I’m one of those people who has a song in mind for almost any keyword said in a sentence. It’s a gift and curse, to my friends and my readers. Today’s song was “Sex Room” by Ludacris and however annoying it might be, I’m excited to get into it with you all. Netflix’s recently dropped a new series – How To Build a Sex Room – which is for sure the adult HGTV series I never knew I needed. But it’s so much better than any HGTV series and honestly better than anything I could’ve anticipated.
The show explores making practical sex rooms for those who will be using them. And a sex room doesn’t always mean cold, dungeon vibes. No! Instead, part of what makes the show great is that they meet people where they are and really take into account the purpose or intended use for the sex rooms, in addition to personality. You get a good variety of luxuries mixed with the feelings of home.
And while I’m not going to spoil the show, I do want to get into what and why someone might need a sex room. Maybe you want one for yourself or maybe you’re someone who passed the preview of this show and wondered, “What’s the point?” If so, keep reading.
Reasons to Consider Having a Sex Room
(L to R) Ryan, Raj, Melanie Rose in episode 102 of How To Build a Sex Room.
Courtesy of Netflix
1. Parental Control and Boundaries
Parents who co-sleep with their children may find it difficult to maintain an air of sexiness in the very room they once created their children in. Though we might say at a certain age parents should set boundaries, realistically keeping your child in their own room is not a boundary that’s always possible. That said, parents might opt for a sex room in order to rejuvenate themselves back into the seductive period of courting prior to having children. Sometimes the boundary setting is simply a matter of changing the setting and opting for privacy in other, less seemingly dismissive ways. This can be accomplished with a sex room.
2. Separation of Home and Sex
While not every sex room is dungeon-style, some are. And regardless of the aesthetic, there may be people who wish to keep their preferred kinks as private as possible. I can’t count on one hand how many times I’ve forgotten to put away my vibrator and someone walks into my home only to see it on the coffee table. And that’s a normalized part of sex…masturbation. However, imagine having someone walk into your home and you forgot to put away your flogger or box of butt plugs, and so on? The sex room helps to provide an extra layer of privacy. Not because you wish to be secretive or feel shameful, but because keeping certain parts of your life separate from others is good form as far as boundaries go. Plus, it can be really sexy to have this part of your home where only you and your lovers exist.
3. Sex, Staycation Style
The monotony of being home and having sex in the same way, in the same place can sometimes be…annoying. But also coming across safe spaces to play with your partner can be equally…annoying. Having one at home allows you to escape the day-to-day without incurring the fees associated with sex clubs. Furthermore, there’s this unspoken rule of exclusivity where you really have to know the right people in order to find kink scenes in certain cities. Having your own sex room eliminates the need for that as you create your own.
Courtesy of Netflix
4. Swinging Made Easy
If one of your kinks is swinging, a sex room might just be mandatory. Not every city has swingers clubs and in my experience when they do have swingers clubs they aren’t always diverse (age and race-wise). But having a sex room in your home allows you to host other couples consensually, thus minimizing the requirement of having to find a couple to swing with in exclusive spaces.
5. Safe Spaces and Such
For those who are into kink and wish to try out new gadgets and contraptions, I encourage you to do so safely. But hold please, because in this case, the safety I’m speaking of is more towards reading the requirements for hanging your equipment from walls and ceilings. Because this can be necessary for swings and such, some couples may opt for a sex room in an area in their house where the ceilings are more conducive to that type of sex gear – like the basement.
The bottom line is there are many reasons that people may want sex rooms. However, I think in any case it comes down to having a safe space to be able to reconnect or even connect with ourselves in ways that weren’t made possible (for whatever reason) beforehand.
If this appeals to you, you may be wondering how to create a sex room for yourself, especially after watching the Netflix series How to Build a Sex Room. Here are some ways.
- Self-Survey: Remember A.S.L via Aim? You should and if you don’t you’re far too young to be reading this article. But similar to that, you want to get a quick and dirty rundown of what you're looking for out of your sex room. So, in this case, A.S.L stands for "agenda, sex, and location."
- Agenda – What do you wish to get out of this sex room? What is your why?
- Sex – What type of sex or touch do you intend to have in this space? How do you intend to utilize this space? Is it a swinging space, or one that is just for you and bae? Do you want to explore new kinks or are you pretty airtight on the things you want to try?
- Location – Where in your home do you envision this work of art being crafted? Are we keeping it in the bedroom or do we want it somewhere covert?
(L to R) Ryan, Raj, Melanie Rose in episode 101 of How To Build a Sex Room.
Courtesy of Netflix
- DIY or For Hire: This one is rather simple. Hmm, on second thought, if you’re someone who doesn’t understand limitations, like me, you might have a difficult time realistically gauging how to go about building your sex room. Nevertheless, you must decide if this is something you want to pull a “do it yourself” with or if it requires you to hire a contractor. Perhaps a combination of the two – it simply depends on the answers to the first two questions.
- Secret Shopper: Purchase the toys you’ll need to fill this space. However don’t get caught up like a kid at Christmas, as we want this space to be fulfilling but efficient – not cluttered. You might consider creating a list of must-haves to get you started and then creating a secondary. Wishlist.
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Featured image courtesy of Netflix
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"Everybody you've ever been lives within you. Every time you have a major transition, you birth a new version of yourself that is able to exist in that transition, but those other versions don't disappear."
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Unruly: A Guide to Reclaiming Your True Self is out on Oct. 22.
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Featured image by Greg Castel