

OK, so here's the set-up for this particular piece. One of my absolute favorite platonic male friends and I were discussing how, in his mind, he knows that a woman has not faked an orgasm with him (since a lot of women do; men too actually). "When she squirts, I know I handled my business", he said proudly. Even though I could hear his ego just oozing through the phone, this was one time when I didn't have a witty comeback because, from what I've read, researched and discussed with others on the topic of squirting, it's not really something that you can pretend to do. Either you did or…you didn't.
And since squirting is the kind of topic that, from my experience, comes up in conversations but isn't fully broken down so that we're all clear on what it actually is, I thought I'd take a moment to share what I've discovered about it. That way, if you want to know if it happened to you, you'd like to know what exactly is happening when it goes down or you'd like to attempt experiencing it at some point in your life, you'll know exactly what's up.
What Exactly Is Squirting?
Sometimes, the sex is so good that it seems like even your orgasms go to another level! In these instances, for some, in walks, squirting. In a nutshell, it's when your G-spot and urethral sponge are simultaneously stimulated to the point where fluid shoots out during the climax of sex.
OK, but still—what does all of this really mean? Let's start with the fact that squirting is actually the nickname for female ejaculation and, as I once read someone say, you don't need a penis in order to ejaculate; what you need is a urethra, and both men and women have one of those (ours is in our vagina wall, between our labia, right underneath our clitoris, and is shorter than men's are). While it is true that it's where pee comes out, for men, it's also where sperm is released. For us, it's where urine comes out…and sometimes white fluid that is released from our secretory glands too (the fluid is not to be confused with vaginal discharge, by the way).
So, does that mean that when you're squirting, you're basically peeing on yourself? That's where things get just a tad bit complex. From all that I've read and researched, it seems like a lot of medical professionals are unable to get on the exact same page about this. Some say that yes, it's pee, straight up. Others believe that squirting is a watered-down version of urine; like a lot of water and a little urine (which means it's still pee…right?). I did find a particular study that seemed to make a lot of sense (at least to me) when it comes to the whole "what is coming out exactly?" bafflement.
"In this 2011 study, researchers performed biochemical analysis on two distinct female fluids expelled during sex. The 'clear and abundant' fluid ejected in gushes was described as being similar to diluted urine. The second liquid was found to be comparable to components of male semen and released in smaller quantities compared to the other. The authors concluded, 'The real female ejaculation is the release of a very scanty, thick, and whitish fluid from the female prostate, while squirting is the expulsion of a diluted fluid from the urinary bladder.'"—"Myth busting: Is squirting just peeing?"
Yeeeeeah…I don't know about y'all, but it sounds to me like squirting definitely consists of urine, even if it is mixed in with a little bit of white fluid. So yeah, if you're a squirter, it appears that pee is definitely involved. For better or for worse.
What’s All of the Hype Behind It?
Now that we pretty much know what is really going on, at least physically, on the squirting front, perhaps you're wondering why so many people are thrilled with peeing—or getting peed on—during coitus. As someone who has never squirted (and personally, I'm OK with that), I decided to ask a couple of people in my life to share their thoughts on it all (I always change names so that I can get the real deal outta folks).
My married friend, Alexa said this: "The times when I've squirted before, I was drunk. It wasn't my husband who did it, but it was the same guy. When I finished, it definitely smelled like urine and, as far as the orgasm itself, again, I was drunk, but I don't recall them feeling any different. Actually, some orgasms that I've had that didn't involve squirting were way more intense. I think that's why I don't even try to make them happen now. I don't feel like I'm missing much."
My divorced friend, Donnie said this: "It's an ego thing for guys. Definitely. Because squirting isn't an everyday occurrence, when you are able to make a woman do it, it makes you feel like you've really accomplished something. As far as it being pee…I mean, I don't know if I'm thrilled about it but it's not gonna stop the show, if you know what I mean."
So, my female friend said that squirting is no biggie while my male friend expressed that it was an ego boost. I decided to ask a few other people to share their thoughts on it all and they basically said the same thing as they did. Except there is something else that I think should go on record. When I asked, "Where the heck did y'all get inspired to participate in squirting in the first place?", most of the women told me that their partners mentioned that they wanted to make it happen while the fellas said that they got the idea from—take one guess—porn. Porn hypes men's sexual egos. Imagine that, chile.
Listen, I'm not saying that there is something wrong if you want to squirt. Not at all. Sex is like art in the sense that how you view it is subjective in so many ways. At the same time, what I think should also go on record is if you've never squirted before and/or you don't want to, that's cool too. While certain circles create a lot of hype around it, it's not the biggest deal in the world, so…don't make it one.
Can You “Will Yourself” to Squirt?
Let me start to bring all of this to a close by saying that if you're someone who's squirted before and you've got a different set of feelings about it than all of what I just shared, that's what our comment sections on our socials are for. Please let us know what it does—or doesn't do—for you. And what if you're someone who's never had the pleasure but would like to check it off of your personal sex bucket list? Is there anything you can do to further the squirting along?
RELAX. What the women who've squirted before have all said to me is when fluid is literally squirting out of your body, it can be a little frightening if you happen to be caught totally off guard. In a way, I liken it to being pregnant and knowing that labor is gonna hurt. If you go into the experience, mentally prepared and not overthinking it, things will probably go a lot smoother for you. So try and relax. Sex, in general, is always better when you do.
Engage in much clitoral play. Your clitoris (including your clitoral hood) and G-spot being stimulated A LOT is the key to getting closer to a squirting experience (because remember that your "pee hole" is right under your clitoris), so getting into a sexual position where your clitoris can be manually stimulated as you're being penetrated is probably gonna be your best bet (like maybe him penetrating you while you're on your side or him laying on top of your back with you or him stimulating your clitoris). Oh, and make sure that it's not that "jack rabbit" kind of penetrating either; slow and steady wins the race in this particular case.
Bring your Kegels into the mix. If you're someone who doesn't do pelvic floor exercises, this would be a good time to bring that into play too. Tightening those muscles will make it even easier for your partner's penis to be able to "tap your spot".
Welp. That's pretty much the xoNecole Reader's Digest version of squirting. As far as the initial question within the title—you know, if it's all that it's cracked up to be—to be fair, I think you'd have to experience it for yourself to come to that conclusion. Now that you know what comes with it, you can decide for yourself. If you do decide to give it a shot, just make sure that you put down a rubber mattress and don't use your best sheets because, well, by now…you know why. Enjoy. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Swipe Right For Sisterhood: Reginae Carter Talks Teaming Up With BLK To Make Friendships Front & Center
You know the vibes: dating apps aren’t just for finding romance anymore—at least not for Gen Z! As young people continue to redefine connection, BLK, the leading dating app for Black singles, is shaking things up with the launch of Social Mode. The new feature allows users to toggle between dating and platonic connections. Yep, you read that right—friendship is now just as easy to find as love.
To kick off this game-changing launch, BLK teamed up with TV personality and socialite Reginae Carter for the ultimate Girls’ Night In, proving that sisterhood is just as important as romance. The exclusive event was a celebration of the new feature and the power of Black women coming together to uplift one another.
“Your circle is everything,” Reginae shares with a smile, and she’s not wrong. She’s all about creating spaces where we can come together, let our hair down, and vibe with like-minded women. “We deserve spaces to meet, uplift, and vibe with each other. BLK is making that happen,” she adds.
A New Era for Friendships—Social Mode Is Here!
Gen Z is all about building meaningful connections, whether it’s with a date or a new brunch buddy. That’s why Social Mode is such a big deal. Research shows that 65% of Gen Z values friendships just as much as romantic relationships. With BLK’s new feature, users can easily toggle between “Dating” and “Social,” opening up a world of platonic connections—no swiping right required.
Bahja Rodriguez, Reginae Carter, Breaunna Womack, Lourdes Rodriguez and Zonnique Pullins attend OMG Girlz "Make A Scene" Single Release & Video Viewing Party at Trap City Cafe on March 27, 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia
Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage
Reginae Carter Hosts the Ultimate Girls’ Night In—Powered by BLK Social Mode
What better way to show Social Mode in action than with an exclusive Girls’ Night In, hosted by Reginae? The event brought together top influencers, tastemakers, and press for a night of luxury, self-care, and real talk about love, sex, and relationships. From tarot readings to perfume-making and signature cocktails, the evening embodied the “soft life” vibe that many Black women are embracing in 2025—peaceful, intentional, and full of joy.
Guests mingled, laughed, and bonded over the importance of finding a tribe that supports you. It wasn’t just about fun (although there was plenty of that!)—it was about creating a circle of inspiring, strong women. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s village,” Reginae says, emphasizing the power of community over competition.
Sisterhood: The Real MVP
For Reginae, it’s all about friendship—and not just the surface-level kind. “We need friends who keep it real with us. The ones who can tell us when we’re right, when we’re wrong, and when we need to calm down,” she says. As someone who navigates the spotlight, she’s got the best of both worlds: friends who understand the grind and those who can give her an honest, grounded perspective.
Her advice for building strong, intentional friendships? “Be confident in yourself and know your worth,” she explains. “Also, hurt people hurt people, so make sure you’re coming from a good place when you’re building relationships. It’s not always about being nice—sometimes it’s about being real.”
Reginae couldn’t have summed it up better: “When you have the right circle, the right tribe, everything just feels easier. And that’s exactly what BLK is giving us—space to connect, laugh, and grow with each other.”
To learn more about BLK’s Social Mode, download or update the BLK app in the App Store or Google Play Store today. Who knows? You might just find your new bestie or your next brunch crew.
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Feature image by Prince Williams/WireImage