How Viral Memes Could Be Stunting Your Glow Up
I love a good inspirational meme or video, especially in my plight to successfully manage the aftermath of taking a risky, super-challenging, sometimes-can't-even-afford-a-dollar-burger leap into self-employment.
But let's get real here: Some of these social media self-help sadists---with their warped, tired versions of advice on how to glow up, must be stopped.
In the past few years, I've noticed a consistent undertone of struggle and insecurity in some of the so-called motivational content that often goes viral:
- Let your haters be your motivators.
- You can't start a business with a 9-to-5 mentality.
- If you're not afraid, your dreams aren't big enough.
- The best revenge is success.
- Don't invest in those who have nothing to offer in return.
Oh, and let's not forget all the skewed descriptions of what it means to "boss up" or "be a boss"---those memes and videos that detail "what millionaires/bosses do" that we mere mortals "don't or won't." The worst of them always include strict, robotic, unrealistic "formulas" for success.
I liken the bombardment of such messaging to the rants of preachers claiming to save souls but only focusing on hell, "the enemy," and damnation with no mention of grace, love, truth, and forgiveness.
I'd read (and sometimes share) these messages, and then find myself thinking, "Hey, maybe I'm not working hard enough," or "Yeah, these haters. I gotta prove them wrong." I would totally revamp my week, push myself into habits and routines that were not a good fit, and conduct manic self-checks that caused me to feel inadequate and exhausted.
Then, one day I had a major Girl, Bye moment. Just because I'm not a crack-of-dawn morning person ready to slay a never-ending to-do list every day, doesn't mean I'm not going to reach my goals.
The greatest leaders I admire are givers and look at life in a way that does not define every relationship by what someone can do for them. (I'm sure Oprah meets people who could never offer her anything nearly as tangibly "valuable" as the billions of dollars in her bank account, yet she pours into people all the time.)
And let's get into these invisible haters.
Why am I seeking "revenge" on anybody? I'm not a platinum-selling rapper or superhero out in these streets. I'm a regular girl with ambition and a loyal circle of friends and family. I have an 8-year-old niece who looks up to me, mimics almost everything I do, and calls me "famous." I don't even get trolled in my comment section.
Some of the "gurus," "influencers," and speakers who constantly feed us these warped narratives are oftentimes profiting and prospering not from our advancement and enlightenment, but from a constant, unhealthy craving for affirmation, envy, and acceptance.
Those same cravings fuel low self-esteem, procrastination, wickedness, and delusion.
Well, I finally said, "No more." I couldn't drink the pseudo-positivity Kool Aid anymore. I took three important steps toward weaning myself off the motivational-meme crack:
I gave my follow list a cleanse.
If the person or org I was following constantly posted memes or videos about haters, struggle, "enemies," or sterile do's and don'ts (ie common-sense adages that black grannies been drilling in our heads since the devil was a baby), I unfollowed them.
I began to research the influencers, gurus, and motivational entrepreneurs I wanted to follow before committing to receive their messaging every day.
I'd ask myself several key questions: Does this person or organization have tangible receipts that show consistent progress and happiness similar to how I define those concepts for myself? Does their life reflect anything I want to replicate in my life? Do they have solid training or experience in the area of which they focus on? Is the content they share relevant, balanced, timely, and useful to my life?
Hey, someone's social feed can seem so attractive and lit, but so does a $19.99 flash sale on a 30-inch blonde wig. Cute on the next girl but not quite right for me. Decline and unfollow, please.
I began to stay away from folks' timelines whose messaging constantly led with words or related concepts of "can't," "don't," or "won't."
People who constantly focus on what can't be done or who are always trying to be the Negative Ned masquerading as a "voice of reason" really annoy me. I'm into solutions. Call me overly optimistic or too full of faith, but I'm that girl who will say, "Ok, you don't have the money to do that. So what do you have? How can you get the money? What are our options?" If the messaging consistently focused on the don'ts, I'd hit the unfollow button with the quickness.
It's cool to gain inspiration in the form of a kick-in-the-butt every now and then, and it's definitely okay to share a girl-you-know-that's-right moment with a friend who needs encouragement. I just believe balance and discernment are key.
Let's enhance the motivation narrative with adages that celebrate who we are and where we're going, show love to those who ride for us and give credence to progress and sisterhood. The only motivation you need is you. Bump the haters.
Featured image by Getty Images
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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