I love getting fingered. Yeah, I said it. I love that shit! There’s this common misconception that fingering is an activity that only teenagers engage in, but I'm here to set the record straight that there are fully grown adults who still like a finger or two in their pussies, too! Fingers are the sex toys we’re born with; why not use them?
How To Finger A Woman: Pleasure Tips For Vulva Owners
Even though every vulva is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to fingering, there is no doubt that fingering can be an extremely important part of sex and foreplay from the standpoint of female pleasure and orgasm. Roughly 80% of women and people with a vulva can't climax just through penetration alone but also require clitoral stimulation. If you know anything about the female anatomy, then you already know that "the clitoris is Queen" when it comes to pleasurable sex for women, and rightfully so.
There are around 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, more than in a penis, and it is much larger than you think. In most cases, people are only familiar with the head of the clitoris at the top of the vulva. However, the clitoris extends up to five inches inside the body and runs along the sides of the vulva. The clitoris can be stimulated both externally by gently touching or from within by finding the G-spot within the vagina.
The clitoris and the G-spot are among the most well-known pleasure centers for vulva owners.
Therefore, fingering skills are crucial and can drastically improve your sex technique if you have sex with women or anyone with a vulva.
Ultimately, the best way to learn how to finger your partner is to ask them directly what they like, but it doesn't hurt to learn some standard rules of thumb (pun intended). So, I asked my friends on social media for their best fingering techniques, and like always, they didn’t disappoint.
The Best Fingering Techniques: How To Finger Your Girl for an Orgasm
@boobtionary: Cut them nails baby and make sure you wash your hands before and after. Don’t need any unwanted bacteria or cuts in the cat.
@yesmxeden: Hydrated cuticles and no hangnails. Whether you go to the salon or DIY, nail care is key!
@lexijenee: Whatever movement you do, needs to start with gentle fingers on the clitoris to create moisture and then move down to fingering. Don’t stick your fingers in a dry place.
@lyndonyardl: Two fingers and do the “come hither” movement towards yourself.
@shoshanasarah: There’s no one size fits all. It’s like playing an instrument. You’ve got to search for the right notes, [and] listen for the music (her sounds and physical reactions). When there’s a melody— stay there, play with tempo, until crescendo.
@illviv: Slowly ease your way from the inner thighs to the labia. Still keeping that touch soft and gentle, make it feel like the elements themselves are slowly strolling her skin. Tease the opening with a flat smooth caress. Watch the juices drip. And when you hear her whimper [and] she is trying too hard to keep her breathing steady, slowly enter two fingers into her well. Dive all the way in, [and] pause for a few seconds. Then slowly pull them out. Continue this and make [the] body melt.
@atmusgrove: The middle finger in with the thumb massaging the clit at the same time hither motion.
@crystaltheoracle: While sucking their nipples. In public. From the back. Massage the whole vulva too. Three fingers on the clit. Make sure you've washed your hands. Put your fingers in their mouth afterward.
@breannakey_: [Finger the vagina] while eating it!
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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