

Why One Mother Is Embracing Her Stretch Marks Through A Series of 'Provocative' Photos
There's nothing I love to see more than a mother living comfortably in the body she's in after giving birth to a child. Regardless of how long a woman's carried, we've all gone through the same adventures of having our skin stretched, our thighs enlarged and our breasts gone up a cup size (or two). But those shared experiences oftentimes lead to a division once children arrive when some mothers are fortunate enough to go back to their pre-baby body.
In an age where many find a need to share their journey of motherhood on the 'net, conversations on snapbacks aren't unfamiliar, but make many women uncomfortable. While plenty will argue that the discomfort lies in personal insecurities about one's body, others believe that posting photos of a tighter tummy and slimmer mommy that garners hundreds of thousands of likes, fosters the belief that that is an ideal body for mothers. But what happens when you post photos that are a striking reality of the everyday mom that isn't a celebrity?
Ask Aussie mom and blogger, Haddas Ancliffe, who is igniting conversations on self-acceptance of the body, following childbirth. Her Instagram account is like any other–a collection of intimate moments with family, fashion pieces, and vacation spots–but what stands out the most on Ancliffe's page are the pictures of her alone and in her skin. Instead of advertising two-piece bikinis and brands like a sponsored post, the new mom proudly displays her “stretch marks and imbalanced breasts" along with her stomach's loose skin in a series of photos that are accompanied by empowering captions on her postpartum body.“I have bad days you know... Days where I look at myself and think, I'll never look like girls on Instagram in their calvins with amazing figures and smooth flat tummies. But I don't have days anymore where I want to tear off my skin or cry at my reflection. Gone are the days where I'd refuse to go out if I thought I looked bad or get mad at anyone who would compliment me. NOW most of my days I look at myself and I'm happy. My body isn't where I'd like it to be health/strength wise, my skin sees pimples daily and my hair is mostly in a frizzy bun but I'm beautiful none the less! I'm one of God's creations which in itself means I am beautiful, glorious even. I want to be real with everyone that's why I'm saying this, so you know I don't just have 100% confidence and no flaws. I am flawed, I'm not always confident but I am living and breathing and full of love so I have no reason to be down on myself. Same goes for all of you, whether you're a mommy or not, if you're alive you are nothing short of beautiful. #mycalvins P.S these bras are so good for breastfeeding."
Calling her photos “a different kind of provocative," Haddas leaves honest thoughts on her experience, one that doesn't just relate to new mothers who are attempting to come to terms with their new bodies, but women as a whole. And they're very inspiring, to say the least. She wrote in the caption of another photo:
Images of young women in bikinis flood our Instagram feeds daily. Sexual, near naked, provocative pictures that get a lot of attention and make other women who don't look the same feel inadequate. Well here's a different kind of provocative image for your feed. An image that says, my body is stretched, sagging and uneven but I'm still attractive. You don't stop looking good in a bikini once you have kids, you just look like a different kind of good. When your body no longer looks like the Instagram bikini model and you have a mom bod, be proud! Put on your bikini and belly chain, do your best Kylie Jenner in the pool pose and be proud that your child thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world... That's all that matters anyway. #motherhood
What the Australian mother is doing aside from being candid about her journey, is shifting the narrative on women who don't fit the “perfect body" criteria. Campaigns from companies that cater to women have already assisted with promoting body diversity and positivity, and Ebony magazine has already cultivated a much-needed conversation on redefining beauty with their “Body Brigade" issue. Society still has a long way to go, but what matters most is how we as women feel about the bodies before us in mirrors. Ancliffe is saying and sharing what most won't and has found approval within herself–a life lesson to anyone who struggles with the skin they're in.
What are your thoughts on Haddas' bold move to share her postpartum body for the world? Let us know below.
Featured image via Dahs/Instagram
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
I didn’t think much could get better about the blissful high that comes with oral. That was until I came across the Kivin Method.
As someone who was never a huge fan of oral sex and could largely take it or leave it, I must admit that I have started to come around in recent years. With my head thrown back, hands gripping sheets and hair, and toes curling from the intense sensations of the work my partner is putting in at my center, I now give myself over to the pleasurable act wholly and unapologetically.
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images