Triggered: The Truth About Jhene Aiko's Heartfelt Big Sean Freestyle
In 2016, Jhene Aiko and Big Sean made their relationship public after the singer's a very public split from her ex-husband Dot da Genius. Only a week after finalizing her divorce, Jhene posted an image of her latest tattoo featuring her new boo and prompted an immediate response from the internet world. Rumors of the couple's relationship began swirling two years earlier after a photo was posted of the two at a basketball game. Jhene explained that she met the Finally Famous rapper around the time of her brother's death in 2012, but their relationship had not always been romantic.
According to Jhene, they were just friends at the time, but nevertheless, Big Sean shot his shot. She explained to BBC Radio 1Xtra:
"He wanted to take me out on a date. I had a boyfriend, but I still went…just as a friend. I had never been courtside to a game and he's cool. I told my boyfriend 'I'm gonna go to this game.' He wanted to take me out on a date. I had a boyfriend, but I still went…just as a friend. I had never been courtside to a game and he's cool. I told my boyfriend 'I'm gonna go to this game.'"
Later, when Jhene was single and ready to mingle, Big Sean was dating Naya Rivera and the singer assumed she had missed her opportunity. It wasn't until breaking off his engagement with Naya that the two finally got their timing right and finally got the opportunity to give their relationship a shot.
Despite cheating rumors, divorce drama, and maintaining chaotic careers, the couple was seemingly very deeply in love; that is, until earlier this year when it was rumored that the two decided to end their relationship after three years. Jhene finally confirmed the alleged breakup in great detail in her latest freestyle, "Triggered", which had Black Twitter in shambles.
The couple previously alluded to their split via social media but have been tight-lipped about whether or not the rumors were true. Last month, after the death of rap superstar and entrepreneur, Nipsey Hussle, Jhene wrote this on Big Sean's Instagram page:
"You are so special. To me. To the world. While we're both still on this planet I just want to say I love you beyond measure. Even tho I get big mad and u trigger the f*ck out of me. U make me feel. And I appreciate that. Because I thought I was dead inside. My ego has no say when it comes to you. And my heart has been broken a thousand times just to expand. It always finds room for you. I love you from this life to the next and all the other lives we've known each other before. Imma always talk my shit. But Imma always have ur back."
Despite their breakup, both Jhene and Big Sean have remained amicable; but some might say that perception changed after dropping her latest single. According to Jhene, the song, which apparently some fans interpreted as a diss, was a way for her to grieve her relationship in a healthy way. She wrote on Twitter:
"Triggered is NOT a diss song. it is a moment of talking shit out of frustration and passion. It was a moment of exaggerated expression when I was feeling lost and weak. no one is to be blamed or bashed for how I was feeling in that moment. I am in control of my feelings."
In the song, Jhene opens up about the healing process (or lack thereof) that takes place after ending a relationship you thought would last forever. She explained that it was important for her to put her feelings on paper before she could really move forward.
"'Triggered' was a moment. a moment that for me has passed. it is new to you because ur just now hearing it, but for me... it's something I moved on from the moment I expressed it."
When someone says the word "grieve" you may automatically think of a candlelight vigil and funeral, but the truth is, we all grieve different things in different ways. When we were little, saying goodbye to an old relationship meant mustering up the courage to flush your goldfish down the toilet, but as adults and that goldfish is now the man you thought you'd spend your life with, the process becomes much more difficult. The 29-year-old singer revealed that the key to her healing was investing the negative emotions she might have felt at the time into art.
"This is how I paint. this is me yelling and throwing paint at a canvas... then going out into the world feeling less tension, more open... more loving. going to bed feeling less stressed, more optimistic."
Jhene also explained that creating art is one of the most reliable forms of self-care. It's true that energy can't be created or destroyed, but you have full autonomy over your emotions and how they feed your vibe. Having true emotional intelligence is a superpower and knowing how to shift your mood regardless of how you feel can prevent you from making some regrettable decisions. Jhene explained that writing the song was a way for her to walk in her own truth as well as break some old bad habits.
"One night I was so deep in my feelings, I was afraid of what I might do. I didn't want to revert to the same bad habits that have set me back time and time again. I realized that instead of running away from my emotions…I needed to sit with them, express myself and say whatever came to mind. It was healing to say the least…and now I feel a bit more free."
So take it from Jhene, the next time you're on your Waiting To Exhale sh*t ready to bring the noise with some matches, gasoline, and a cigarette, try writing a dope freestyle instead.
Check out Jhene's full video for "Triggered" below!
Jhené Aiko - Triggered (freestyle)www.youtube.com
Featured image by Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images