

Everything related to COVID-19 has been a hot mess and a ball of stress. From losing clients and being stuck in the U.S. to having to cancel events and even coping with the death of someone I know---life's been more than challenging these past few months. When I'm not trying to pick up the pieces of my broken travel plans and confused bank account, I'm juggling virtual appointments with my therapist, course assignments for my master's program, incessant Zoom meetings and event invites, and thoughts of saying to hell with it all.
I can definitely empathize with the millions of others in the same boat as me.
So please, bruh… sis, just know this: When outside fully opens for all of us, don't expect me to join you at that brunch table, on the cruise trip, or even for worship service. I don't care how many masks, sprays, and reassurances are given. Ya girl won't be in the building. Period.
I know some states and countries have lifted some restrictions, and people are out and about, but I'll still be self-isolating until I feel super comfortable deep down in the pits of my soul to join the masses again. Hey, I won't shame you or try to convince you to do the same. I'll just let you know 5 reasons why I'm choosing caution over comfort:
Image via Giphy
1. I've found career direction, money savvy, and discipline by staying inside.
Initially, I was very depressed and angry about being forced to remain in the same place for an extended period of time. (I mean, it's one thing to make a choice not to go anywhere. It's another for borders to be closed.) I also, obviously, did not like the initially negative impact COVID-19 had on my income streams. However, time at home has forced me to center my thoughts, get more creative, and reevaluate the services I offer and who I offer them to.
When you're distracted by too many choices, you sometimes get so caught up in it all that you lose sight of your long-term goals and what truly makes you happy. I thought I'd escaped the rat race of a 9-to-5 by going freelance full-time, but I found myself on another hamster wheel of entrepreneurship that wasn't really serving me. One client loss actually led me to a realization about a service I offer that I don't even enjoy doing---one that wasn't bringing in much money to begin with. COVID-19 forced me to essentially let go of dead weight and reevaluate the return on investment of time and energy.
I've also consulted branding managers, revamped my Website, got a new therapist, attended cool virtual events (that I would've been too busy to consider attending in-person), and found other skills I can market to make a coin. I think I have more self-work and re-focusing to do, so inside I'll be for a little while longer.
2. I can contribute to the good of the environment.
While I know governments have to make tough decisions that affect society as a whole, I can make my own choices about my body, my health, and my safety. Some of the affects of quarantine have been positive for the environment anyway. Experts have found that pollution and greenhouse gas emissions have decreased since the pandemic began, and though the positive effects might subside, this is good news for now.
Just because quarantines are lifted and businesses can open doesn't mean I have to immediately go back to life as usual. There's no law that says I have to go outside when everything opens up again. It's that simple.
I'm not an essential worker, my line of work can be done from anywhere that has WIFI and electricity, and I think it will be helpful to the community as a whole to help lessen the load of accommodating so many people who will be flooding the streets.
Image via Giphy
3. I've adopted healthier habits and lost weight.
Yep, even with all the take-out and delivery food. Before the nationwide quarantine and business closures, I loved going out to eat and I only worked out when I felt like it. I'd have a meal at a restaurant at least three times a month. I enjoy the experience of having a chef cook and not having to do dishes or shop for groceries. When quarantines were mandated, I craved restaurant food, so I'd order delivery or takeout. Sadly, many restaurants are ill-equipped or lack proper infrastructure for effective delivery service, even when partnering with third-party apps.
After two very popular delivery platforms utterly disgusted me---offering cold, low-quality food, horrible drop-offs, and high fees---I decided to fast. I initially did two weeks---for the first, only water and tea, and the second, soups and liquids.
I really didn't start the fast to lose weight since fasts, for me, are related to spiritual and mental health, however, it doesn't hurt that I've lost 10 lbs so far.
I plan to continue. It's my way to take focus off unhealthy eating habits, detach from relying on restaurant meals, and release anger about wasted time and money. I plan to go vegan for a while once I break my fast (another lifestyle change I've done in the past and enjoyed).
Image via Giphy
4. I was a germ-conscious introvert before COVID-19, and being so has suited me just fine.
No shade to people who are the total opposite---again, this is not to shame anyone for how they choose to live their lives---but I can count on one hand how many times I've been hospitalized or even extremely sick. I have always been a big fan of staying home if there are any semblance of symptoms of any sort of contagious ailment such as the common cold or flu. I was that kid who would not share food or candy with anybody, and don't get me started on toilet seats, cups, and utensils. I'm notorious for not letting people do things like dip their hands in a bag of chips or double dip a spoon in a sauce or soup.
I'm still a bit of a germaphobe---someone who doesn't allow "outside clothes" on or in my bed, washes clothing (no matter the color) in hot water, wears shower shoes in bathtubs I didn't clean myself (yes, even at hotels), and keeps handy bottles of sanitizer in my purse, in my car, and in almost every cupboard of the house.
After more than a decade of living in New York, falling victim to bedbugs from an apartment rental gone bad, and having a major health scare in my late teens, I stepped up the sanitation and germ-conscious game and never looked back. And I know, sis, I know: There are people who have done it all and still, unfortunately, got sick. However, experts have said, time and time again, that the more you can lessen exposure to germs and bodily fluids, the better your chances are of staying healthy.
Image via Giphy
5. I need more evidence of a lower risk of contracting COVID-19.
So many stories are going around about the risks of getting COVID-19, the strain its caused for the healthcare system, and how a "mutant" version of it is anticipated to emerge in the near future. I'm not one to live by fear, but survivors of the virus have even said they do not think it a good idea to reopen businesses and reschedule recreational activities with groups so soon. And though there are vaccines under development, there is no vaccine readily available to the average consumer, according to reports.
A simple trip to the store for essentials has shown me that many don't follow directions and won't respect the six-foot advisement of social distancing anyway. I still see people gathering in groups conversing with no masks, people not washing their hands or using hand sanitizer, people using their bare hands to test fruits and vegetables, people coughing or sneezing without covering their mouths or using the inside of their elbows… I could go on and on. Even if I chose to do some of my favorite things outdoors--- sit on a beach, read at the library, have a meal on an outdoor veranda, or get on a plane---I can't do it with 100-percent confidence that I won't have an anxiety attack or be exposed to the virus.
Folks, I'd rather be safe than sorry, and to be honest, going back to life as usual for a brunch date, movie night or overseas trip just isn't in the cards for me right now. I will continue to pray, sanitize, self-isolate, self-motivate, and take things as slowly as I feel comfortable doing.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured Image via Shutterstock
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
How Power Women Protect Their Finances With Smart Money Boundaries
No matter what it is, setting boundaries can be challenging, especially when those boundaries involve money. But if you want to sustain success and financial freedom, boundaries are important, both with yourself and with others.
Many wealthy successful women have mastered setting boundaries and prioritizing accountability so that they can ensure they remain that way. Let's face it: If you want a certain quality of life and you work hard to achieve that, you don't want to risk it by taking on habits that jeopardize your financial stability.
Be inspired to not only set money boundaries but keep them by taking heed to the common financial boundaries power women of today establish:
1. They pay themselves first.
Building consistent savings habits is important to wealth-building no matter how much you earn, and the practice is often one that continues even after you're well-booked and well-paid. Actress, producer, and philanthropist Queen Latifah has always been a proponent of this after learning from her mom to "save your money."
This is the epitome of the energy behind paying yourself first. You squirrel something away and take care of yourself by taking care of your future first, before paying any bills. You invest in yourself (within your means and with a budget in mind, of course).
2. They don't loan money without clear repayment rules and expectations are agreed upon.
It's awesome to be able to help people out by loaning them money, but when you don't communicate clearly about repayment (or what will happen if the money is not repaid) you set yourself up for a cycle of taking on other's debts and maybe even building more debt of your own.
Unless you're doing charity, set those boundaries early about when and how a loan will be repaid. And if you know you won't get the money back, rethink the loan altogether.
3. They create budgets that are realistic and reflect their current lifestyle.
In her book, What I Know for Sure, Oprah Winfrey wrote, “I hope the way you spend your money is in line with the truth of who you are and what you care about.” This is key for many successful women, especially when they're budgeting and investing.
Issa Rae told Money.com, "I don’t splurge just because. I will never have 17 cars. I will never have expensive jewelry. I don’t spend that much on my clothes, or shoes. I will spend money on a stylist, and a makeup artist, because those things feel necessary for work. But material things? No."
There's a clear indication that there are clear value systems sustained by what matters to them no matter how much they make, and budgeting is a huge part of that.
4. They consider the long-term effects of a rash purchase before proceeding.
It's totally okay to treat yourself, but if you find yourself impulsively buying things you don't really need or always living check to check because you've maxed out your credit card to take that sixth trip in one year, there's a problem that might put a damper on those financial freedom plans. (That is unless your trip is part of how you make your money, and it's a worthy investment into expanding your prospects.)
Successful women are conscious of the long- and short-term effects of purchases, small and large. They're always thinking about how one action can impact the bigger picture.
5. They are givers and believe in the reciprocity of that.
Many of us are familiar with the famous quote, "To whom much is given, must is required," and there's that undertone of service and charity that is a common thread for wealthy, successful women, especially those who run businesses or lead brands. Involving yourself in acts of service not only enriches your development and that of communities, but it increases your exposure, network, and credibility, often leading to more opportunities to make more money.
Most leading CEOs, entrepreneurs, and professionals are big on giving back, whether it is through resources, a nonprofit, money, or their time. "As you become more successful, it's important for you to give back. Even if you can't financially give back, kind words and sharing about other businesses on social media mean so much. Every little thing counts. Help out your friends and family with advice, encouragement, and support," said Angela Yee, award-winning radio host and entrepreneur.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images
Originally published on August 16, 2024