This Black Girl Wanderer Lets Us In On Her Favorite Places In The World
Black Girl Wanderer is a series spotlighting the travels and explorations of black women journeying the world. Black women in all their magic and all their glory wander the earth, sprinkling the earth with their brown and their gold.
If you were to ask Cebi Baker what sparked her desire for travel, she'd say it's in her blood. The photographer/yoga enthusiast is the product of a multicultural family with roots in Mozambique, Swaziland, and South Africa. The benefit of being able to claim being raised by many places is that you are exposed to a variety of cultures the world has to offer. At a very young age, you're exposed to the fact that the world is much bigger than what you see. It was that taste that would act as the catalyst to her insatiable appetite for the diverse cultures and traditions the world had to offer.
As a student of the world, Cebi is a huge proponent of not judging a place by what you see but what you experience firsthand. As such, she believes every place has a story and complexities that go beyond the surface-level. "Being born and raised in Africa, I am only too aware of the negative stereotypes that foreigners learned to attach to our countries. You can't paint an entire continent with one brush, in fact you should not cast an entire country and its people in a single light – there's always more to the story."
In her search of unknown discoveries and creating new stories, Cebi has traveled to more than 15 countries and over 19 cities. Of the places she's been, she revealed her top destinations. Here's what she had to say.
Paris, France
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
August 2015
"I had always dreamed of visiting Paris to enjoy the cafes whilst people-watching, taking a romantic stroll by the river, strutting down the Champs-Elysees and visiting the museums – when I did finally visit, it lived up to all my expectations! Knowing that I had always dreamed of going to Paris, one day while we were visiting London, my husband booked us an early morning train ride from London to the 'City of Light'. It only took us two hours to reach Paris and I remember pinching myself as we stepped off the train and into the city of my dreams! It turned out to be as romantic and elegant as I had imagined.
"We spent the (rainy) morning people-watching at a cafe where I had a delicious French onion soup which I still think about today! Once the rain stopped, we walked around the city and soaked up the iconic scenery: we saw the Eiffel Tower, strolled past the river Seine and the Louvre – we didn't bother going into any of the attractions as we were only there for the day. Our day ended with a beautiful stroll down the Champs-Elysees and a golden sunset."
Pro Tip: "Take a good stroll and absorb the sights and sounds of the city. It's not always necessary to have an itinerary or list of attractions to tick off, especially if you're on limited time like I was. If you're curious and stay open to unplanned exploring I don't think you'll miss out on anything because you'll experience the city in a more organic way."
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
Lisbon, Portugal
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
September 2016
"I wasn't expecting much when I visited Lisbon in the summer of 2016, but boy did it amaze me! It was such a walkable city (something I truly enjoy) and full of charming history, cozy cafes and a vibrant art scene. Having grown up in Mozambique (a former Portuguese colony), I was also able to understand the language and I connected with the city on a deeper level.
"I fell in love with Lisbon on our first evening in the city when my husband and I trekked up a long, steep hill in one of the city's oldest neighborhoods. We were on our way to the Castelo de São Jorge, an ancient Moorish castle perched high above the city; and just as we reached it, the sun began to set and cast a magnificent pinky-orange glow over the city down below. All around us people were fixated on the glorious view and so we ended up staying until late evening where we enjoyed a musical performance and sipped a glass of wine. I love how people take sunsets seriously in Lisbon!"
Pro Tip: "Visit at least one Miradouro, a viewing platform located high above the city, at sunset. The views are spectacular and if you're lucky, there might be a wine stall nearby, so grab a glass and prepare to be enchanted. I would also recommend a day trip outside the city to the nearby towns of Sintra, home to the fairytale Pena Palace tucked away in the Sintra mountains, and Cascais, a seaside town perfect for a day of sunshine by the ocean."
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
Rome, Italy
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
August 2015
"There are few places with as commanding a history as Rome. Walking through this city and seeing ancient Roman architecture firsthand felt surreal– it's an experience that really makes your problems feel small because you realize that there were once other people, thousands of years before you, who lived and roamed the same streets.
"I talk a lot about walking in cities but there truly is no other experience like walking through the ancient streets of Rome. Every tiny cobbled street we turned into seemed to split into a dozen different alleyways – it was like stumbling through a beautiful maze of little pathways, all hiding their own secrets. We got lost a few times but I really didn't mind because each time we accidentally discovered something new and totally unexpected – a tiny pizzeria serving authentic Italian pizza and gelato, a back-lane lined with interesting art works, an empty courtyard with a little bench, perfect for a quick rest – there were pleasant surprises at every turn!"
Pro Tip: "Definitely wear comfortable footwear to properly enjoy this 'walking' city – there are little cobbled streets everywhere and you're bound to get lost at some point, but if you're in comfortable gear (e.g. some cute sneakers), you'll enjoy it! If you stumble on a little café or pizzeria, grab a gelato or refreshment and just chill – it's always good to take in the moment."
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
Cape Town
Courtesy of Cebi Baker
July 2017, December 2014 , June 2011
"Being South African, I may be a little biased in saying that Cape Town is right up there with some of the most beautiful cities in the world. I can only think of a handful of places which are nestled in between majestic mountains and the wide blue ocean. Add in its history, art and wine culture – you have a truly magical place!
"During a short visit [in July 2017], we stayed at a hotel located at the foothills of Table Mountain in the iconic (and colorful) neighborhood of Bo Kaap. While I lay asleep, I remember hearing a distant, chanting voice at the crack of dawn – it drifted with such a gentle melody that I listened to it, enchanted, through my sleep – I thought I was dreaming! It was only after I fully woke up that morning that I realized the magical singing had come from the neighborhood mosque (it was an early morning call to prayer). I'll never forget how beautifully that mysterious melody floated through the sleeping city. I was left feeling like I had experienced a hidden side to Bo Kaap, usually reserved for its residents."
Pro Tip: "If it's sunny, take the opportunity to go up Table Mountain. There are many walking tours of the city so definitely tag along to get a bit of history and a sense of the culture. I'd highly recommend visiting Bo Kaap for its charming colorful houses (and if you want to snap photos of someone or their house, it's always nice to ask for permission first). While you're here, try some authentic Cape Malay (a culture belonging to the original inhabitants of Bo Kaap) cuisine – if you're a meat-eater, try a dish called 'Bobotie' (baked minced lamb filled with fragrant spices, currants, and other delicious condiments).
"There are lots of other charming spots in this city so be sure to do some research and above anything else, treat this like any other big international city. Keep your wits about you and don't flash fancy cameras or gear unnecessarily. Strike up a conversation - we South Africans are generally a warm bunch and we love people to have a good time when they're visiting!"
For more of Cebi, follow her on Facebook.
Featured image via Cebi Baker
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
GiphyAbout five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
GiphySociety is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
GiphyThe reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
Giphy“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
GiphyOkay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
GiphyAs we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images