In her latest transformative role, LeToya Luckett sheds her glamorous persona to embody a character who survives a harrowing near-death experience, only to rise from the ashes and reclaim everything she lost in Lifetime’s I Thought My Husband’s Wife Was Dead.
The suspenseful movie, based on the novel Unmissing by bestselling author Minka Kent, also stars Sherilyn Allen, former pro football player Jamall Johnson, and Angela “Blac Chyna” White. The story centers around Lola Winters, played by Allen, who is an expectant mother and wife of Leo Winters, played by Johnson, with a penchant for donning all-white ensembles.
Together, the affluent couple live a lavish lifestyle and maintain a ritzy restaurant. However, their lives are disrupted when Tori reemerges at her husband’s doorstep after being missing for five years and declared dead.
Luckett admitted that the role triggered some deep-seated emotions but was also liberating, which drew her to the role.
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“I felt like she was different from any character I've ever played. I'm used to being suited and booted and glammed and all the things [but] Tori was the complete opposite of that, you know what I mean? Her story was so layered - going through such a traumatic experience, coming out, finding her way back, and going after what she asked, ultimately, what was hers,” Luckett explains.
I felt like she was different from any character I've ever played. I'm used to being suited and booted and glammed and all the things [but] Tori was the complete opposite of that, you know what I mean? Her story was so layered - going through such a traumatic experience, coming out, finding her way back, and going after what she asked, ultimately, what was hers.
“She was fighting for her life. I think that there are so many people out there that are, you know, going through traumatic situations or feel like they're fighting the good fight alone. I wanted to play this character or help in telling the story to let them know, ‘Nope, you're not alone. You're not by yourself. There are other people suffering, other people going through it, other people climbing the ladder, feeling like they're going nowhere.’ But then, somehow, there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.”
Luckett’s empathy for her character, Victoria, also propelled her to do a deep dive into her complex background and mysterious return in preparation for filming. The two-time Grammy award winner also took time out to speak to women who were domestic abuse survivors in shelters and were undergoing treatment for their traumatic experiences while also tapping into her experiences.
“I found myself tapping into some things that I thought I had healed from, and it wasn't until they yelled, cut, [that] I was still crying. I was like, ‘Wait a minute, hold on,’” she says.
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“If I use that as motivation, and I'm still feeling it as though it happened yesterday, and it probably happened years ago, I my might need to call my therapist, we might need to talk about some things, or just kind of revisit some things, but I really just allowed myself to be open and free and not judge her character and not put the emotions that I was feeling for her and to honestly just step into her experience as best I could.”
Her performance reflects the time she spent understanding the nuances of her character, especially Victoria’s motivation to actively pursue all that she lost during her five years away. When asked if women should feel entitled to go after what they deserve, Luckett answers a resounding ‘yes.’
“Why not? Men do it every day. Why not? It's almost a thing that women have, this nurturing spirit, and they want to take care of everyone before they take care of themselves. I think that we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that,” she says.
“We can't keep trying to pour and give and be okay with operating out of an empty glass. You know what I mean? And taking second best, like, I'm glad that we are finally waking up, and I feel like the rest of the world is waking up from that to just being a common thing that women have to sacrifice themselves and everybody be okay with that or not get what the man next to us, who probably isn't as capable of the job, him getting more. No, go ahead and go get what’s yours, and when you get the ‘no’ the first go around, try again, and turn that thing into a ‘yes,’" she emphatically states.
Why not? Men do it every day. Why not? It's almost a thing that women have, this nurturing spirit, and they want to take care of everyone before they take care of themselves. I think that we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that. We can't keep trying to pour and give and be okay with operating out of an empty glass. You know what I mean? And taking second best, like, I'm glad that we are finally waking up, and I feel like the rest of the world is waking up from that to just being a common thing that women have to sacrifice themselves and everybody be okay with that or not get what the man next to us, who probably isn't as capable of the job, him getting more.
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As the newlywed previously said, she had to protect her mental health during filming by being in contact with her therapist. She admits that she began seeing a therapist around the age of 19/20 to deal with her claustrophobia and soon realized she needed to unearth some childhood trauma, “Baby, I haven’t been able to let her go since,” Luckett says.
“I feel the biggest part of self-care also is listening to oneself. If your body is saying ‘sit down, [then] sit down.” If your body is saying, ‘hey, the stress is getting to be too much,’ then we have to use our wisdom and awareness to believe what our body is telling us. I'm starting to finally listen to myself and trust my instincts and trust what my body is saying.”
Luckett's self-awareness also aids her in motherhood as she cares for her two young children. She reveals that she cherished quiet moments before having children and takes the time to give herself a break. The 43-year-old actress also listed going to the spa and disconnecting from her phone as another vital self-care go-to that she incorporated into her day-to-day life.
“I have made it a point at least twice a month to go into my favorite spa, shutting my phone off. I mean logging off completely and being okay with it. We let our phones control us, and especially with social media we have this fear of missing out on what's going on in the world, and we don't know how to detach from that,” she says. “I feel like a form of my self-care recently has been, for real, detach, let go. Let those people out there on social media live their lives and I want to be present in mine.”
Luckett admits she isn’t slowing down soon as she has more projects on the horizon, like her fashion capsule In The Trunk (a statement she made on the Terrell Show) that now has t-shirts and hoodies for sale. “When I said it, so many people came up to me and we're like, ‘Yo, that line changed my life. Like for real. It really helped me to kind of get out of my own way.’ So we made a shirt, and it is available on my website.
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"We have two colors right now, which would be the cream, and black. I can't wait for hoodie season because I'll rock it at the airport right now. When I tell you I can't go nowhere and somebody not say, ‘Oh my god, I love your shirt. Oh my god, I love your hoodie because of what it says and the cute little graphic that I came up with.”
She intends to expand her line by Christmas. In addition, fans can also anticipate the return of her YouTube channel “Leave It to LeToya” within the coming months.
“Of course, we're promoting the film right now. So August 3rd is a big day. But I love connecting with my people via my YouTube page and also my Instagram, so I will definitely be coming back with a show, but it'll be based around my life, being a single mom and raising the two littles and asking the hard questions and my healing process, my journey, having more conversation with my therapist, all the things that people loved. We're going to be getting the ball moving on that again,” she assures.
Be sure to tune into the anticipated thriller I Thought My Husband’s Wife Was Dead, which debuts Saturday, Aug. 3, at 8 p.m. ET on Lifetime.
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On the student tip, something that my mother’s husband taught me many years ago actually took me a while to personally apply to my life. Oh, but once I did, I found it to be a real gem: “Shellie, have two confidants in your life. They shouldn’t be your friends, and once you lose them, don’t replace them.”
While this pearl of wisdom might sound quite odd on the surface, I’m thinking that by the time you read all of this, you’ll be able to see just how much of a winning life hack it can actually be.
What Is a Confidant (and Why Aren’t They Always Friends)?
What Is a Confidant?
GiphyTell me something — do you have a confidant? I mean, someone who is strictly that and nothing else. Just so you are crystal clear about where I am coming from, a confidant is someone who you share secrets and private matters with. And although synonyms for the word include ones like acquaintance (acquaintance?!), companion and pal, there is really only one (other) synonym that I will cosign on when it comes to a role that is as significantly essential as a confidant: intimate.
And although intimate does mean things like “characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling,” today we’re going to focus on this definition: “very private; closely personal.”
Something that is private is personal — oftentimes deeply personal at that. It’s the kind of information that, in the wrong hands, could hurt or harm you. And that’s why you have to be extremely careful about who you share private matters with.
And although you might think that it’s natural to assume that if someone is your friend — hell, sometimes even a good friend — they should automatically be where your secrets and private matter.
5 Reasons a Confidant-Only Dynamic Works So Well
The Benefits of Having a Confidant Who Isn’t Your “Friend”
GiphyTrust me, I will be the first person to say that friendships aren’t created equal and some are much closer than others (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them,” “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?”). Because of that, of course, there are some people who know more about you than others do. Shoot, a couple of my friends and I are tight as all get out and still there are things that they tell their therapist that they don’t tell me — whether it’s right away or period.
Why? Because sometimes you need to be able to say something and not only know, without a doubt, that it will stay right where you left it but you won’t hurt someone’s feelings, be inundated with unsolicited advice or opinions and/or that it will be “held against you” later on. And that’s what makes a confidant-only individual so awesome — they can provide all of these things for you, free of charge. I’ll expound further.
1. Confidants provide an unconditional safe space.
I have a confidant. We’ve known each other for almost three decades at this point and we do care about each other deeply. However, about 12 years ago, after I shared what my mother’s husband said to me with her, we made the decision to shift into the role of being mutual confidants. It’s been awesome because we can say the deepest, ugliest, most shocking (and sometimes just pettiest) stuff to each other about…whatever, without judgment, fear or any level of uncomfortableness — and boy, that is more wonderful than you might realize. Y’all, just knowing that there is someone around and available who you can go to about any and everything and it will remain in the vault…forever? Unconditionally and no matter what? Priceless.
2. Confidants don’t require multitasking.
One of my favorite people in the world, we are extremely close and we both know a ton about each other. Still, because we are friends, there are times when we have hurt each other’s feelings or even been low-key offended and it’s because friendships have (and should) have a set of expectations that can cause hearing certain things to be difficult. With a confidant, though, because they signed up to hear whatever, you don’t find yourself having to “edit” or tiptoe around something. If you need to say it…SAY IT.
They get that their position is to be a sounding board and so, while you should be grateful for the relationship and treat them like you are, they don’t tend to need kid gloves; they don’t take things personally because they know that it’s not about them…AT ALL. It’s about you needing to share something or get a release. No more. No less.
3. The boundaries are clear — and firm.
Sometimes, with friendships/relationships, things can get complicated because folks feel like they have a right to say or do certain things based on the longevity of the dynamic or how emotionally invested they are — and boy, when boundaries get crossed, that can cause all types of issues. With a confidant, for the most part, things are crystal clear. For instance, when my confidant and I decided that we were going to serve that role for each other, we agreed that it could be any time of the day, that we would ask each other if we wanted advice/information/insight or not (more on that in a sec) and even if we stopped being confidants, whatever was discussed would never go past each other.
Hmph. Even if you have to go back to your high school days, I’m willing to bet that there is a former friend who didn’t have this kind of integrity when it came to some of what they knew about you when you were still cool with them. You see, true confidants aren’t interested in getting their “lick backs.” Their investment isn’t so complex that they emotionally even want to. In fact, I’m not sure if there is any dynamic that I have that is more clear about its purpose than the one that I have with my confidant. The limits are uncomplicated and respected. Period.
4. They are awesome stress reducers.
I don’t do social media and my life is quite peaceful because of it. However, there are studies which state that people (especially women) find that sharing intel on social media platforms helps to reduce their stress levels. That said, I’m also sure it’s not a surprise that research also says that having a reliable support system can decrease stress levels as well. However, what you may not know is there is also data which says that if you suppress your secrets, it can ultimately cause you to feel disingenuous and isolated. Not only that but secret-keeping can also increase your tension levels, invoke feelings of shame (depending on what the secret is) and heighten levels of anxiety and depression.
I’d venture to say that a big part of this is because we are relational beings and when we keep things to ourselves, it can cause us to overthink and/or beat ourselves up. Meanwhile, getting things out can make us feel seen and accepted. A confidant can make this happen. In fact, other studies reveal that having a confidant can make you better at resolving conflicts, exerting emotional control, coping with challenges, being more mentally resilient and being more positive and content overall.
5. You can get advice — or not.
Last one. Something that I’ve gotten into the habit of doing when it comes to the person who I am an (officiant) confidant to is asking, before they even say anything, “Do you want me to listen or do you want me to say something about ‘it’?” Listen, I know me and I’ve also heard A LOT of off-the-wall stuff from this individual over the years; therefore, I need to brace for if they just need a sounding board or someone to help them “solve” a/the matter.
With friends and other loved ones, sometimes they don’t have the self-control to be quiet — not just in the moment but period. Confidants agree to say nothing, perhaps forever, on a matter…if that is what “their” person so desires. I’m telling you a confidant who is just that? They are literal godsends.
Do Confidant Relationships Have an Expiration Date?
Do Confidant Relationships Ever “Expire”?
Andre 3000 GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you were paying close attention to what my mother’s husband said, he not only advised having a low number of confidants but not replacing them once you lose them as well. I remember when one of his died; he was absolutely heartbroken. And yet, I get what he meant: his secrets went to eternal rest right along with this confidant which gave him a lot of peace.
And that’s why I think that it you should do some real pondering, praying and even vetting to a certain extent before selecting an official confidant because it needs to be someone who is committed for the long haul to be your ear…because this level of involvement — being willing to hold such sacred information close? You can’t be fickle with that type of dynamic. You pretty much need to take on the stance of “once a confidant, always a confidant.” My confidant and I are just that. No matter what, a human vault for one another, we shall remain.
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You know, an author by the name of Michael Bassey Johnson once said something that is semi-terrifying and yet another great reason to have a confidant in your life: “Sometimes your dearest friend whom you reveal most of your secrets to becomes so deadly and unfriendly without knowing that they were not really your friend.” Goodness.
The very private side of you, science says that you need someone to share it with.
So, treat yourself to a confidant. A safe place to be totally yourself without expectation.
How dope is that?
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