In the black community, there's an unwritten rule to knowing how to do our hair. Whether we are natural, relaxed, or wearing our lacefronts, we have all got a process to our own self-maintenance. The wave of natural hair began roughly 8-10 years ago when women collectively decided we no longer wanted to subscribe to chemicals and seek growth through our natural follicles.
And from here, the creativity of how we adjust our crowns, has no bounds.
GiphyThe rules, the products, the new terms that arised, generally, this is all very new to us. So, in many ways, we don't expect, or haven't expected anyone of other races to know wtf they're doing. Actresses like Monique Coleman, recently came forward and said that her High School Musical character wore headbands all the time because the stylist crew had zero idea in how to style black hair. Many other actresses have come forward to express the same sentiments, even saying that makeup artists were clueless on how to do their makeup, and they often would have to do it themselves. Ain't that a bitch?
Additionally, women of other races that adopt black children seek outside help when they get that wake-up call that our hair is precious, and takes time, effort, and work that no blowdryer or sleeping with wet hair can contain.
So, when YouTuber Christy Gior adopted her three children, who happen to be black, she knew she had to learn how to do her babies' hair. And now, sis has gotten so good, since the girls are old enough, she is now teaching her daughters to wash their own hair. And y'all, she gives some bomb tips too...my wig!
In a video titled, "Curly Kids Wash Day Routine 4a 4b 4c I Tips For Foster and Adoptive Parents", she documents the journey of learning to how to maintain their hair.
"In today's video, I'm going to washing my daughter Avaya's hair. The last time I washed it, I just did a cowash, so it's been a little over a month since I actually washed her hair. Yes, that's normal, that is our normal hair wash routine. Her style has been in her hair for about two and a half weeks now. I wanted to ride it out a little while longer because I've really been trying to concentrate on growth, but because my baby girls are going back to school in two weeks, I wanted them to have a fresh style for their back to school."
*Clutches pearls*
"I decided now is the time to take it out, get it moisturized, and back in a protective style, and right before school starts, I will do another fresh style so that they are confident and ready to go back to school."
*Clutches pearls, earrings, necklaces, and bracelets*
And listen, I am absolutely not saying that Christy deserves any praise for doing hair. Anyone can. The point I'm trying to make is Christy is one-of-one. She has genuinely taken the time to learn her daughters. She really knows and understands her daughter's 4C hair.
In so many ways, hair can be a disparity, or a disconnect between so many interracial families and the black community understands that. We know the loneliness many little black girls feel even without that component, so to add in a provider that doesn't understand who you are, can be damaging long-term.
The fact that Christy properly pours into her babies (even with just something as simple as hair), tells us that these girls, even through their differences, are going to be so loved, listened to, and protected.
And at the end of the day, that's all we ask.
Watch the full video here:
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Featured image via Christy Gior/YouTube
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Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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