
There was a lot of pressure placed on the shoulders of television this year. After being stuck in our homes forever, and watching everything there was to know, audiences became more critical of small screen stories than critics themselves. A demand for more was given, without the actual qualifications as to what that truly meant. Did they mean more heart-wrenching dramas or gut-busting comedies? Did they mean more of the supernatural or more of the mundane? Did they mean more of the past or a glimpse into the future?F
Regardless of what the audiences called for, creators and producers stepped up and gave us all of what we demanded in our vagueness--and so much more. Now out of a debilitating year of hell, and still in recovery, television has arrived with stories worth waiting for and here are the top ones of the year.
1.Pose
lights GIF by Pose FXGiphyThe category is…grateful. When it was announced in 2020 that Pose’s third season would be its final one, I remember wishing that each and every character would be given the conclusion they deserved. After watching two seasons of endless heartbreak, temporary wins, and watery smiles, I wanted a chance for the characters to get the happy ending that I knew the people they represented never did. For the sake of not spoiling the show, I refuse to mention if they do get the ending that they deserve. I will, however, mention that I am satisfied with the creation and conclusion of this beautifully heart-wrenching and heartwarming masterpiece.
Pose is a drama spotlighting the icons and ferocious house mothers of New York’s underground ball culture in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Following gay and transgender characters (and actors), Pose focuses on Blanca Rodriguez (MJ Rodriguez), Pray Tell (Billy Porter), Elektra (Dominique Jackson), and others as they navigate the LGBTQ+ world, while also battling the HIV/AIDS epidemic.
With heavy themes and ruthlessly honest depictions of humanity, it would be easy for Pose to become riddled with unwatchable struggle and sorrow. Yet, the show’s intentional decision to balance its sadness with conspicuously endearing characters—and their love for themselves and their self-appointed families—creates a series where one cannot help but to adoringly watch in awe as they live, work, and pose.
2.WandaVision
Scarlet Witch Marvel GIF by Disney+GiphyAt this point, I have made it pretty clear how much I love television. And when I say "love" I mean it in the biggest misuse of terms, because the word I truly want to use hasn't been invented yet. Ever since I was a kid, and especially as an adult, I have found television to be an elegant art form. The music has to be powerful, but not so overpowering that it takes away from the scene. The writing has to be eloquently crafted to sound as regular as it is otherworldly. The sets must be inviting yet exclusive. The actors must be the characters.
To get one thing wrong means changing what could have been a powerful impactful story, into a wasted mess of potential. The more imaginative the show, the more room for error. WandaVision was very imaginative, and--when it came to perfecting its craft--had plenty of room for error.
The music was so noticeable that oftentimes even the characters would acknowledge it. The writing style changed with every episode, as if from various time periods. The sets were inviting, but never as it would seem. The actors were at times miscast. Yet, I have never seen something more masterfully executed than this adroit television show.
WandaVision follows Avengers, Wanda Maximoff, and Vision, three weeks after the events of Avengers: Endgame. Living in Westview, Wanda and Vision indulge in living in mundane suburbia, while trying to hide their true identities. Nonetheless, things are not as they seem when their surroundings begin to travel through decades and characters prove to be more than their tropes. This show is wondrous and if you haven't seen it yet, you're in for an amazing nine episodes.
The story of WandaVision is one that has not been seen in a while, especially in this diluted sea of superheroes. What could have been easily a Marvel show gone wrong (looking at you season four and up of Agents of Shield) turned into an extraordinary, artful portrayal of uncontrolled grief. This fantastic mini-series shows what happens when a character who loves television is created by people who love it, too.
3.Snowfall
Season 3 Fx GIF by SnowfallGiphyWhat a fall from grace. Then again, was Franklin ever truly graceful? Returning with its fourth season, Snowfall continues its following of anti-hero, Franklin Saint as his dirty work contributes to the 1980s cocaine epidemic. Under the influence of the morally bankrupt CIA operative, Teddy, Franklin, and his family find themselves completely out of (and somehow in) their element when they sink further and further into the cocaine business.
After watching this season, I find it hard to believe that I ever fell for the charm that is--was (is?) Franklin Saint. In the beginning, he was a character worth rooting for. Despite his obvious shortcomings-his unrelenting quest for power--it was hard not to want Franklin to succeed. I had hoped that his desire to get himself and his mom out of Los Angeles and gain enough money to return to college would turn into something. I had hoped that he would become something more than what was expected of him.
Then he went and pursued selling and making cocaine, and...I'll be completely honest: I continued to root for him. I didn't see Franklin as a criminal, I only saw him as a result of systematic circumstances. I understood Franklin turning to crime when education turned its back to him. Now, I don't see that anymore. That person, that person mentioned before no longer exists. After everything that has happened, especially this season, I can no longer absolve Franklin of his decisions, nor do I think he should be.
Despite this, I eagerly tune in every week to see what will happen next. Franklin is a disaster, but he does have some redeemable qualities, and if I were to think on it all of the characters--except for Teddy--do. They're messy, but they are human and trying. They love each other despite loving power just a little more. I can't stand to watch their descent, but I can't bear to look away.
The upcoming season has been announced to be Snowfall's final, and after all of the trouble, I'm just hoping that season five will give everyone some reprieve, and make this entire messy descent worth it.
4.The Underground Railroad
The Underground Railroad GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphyI almost missed this piece of art. Not because I didn’t know it existed, but because with every fiber of my being, I did not want to see it. As a Black person, I am so sick and tired of seeing Black pain. It’s in the news, it’s on social media, and the last place I wanted it to be was purposefully on my TV. When I saw the trailer and ads for the show, I pushed it aside and wiped my hands clean of it.
Then, out of the blue, I cracked. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. All I know is that I sat in front of the TV and managed to stumble on the first episode. Once I left the first episode, the second was playing and before you know it I was ten episodes in. Call me weak if you must, but if you ask me, it was one of the best decisions I had made this year.
The Underground Railroad follows Cora, an escaped enslaved woman, as she boards a train to embark on an agonizing journey toward true freedom. Meanwhile, she is being chased by a notorious slave catcher, who is determined to return her to where he believes she belongs.
This show is considered one of the best shows of the year because of three reasons: Thuso Mbedu (Cora), William Jackson Harper (Royal), and Barry Jenkins. Mbedu in the lead role is truly exceptional. The South African actress deserves accolades and then some for her portrayal as Cora. One of the most moving scenes would appear in the first episode, where she is told that she will be able to see America as it is if only she looks out the window. Throughout the show, we watch the hopefulness that Cora once felt in the face of freedom dwindle as she truly sees America for what it is. America was beautiful and under the perception of Jenkins' lens, its beauty is clear. But with the people who make America what it is, its beauty can be hard to notice under the light of its hate.
Mbedu carries this show on every pore of her back and when she needs a moment, which is rare, Harper picks it up. The entire show is filmed like art, and the lessons the characters learn are as heartbreaking as one would expect. Nevertheless, every heartbreaking moment is worth it, especially when we get to see this Black woman become the hero of her own story.
5.Invincible

Admittedly, I didn't want to watch Invincible.
Despite watching Shang-Chi and all of his rings, braving The Eternals despite its reviews, and preordering tickets to the recently released Spider-Man: No Way Home film, I grew tired of superhero things. Besides the heroes that I had already committed myself to--remember the WandaVision review from a second ago--I didn't feel the desire to get attached to a new hero. I didn't have the care to see the same story told through another animation. I had seen it all. So much so that I believed I could tell the story myself.
So, when I finally sat down to watch Invincible, I found myself thinking just that. It had followed the same trope that we had all seen before. There is a semi-normal person, Mark Grayson, who wants to follow in his father's footsteps, the hero Omni-Man, but cannot. Why? He doesn't have powers. Although, this does not remain a problem for long. When he obtains his invincible powers, Mark eventually learns what it means to be a superhero from his parents. With his ability, though it will take time, he will save the world. Typical, right? Not so much.
What seemed like a cookie-cutter, fun but expected animation quickly turns into something more dark and drastic than ever expected. Over the course of eight episodes, 40-ish minutes long each, we discover that falling into the typical hero trope might not be such a bad thing. Because when done right, what is expected makes room for the unexpected to shine.
By the final scene, the characters are launched into a new chapter that shows that all heroes are villains in another's story. And that sometimes the ones who save the day are the ones you never believed could. Whether you like animation doesn't matter, you're going to like this.
6.Lupin
Suit Up French GIF by NETFLIXGiphyLike all great shows of this year, Lupin–the little engine that could–came out of nowhere.
A crime, mystery-thriller series, Lupin follows a man, Assane Diop (Omar Sy), who is inspired by the nefarious actions of thief Arsene Lupin. After his father is framed for the theft of an expensive diamond necklace, he hangs himself in prison when his sentencing becomes unbearable. Years later, now an adult, Assane decides to seek vengeance on the true thief, his father’s former employer, Hubert Pellegrini, and his family.
Split into two parts–the first coming out in early 2021, the second mid-2021–Lupin leaves the audience constantly on the edge of their seats and always wanting more. Unlike most thrillers, this show leans into being both mysterious and fun. The heist that Diop plans is simultaneously over the top and just enough to make the viewers constantly wonder if and when he will truly be caught.
This show reminds me of the early 2000s TNT show Leverage, a show where heists were done on a regular basis, only to go wrong, just to turn out oh so right. Lupin is very similar in the sense of things going wrong, and somehow, only looking wrong to the audience. Just when you think Diop has nowhere to go, he changes like the wind and adapts to situations in a way that could never be predictable. It’s entertaining. It’s nail-biting. It’s immensely fun.
In addition to this, the show does a great job of making the setting just as much of an important character as Diop himself. Paris gets a chance to shine in a light that is more than just being the “city of lights.” Instead of showing the typical tourist sights, the audience is given all of Paris and its beauty. Though, these often picturesque locations are the backdrop to messier, and undesirable situations.
With just ten episodes, Lupin can be watched over the span of a weekend. With subtitles, it should be watched diligently. Regardless of when and how you choose to watch it, it is an entertaining and thrilling experience worth adding to the front of your queue.
7.Blindspotting
Sipping Tea Time GIF by BlindspottingGiphyThere is a reason why Jasmine Cephas Jones' award shelf keeps getting more and more crowded. Though, before you shout Hamilton, know that that was six years ago (despite Disney+ release), and not the biggest reason at the moment. Instead, Jones' current awards and accolades come from her stunning performance in Blindspotting.
Based on the 2018 indie film with the same name, Blindspotting follows Jones as she reprises her role of Ashley, a young mother in Oakland who struggles to keep her house in order when her boyfriend of 12 years is arrested for selling drugs. With dreams once in sight, Ashley finds herself trying to rebuild her life when she learns that she will have to leave her newly built home, and bunk with her boyfriend's mother when she discovers that he won't be returning for a while. From this typical family drama ensues, nevertheless, Jones' performance is what truly steals the show.
Similar to Starz's gone-too-soon hit, Vida, Blindspotting does a wonderful job of showing what happens when one is born in a neighborhood but doesn't necessarily belong in the neighborhood. From the very moment she returns, it is clear that Ashley and her son are somewhat welcomed by the people, but that she shouldn't be there in the first place. She does not enjoy the same things those of the block do. She does not value the same things either. This often pits her against her boyfriend and his family's ideals. What they see as an everyday thing, she sees as "fuckery" that isn't worth dealing with.
Not only this, but it is very clear through Jones's performance the difference between Ashley and those of the neighborhood. She doesn't stick out like a sore thumb, from first sight, it seems as if she truly belongs there. Nevertheless, because she has ambitions outside of the block and outside of the life her boyfriend has given her, it becomes very obvious that she will never be truly satisfied.
The term "blindspotting" defined within the movie by writer and star Daveed Digg's character, Rafael Casal, relates to the limits of one's perception, a dualism that cannot be seen.
While the term in the film was meant to show why the characters might not be able to move past where they are, this term does not completely fit the character of Ashley, which might contribute to her greatest hindrance. Ashley can see the dualism and she is not satisfied with the life that she is constantly forced to see outside of her doors. With drugs, gentrification, and the lack of a steady place to call her own, Ashley takes a completely different approach from the other characters of the show/film.
While they see home, Ashley sees a prison worthy of escaping now that she has outgrown it. Though, escaping it might be easier said than done.
8.Squid Games
Round 6 Game GIFGiphyThis wouldn’t be a "best TV shows of 2021" list if Squid Games was not on it. As stated before, the best shows this year came out of nowhere, and man did this come out of nowhere. As ruthless as it is intriguing, Squid Games was such a hit, mainly because it did what no other show was willing to do: it held a mirror to the world as it is.
Yes, one could argue that The Underground Railroad did this, reflecting America’s biggest sin on the screens. Nevertheless, that sin is only limited to America pertaining to its longevity of enslavement and ruthlessness. Squid Games, although a South Korean show, shows how truly terrible we are as an overall global society. These errors aren’t rooted in the past, instead, it is formed and cultivated right in the depressing and at times hopeless present.
Often compared to the likes of Hunger Games, Squid Games finds itself to be just a little more gruesome. Even though the Hunger Games has more ruthless arenas and children killing each other, Squid Games is just a little worse, mainly because its cruelty is presented through our childhood games. Meaning, the games aren’t difficult to complete, what makes it truly difficult and Hunger Games-esque, is how willing everyone is to kill one another to seek their economic goal. Which only reflects how awful our current world is because if given the chance to relieve myself of debt, and this game had been an option, I would honestly consider completing it.
Squid Games shows what is truly wrong with our current world, and it also shows how easily this wrong could be rectified, if only our leaders would spend more time helping their people, rather than pitting them against one another. Like other Netflix originals, Squid Games is dubbed, but to truly understand and feel the cruelty of the show, go the extra mile and enjoy it with captions.
9.Reservation Dogs
Native American Indian GIF by Reservation DogsGiphyHear ye, yes, hear me: Any show or story about a person of color I am watching. I repeat, any damn story that is told about a person of color, by a person of color, I am watching.
If it just so happens to be good, I am watching and I am staying. Reservation Dogs, FX’s newest comedy show, is a show about people of color, made by people of color, that is definitely worth staying for.
Reservation Dogs focuses on four Native American teenagers who commit insouciant crimes to fund their mutual dream of moving to California. Until they can raise enough money, they spend most of their time with limited opportunities while hindered by the loss of their close friend Daniel, whose death they blame on the circumstances of their community. Due to this, drama ensues, which at times can be heartbreakingly dramatic, but for the most part, it is presented with hilarity that has never been associated with Native American people on-screen.
This show is why representation truly matters. With its four teenage characters, Elora, Bear, Cheese, and Willie, Reservation Dogs tells a delightfully intriguing story of people who are just trying to live. That's it. Yet, it is fantastic in its depth and actual representation of who Native American people are today, which is a perfect blend of their old and modern cultures. In some episodes, the air time is shared between all four characters and we get to understand why they want to leave as a collected group. In other episodes, the time is divided and we are given reasons why each character has a reason to leave.
These reasons make us wish the characters could go and start that life they so desperately want in California, and after watching their daily nonsense we root for their petty crimes to succeed. Although knowing how California is, and knowing how the world cares not for the many, a part of me wishes for them to stay within their community. Though, I know California could be better for them, there is still that chance that it won't be, and it would be a shame for such likable characters to be let down once more.
Reservation Dogs is a show that everyone must see. Not because the story being told is groundbreaking, but because the people who get to tell their story are. It is rare to see a show that follows a particular culture and group despite it being 2021, and it is even more rare to see it be Native American people who have somehow been erased from their own history.
Watching Reservation Dogs will make you cry, it will make you laugh, and most importantly it will make you say, "it is about damn time."
10.Harlem
Meagan Good Kidding GIF by HarlemGiphyPrime has done it, again. Sneaking in with just a minute to spare--it premiered on December 3, 2021--Harlem is another top show worthy of watching this year. Following four girlfriends as they navigate their personal lives and careers, Harlem is what occurs when Girlfriends meets Insecure and Living Single. Created by Girls Trip writer Tracy Oliver, Harlem is grounded in its friendships and the hilarity that occurs when life gets as ridiculous as it does get complicated.
During the first few episodes, we are introduced to Harlem through the perspective of Camille (Meagan Good) a newly single (if you can call a year new) anthropology professor. When she attempts to jump back into the dating world, her friends are introduced to help her maneuver through the world of dating apps and disappointment. Despite being introduced to this world through Camille, the audience continues to travel through Harlem with the (mis)guidance of Quinn, Tye, and Angie, too. Like Camille, they must deal with messy love lives, not-so-wise decision-making, and the burden of just trying to "human" right. Nevertheless, the beauty of this show is that they manage to deal with all of this together.
The issues they find themselves in are often avoidable, but honestly, most situations we all find ourselves in are just that. Regardless, what makes Harlem entertaining is how they manage to get themselves out of a situation they knew from the beginning was never meant for them. At times, this behavior can be seen as messy and pointlessly so. Other times, it just seems entertaining and as if they are making decisions because they know it could be a great story to tell in the future.
No matter what it is, Harlem shows the power Black-female friendships can create, but in a typical Tracey Oliver fashion, it also shows what can happen when people are just allowed to live proudly and unapologetically the way they choose.
Honorable Mentions: We Are Lady Parts, Girl5Eva, Hacks, Mare of Easttown, The Great, Midnight Mass, and Only Murders in the Building.
Featured image by Getty Images
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
How To Avoid Being An Emotionally Impulsive Spender This Holiday Season
Geeze. Can you believe that we are just a few days out from another Christmas? Yeah, me neither. In fact, because I’m not a holidays person myself (check out “So, What If You Don't Observe Holidays?”), it wasn’t until one of my clients was venting about how stressed out she was due to all of the holiday season procrastinating that she had been doing that I realized just how fast December is actually flying by.
If, like her, you’re feeling frazzled because, although you told yourself last year that you weren’t going to wait until the last minute to “handle your business,” you ended up doing exactly that, fret not. I’ve got 10 tips that can keep you from making emotionally-triggered decisions as far as your financial expenses are concerned. Merry Christmas. #wink
1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.

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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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