“I hate when people have that view towards marriage just because others around them are divorced or going through issues. What does their failed marriage have to do with you?"
That was a comment from a reader on an article I recently wrote about mismatched expectations. I hate to admit it that with #RelationshipGoals hashtags being thrown around and endless articles encouraging men to find themselves an “Ayesha Curry" or "Michelle Obama" to wife up, the media and the relationships we're surrounded by affect our outlooks on love more than we'd like to believe.
We'd all like to think we're creating a unique love story all our own, but most of us want the same things you'd find in any The Perfect Match type rom-com: respect, trust and someone who won't judge us when we spend way too much in Target…every single damn time.
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Journalist and first African-American female co-host of The Today Show, Tamron Hall, is no exception. In an interview with People magazine, she once revealed how her sister's tragic experience in a relationship has seriously impacted her own ideas about love and intimacy.
"No one deserves what happened to my sister," Hall opened up about witnessing her sister, Renate, become involved in an abusive relationship. In 2004, Renate was found bludgeoned and beaten to death floating face down in the pool of her Houston, Texas home. The incident was the final blow in Renate's history of being involved with abusive men. Hall reveals she witnessed a violent altercation herself on one occasion.
"I said to her, 'What's wrong with you?' 'You're too beautiful. Too smart. You can do better.' All the things I've learned now are wrong [from domestic abuse advocates], I did them all," Hall revealed about the incident she witnessed in her own home.
Hall says she was upstairs when she heard a scuffle from downstairs. When she came down, she found a bruised Renate in the middle of a room in shambles. After asking the man to leave, Tamron began to question her sister about the relationship. As an advocate for women who are victims of domestic violence, Hall now knows that it's important for women in these situations to not feel judged. Renate stayed in the relationship until her untimely death. Although the man was the only person of interest in the investigation of Renate's death, due to lack of evidence, no arrests were made and the case remains an unsolved homicide.Hall admits that she carries some guilt for her sister's death and feels knowing what she knows now, she could've handled things differently:
"I think Renate thought some part of me still judged her."
But Renate's death has not been in vain. In her honor, Hall has committed a part of her career to advocating for victims of domestic violence and educating friends and family members on how to support loved ones who find themselves in abusive relationships. Hall works with groups like Safe Horizon and Day One to help families of victims find closure. In 2015, she was honored the Women of Courage Award by Philadelphia's Lutheran Settlement House for her work in sharing the stories of survivors of domestic violence on the Today Show's Shine a Light series.
But the conflicting feelings surrounding her sister's experience have affected more than Hall's professional mission, they have affected her personal life as well. Joking that her friends have nicknamed her “The Runaway Bride," Hall admits that Renate's relationships have made her approach her own with caution:
"I've been engaged a couple times. Thank God no one was abusive, but [my sister's situation] makes me cautious."
The 47-year-old shared that she's been engaged twice but never made it down the aisle:
“I never bought a dress, but I was close, in Vegas and another time in Cozumel," she says. "I chickened out both times." Tamron Hall with family and sister Renate (right).
Photo courtesy of Tamron Hall
Hall also admits that a phobia of divorce along with the demands of her career have also played a huge part in her hesitance to commit to long-term relationship. “I'm sad about it some days," she revealed although she is quick to confirm that the success she's experienced as a journalist is a pretty big damn deal:
"I know it's rare to have a single woman on morning TV who doesn't have a child, and I'm Black! But I love my job."
As a super Tamron Hall stan, I must admit I love the job that she's doing too. Hall holds it, balancing sass and sophistication, and being the “young and fly" auntie I never had. She might as well be a living, breathing Being Mary Jane. But don't get it twisted, Hall is no slave to her success and finds time to schedule some fun in after handling business:
"I date, don't get me wrong," she says. "I'm not up here filing my fingernails on a Friday night. I want to find someone to share my life with."
And if possible she wants to have it ALL:
"I've not given up on having a child. But I hope whatever route of parenthood I choose, whether it's adoption or I'm able to conceive, I just hope that I'm able to give someone as beautiful a life as my parents gave me."
Hall's whole approach to relationships got me thinking about the examples of love that are set for us and how they define what a healthy relationship is and exactly what we want. Growing up in a two-parent household, I was lucky to witness a relationship of love, respect, and loyalty between my parents on a daily basis. My mother taught me how to maintain my independence while still being a part of a team. My father taught me the importance of having standards and demanding respect. But more than that, I owe a lot of what I learned about relationships to my older sister. I love my big sis to death, but I have to admit I learned a lot about what I didn't want in a relationship from her example.
I think the only thing as painful as watching your daughter deal with heartbreak, is witnessing your mom or sister deal with losing love.
There were plenty of times I've sat in my room listening to New Edition and Troop beg and plead on the other side of the wall, muffling my sister's cries. In addition to watching my sister give her all to men from the very beginning of a relationship, (fulfilling my duties as an annoying little sis) I've read diary entries about how she would fall head over heels only to get taken advantage of or cheated on. Witnessing these lessons firsthand didn't make me exempt to the heartbreak any teenage girl has to go through as a rite of passage, but I did find myself keeping my guard up a little longer after meeting a guy.
I was hesitant to start acting like a girlfriend before officially getting the title. I saw my sister make lunches for men who didn't have enough respect to not double book their side chicks so they didn't all show up with soup and a sandwich at the same damn time. Some relationships I didn't take as seriously because I knew maintaining my independence and keeping my options open would lessen the chances that I'd find myself crying into my pillow to “Can You Stand The Rain?"
Whether it's your parents going 22 years strong or Ayesha Curry cheering from the sidelines when her hubby Steph breaks another three-pointer record, there's nothing wrong with looking to the relationships around us as a reference for what we want or don't want from love.
What matters most is that we use these examples to help shape what works for us. We all won't be Ayesha Curry, but there are some pretty awesome Kisha's, Bianca's, and Michelle's that are holding it down for their men just fine. Just because your BFF has been cheated on by every man she's ever been with, doesn't mean it's only a matter of time before you discover it going down in your own man's DM's. You have to take into account the unique circumstances of each relationship on its own. If Hall's experience can teach us anything, it's that every relationship, good or bad, can teach you about what you want from love as well as a thing or two you may not have known about yourself.
"It hasn't shaped my life, but it's given me courage I didn't know I had."
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The James Room’s Co-Owner Justin Miller On Inclusive Nightlife & Atlanta’s Growing Cultural Scene
The career path we choose sometimes presents itself to us during our childhood. One entrepreneur's desire to maintain and run his own business began around age 12.
Justin Miller, one half of the duo responsible for running Atlanta’s premiere gathering place, The James Room, began his entrepreneurial pursuits by selling his drawings at school.
“I think I was always an entrepreneur,” he tells xoNecole during an interview for Hyundai’s Best In Class series, highlighting entrepreneurs making a difference through their businesses who also happen to be HBCU alumni.
“I just had different hustles, as they call them, growing up. When I went to law school, that was my first big entrepreneurship. I started my own law firm right after law school in 2006, and I’ve been an adult entrepreneur ever since.”
Alongside his business partner, Harold “Poncho” Brinkley, Miller and his team aim to fill a niche that hasn’t been seen before in Atlanta—an upscale lounge environment that is diverse and in alignment with what is currently available to patrons in cities like New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago. Located in Atlanta’s Krog Street District, The James Room offers a wide range of entertainment. From weekly events like live music on Tuesdays, slow jams by a live DJ set on Wednesdays, and b-side vibes on Saturdays.
“People are a little bit segregated in Atlanta,” Miller explains. “People party separately. People hang out separately. So, we wanted to create a space where everyone could come together and enjoy life because we all love the same things, and there shouldn’t really be separation when people are trying to relax and have fun.
"The James Room fills that niche, and Poncho and I, when we started thinking about getting into this field, both of us enjoyed that type of thing. We both enjoyed environments where people are together and enjoying each other’s company, and it’s not separated by Black and white or age, that kind of thing, more just people who enjoy good, fun stuff.”
“People are a little bit segregated in Atlanta. People party separately. People hang out separately. So, we wanted to create a space where everyone could come together and enjoy life because we all love the same things, and there shouldn’t really be separation when people are trying to relax and have fun.
As a product of Morehouse College, Miller also shared how being a graduate of a historically Black college or university (HBCU) has played a significant role in his work as an entrepreneur.
“My network started from, of course, Morehouse, and then branched off to Clark Atlanta, Morris Brown, Spelman, those schools close to Morehouse,” says Miller. “When I was there and made the connections that you need to be an entrepreneur, I think that the network you get when you go to an HBCU is second to none for anybody, but especially a Black person trying to start their own business.”
He adds, “The network you get at Morehouse for a Black man is even double because it’s like becoming a member of the network and a member of a fraternity simultaneously. So you can reach out to people vertically and horizontally, and you all share the same background in a certain way, so people will listen to you that normally would not.”
By day, Miller’s passion for law shines brightly through his work at his law firm, Stewart Miller Simmons, which he and a few friends started with a people-first mindset. One of their first big cases involved representing the daughter of George Floyd after he was murdered by Minneapolis police officers in 2020.
In addition to that high-profile case, Miller shares that the team has also represented the family of Rayshard Brooks, the young Black man who was killed by police in front of an Atlanta Wendy’s restaurant. They’ve also represented the mother of Ahmaud Arbery, the 25-year-old who was killed by two white men while jogging in a neighborhood near Brunswick in Glynn County, Georgia.
“We have some of the biggest cases in the world,” says Miller, reflecting on the nature of his business within the law field. “But my passion, the thing that I love the most, is doing things like The James Room, being able to create things where I can go myself and decompress, So I know if I like it in the environment, it’s good, and it’s relaxing for me, I know it will be for everyone else. This is one of my driving forces.”
Miller’s biggest lesson as a business owner, especially regarding The James Room, is that "you can really have whatever you want.”
“You can do whatever you want. It just requires a commensurate amount of work,” says Miller. It’s completely up to you. If you outwork yourself, you will receive everything you want. If you don’t, then you’re going to see where you’re going to stay and where your business will stay. I played basketball in college, and after that, I learned that you have to work. I didn’t know that same philosophy worked in business the same exact way, but it does.”
When it comes to the legacy that he and Poncho aim to leave behind with The James Room, the sentiment is simple: They want the business to be remembered as providing a different type of space in Atlanta.
"If you outwork yourself, you will receive everything you want. If you don’t, then you’re going to see where you’re going to stay and where your business will stay. I played basketball in college, and after that, I learned that you have to work. I didn’t know that same philosophy worked in business the same exact way, but it does.”
“I don’t want it to be the last of that type of space or one of the few of that type of space. I’d like it to be the beginning of those types of spaces in the city,” Miller notes. “Atlanta is growing. It’s now very multicultural because I am from here. My family’s from Atlanta. I grew up between Athens and Atlanta, Georgia. So I’ve seen Atlanta grow from where it used to be to what it is now.”
“I want the legacy of The James Room to be as Atlanta grows into the multicultural, big city that it is turning into, that the nightlife also corresponds and gives people options other than hookah and chicken wings. There’s nothing wrong with hookah and chicken wings, but you should have other options… sometimes you might just want an espresso martini.”
As their business continues to serve young professionals and creatives alike, Miller and Poncho take pride in continuously creating a place where everyone can come together, mix, and mingle, but in a more relaxed setting where everyone’s story can be heard.
“What I would ultimately like to see for The James Room is it being a nationwide brand. A brand where you could put a James Room in Houston, or you could put a James Room in Nashville,” Miller concludes. “You could put a James Room anywhere because all these places need this type of nightlife. Also, the entrepreneurs there, the people doing the nightlife there, need to see that this thing can work.”
He adds, “We have a proof of concept, and I believe the world needs to see and have it. I am a person who believes that more is better. So if you have more people putting this kind of entertainment out for consumption, you’ll have more people who have choices and more people who can enjoy themselves differently than what’s normally offered to them in their city.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image @jmilleresq/ Instagram