

Damn periods. I mean, I get the purpose that they serve and everything but — like I’ve said before (and I tell every “love niece” and goddaughter that I have): if there is one thing that you will deal with for the rest of your entire life after it begins, it’s a damn period.
Take me, for example. As I’m accepting that I am in peak perimenopause, if there are two things that make that abundantly clear, it’s the fact that 1) the period that I used to be able to set everyone’s watch by now, wants to show up whenever it feels like it and 2) my natural Coke bottle shape is something that I have to be hella intentional about maintaining; mostly due to what is known as "menopause belly."
How do I know it’s that? Because it’s only become an issue over the past 2-3 years (since perimenopause can last anywhere from 4-10 years…that’s how I’ve connected those dots) my belly wants to look bloated far longer than PMS these days. Plus, whenever I do gain a couple of pounds, my stomach is exactly where things go (le sigh).
And just why is that? Long story short, as women inch closer into menopause, their estrogen and progesterone levels start to fluctuate all over the place — and that can make it easier for the body to accumulate and store fat. Plus, if you add to that the fact that we lose muscle mass and things like night sweats and mood swings can make it harder to rest (which means that our cortisol levels tend to also be off the charts) — well, yeah…our bellies have a high chance of revealing all of this.
Is there anything that can be done? The good news is, yes. By incorporating the following 12 tips into your lifestyle, I can vouch for the fact that you can keep your menopause belly in check while also making your (other) perimenopause symptoms more manageable.
1. Eat Healthy Fats
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Although I get that it might sound counterintuitive to eat fat if you want to lose fat, there is a method behind the madness. For one thing, fatty foods are able to keep you feeling fuller for a longer period of time. Also, they can lower your cholesterol levels, provide you with a boost of energy, help your system absorb the nutrients that it needs, and yes, help you to lose weight.
When it comes to that last point, there is actually a saying that states that “fat helps you to burn fat.” The key is to consume what is considered to be “healthy fats,” including salmon, avocados, eggs, nuts, and dark chocolate.
2. Then Eat (More) Protein
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Remember how I said in the intro that losing muscle mass comes with going through the stages of menopause? Well, when you up your protein intake, that helps to build more muscle. Some other benefits that come with protein consumption are it helps to stabilize your metabolism, reduces hunger cravings, and it plays a role in helping you to burn more fat, too.
Foods that are high in protein include red meat, poultry, eggs, quinoa, chickpeas, black beans, and dairy (or dairy alternatives like oat milk, almond milk, and flax milk).
3. And Some Anti-Inflammatory Foods
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I won’t lie to you; it really does suck that some of the best-tasting foods can also cause inflammation in your system. Foods like fried ones, sugar, red meat, and white-ish, including white pasta, white rice, and white pasta (yep, all of the fun stuff). The reason why inflammation is problematic as all get out is that, once it hits the systematic level, that significantly increases your chances of being diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, Alzheimer’s disease (wild, right?), and yes, obesity.
So, while we’re talking about foods that are good for you, also grocery shop for ones that fall into the category of being anti-inflammatories. Foods like dark leafy greens, cherries, almonds, olive oil, and tuna certainly qualify.
4. Consume More Vitamin C
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Did you know that there is a direct link between body fat and a low amount of vitamin C in your system? No joke. What’s even wilder is if you’re not getting as much of this nutrient into your system, your waistline is one of the first places where the “evidence” could very well show up — not to mention the fact that a vitamin C deficiency can also result in drier skin, bleeding gums, vision issues, and bad moods.
So, if you don’t eat a lot of citrus fruit, berries, cantaloupe, spinach, or peppers, definitely take a vitamin C supplement. Oh, and try to keep it below 2,000 mg a day. Even though your body will get rid of the vitamin C that it doesn’t need, too much of this nutrient can definitely lead to an upset stomach.
5. Sip on Some Oolong Tea
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Is herbal tea something that you enjoy? Yeah, me too. As you’re in the process of building up your collection, make sure that you’ve got some oolong tea around. Aside from the fact that it’s loaded with antioxidants, it can lower your diabetes risk, it can help to keep your heart healthy and strong and oolong tea has a solid reputation when it comes to weight management. One reason is because it’s great at increasing your metabolism, which is also something that can take a bit of a dive during perimenopause and menopause.
6. Exercise
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There is no way that you’re going to be able to take weight off and keep it off without doing some form of exercise. Cardio helps to burn fat, while strength training helps to give your body some definition and build muscle mass. And what if the thought of going to the gym several days a week is a total turn-off? Walking, participating in online yoga classes, jogging around your neighborhood, using free weights, and even playing with your children all qualify as exercises that will help get rid of belly fat.
However, if you’d like some specific exercises that will help to get that menopause belly where you want it to be as soon as possible, check out Prevention’s “17 Best Exercises to Burn Belly Fat, According to Personal Trainers”.
7. Monitor Your Stress Levels
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I have shared many times before that some pretty serious health issues are directly tied to stress: asthma, diabetes, depression, heart disease, and, yes, obesity. Know what else I read a while back? Currently, over 2 out of 3 women are considered to be either overweight or obese, and when you think about how stress-filled a lot of our lives are…how could the connections not be made?
Because cortisol can throw your metabolism off and decrease the muscle mass that you’re already losing during perimenopause and menopause and because that, too, can contribute to belly fat — well, that’s just one more reason to reset boundaries with any person, place, thing or idea that is stressing you out. For so many reasons, it’s just not worth it, sis.
8. Inhale Some Clary Sage
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Any time that I pen a health-related article, if I can find a way to incorporate essential oils, I will. Today, it’s clary sage because there is a direct correlation between inhaling it and losing belly fat. For one thing, it can help to regulate your moods. Another benefit of clary sage is it can help to reduce your stress hormone (cortisol) and, again, that means less fat accumulation including when it comes to your belly area.
9. Research Caralluma Fimbriata
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If you’ve heard of Caralluma Fimbriata before, I am 1000 percent impressed. For those who haven’t, it’s an herb that helps to manage your serotonin (a chemical that sends messages throughout your body) levels. What does this have to do with belly fat? Well, some studies reveal that when you take in this particular herb, it can get your serotonin levels to suppress your appetite and ultimately reduce belly fat; that’s why many diet pills have it listed as one of their ingredients.
10. Up Your Iron and Calcium
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Although you might’ve read or heard somewhere that once you stop having a period, you won’t need as much iron (because you’re not losing as much blood anymore), there is some scientific data that pushes back on that. For instance, one study reveals that iron and calcium, together, can help to keep your bones strong once that time of your life transpires.
When you add that to the fact that some intel also says that iron supplements can help to regulate a high-fat diet while calcium helps to regulate how fat is processed in your body — if you know that you’re not getting enough iron and calcium, now is the time to be more intentional about doing so.
11. Get More Sleep. And Rest.
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Perimenopause and menopause are a real mutha when it comes to trying to get a good night’s rest. A huge reason is due to night sweats, which are another result of estrogen and progesterone acting like they are on a roller coaster ride at Six Flags. And if you don’t make sure to get at least six hours of sleep every night, that can cause you to pack on some pounds because 1) it causes you to eat less, 2) it stabilizes your metabolism, 3) it gives you the energy that you need to consistently exercise, and 4) it can help to keep your stress levels down — and since there is scientific research to back up that stress can directly lead to abdominal fat accumulation, that is something to take special note of.
While we’re on this topic, also make sure to REST too — and yes, there is a difference. While sleep helps your mind and body to rejuvenate and refuel, rest helps even your soul to calm down and refresh itself. When you do things like stay off of electronics, read (an actual book), listen to nature sounds, pamper yourself, and take a day off to do absolutely nothing, that also decreases your cortisol levels so that weight gain is harder for you to experience.
12. Don’t Diet
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As more time goes by and more research is being done, many physical and mental health professionals are coming to the conclusion that diets aren’t the way to go when it comes to losing weight. Instead, to get the long-term results that you seek, it’s important to focus on the reasons behind what got you to the weight where you are and the lifestyle changes that need to happen in order to get the results you seek. So, as I close this out, it’s important to keep in mind to not rely on diets to get your belly fat under control; this includes doing trendy things like taking Ozempic.
I personally know several people, who aren’t diabetic, who are relying on it to drop a few pounds, and not only is that causing a shortage in the drug for diabetics who actually need it, but it’s also frowned upon when used in this fashion. In fact, you should only take it if a medical professional has advised you to. Instead, old-fashioned eating right and exercising is the healthier way to go — for your overall health and well-being and to get that menopause belly where you want it to be.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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