
Exclusive: Michelle Williams On Depression, Healing & Why It’s Important To Check In With Yourself

"I'm your girl, you're my girl, we your girls - don't you know that we love you…"
"Girl" (one of my personal favorites) was released by Destiny's Child in 2004, and the song speaks to being there for a friend who's in a toxic relationship. Today, the importance of having your tribe and being there for each other is still a powerful and significant message considering the fact that: 17 years have passed, which means responsibilities and priorities have likely changed for many of us, AND we survived a whole global pandemic. Hence, "checking in with God, yourself, and others," is so important for such a time as this.
Throughout the pandemic, we've heard a lot about Zoom fatigue. However, when the beautiful, talented, multi-platinum, award-winning artist, and member of one of the best-selling girl groups of all-time, Michelle Williams, shows up on your computer screen, all of that so-called Zoom fatigue goes out the window.
Recently, I had the wonderful honor and pleasure of "checking in" with Michelle Williams. When Michelle first appeared on my screen, there was an effervescent glow about her. It wasn't just the fact she was rocking a glamorous, natural look, or the vibrant pink lighting that added a delicate, yet fierce, femininity to the room. Instead, it was her kind, warm, down-to-earth spirit, and her humble and genuine personality. As someone who has experienced and invested in my own mental health journey, not only could I relate on so many levels, but I was all the more appreciative for her candidness.
During our "check-in," we discussed how Michelle courageously decided to share intimate details and experiences in her new book, Checking In: How Getting Real about Depression Saved My Life and Can Save Yours. She also shared the importance of checking in, how she's overcome public shame, embarrassment, and humiliation, as well as how she navigates mental health in her relationships. And let me tell you...she definitely kept it real.
Getting Real with Yourself
xoNecole: Because you are such a private person, how difficult was it for you to openly share and pen your mental health journey and experiences?
Michelle Williams: So many people told me about the healing effects of writing. So, a girlfriend and I went to a cabin one weekend, and I began to write and voice everything. It was like a therapy session. As a singer, I'm used to putting everything in a voice recorder. So, writing the book wasn't different. It was very healing and very restorative.
In your book, you shared a story about how when you originally joined Destiny’s Child and were asked about your name: “Who do you think little girls want to be like? Tenitra or Michelle?” Although you chose Michelle, there was a part of you that also thought about: “...how much my feelings of unworthiness may have sprung from comments just like that one. I wonder how much influence I lost by exchanging that label.” Reflecting on that, how have you peeled away those layers and labels to truly embrace your authentic self?
Michelle: Just so people know, Destiny's Child did not make me depressed. The music industry did not make me depressed. This is something that I've been dealing with since the 7th grade but I was finally able to put a name to it by my thirties. At first I was scared to include that part because this is not a tell-all book, but based on the way it was written and the heart of the book, by now, people know Tenitra Michelle. They know I'm not out here trying to ruin my 20-year friendships with Beyonce and Kelly.
Besides, Michelle in the beginning of Destiny's Child didn't know what she was doing. So, a part of me felt like I could keep Tenitra to myself. I am Michelle, but at times, "Michelle" served as a cover-up or a mask, but it was Tenitra who was wounded and hurt. Tenitra needed the miracle and emotional healing. Now, the only label I've got that matters is God's: God's creation. God's work. God's child.
"I am Michelle, but at times, 'Michelle' served as a cover-up or a mask, but it was Tenitra who was wounded and hurt. Tenitra needed the miracle and emotional healing. Now, the only label I've got that matters is God's: God's creation. God's work. God's child."
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Tyler Perry Studios
We know how close you, Beyonce, and Kelly are, but how difficult was it for you to be open and honest with them about your mental health journey initially?
Michelle: Many times, we talk ourselves out of having conversations that we know we can have with our girlfriends. When I joined Destiny's Child, I know that Beyonce was really struggling with depression. Her two childhood friends were no longer in the group even though they had dreams and plans. So, I couldn't come in and be like, "You know, I'm depressed too." I wanted things to go smoothly, so I did what needed to be done. Fast forward to some years later, Bey and Kelly were getting married and having children. So, I talked myself out of talking to them. I didn't want to be a "Debbie downer." I didn't want to bring the wrong energy.
Then, in 2018, we were rehearsing for Coachella and I was newly engaged, but I felt like I couldn't go to anybody with this. I didn't want to ruin anything. That's also a trick of the enemy - he wants you to feel like you can't speak about it. His job is to "kill, steal, and destroy." So, he isolates you and makes you believe that you can't talk about it. He tries to mute your mouth because your mouth is powerful...it can open doors, build up and tear down. It can get you the help that you need. So, when I finally did tell them, their response was: "Michelle! You could've and should've come to us!" To this day and even recently, Mrs. Tina, told me, "I wish you would've told us."
For those who may not fully understand the weight of mental illness or they’re on the outside looking in and all they see is the glitz and the glam, what do you say to those who may think, “If your life is that good, then what’s there to feel depressed about?”
Michelle: You might be successful, functioning well, but there may be things that you need to process - trauma, transitions (e.g. job, move, relationship, getting married, getting divorced), and even triumphs. Everything doesn't have to come tumbling down before you go seek help. The main purpose of money is that it enables me to pay my bills on time, and now, thankfully, it enables me to get help.
Getting Real about Relationships
Sometimes, when we struggle with mental health issues and depression, we may feel like it makes us unloveable. How do you navigate and approach those tough talks with partners when you’re experiencing depression and you’re not OK?
Michelle: I've gone out with a few people a few times and you just slide the topic in there….definitely not on the first date though. It could be as simple as asking, "What do you think about this person or that person," or "What are your thoughts about therapy?" You can talk about me if you have to by saying something like, "Hey, what do you think about Michelle and her story?" Then, observe how they respond to the conversation.
Reflecting on your past relationships, what have you learned in terms of how well or difficult it was to manage your mental health in your relationships?
Michelle: I wish I had taken off my superwoman cape and shared more about my mental health sooner than later. I wish I had done that with the man that I was engaged to. I can do it now, but back then, I couldn't. I was afraid because I knew this man had been waiting for a wife this whole time and here I was about to tell him, "Uhhh, I think I'm depressed." So, once he did find out, he was crushed that I didn't say anything because he wanted to be there since he's a natural "fixer" anyway. Now, I just go ahead and talk about it because I want to see the other person's response. If their response is not a supportive one, then we don't have anything else to discuss.
"I wish I had taken off my superwoman cape and shared more about my mental health sooner than later. I wish I had done that with the man that I was engaged to. I can do it now, but back then, I couldn't."
Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images
On the flip side, if you’re with someone who is experiencing mental health issues, how can one be supportive?
Michelle: Check on them, and also educate yourself. My ex-fiance was supportive, but he wasn't aware or knowledgeable about certain things. I know he was crucified by a lot of people on the internet because of a past episode of our show when he asked me if I had taken my medicine. Nonetheless, we were trying to get the world to also see what this looks like (relationships and mental health), and how unfortunately, sometimes we say things that are offensive to the people we love.
Asking for Help
In your book, you talk about the moment when you finally admitted and said, “I don’t feel safe...I need help.” Was there a specific situation that led you to that pivotal moment, or do you think it was a culmination of everything you had been feeling?
Michelle: It was a culmination of everything that had transpired. It's like the game Jenga. You're stacking blocks on top of blocks, but the removal or placement of a single block can cause everything to crumble. For me, I felt the symptoms of depression, so by the time I went to the hospital in 2018, I had been feeling the symptoms for awhile, things were building, and I was in a dark place. I remember being in the bed talking on the phone with a pastor and his wife and they said, "In the morning, if you don't feel better, do what you gotta do." So, I did.
So many people struggle with asking for and getting help even privately. How difficult was it for you to experience something so private yet on a public platform for all the world to see?
Michelle: By the time I walked into a mental health facility, the shame had already left. My lip wasn't even waxed and I didn't take any clothes with me. One of the nurses went to Target and bought clothes for the duration of my stay including clothes, panties...whatever I needed. Shortly thereafter, my manager called me and said that a [certain media outlet] needed confirmation about my whereabouts since it was about to go public. So, I released a statement merely because I didn't want them to tell MY story. I wanted to control my own narrative. That's when the shame, embarrassment and humiliation came.
For someone who may be struggling right now or feeling shame about wanting to seek help, what would you say to her?
Michelle: There are a lot of reasons why people don't go to therapy, but I pray that your desperation and your wellness outweighs all of that. Let God do what he's going to do with everyone else because it's going to work out for you. Your life and your well-being has to outweigh your pride, the fear, and shame. Part of the reason why the shame left when I arrived at the mental health facility was because I was so desperate for help. Shame can't be in the same spot as desperation. As Shanti Das and her organization says, "Silence the shame." In other words, silence the fear, and let courage and bravery be amplified.
"There are a lot of reasons why people don't go to therapy, but I pray that your desperation and your wellness outweighs all of that. Let God do what he's going to do with everyone else because it's going to work out for you. Your life and your well-being has to outweigh your pride, the fear, and shame. Shame can't be in the same spot as desperation."
Prince Williams/Wireimage
Social media can be a double-edged sword. How do you manage your social media intake? Do you ever take social media breaks as a way to help protect your peace?
Michelle: Yes, I'm very intentional about the follow button. I curate and follow people based on how I want my vision board to look. When someone tells you "your music changed my life," I gotta respond. I love to engage with people but there are times when I do take a break. It's healthy when you're not scrolling all day. Now, have I responded a time or two to those who aren't kind? Absolutely, but I don't do that all the time because I don't want to be known as the "clapback queen."
Checking in and Doing the Work
Besides therapy, have you explored or tried other forms of therapy or treatment?
Michelle: I've [had] a few sessions of something called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR); which is a form of therapy that helps with trauma in terms of desensitizing and disarming. There's also guided stretching, diet-related factors, and boundaries. Boundaries are so important. Being able to say things like, "No, I'm not talking about this," or "No, I'm not doing this," or "No, I don't have the emotional capacity."
I also respect others and their boundaries as well; so much so that if I know I'm about to initiate a heavy conversation, I'll ask, "Do you have the emotional capacity to listen to what I'm about to tell you?"
My condolences to you as I know your dad passed away a short while ago. Would you say that your faith and the mental health work that you’ve done have helped with managing your grief?
Michelle: Definitely. My therapist was on stand-by when I needed her. Just talking to somebody helped me deal with the sadness of the loss of him; the sadness of when I call my mother, I won't hear him in the background. I'm not over it of course, but what's helping me over is the way in which he passed. At the time, my mother was singing hymns to him, but little did she know, she was ushering him into Heaven. I told my Mama (laughs), "I think God and daddy had a Zoom meeting and they orchestrated the way he tiptoed out of here like a G."
I even had hopes of him walking me down the aisle one day, but I guess he was like, "I tried. I waited, but it just didn't work out. I'm ready to go." So, I have tremendous peace about where he is and how he left.
In your book, you stated: “When we fail to check in with ourselves - aware of our own thoughts, feelings, and spirituality - we fail to live as God wants us to live. Because we fail to see ourselves as God sees us." What does checking in look like for you now?
Michelle: I started the process of "checking in" back in 2019. In 2019, I was still going through the thick of everything that happened in 2018. So it was a healing journey of everything that I went through in 2018. Checking in with myself means being aware of how I'm feeling before going to bed. Saying things out loud. Listening to music. Checking in with God centers around praying and talking to God.
Checking in with others means calling up someone as soon as I think about them, and if they don't answer, then I'll send a text. It's about being more intentional. It's also about having the courage to tell my friends, "Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed," but also being mindful about not putting too much pressure on my friends. That's why processing things with your therapist is important.
Because you’ve revealed so much of yourself to the world, what is your greatest hope for your book and everything that you’re doing?
Michelle: I can't bare my heart and soul anymore than I already have...that's how much I want to help inspire and impact the world. My hope is that Checking In will help people get real about their mental health issues and give them the courage to seek help. Do it for you and your future. You deserve it and your future is coming. There are certain insurance companies that will cover some or all of your therapy sessions, as well as certain schools that offer assistance with getting therapy.
However, if you're out there and you can't necessarily afford therapy or don't have immediate access to resources: at least start by asking yourself, "How am I feeling?" As my cousin, Brittany - who happens to be a therapist - likes to say, "Feel your feelings." Be aware of your feelings - whether sadness, anger, grief, or whatever - because those are natural, legitimate responses to whatever's going on around you. Everyone doesn't have to be the poster child for mental health, but I want to be the poster child for seeking help.
For more of Michelle, follow her on Instagram. Checking In: How Getting Real about Depression Saved My Life and Can Save Yours is out now.
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Featured image by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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This Year, Please Don't Let Valentine's Day 'Infect' Your Relationship
Personally, I think that Valentine’s Day and weddings have quite a bit in common. Both can be wonderful days that are centered around love — so long as the real motives are right. Both can also put couples in debt if they are not careful. And boy, if I hear one more woman say that weddings are “MY day” and/or that she isn’t concerned with doing anything for her man on V-Day because “It’s all about ME,” I think I’m going to scream! SMDH.
Indeed, something else that Valentine’s Day and weddings have in common? You can see how genuine or selfish someone truly is.
Maybe one day, I’ll write something, extensively, about how to not ruin your own wedding day by putting more pressure on you, your man, and/or your expectations than you actually should.
For now, though, since Valentine’s Day is once again upon us, I just wanted to share a few keep-it-in-perspective reminders, so that your relationship can actually flourish on the holiday instead of it finding itself on some pretty shaky ground — because, believe it or not, 1 in 14 people people actually break up with their partner on Cupid’s Day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s (partly) because they weren’t factoring in the following points.
It’s a Sweet Day. Still, It’s Just a Day.
When I was younger, I remember hearing about a local couple who had such an extravagant wedding that they had to live with the wife’s parents for almost three years just to pay it off (they are divorced now, by the way). Goodness, thousands upon thousands of dollars, just for an event that lasts for one day — and not even the entire day, at that.
Are weddings a once-in-a-lifetime event? I mean, they should be (some of y’all will catch that later). Still, does it make sense to spend money that you don’t really have on it? No. It doesn’t. Financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce and 56 percent of couples go into immediate debt just paying for their wedding alone. Hmph, seems to me that folks should either have a wedding that they can afford or…wait until they can actually foot the bill.
Same thing goes for Valentine’s Day, although on a smaller scale. Although I have read before that around 220,000 people get engaged on V-Day and somewhere around six million end up getting married then, unless it’s a diamond ring or a wedding ceremony, it’s my opinion that no one needs to be stressed out, breaking banks, acting like they are a character in a throwback soap opera, simply to express their love for someone else on that day.
On February 15, bills will still need to be paid. In a couple of weeks, rent/mortgages are going to be due. And besides, if the love is both solid and genuine, nothing needs to be “proven” by over-the-top gestures on one day anyway.
That said, is Valentine’s Day a sweet and sentimental day on the calendar to express love? Sure. However, a 24-hour period shouldn’t do so much financial damage that it’s hard to recover once it’s over. And you know what? Any person who pressures their partner into thinking otherwise, they are showing some bright yellow flags at best — which brings me to the next point.
PSA: How Your Partner Acts on Valentine’s Day Is Quite Telling
There’s a guy I know who was all ready to propose to his lady on Valentine’s Day a few years back. He wanted to surprise her and so, he didn’t do anything beyond say “Happy Valentine’s Day” throughout the day.
After it got dark and she didn’t see any flowers or other evidence that he was going to acknowledge the day, she basically flipped out. She told him that she felt humiliated because her other friends had a great day (which of course, they posted online), that she didn’t feel appreciated, and that he didn’t deserve her. As if that wasn’t “enough,” she then decided to go the social media route and pose their situation as a not-so-hypothetical dilemma (meaning, if you knew offline what was going on, you knew that she was talking about her man).
“He” ended up being both hurt and semi-floored that he didn’t even mention that he had a ring in tow. Then, after almost a week of her not answering his calls, he ended it. He sent her a picture of the engagement ring, told her that, clearly, he was one of the most selfish men in the world (insert sarcasm there), that he learned a lot about her and he didn’t think that he could trust her moving forward.
All because the man didn’t go hard for you on Valentine’s Day? You blew up an entire relationship over that? Not to mention — where was your gift for him? Funny how that never came up.
To be fair, if you’re dating someone who you know makes a big deal over St. Patrick’s Day let alone Valentine’s Day and you choose to ignore it, you already know that it’s gonna cut deeper than it would for other individuals.
However, all I’m saying is a lot of people show all the way out with their sense of entitlement when it comes to V-Day — and that can reveal a lot about their attitude towards the relationship, in general, how they are able to handle (potential) disappointment and how they prioritize things overall.
Bottom line, some folks end up with partners who bring nothing but headaches and drama on Valentine’s Day…and that ends up being a blessing in disguise because if one holiday can get someone totally bent out of shape, imagine how they’ll be when a REAL problem occurs. Whew, chile.
When You Love Well Every Day, Valentine’s Day…Isn’t That Big of a Deal
I grew up a biblical Sabbath observer which is Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. The Hebrew word for Sabbath is Shabbat and it means to cease from creating (Genesis 2:1-3). When you grow up taking that kind of time off, each and every week, it kind of feels like a holiday in a way (although a “holy day” would be an appropriate assessment).
In fact, for many years, my mother would get me something (like a new pair of pantyhose, a purse, or some lip gloss) as a token of the beginning of the Sabbath, every Friday, which made it even more special and celebratory. And probably, that’s why I can pretty much take or leave a holiday now. Other than my birthday, Sabbaths were/are extraordinary in several ways and so I don’t “live” for something like Christmas.
My point? When two people love each other well and consistently, Valentine’s Day is typically seen in a similar fashion.
You already speak each other’s primary love languages. You are already proactive and intentional regarding the time that you spend together. Intimacy is already and consistently prioritized. In fact, you and your bae are so into each other, so often, that if you’re not paying attention, February 14 may pass you by without you barely even noticing. And how truly awesome is that? February 13 you loved well. February 15 you will love well. February 14 is just the day that’s in between the two.
And that is why I entitled this article the way that I did. To infect something is not just about poisoning or tainting it; it’s about allowing things to influence it in such a way that those people, places, things, and/or ideas end up doing more harm than good. And y’all — if you allow the commercialism, the social media hype, the unnecessary pressures of people who you don’t even know (or who aren’t invested in your relationship in a beneficial way) INFLUENCE how you feel about Valentine’s Day, you very well could end up irritated or…alone. All because of a day. ONE DAMN DAY.
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I’ve written enough articles on Valentine’s Day before that if you think that I’m simply hating on the day, it’s only because you’re choosing to. Valentine’s Day, when it’s coming from a healthy mindset and realistic perspective, is just fine. Celebrate love and have a ball doing it! All I’m saying is 24 hours shouldn’t make or break a relationship. And sometimes a gentle reminder of this fact can end up sparing it.
Enjoy the day. Don’t stress over it, though.
Bottom line, love isn’t any different on Valentine’s Day.
Or at least…it shouldn’t be.
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Featured image by Jasenka Arbanas/Getty Images