Lawrence H. Robinson is having a moment. Like, a really good moment.
And I'm not just saying that because he recently made his well-received debut on the new BET hit seriesSistas. Nor am I saying that because he's got a new movie slated to come out around Christmas time that promises to be equal parts feel-good and funny. No, the moment Lawrence is having is one of those rare moments, where your dream slowly but surely starts turning into your reality. It's a little after 5pm when our call connects and the Philly native is in good spirits. He's inviting and easy during our conversation. (Easy on the eyes too, am I right ladies?) But as he begins to recount his journey to me in our half-hour chat, one thing becomes abundantly clear: Lawrence is a man full of persistence and perseverance. He doesn't believe in giving up. And while humble beginnings working at the airport and going to community college may have been enough to deter any other person from pursuing their heart's desire, for Lawrence, it only fanned the flame for him to keep going. And that's exactly what he did. "I've always known I wanted to do something in entertainment, ever since I was a kid," he tells xoNecole. "I just didn't know what my path was going to be."
"I didn't have a bunch of money growing up. I wasn't the smartest kid growing up but I've always been super hardworking. And if I could look back, I would just say my drive is the same. That never changed."
So how did he go from handling bags to securing bags with BET & Tyler Perry? xoNecole recently got the chance to chat with the Sistas star to find out.
xoNecole: Describe your character Chris [in ‘Sistas’].
Lawrence H. Robinson: Chris is in his early thirties and had a rough childhood growing up. He was raised by his aunt, but she passed away when he was 16. So from 16 on, he got caught up in the streets and eventually went to jail for attempted murder. After he got out, he opened his own business doing construction and now he has a million dollars in his bank account. He's a solid, good brother dating an older woman who's being played by the legend, Shari Belafonte. And he's basically getting introduced to Zach, who's played by Devale Ellis, to try to get him on the right track.
Did you always know acting and modeling was going to be in your future or was this something you kind of stumbled upon?
You know, I was actually like Zach [in the show], Devale Ellis' character--I worked at the airport for six years. I was just a hard-working dude from Philly who was just a baggage handler, but I always wanted more. So in the midst of that, I took acting as an elective because I really wanted to do it. Then I took Tasha Smith's workshop in 2011, moved to New York in 2012, and then I booked my first commercial with Diddy for Macy's. I made a lot of money and I thought that was going to be my way in. I ended up getting fired from my job on purpose so I could pursue acting full-time and I went on that. So I've always been into acting but modeling and acting go hand in hand for me.
I was still modeling like for Macy's and Pepsi, a lot of the commercial stuff. I wanted to be an editorial model but I guess I had a more commercial look. But fast forward to now, I'm in LA and still chasing it, doing the modeling and the social media stuff--that's always going to be there but my passion was always TV and film. I'm just grateful for Tyler Perry for giving me my first character.
What have you learned about yourself thus far throughout your journey?
I've definitely learned that I'm resilient. And that I don't believe in the word 'no'. The word 'no' doesnt doesnt scare me, I'm not afraid of it. It makes me want to keep going until I get [a] 'yes'. Some people are really intimidated by that word. And I love when people underestimate me, I love that. I've always been one of those people that you may see me on social media flexing and working that market but I've always [been] in the background taking acting classes. So I knew when it was time for me to hop on-screen, I knew that I was going to be invested and my character was going to make an impression because I've always been willing to do the work.
Let’s switch it up a bit and talk relationships now. How are you handling dating during quarantine? Are you doing the whole Zoom dates and...
I actually haven't been on Zoom but I've had a couple Facetime calls. It was random though! I've just been watching shows and I'll go through my DMs sometimes and if I see something that catches my attention-- then we'll have a conversation. So it's just been a lot of casual conversations and a few 'Facetime dates', but for the most part I've just been dating myself. And really trying to figure out what I want for my life. Now that I'm entering my dream world and my dream is becoming my work--I have to figure out what's next? You know: do I want to get married? Do I want to have another kid? Do I want another serious relationship? I've just been questioning myself and having some conversations internally.
Courtesy of Lawrence H. Robinson
"Now that I'm entering my dream world and my dream is becoming my work--I have to figure out what's next? You know: do I want to get married? Do I want to have another kid? Do I want another serious relationship? I've just been questioning myself and having some conversations internally."
Gotcha. So when it comes to red flags, what are some major ones you look for when it comes to dating?
It's definitely a red flag if you're not a kid person. Another one is if you don't believe in God. Everything I do is based on my faith. I respect everybody but I can't imagine having a conversation and going back to my faith and you don't believe in God. That's uncomfortable to me. Another one would also be lack of drive. You have to be clear about what you want in life and actively go towards it. You don't have to be an actress or in Hollywood--I would love to date somebody who's not doing exactly what I do. But you definitely need to be trying to work towards something and know who you are.
Understood. I know you have a little one, your son Aiden. Has fatherhood affected what you look for or what you’re attracted to when it comes to dating?
Absolutely. You have to be into kids and like kids. And you have to ask about my kid. You can't check on me and not check on Aiden. My son is the number 1 thing that makes me happy. So you need to know that my son is the highlight of my life and if you're not invested in that--you may as well go the other way.
Courtesy of Lawrence H. Robinson
"My son is the number 1 thing that makes me happy. So you need to know that my son is the highlight of my life and if you're not invested in that--you may as well go the other way."
Do you know your love language(s)?
I don't know for sure but I'm big on affirmations, for me and for her. I need to tell you I love you and I need her to tell me she loves me. I need all the compassionate words, the compliments, I need all that.
So when you’re in a relationship, how would you best like to be catered for by your partner?
I don't like to be catered to. I prefer to do all the catering. That's what I do. Besides the affirmations, that's all I need.
OK, well let’s flip it. How do you best cater to your partner?
By being there for her to provide whatever she needs so she knows 'I got you.' Any kind of support. No matter what. And that's honestly why when I was struggling as an actor, I wouldn't date. I won't date if I'm broke. Because if we're going to dinner or to the movies--I'm paying for it. I really don't like dating if I'm not financially stable. Luckily, I'm not in that position anymore, but I like to provide, be supportive. I like to encourage. I don't want her to have to look nowhere else.
Courtesy of Lawrence H. Robinson
"I won't date if I'm broke. Because if we're going to dinner or to the movies--I'm paying for it. I really don't like dating if I'm not financially stable. Luckily, I'm not in that position anymore, but I like to provide, be supportive. I like to encourage. I don't want her to have to look nowhere else."
Last thing before we wrap and this is a two-part question: What frustrates you the most and surprises you the most when it comes to finding love or about love in general?
Mmm. That's good. What frustrates me the most is not knowing when the right time for it is. I'm so focused right now and locked into my career and I feel like love can either help you or knock you off your track. And what surprises me the most is how it feels like fate. The perfect situation can really come your way out of nowhere one day and you weren't even looking for it. That's what I would say.
Season 1 of Sistas is available to stream on the BET Now app. And for more of Lawrence, connect with him on Instagram: @lawrencehrobinson.
Featured image courtesy of Lawrence H. Robinson
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Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
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Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
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CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
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AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
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PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
GiphyAight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
GiphyWhen it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
GiphyYou know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
____
Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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Featured image by Sanja Radin/Getty Images