The day started out a little more hectic than usual.
A 19-month-old alarm clock sounded off at four in the morning, just an hour earlier than predicted. Hair had to be done, webinars recorded, and social media posts strategically released to the 25,000 followers anxiously waiting word from their favorite Liberian girl promising them a new lesson on digital domination. But no worries. Mattie James, entrepreneur and founder of the fashion and branding blog Mattieologie.com, is used to wearing a lot of hats. Super mom and influencer are just a couple of head adornments that she wears effortlessly.
“With the baby waking up super early and having to do the webinar, it kind of got just a little bit more hectic than I anticipated," she shares with me from her Atlanta-based home. “You just pull it off and put out fires as you need to."
Photo Credit: Mattieologie.com
James is a part of what could be considered the new class of digital entrepreneurs. Today's movers and shakes aren't just creators, they're their own celebrity. Complete with a strong following, endorsement deals, and six-figure income streams that make you question why you dared to limit your dreams to the traditional nine-to-five job. But James is no overnight success; it took years before she could cash in the coins provided by brands and creative concepts for monetizing her blog.
Back in 2009 when Mattieologie was birthed, blogging was still just a hobby to James. The year prior she was working in retail management, but before she could reach the quarter-life she had a crisis—one that had her questioning whether following in her mother's footsteps (her mom worked in the cosmetic industry since before James was born) was aligned with her own purpose. So a month after her then fiancé got down on bended knee, she put in her two weeks notice. “I was like I don't want to start my life as a wife and as a woman of the house doing retail management. It was something that I settled for just for the sake of money, and now that I was getting into the swing of adulthood, I was just like I don't want to do that," says James.
With a passion for sports and journalism, James went back to square one and started as a promotions intern at a sports radio station. Three month in she was offered a position as the street team manager, but despite being in a male-dominated industry, James still had a love for pretty things, including fashion and beauty. “I learned about everything from Fendi to Ferragamo from my mom. By default since I always had access to beauty and fashion things, I think naturally my likeness towards them was always there."
Photo Credit: Mattieologie.com
That same year she won the Miss Liberia USA pageant. With all eyes on her, she saw it as the perfect opportunity to take Mattieologie to the next level. She bought the domain for her budding style blog, but with little knowledge about branding or how to turn her hobby into a profitable business, she found herself doing what many entrepreneurs do—just figuring it out along the way. “I literally did not know what I was doing," she confesses. “I knew that I wanted to blog and I just made that decision. And the thing about decisions is that they're non-negotiable, so even if you don't know what you're doing, once you've decided to do it you're moving forward.
It took six years of trial and error before James figured out the formula for financial success. Hint: it doesn't include using Google Adsense. “I've been a blogger for six years but I've been an influencer—where people actually listen to me and I listen to them and really started producing content that my audience wanted—since 2013."
What her audience wanted was the real Mattie James. Not the cookie-cutter version that she initially portrayed on Instagram, but the one who occasionally goes bare-faced and sometimes struggles with balancing marriage and mommyhood.
“So many of us are trying to look like the perfect version of ourselves, and that's not what people want."
“In the beginning it takes you so long because you have to come to terms that you have to share your story," she says. “So many of us are trying to look like the perfect version of ourselves, and that's not what people want. People want to know that you went to the Walgreens and spent $30 because you're still trying to find the perfect red lipstick as a brown girl. People don't want to know that you just look perfect on Instagram."
Photo Credit: Mattieologie
It's something that brands have yet to master—creating an authentic connection with consumers. They turn to influencers like James to reach an audience that would normally shoot them the side eye when promoting products, and bloggers are getting up on game as to how deep the corporate pockets go. In a recent blog post James shared that since quitting her full-time job last June where she was making $49,000 a year, she's pulled in over $150,000. Over half of that was thanks to the bread and butter of her balance sheet—her online courses ranging from $97 to $997 teaching fans and followers how they, too, can get paid to be themselves.
“What you have to pay attention to is what the top influencers are doing and the capacity that they're working with brands," she advises. “I think that people are familiar with blogging enough to know that, okay, there's sponsored posts. But when you look at so many different things like what [DJ] Khaled has done for Snapchat, who would think that you could actually monetize and fully influence from Snapchat?"
Arguably, it's her transparency that keeps her fans hanging on to her every word. Not just about how to make passive income, but her personal struggles as well. In one webinar she shared that she wasn't able to post content consistently for the month because she had a miscarriage due to uterine fibroids. In an age where mystery is an anomaly, it begs the question, at what point do you stop fans at the door of your persona life?
“I wanted to share because somebody might have gone through something similar and think that they should just give up, and I don't want her to feel like that," James says. “I'm transparent because it's more important to me for my audience to be helped and fully served than for me to look cool and perceived as perfect. I don't want people to worship me, but my job is to serve you, and if my transparency does that then that's what I'm going to do."
“I had a miscarriage before I had Babyology and one after, and I'm still here, and I'm still going to try to have a second baby," she continues. “I just want whoever is reading this or watching a video of mine to know that life goes and you can push through and that there is life after a tragedy like that."
Photo Credit: Mattieologie.com
There are things that she does keep close to her heart, like her daughter Maizah (whom she's deemed as “Babyology") and her relationship with her husband, Chris, who has been her biggest supporter since before James was raking in the dollars. “He's just such a servant, and he's so willing to serve as my husband or serve my daughter as a father. And he's so consistent at that and he's willing to do that whether it's on a weekend or after a really long day at his 9 to 5. That's really important to me."
While you'll catch flashes of them on her timeline, her family secrets are one thing that aren't for sale.
Though James hopes to inspire others to get paid for their passion, she's also come to terms with the fact that life in the limelight isn't for everyone. It takes a lot to shed insecurities and hit the record button for thousands of followers to have access to your everyday life. It's equally as tough to stay committed to the process required to hit the six-figure mark. In one webinar, she bluntly tells her viewers that only two percent are really going to take her lessons and apply them in their own businesses. It's the fear of responsibility, she says, that keeps them from achieving their desired level of success.
“A lot of people do not follow through because of the responsibility of having to do it again. Winning is not accidental. It takes a commitment, and people don't want to be held responsible. The more you succeed, the more responsibility. It's funny because we're so worried about not being perfect that we think that being powerful and being who we always wanted to be is associated with being perfect, and so we're afraid. We underestimate our worth, and overestimate what people think about us."
For James, though, being in the spotlight as a blogger and influencer is a modified version of the dream that she had as a teen leaving her Alabama home and moving to New York as a classically trained dancer in hopes of being a pop star. “No matter what I did in my life I knew I wanted to be a rock star at it, and when I was a teenager, blogging didn't exist. Now I realize with Mattieologie, I can be a rock star. I don't have to sing, social media is a stage. Blogging is a stage. So I kind of let that go and realized that I can be a star in my own right because of content."
Photo Credit: Mattieologie.com
“The next Oprah and the next Beyoncé are not going to be from a traditional music industry process or even television. They're going to be made on the Internet."
James believes that the new generation of celebrities won't be made in studios or even on traditional stages. “The next Oprah and the next Beyoncé are not going to be from a traditional music industry process or even television, they're going to be made on the Internet," she predicts. “That person can be me. I'm not afraid of that possibility and I don't even think saying it out loud is an ego, it's just that I'm willing to put in that work to be that possibility."
Slay on.
Originally published October 17, 2016
Featured image by Mattie James/Instagram
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.
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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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