5 Signs You Still Aren't Over Your First Love After All These Years

Love & Relationships

It might sound crazy but it's a part of my testimony. It took me 22 freakin' years to fully get over my first love. That doesn't mean that I didn't date. It doesn't mean that I didn't love other men in that course of time. But what it does mean — and I didn't realize this until well after the fact — is there was always a part of me who thought that when it was all said and done, the guy I chose to sleep with for the first time when I was two months shy of 19, would be the guy I was ultimately going to spend forever with. Even if that meant we would be in our 80s, rockin' on a porch somewhere.

A part of the reason why I felt that way is because, until 2015 when I looked him up and we spent a good six weeks doing what we should've done two decades ago, we never officially broke up. I know this because every 4-5 years or so, we'd run into each other or get each other's number through a mutual connection and entertain the thought of getting back together…again. And again. And again. I knew we needed to get to a point of looking each other in the eyes and saying, "No one can take your place, but your place is in my past" so that we could move on. Mind, body and soul.


Oh, it was so hard to do. I think it's because when your first love is someone you are extremely attracted to, plus an individual who you really like as a person, the connection truly is incomparable.

By the way, carrying a first love torch isn't a female-only kind of issue. I know a guy who is in his 40's who can't seem to make any relationship work because he's still pining for his first love. His first love who is now married to someone else. He can't even look at her on social media and, if he were honest with himself, he's been in an emotional affair with her because they still sneak on the phone from time to time and reminisce. Bless his heart. He may never get a wife of his own because the torch he's carrying for his first love is melting his heart away.

That's why I thought it was important — critical even — to address first loves. Most of us have had one, but here are some telling signs that you just may not be over yours:

1. You’re Still Holding Onto His Stuff

An ex of mine once said something about my past that I think is a healthy and mature perspective — "Shellie, I have no problem with your past, so long as it stays in the past." By that, he meant he didn't want to have a picture of me and an ex staring back at him whenever he came to my place and he didn't want to see me rockin' a sweatshirt of an ex when we watched movies on the couch.

Interior decorators say that if you haven't used something in a year, you should probably toss it because you're holding onto it for no good reason. Soooooo…those letters, that teddy bear and even old texts from your first love — what purpose is it serving to hold onto those?

Just something to think (long and hard) about.

Featured image by Getty Images.

Related Articles:

Why Staying Friends With An Ex Is Okay (& Healthy) – Read More

AskDV: A Love Expert On How To Get Over An Ex – Read More

6 Signs You're A Love Addict – Read More

Can we talk about how Megan Thee Stallion is lowkey an inspirational speaker? I mean seriously, have you ever been feeling down on yourself and then "Girls in the Hood" starts playing? It's like, OK girl, get it together, you're a Queen. From beats and bars to catchy lyrics, she's gonna deliver. But musical talent isn't the only thing that deserves acknowledgment. Sis is also about her bag. The "Savage" rapper has collaborations with multiple brands like Cash App, Revel, and recently announced, Nike.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

What a month it's been with New York Fashion Week, the VMAs and the MET Gala giving us life and style inspo for days. The spring runways evidenced that fresh ideas are on the horizon. The VMAs showed us that the world is our runway and we should treat it as such. And then there's the MET. The MET Gala made it clear that America is chock full of innovation from denim to crystals to colors. To be African-American means that we got a little extra edge so the lewks are more than plentiful.

Keep reading... Show less

We all know that the pandemic has been an eye-opener for professionals forced to work from home, isolate, and now, deal with the back-to-office mania. In fact, research by insurance giant Prudential has found that 1 in 4 workers are looking toward new career horizons, and another recent survey of professionals ages 18-24 found that 66% have felt stuck in their careers since the pandemic began.

Keep reading... Show less

Like many, I was introduced to Tiffany Haddish when I went to see the hilarious film Girls Trip. I came into the theatre expecting to chuckle a bit and just enjoy a movie night. But little did I know, this was a film I'd be watching so many more times and that would put Tiffany on the map as a breakout star. From start to finish, I laughed hysterically and even spent the evening with one of my girlfriends, sharing and reflecting on our own college memories. Fast forward to today, Tiffany Haddish is an Emmy- and Grammy-winning household name.

Keep reading... Show less

For the past 20 years, Target has introduced us to new and emerging designers from around the world, all at an incredible value. In the latest installment of their upcoming designer collection, this fall, Target features rising Haitian-American designer Victor Glemaud as one of four designer collections dropping today. Launching his eponymous leisurewear collection in 2006, the NYC-based designer expresses iconic and fun fashion through statement knitwear, designed for women of all races, sizes and personalities.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Lucky Daye Is Doing It For The Culture, From The Soul

Every so often, an artist comes along who seems to be a physical manifestation of all that we are.

Latest Posts