‘Teen Mom OG’ Star Cheyenne Floyd’s Engagement Sparks Hot Topic With Baby Shower Proposal
If you follow Teen Mom OG, then you were elated last week (Apr. 25) when one of the show's stars, Cheyenne Floyd, celebrated baby no. 2 on the way with a beautiful baby shower she showed off on Instagram. There was also a surprise plot twist that happened during the shower—a proposal. The 28-year-old's on-and-off again boyfriend Zach Davis popped the question and the two are now officially engaged.
"Speechless," Cheyenne wrote under her Instagram post of shots from the proposal. "We said Yessss! Today was perfect! I can not put it into words yet but this is a moment I will cherish forever 🤍 thank you @z.terrel I love youuuuuu!!"
Zach also posted the special moment, revealing that he gifted Cheyenne's four-year-old daughter Ryder (which she shares with ex-boyfriend Cory Wharton) with a diamond ring of her own. "She said yes! Put a ring on both of their fingers! I love you fiancé @cheynotshy today we celebrate a lifetime together!" he wrote.
While social media seems happy for the newly engaged couple who first shared their love story on YouTube, their proposal brings up the hot topic of baby shower proposals. While the romantic in me believes, love is love and should be displayed whenever and however—say it loud and say it proud. I also feel that a marriage proposal during a baby shower seems like something contrived "after the fact" and seemingly disingenuous since you're both caught up in all the feelings that come with bringing a child into the world.
That said, I was curious to hear the opinions of my peers to get a better consensus of how folks view baby shower proposals. Below you'll find responses from men and women millenials on the subject that often get mixed opinions.
What Men & Women Think About Surprise Baby Shower Proposals
"To each their own."
"I'm a little more traditional so I would rather be engaged before the baby shower. But I do think that, yes, it's an opportunity for you to have all your family and your friends there celebrating with you. I mean, to each their own, but I still think that there should be some more thought behind the proposal—not just because a baby is coming. It's not happening before or after the pregnancy so it feels like it's being done out of obligation more than anything." —Edna Lareya, 32, HR VP Coordinator
"It feels forced."
"It feels forced like, 'Why is it now that you want to be with me forever? I wasn't worth forever before the baby?' It's not for the couple, but more for the critics as in family and friends that may have their own opinions. To me it's just adding to the embarrassment the woman may potentially feel that she's having a baby without being sure that there's a committed man in her life. It feels like a pity proposal." —James Cameau, 30, Behavioral Health Therapist
"I prefer intimacy."
"Personally, I would prefer an intimate proposal. With that being said, I don't see an issue with proposals (planned and not pressured) at a baby shower. I think they are so romantic and beautiful! Did I mention cost efficient?"—Natasha Sibre, 30, Teacher
"I'm good on that."
"I personally would not like a baby shower proposal. I would hope that by the time that I am ready to have a child, I'd be married."- Anne Marie Gonzales, 31, Digital Manager
"It shows an expression of a deeper love."
"In a nutshell, I think baby shower proposals are beautiful. It shows an expression of a deeper love acknowledged. To think that the love of your life saw this as not only a new journey, but a next chapter between the two of you and wanted to seal the deal on this special day. I'm all for it. I think, however, some things can be taken into consideration, naturally. Is this a proposal from the heart? Or, an opportunity that may be pressured by family and friends? Would a proposal have happened if this wasn't the situation? Was it ever discussed? Nonetheless, this moment is always special in a woman's life and I think it would always be treasured. You don't come across many occurrences when all of your family and friends are in one place at the same time, so why not use it!" —Saphia Louise, 31, Mother/Photographer
"A baby shower is not a place to propose."
"I personally don't appreciate them. It makes me think the guy is now pressured into proposing because a baby is on the way. And the pressure can come from the girl as well as her family and friends. A baby shower is to celebrate the arrival of the baby not to propose. The proposal also sometimes happens because the girl doesn't want to be just a 'baby mother' because that term has a negative representation."—Christina Singh, 30, Teacher
"Life gets complicated sometimes."
"I think making a proposal for marriage at a baby shower is fine. Of course, the goal is to be married before we have children, but life gets complicated sometimes."—Jeffrey DeRose, 31, Founder Startup Advisory Group
"Go for it."
"I've seen a couple of baby showers and/or 'engagements-while-expecting' turn out really well (as far as longevity). I have nothing against baby shower proposals because for all you know, he probably wanted to marry you before and/or feels pressured by outdated, societal norms to make your partner a wife before making her a mother. Who's to say that the couple wasn't always in love, intended to get married eventually but then boom--baby came first! It's not always about going by 'the order of your list' as it just sticks to checking off your list. So go for it!"—Soraya Joseph, 32, Journalist
"I'd rather propose on a separate occassion."
"I'm not big on mixing different events together, I'd rather propose on a separate occasion with something special planned."—Marco Cayetano, 31, Independent Contractor
"They should get their time and be well thought-out."
"Like Christmas and birthday gifts should be separate, a baby shower and a proposal are two very important days in your girl's life. They should each get their time and be well thought-out. Due to the day and age we are in though with COVID, it's hard to bring people together for things so just for that reason I think it's acceptable in 2021."—Hala Maroc, 29, Multimedia Personality
"Baby shower proposals are becoming cliché."
"Personally, I would like to be proposed to before a baby shower. These baby shower proposals are becoming very cliché. It seems like, 'Welp, she's pregnant so I gotta marry her now.' At least that's how I would feel. I want someone to love me so much that they want to spend their life with me regardless and the baby is the addition. I'd always wonder if I didn't get pregnant would he have proposed."—India Douglas, 31, LMSW/Therapist
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Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Is It 'Sex On The First Date' If You've Been Virtually Talking For A While?
Aight. Even if the title of this article seems a bit…odd at first, hear me out. For starters, let’s begin with some data. Did you know that, reportedly, somewhere around 53 percent of people under 30, 37 percent of people between the ages of 30-49, and 20 percent of those between the ages of 50-64 either have used or are currently using dating apps (for the record, and I think this will come as no surprise, Gen Z actually prefers meeting people online)?
As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
____
Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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