Sick Of Only One Side Of Your Hair Flourishing? Read This.
UGH. Does anything in the world trigger us to cussing more than having a side of our head where our hair doesn't grow nearly as long, fast or thick as the other? I mean really, when it comes to the many things that can keep us from gaining some real inches, this is the one thing that doesn't get brought up nearly enough. So, I figured that I'd do it.
I ain't gonna lie. Nothing in this piece is an overnight remedy. However, what I do think, is as you learn more about your hair and why it does some of the things that it does, it can help you to come up with a customized haircare routine that can get you some of the results that you've been looking for. So, are you ready to read 10 points that can even some of your lopsidedness out?
1. Accept That the Sides of Your Hair Are “Sisters” Not “Twins”
Before getting into some tips that can help you to bring some balance back to your hair and its growth, on both sides, let's address a really relevant point. The left side of our body is similar yet not identical to the right side. That's why our eyebrows, breasts, feet and other parts of our body can oftentimes appear a little different from each other. That being the case, why wouldn't the sides of our head also reflect the fact that they aren't exactly the same either?
While things like genetics, medications and our diet certainly play a role in how our hair grows, if you're expecting the left side to be just like the right, chances are that you're going to be pissed, most of the time, because that's not really a reality. When it comes to accepting your hair, it really is wise to live by the motto, "The sides of my head are 'sisters', not 'identical twins'." This means that each side will probably appear somewhat different, feel slightly different and may need a bit of a different routine from the other in order to get the results that you ultimately want. With that reality check out of the way, let's go further.
2. Is It Thinner or Shorter? That Is the Question.
When it comes to having one side of your hair that flourishes while the other doesn't (at least not as much), it's also a good idea to keep in mind some other different things that could be at the root, other than what I've already mentioned. For instance, one side of your hair may have more hair follicles on it or follicles that are more fragile than the other which could result in thinner hair. Or, one side may have a tighter curl pattern which could cause it to appear shorter than the other. Both of these things could mean that if you apply heat, if you over-brush or comb, if one side doesn't get enough moisture or even if your diet is all out of wack, it could cause the "thinner" or "shorter" side to appear even more that way or even become more fragile over time.
If you think that one side of your hair is thinner, you might want to consider the following—not relaxing or color-treating your hair (so that your follicles can get stronger); eating foods that have more iron including dark leafy greens, red meat, quinoa, watermelon and raisins and protein like eggs, poultry, oats, Greek yogurt and turkey breasts (also check out "Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods."); washing that side with a sulfate-free volumizing shampoo, and also keeping your stress levels down.
If one side of your hair is shorter and it is due to having a tighter texture, perhaps stretch it out by braiding or twisting your hair while it's wet and letting it air dry before styling. While this won't change the reality that your patterns are different, it can "balance out" the appearance some, if you try.
3. “Baby” the “Weaker” Side
The left side of my hair? I could do almost nothing to it and it's still gonna thrive. The right side? Lawd, she's super high-maintenance. I've come to accept that, though. And since she wants to be "babied" more, that's exactly what I do. While I do deep condition my entire head, I typically add some Jamaican castor oil to my right side to give it some extra moisture. When I give myself a scalp massage (more on that in a bit), I spend a couple of extra minutes on the right side.
When I'm blow drying my hair, I use a cooler setting and less time on the right side. Since it does appear that my hair follicles are more fragile on the right, I'm intentional about following some of the tips that I made in the article "Top To Bottom: 10 Tips To Strengthen Your Hair Follicles & Protect Your Ends". In short, since the right side is a bit thinner and grows slower, I give it extra attention. I've noticed some results since I've been doing that too.
4. Sleep on the Opposite Side. At Least Sometimes.
I've come to realize it's not happenstance that the side of my hair that has the hardest time flourishing is also the side that I tend to sleep on the most (the right). After doing some research into why, there is somewhat of a science to it all. When you spend 6-8 hours a night laying on one side of your head, it can actually cause the blood vessels on that side to become compressed.
As a direct result, your hair follicles are not able to receive all of the nutrients that they need in order for your hair to thrive. The solution? Try switching up sides, at least a couple of nights a week, if you can. You might be surprised at how this one lil' remedy can be a total game-changer for you in the long run.
5. Give Yourself More Scalp Massages
I think I've shared before that I once read that the reason why women of other ethnicities seem to grow their hair out faster and longer is simply because they've got a way looser curl pattern (if they've got one at all). The other reason is due to the fact that they tend to wash their hair more often. As a result, they're massaging their scalp more than a lot of us tend to do and there are some clear benefits that come with doing that.
If you massage your scalp, for four minutes, each day, it's able to increase the thickness of your hair, relieve dandruff, remove some of the build-up that could be clogging up your hair follicles in between wash days and, it can decrease stress; since stress levels can also affect hair growth, that's another cool bonus.
As far as shampooing on a daily basis goes, if we wash our hair every day, that can actually result in dryness, brittleness and breakage; that's why it's best to shampoo and condition no more than once a week. However, while you're winding down for the day, warm up a little bit of peppermint (the menthol will increase blood circulation) and lavender (it's antifungal and also reduces stress) essential oil that's in a carrier oil like avocado (it contains oleic acid and monounsaturated fats that can help to deeply moisturize your hair) or sweet almond oil (it's loaded with magnesium, calcium and zinc), dip your fingertips into it and rub your scalp for five minutes or so. It feels amazing and it will do your entire head a world of good; especially the weaker side.
6. Clarify Your Hair and Scalp on a Monthly Basis
Since your follicles are where the growth of your hair begins, something else that you might want to do is clarify your hair every month. This is simply a process that gets rid of product build-up, so that your follicles aren't clogged and are able to grow more easily; possibly thicker too. Personally, I think the best way to do this is to give your hair and scalp an apple cider rinse.
Not only can it help to get rid of any build-up that you might have, it can also moisturize your hair, add more luster and shine to it and restore the pH balance of your scalp too. Just mix 2-3 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar into one cup of water. Then, after washing and shampooing your hair, pour the rinse onto it and let it sit for 5-7 minutes. It's another thing that can help the weaker side of your hair to get stronger.
7. Focus on the Weak Side’s Ends
It really can't be said enough that, a myth that a lot of Black women have believed, for far too long, is that their hair doesn't grow as fast as other ethnicities. Again, that is absolutely NOT the truth. Yes, because most of us have a much tighter curl pattern and the humidity also results in quite a bit of shrinkage, it can appear that way. Still, all of us, on average, grow between ¼" and ½" of hair every month. The challenge isretaining the lengthso that we're able to see results. And so, when it comes to dealing with the weaker side of your hair, it's crucial that you do all that you can to preserve for ends for as long as possible.
Handle your ends with care. Seal them on wash days. Detangle with your fingers as much as possible. Be careful with your styling tools. Always use a thermal heat protectant when applying heat. KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (and yes, I'm yelling it!). This includes when you're sitting on the couch and are tempted to play in your hair or when you're riding in your car and may lean your head into your hands (those compressed blood vessels, remember?).
I've already shared that the right side of my head is way more fragile. That said, there is a small portion of my hair, right around the nape, that gives me so much drama. Know what else? I get so frustrated with it sometimes that I know I'm a part of the problem because I'm always trying to put something on it to get it to grow faster. The friction that I'm causing is working against, not for it. It's growing just like the rest of my hair is.
Thing is, I'm not "bothering" the left side of my head nearly as much as the right and—surprise, surprise, the left side is longer and thicker. Yep. Leaving your hair alone and also making sure that your ends are well cared for are two other ways to effectively address the "lopsidedness" that you're currently dealing with.
8. Go Easy with the Shears
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about having one side of your hair that grows faster/thicker/longer than the other is coming to the realization that taking some shears to even both sides up isn't always the solution. What I mean by that is, there are many times when I've done that and all that's happened is I never really see results on either side because the left is gonna keep flourishing and the right is just gonna keep on showing out.
While yes, it's a good idea to trim—or at least dust—your ends every couple of months or so, constantly cutting the stronger side isn't always gonna give you the results that you want. Real talk, sometimes the best thing to do is to give your entire head one good evening out and then really focus on nourishing the weaker side. And what if things still look uneven? Well, that brings us to the next recommendation.
9. Find Styles That Will Get Your Mind Off of It
There's a YouTube channel called Sista with Real Hair who posted a video a few years back about how she can't get her hair to grow out evenly to save her life. So, the conclusion that she came to was just to leave her hair alone. Yeah, I know some of you might think, "If that's what you're gonna tell me, what did I read all of this for?" I hear you.
Here's the thing to consider. You know how they say that a watched pot never boils? If, when you comb out your hair, you're noticing that one side is 1-2" shorter than the other, why not either style your hair or put it into a protective style that gets your mind off of the unevenness so that your weaker side has time to catch up?
As far as styling goes, parting your hair so that most is on the weaker side can give the appearance that it is thicker and fuller. Putting your hair up in a ponytail may help some; just don't rely on that look on a daily basis because the strain of your strands being constantly pulled up can also result in breakage and further weakening over time. Braids, twists and Bantu knots are always a good look because it gives your total hair some time to relax.
Then, once you take your protective style down, you should see some length on both sides. That way, if you do decide to even things out, at least there will be a couple of more inches of progress, because you choose to leave your hair—all of your hair—totally alone.
10. Understand Hair Growth Takes Time
I won't lie. Nothing embodies the saying, "patience is a virtue" quite like trying to grow your hair out does. Still, as you're trying to figure out what works and what doesn't, a silver lining to it all is you can happen upon all kinds of things that can help to improve your hair over time. For me, it's been Chebe powder (I use the loose powder in my deep conditioner and have recently been applying an oil that has Chebe and Fenugreek in it; you can cop some of it for yourself by going here) and also learning how to make my own herbal infused oil (I got the herbs from this sistah here and learned how to infuse them myself by watching this video).
And although things didn't change overnight, I have noticed that the quality of my hair has significantly started to improve and that the weaker side of my hair is getting stronger. Dealing with uneven hair growth really can be the absolute worst sometimes. Yet if you make peace with your reality, you create a haircare regimen, you remain consistent and you keep your hands out of your hair, you can see some results that can bring a smile to your face. In time, you can even see some retention too. I'm in this thing with you. Keep the faith, sis.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This post is in partnership with BET+.
Kingdom Business is back for its second season, with even more sermons, songs, and serpents. The series picks up where it left off, with actress Serayah as Rbel caught between the stripper pole and the pulpit. With the first lady of the church working desperately against her, Rbel must find a way to live her dreams and honor her friend while figuring out her faith in the process.
Season one served a collection plate of rivalry, deceit, and revenge –– among many other tribulations. Between the 28-year-old’s acting, conviction, and harmonious voice, here are a few reasons why season two of Kingdom Business is a must-watch.
If the Spirit Doesn’t Move You, Serayah’s Singing Voice Will
Rbel, formally known as Rebecca Belle, is a stripper whose life forcibly takes a turn after suffering a tragedy. Through her quest to find the truth, Rbel finds herself at odds with the head of a local church, First Kingdom’s Denita Jordan, played by the legendary Yolanda Adams. Rbel unknowingly emerges as what a faithful Christian embodies: a perfectly imperfect human who works every day to try their best while leaning on God. Although struggling with her faith, each ballad sung by Rbel can be felt, as the lyrics relate to personal struggles we all endure in different ways. Gospel songs hit differently when your life is in shambles, and chile, Serayah is singing new life into folks.
Serayah is a Formidable Opponent to The Yolanda Adams
As one of the best-selling gospel artists of all time, it’s no easy task to take on the role of a person on the opposing side of greatness. Serayah’s Rbel does an excellent job meeting Jordan at her level while shining through her solos. Throughout season one, Rbel emerges as a top streaming artist, an accomplishment that begets something of a holy war.
Serayah’s Acting Range is Engaging
As a former stripper trying to make a name for herself in the gospel industry, you can imagine the struggles that could come with it. Rbel goes through a range of emotions, all understandable and relatable. Despite several crises of faith, Serayah ensures Rbel delivers a humbling performance that makes the audience root for her redemption.
The Kingdom Business Soundtrack is Everything
Streaming now on Spotify, Tidal, and Apple Music, the Kingdom Business: Season 1 soundtrack is one you’d want to add to your playlist for high and low times. Aside from four soul-soothing songs from Serayah, the soundtrack also features singles from co-star/Hamilton’s Chaundre-Hall Broomfield, gospel artist Chandler Moore, and legend Yolanda Adams.
Serayah’s Rbel Makes You Root For Her
With First Kingdom beginning to crumble under the pressure of lies, infidelity, and deception, Rbel’s window to take that top spot seems wide open; however, the end of season one showed us the Spirit had other plans. Whether you believe or not, Serayah’s Rbel makes you want to see her win. Who doesn’t love a good underdog with a laid 22” bust down? Whether she seeks Him or not, God is proving to be on Rbel’s side. But is it enough to turn everything around for her? Will Rbel lean on faith or fear?
With secrets coming to light, success within reach, and the devastating conclusion of season one, you don’t want to miss season two––especially with more guest collaborations. Kingdom Business returns to BET+ on Nov 2.
BET+ Original | Kingdom Business | S2 Official Traileryoutu.be
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6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed
Gender wars. We’ve all seen them, and I’m willing to bet my next writer’s paycheck that if there’s one topic you notice, basically every time you scroll on social media, it’s body counts. Lawd, I don’t care what platform I tiptoe on to see what folks are talking about; one way or another, body counts are going to enter into the chat — and, more times than not, at least half of the people in the discussion (which is usually more like a debate) are triggered. Triggered AF.
Do I find myself ending up in that emotional kind of space? Nah. I’m the kind of person who is in the lane of, “If you did it, why should you be uncomfortable talking about it?” In fact, I actually wrote an article for the site that reveals my personal “count”; it’s entitled “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners.” Personally, I’m not ashamed of or uncomfortable with my past. I’m also not the most private person in the world either (clearly) — what’s done is done. But hey, that’s just me.
As far as what I think about the debate as a whole? Well, because I know that there are (eh hem, pun intended) different strokes for different folks, I thought it would be a good idea to broach this topic from a few different angles — just so we can hopefully get out of the cul-de-sac of the whole body count drama.
So, please bear with me as I attempt to tackle this topic in a way that is aimed to reduce the triggers and, perhaps, bring about a bit more internal clarity (if you don’t already have it).
1. Perhaps If We Stop Referring to It As “Body Count”…
GiphyAnother motto that I live by is “If you want to understand the ‘tree,’ you need to get a look at its ‘roots.’” That said, when it comes to body counts, I think just hearing the term subconsciously gets on people’s nerves, whether they realize it or not, because it sounds so…well, violent (kind of like how it feels whenever someone talks about “beating it up” in reference to sexual intercourse). And they would be right to think that way because…do you know where “body count” actually came from?
From the bit of research that I did, it was coined by the military in reference to the number of enemies who were killed during the Vietnam War. Eww. Now, if that’s the origin story and you “build on it” by referring to sex partners in the here and now, of course, it’s going to make you feel some type of way — right off of the rip. For me, what immediately comes to mind after taking this in is a quote by a late Black best-selling author by the name of Eric Jerome Dickey. I used to read his books, and in one of them, one of his characters said something that has always stayed with me: “Sex without love is violence.” Although I get that not everyone feels that way, it does kind of illuminate the entire body count thing if you string all of this together…doesn’t it?
So, for starters, maybe that’s why the body count discussion gets so many people heated — whether you care to share yours or not, referring to sex partners with the same words that were once used to describe enemies who were killed in a war is pretty horrifying. I mean, who wants to brag about committing an act of violence? Who wants to see all of their sex partners as enemies? Can’t we come up with something better than that? We probably — no, definitely — should.
Next point.
2. According to Science, Numbers Actually DO Matter
GiphyTake it how you want to, but I personally think it is WILD that we’re living in a time when folks make fun of virgins and then will turn around and quote celebs who have cosmetic lines that reference STDs (I’ll just leave that right there). Are we in The Twilight Zone or what? And because we’re kind of contradictorily reckless right through here, it’s as if science and spirituality have taken a back seat (hell, are they even in the car anymore?) when it comes to sex.
Take body counts (again, I really do think that it should be called something else, yet for the sake of this article, let’s go with it), for example. In a world where so many people say that sex is no big deal and yet they implode at the thought of cheating (some of y’all will catch that later), it’s like most people ONLY see sex from a recreational view — and there is so much more to it than that.
The spiritual component of sex, we’ll have to get into it at another time. What I will say for now is that even Scripture says sex makes two people one (I Corinthians 6:16-20 — Message) — whether you “feel that way” or not. Okay, but since spirituality means different things to different people, let’s factor in science.
There are studies that reveal virgins have the lowest divorce rates, and the fewer sex partners you have before marriage, the more you increase your chances of having a more satisfying sex life during it. At the same time, another study revealed something that’s “interestingly odd”: women with two OR 10-plus partners had a greater chance of divorcing than anyone else (still pondering what that’s about). Then, if we look from a strictly health-related stance, reportedly, those with 10 or more partners increase their risk of being diagnosed with cancer, while another report shares that multiple sex partners increase the chance of having substance abuse issues later on in life (especially in women).
Also, multiple partners can cause greater feelings of low self-esteem (that’s according to the American Psychological Association). Not only that, but casual sex can also make pair bonding difficult; that’s because the various “oxytocin highs” can literally decrease how your brain connects with another person. Interestingly enough, another study said that having no or lots of sexual partners in “any given year” can also increase your chances of divorce too. Not to mention the fact that some studies reveal that men nor women are thrilled about their long-term partners having more than 2-3 sex partners prior to them.
Honestly, I could go on and on, yet I think you get the gist. While folks are on “former Twitter” talking about sex doesn’t have any real consequences, so you shouldn’t give your sexual choices much thought. But, those who actually study it for a living? They say otherwise. So, whenever you’re having a body count discussion, debate, or argument, as everyone is sharing their opinions, it’s probably a good idea to bring some bona fide facts into play, too.
Next point.
3. Consider Your Why
GiphyOkay, so what about when it comes to your own personal body count? Is it anyone’s business? The short answer is “no” — no, it’s not. The reason why I say that is because anything that is related to private information is a privilege and not a right. So no, no one should pressure or shame you into providing it. That said, though, I do think you should do some reflecting on why you don’t want to talk about it — I don’t mean on a social media thread (necessarily) but with anyone. Because again, no you don’t have to; however, if you pondered why you feel that way, it could reveal a few things — not to them but to yourself.
Is it simply that you are private, over and out? Or do you have some sort of shame or guilt surrounding some of your past (or current) sexual choices? Is there some part of you who is afraid of how you’ll be perceived if folks know how many people you’ve been with? Are there some things about your sexual past that, if you were to talk about your body count, would reveal some things that go way beyond the surface?
It's one thing to keep things from other people; however, it’s another thing entirely to suppress thoughts and feelings to yourself, and trust me, I have coached enough people to know that some people don’t want to talk about their body counts because they don’t want to deal with all that comes with it. Bottom line, if you’re not forthcoming with anyone else, make sure that YOU are with YOU.
4. Consider Their Why Too
GiphySome folks are nosy. Some people like to use information against others. Some people are just messy as hell. We all know it. And so, if you’re keeping your body count to yourself because you want to shield yourself from what you discern will be nothing but toxic rhetoric, I totally get it. At the same time, I do think that there are some individuals who may want to know for other reasons.
Take a woman I know who was pretty sexually active in high school. When she met her now ex-husband in college, she lied and said that she was a virgin — well, a (so-called) born-again virgin (major eye roll). Listen, something that I’m big on is personal accountability, and when it comes to virginity, YOU ARE A VIRGIN ONE TIME. You can be a (as the church folks say it) “new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17) all you want, but that doesn’t change hardcore facts, and to tell someone that you’ve never had sex before when you have is dishonest — and I don’t see anything that is “God-fearing” about that.
Anyway, he was a licensed therapist who had done a lot of research on how sexual history affects one’s ability to bond with their partner. He was also a virgin, and so, for him, he felt that her past would have a direct influence on their future. I mean, I’ve already provided intel to show that he’s not totally off-base there, yet the main point is, although she could’ve taken the route of, “You can trust who I am now and accept me, or we can break up”, she lied. He found out later (years later, an ex came back into her life; LONG STORY) and divorced her — not because of her past but because she wasn’t real about it. And I totally get why he felt that way. As a wise person once said, “One lie can dispel a thousand truths.”
Listen, some of y’all aren’t gonna agree with the “checkmate” here, but if you want to know all about your man’s relational history and yet you draw the line at your sexual past — why? What’s the difference? If his details reveal a potential pattern, that same logic could apply to you. At the same time, if his past made him who he is and you love that, also, the same logic on your end. Yeah, one of the main things that goes overlooked on this entire body count thing is it isn’t so much about the sex; it’s about the mindset and choices and how they influence who we all are in the present.
And there are some people, based on the kind of relationship they have with you, who are curious about that. That doesn’t make them the devil; you’ve just got to decide if their way of thinking works for you — or not.
5. Be Honest: Does HIS Body Count Matter to You?
GiphySpeaking of gender wars, Imma tell y’all what — very few things are more irritating than blatant hypocrisy. For instance, someone once posted their own unofficial case study where he first tweeted out that women deserve more than a man with kids; it received over 12,000 likes. When he then turned around and said that men deserved more than a single mom, it only got around 2,000 likes. Please don’t tell me that you don’t see the blatant hypocrisy there. *le sigh*
Same thing goes for the whole body count thing. If you really are standing ten toes down that your sexual history is your business, it really needs to go on record that so is his. Yeah, I know that some of y’all are like, “Cool. No problem” yet let me reiterate what I just touched on a second ago: while (some) guys may want to know your literal and actual number, many women tend to be more cryptic than that. Wanting to know details about his past relationships when it comes to intimacy that’s no better.
If your perspective is your body count should hold no relevance, so should his — again, it goes both ways. So, either be willing to “care and share” or both of you come to the conclusion that so long as your past stays in the past and your STI/STD test comes out negative (because you do take annual STI/STD tests, right?), that’s all that matters.
One final point.
6. In Conclusion, Numbers Are (Somewhat) Subjective. Make Your Own Peace.
GiphyYears ago, back when my own body count was sitting at 10, I spoke at a local college here (one that isn’t getting the funding that it deserves; just needed to throw that in because it’s ridiculous). The topic was sex and relationships, so I was prepared for just about anything. When one of the students asked about my body count, and I shared, the class was almost at a 50/50 split. Meaning, half was like, “That’s it?” while the other was like, “Wow!” — one even verbally expressed how much they thought it was a lot. It didn’t phase me in the least, either side, because that’s how humans are, chile: things can be a lot or a little based on how people see the world.
And when it comes to a topic like body counts — upbringing, religious views, influence…they all play a part in whether more than one body is doing the most or having over 100 is. That’s why, in many ways, you have to come to your own conclusions about how you feel — about your count, about the subject matter in general, and about how your partner (or future partner) rolls.
What I will say as I draw this to a close, though, is if you’re proud of the things that you’ve done or at least have learned from them, that should knock out a lot of the triggering right there because whether you choose to share or only you and your Creator know what’s up, if you’ve truly made peace with your own life, body count debates shouldn’t get to you.
Just read ‘n scroll…read ‘n scroll as you watch others who need to figure out their “whys”.
You know yours — and it’s all good. And you mean that.
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