
The first time that I had ever heard of Be The Match was years ago when Good Morning America co-host Robin Roberts announced her cancer diagnosis.

It was a powerful call-to-action that made me feel some type of way about resting on my laurels as opposed to doing what I can for those in need. The potential to be someone's cure really spoke to me. I found myself signing up to register as a donor in the registry shortly after.
But I stopped myself from continuing with the process after receiving some input from my mother who felt that it was a painful process and just something that black people just “don't do". That phrase is something that stops us in our tracks as a community a lot, sometimes to our detriment – that day five years ago was no different.
The Urgent Need for Diversity in Bone Marrow Donors
My encounters with Be The Match came full circle for me the other day when I received an email from a representative who felt like Black History Month would be the perfect time to relay a message to our readers that was a simple, clear, yet resounding, “We need you." Even though Roberts' campaign led to over 40,000 new donors signing up, there is still an undeniable void amongst one group of people in the registry: black people.
Patients are most likely to match a donor that closely shares their ancestry. Black people have historically had the lowest odds of finding a match compared to other populations in the registry. Why? Because…
- Black people have the most diverse genetic tissue types compared to other ethnicities.
- Not enough black people volunteer as bone marrow donors in the registry.
Currently, we only make up 6% of the registry, which is a far cry from the 51% that account for white people in the registry. As the global leader of umbilical cord blood transplants and bone marrow transplants, Be The Match is often the only hope for patients looking to find a cure for blood-related cancers like leukemia and lymphoma, as well as sickle cell anemia, and other anemic/blood disorders. It should be noted that bone marrow is so far the only cure out there for sickle cell anemia.
Since we just make up 6% of donors in the registry, bone marrow transplants that are a match can be hard for many patients to find. And, without access to qualifying donors, a cure is less likely for recipients to find. You would think that if you have siblings, you'd be covered, like in Roberts case where her sister was a match for her and her cancer was cured.
But Roberts is the exception, not the rule. In fact, 70% of patients do not have a fully matched marrow donor in their family, which is why Be The Match is so pivotal to offering a cure to those in dire need of finding a viable marrow transplant, like Shaunise Robinson for example.
The Importance of Be The Match

Shaunise Robinson is a 27-year-old third grade teacher who believes her life purpose is to help children through education. The mother of one (a son who turned 4 this month) is a doctoral-degree candidate at Texas A&M. But this past fall, a fulfilled life took an unexpected turn when in November 2016, Shaunise was officially diagnosed with aplastic anemia, a really rare blood disorder that causes all of her blood counts to be severely low, causing severe fatigue, shortness of breath, a very weak immune system, and profuse bleeding (because blood cannot clot).
Eventually, her bone marrow may not be able to make enough new blood cells, which can lead to many more health problems, including an enlarged heart, irregular heartbeats, heart failure, infections, bleeding, and even death.
Regarding the disorder, Shaunise says:
“They don't know how this happened, they don't know where it came from. In most cases, you'll never really find out how you got it, it just happens. It doesn't run in your family. It has nothing to do with that."
She remembers being in the middle of teaching a class when she got the call that confirmed all her concerns about her health. Earlier in that week, she had gone to her OBGYN and explained an issue she had been having with profuse bleeding. After years of feeling like something was off with her body, but being told again and again that everything was fine, her OBGYN went above and beyond by taking her blood count to find the root of her problems. Tests were ran and her blood counts were revealed to be severely low. She had to rush to the hospital immediately. Doctors believed it was some form of cancer, but after extracting a bone marrow biopsy from her back, they found the real culprit to her health issues: aplastic anemia.
After being connected to a larger hospital, Shaunise was also given the information and connected with Be The Match. She started hosting drives to find a donor and began her journey of raising awareness for the organization and giving a voice to the voiceless, because oftentimes, patients with blood-related illnesses and diseases are young children who can't speak up for themselves.
Shaunise has no donor, can't teach her students (due to potential illnesses she could catch) who miss her as much as she misses them, but she still manages to have an incredible and giving spirit in the midst of her hardship. During my brief call with her, I noticed that her light was undeniable and absolutely radiated, even during a time where most would be overcome by darkness. “I have a lot of faith that I'm going to find a donor and that everything's going to be fine. I feel like I have a purpose and a lot of things I still have to accomplish in life. So, I really don't think negatively about it. I think about it like everything happens for a reason. I'm able to tell people about it that maybe would never have known about it and they're able to join the registry and help someone else. I always think about it that way and that everything happens for a reason and that God's purpose was for me to have this. I don't know the exact reason why, but I know there's a reason why this happened to me."
"I want to make the best of it. I want to raise awareness so that me going through this isn't in vain."
What the Bone Marrow Donation Process Is Really Like
Aside from not knowing about Be The Match, I realized a common theme that stops people from signing up is the fear of the process. People hear the words “extraction", hear about the long needle, hesitance goes into overdrive, and they aren't willing to donate bone marrow at all. I don't blame them, I too fell victim to believing the hype that the procedure was far too painful to endure and thus wiped my hands of the possibility of it. However, former Villanova University defensive back CJ Logan sang a different tune for me.
The now 23-year-old New York-based financial advisor was on the Villanova University football team back in the spring of 2013 when he signed up for the registry. At the time, he was on a football team led by Coach Talley, who believed in giving back to the community in any way that they could and who had a close personal connection to the message of the Be The Match foundation.
After submitting a cheek swab for the registry, CJ wouldn't get a call about a bone marrow donation until two years later in the fall of 2015, during his senior year. He got a follow-up email detailing that he and two other people could potentially be a match for a patient in need of a transplant. He went to a nearby hospital where they drew some extra blood. “About a week or so later, they told me, 'Hey, you're the definite match. Are you interested in doing it? Can you come in?' I was like, 'Absolutely'," he says with a smile in his voice, “As far as I was concerned, if it was my mom or my sister in that position – because I was donating to a 33-year-old international woman – I definitely wish that someone who had the opportunity to make a difference would step up and do it."

The morning of December 15, 2015, CJ went in for surgery to begin the bone marrow donation procedure. “I came in early - 5:30, 6 am. I gave some more blood. I talked to the nurses. I met the surgeon who was going to do the operation. I relaxed. Like an hour and a half later, I remember them talking to me and (after that) I just (remember that I) woke up. It was because of the anesthesia," he laughs. “It was very quick. Afterwards, I stayed in the hospital just because. The following morning, Coach Talley had one of the assistant coaches pick me up from the hospital."
Despite the intimidating length of the needle, CJ said he felt no pain at all during his procedure because of the drugs he was given. In fact, the only pain he felt was more like a soreness in his back for the first couple of weeks post-surgery and said the discomfort was comparable to losing a game to Delaware and the “battle wounds" that'd include. “It was a little stiff. But with that being said, I didn't think it was too discouraging. If anybody were to get a call saying they were a match, I would 100% encourage them to do it."
"I never thought that as an individual that I could make that big of an impact on someone else's life."
It being all about the bigger picture was a recurring theme in both conversations I had with Shaunise and CJ, just told through different perspectives. Although he didn't know much about the woman who recieved the life-changing donation, he felt blessed to be able to change and extend someone's life and that was louder than any fear. "It's a blessing. If there were any doubts about me making it to heaven prior to that surgery, I hope that secured it," CJ shares with a laugh, "But no, honestly, it was a remarkable experience, because I never thought as a single person, as an individual, that I could make that big of an impact on someone else's life. So that's definitely something that I carry with me."
The Bottom Line
In response to anyone who still might have reservations about joining the registry, Shaunise states, "One of the biggest things right now is the registry isn't that diverse. I'm an African-American. You have to find a donor that represents your DNA. My best match is going to be someone who shares my ancestry, an African-American. The problem is, African-Americans represent 6% of the registry. Hispanics represent 10%. Asians represent 6%, so if you are of a diverse background, we're not really represented in the registry. This could happen to anybody. I'm 27 years old. I was healthy. I was active my whole life. This happens to anyone, little kids. I met this two-year-old girl. I can't imagine being a child going through this. For people who are hesitant, we have to think beyond that. We need to help each other."
Shaunise Robinson's story was exactly the thing that I needed to remember how much good could happen from the smallest thing. Registering is simple and to the point, the donation process is straightforward and includes anesthesia, and the end result is saving someone's life who might otherwise not have a solution to what's slowly killing them or making them ill. I was reminded of the power of community and again the ripple effect that comes with doing the right thing. Not to mention the good karma.
"If you are of a diverse background, we're not really represented in the registry. This could be anybody."
I think as black people we need to make ourselves present in all spaces, especially spaces where there is a demand for diversity. It's great that we're on more television shows, that we can shout FUBU anthems from the mountain tops, and that we can shop black, but we also need to make sure that we show our faces in these places and uplift our community health-wise as well. Shaunise and CJ are right, it could be any of us.
I hope to someday be the match for someone in need. Until then, I am an active member of the registry, on-call to be a donor at any time for anyone. At least, until I'm 65.
So, will you join the registry?
Visit Be The Match today and find out ways how to be of service to people fighting blood-related illnesses and diseases and how to support the cause by joining the bone marrow registry.
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
While doing a podcast interview a couple of weeks ago, when I said my age, the interviewer complimented me by saying that what I said is not what they would’ve guessed. When they asked what the secret was, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh, I’m gonna take me a nap.”
I adore sleep. I’ve said before that it’s like what Six Flags is to some people. And really, it’s just a plus that there are so many health benefits from getting plenty of rest. Beauty-wise, science does reveal that getting no less than seven hours a night can slow down signs of aging. Know what else? There are some direct things that sleep — and the lack thereof — can do to your immunity as well.
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock









