to go with a diffuser instead.
That said, lemon is a great option to go with because it can help to calm your nerves and, if it happens to be infused with lemon essential oil, the properties in it can help to reduce bodily inflammation and minimize the tissue in your throat, so that you're able to breathe easier. (This is why it can also be a good idea to mix a few drops of lemon essential oil with a carrier oil like grapeseed, sweet almond, or avocado and rub it on your chest before turning in too.)
3. Turn on a Humidifier
If what typically causes triggering for you and your partner is dry air, nasal congestion, or throat irritation, turning on a humidifier at night is always going to be a wise move because it helps to put moisture in the air which can help to kill off viruses as it also soothes the tissues of your nose and throat. Just make sure that you fill yours up with distilled water; tap sometimes comes with extra minerals that can do more harm than good to your system over time. (By the way, having some water about an hour before going to sleep can help with snoring as well because it can reduce congestion which can also make snoring less of an issue.)
4. Nix the Alcohol
If nothing makes you happier than having a tall glass of wine before heading to bed, make sure that you do it no less than 2-3 hours beforehand. While it does tend to contain some sedative properties, alcohol shouldn't be seen as a consistent sleep remedy. For one thing, as your liver enzymes metabolize alcohol, that can end up disrupting your sleep cycle. And, as far as snoring goes, alcohol can relax your throat so much that you end up snoring anyway.
5. Give Each Other a Thyme Oil Foot Massage
Because there are over 7,000 nerve endings in each of your feet, it makes perfect sense why a soothing foot massage can be a perfect practice before going to bed. If this is something that you and/or your partner are totally down for, add some thyme oil into the mix. It's really effective when it comes to reducing snoring because it's got a great reputation when it comes to improving your respiratory health, calming your nervous system, and suppressing cough. Just make sure to dilute the oil with a carrier oil; pure thyme oil tends to be pretty potent.
6. Turn on Some White Noise
Here's the interesting thing about white noise — because we still can hear what's happening when we're asleep, the static sound that white noise produces can actually distract you and your partner from listening to each other's snoring. Not in a super annoying way; more like, in a way that triggers you less so that you don't end up waking up in the middle of the night mad as hell. Tech Radar is a site that has a list of some of the current best white noise machines on the market. You can check the list out here.
7. Consider Using Ear Plugs
Now here's a solution that I'm kind of surprised more people don't already do. Since quality sleep is paramount when it comes to achieving optimum health, it seems like it would be a given that folks who sleep with snorers (or folks who snore so loudly that they even wake themselves up) would own a couple of pairs of earplugs. The main thing to keep in mind with this particular tip is that long-term use of earplugs can result in a buildup of earwax or even an ear infection. That's why it's a good idea to keep some ear drops close by and that you only wear your plugs at nighttime.
8. Go to Bed at the Same Time
One of my exes was a loud snorer and it was the absolute worst. Something that I noticed, though, was when we went to bed at the same time, rarely did his snoring trigger me as much. I think it's because he typically didn't start to snore until he was in deep REM sleep and I can sometimes sleep soundly enough to not hear that.
That's why, I also think that a helpful hack can be that you and your partner try to turn in together, at least a few times a week. Not only can it help with the whole snoring issue, but it's a good way to get in some pillow talk and maybe (just maybe) a little something else…too. #wink
9. Sleep More than Five Hours a Night
If you're someone who knows that you basically only snore when you're really tired but you're not sure why that is the case, word on the street is plum exhaustion can cause your throat and tongue muscles to relax so much that you end up snoring — not just more but louder. Listen, there are a million-and-one reasons why you should sleep no less than 6-7 hours a night (eight is even better!); if you and yours want to snore less, let this serve as a top-tier motivator.
10. Spoon
That ex of mine that I mentioned? Something else that I used to take special note of is when we were spooning, he didn't snore as much (and definitely not as loudly) either. I once looked up why and it appears to be that folks snore a lot when they're on their back because it blocks their airways while sleeping on their side makes this less of an issue. Sleeping on your stomach is better than being on your back as well because your airways are still open; the problem with it is, if you have neck or lower back issues, that position could make things worse come morning time. Besides, spooning is romantic and if you sleep naked, it can lead to other activities that can make sleeping easier to do ('cause ain't NOTHING like an orgasm before trying to catch some zzz's, chile. NOTHING). Hope this helps. #winkagain
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
'ACross Generations With Tiffany Cross' Highlight Career Hardships With Melba Moore And Amari Marshall
ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross, the thought-provoking podcast featuring intergenerational discussions returns with a new episode exploring the realities of the entertainment industry.
This installment brings together host Tiffany Cross, Tony Award-winning actress and Grammy-nominated singer Melba Moore, and dancer extraordinaire Amari "Monster" Marshall. The dynamic trio engages in a compelling conversation, delving into the artists' financial struggles, the impact of social media, and the importance of mentorship in the industry.
A standout moment in the discussion came when Moore, who has been in the entertainment industry for over 50 years, shared how losing everything ultimately helped her conquer career-related fears.
“I think losing my whole life, losing my daughter, losing my family, losing my career, [and] being homeless,” she said.
To provide context for her past hardships, Moore recounted living in Central Park South in New York, an area described as unsafe at night due to crimes like mugging and assault.
“That’s where I used to live,” she added. “That’s when I realized I have to get a suitcase with wheels.”
When Cross inquired about how Moore, a successful Broadway actress and singer, ended up in such dire circumstances, the 78-year-old shared a shocking revelation. Moore explained that her husband, who also served as her manager, had forged her signature to transfer all their assets to himself.
“My manager/husband, behind my back, forged my name on divorce documents,” she said. “Divorced me. Signed all of our business and marital assets to himself.”
Moore revealed she discovered her ex-husband's actions through his family. Fearing for her safety and reputation, she decided to go public with her story. She explained that she wanted the press to be aware of her situation if something happened to her, ensuring her legacy wouldn't be tainted by false headlines.
Eventually, Moore regained her footing after starring in Michael Matthews' gospel Broadway productions, which led to other roles. Since then, Moore disclosed that despite the hardships caused by her ex-husband's actions, her family is now healing.
Following Moore's admission, Cross expressed disbelief at the actress's experience but noted that many people are going through similar situations and using social media to expose them.
“There’s so many incidents like this and now with Instagram, you see the mess,” she stated.
Further into the discussion, Marshall opened up about the struggles she faced as a dancer early in her career. She revealed a particularly challenging situation where an employer took most of her earnings, leaving her to survive on only $100 a month.
“Me and my mom lived in every part of Los Angeles before we were able to get our own studio apartment,” she shared. “It was a family of six. I’m traveling the world nonstop. Nobody would have known that I was still making $100 a month.”
Marshall explained that she didn't openly discuss her financial hardships, leading people to make assumptions. Because she worked with stars like Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Janet Jackson, and Beyoncé and toured the world, many believed that Marshall was earning a substantial amount of money.
Following that experience, Marshall learned the importance of navigating the business and budgeting effectively. Toward the end of the conversation, the star reflected on how challenging times can ultimately benefit one's life.
“If you don’t have those bad times, you’re not really learning,” she said.
The full episode of ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross, featuring this discussion and other compelling topics, is now streaming on the show's official YouTube channel.
Celebrating the Impact of Black Women in Arts with Melba Moore and Amari Marshall
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Feature image ACross Generations With Tiffany Cross/ YouTube