In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Among the many lessons this pandemic has taught me, its recurring theme seems to revolve around boundaries. Personal, professional, but most importantly relational. I've always understood the concept theoretically but admittedly never took the time out to really recognize, set, and enforce my boundaries. And if 2020 has shown us anything, it's that life is too short to operate from the place of being unfulfilled and over-exerted. So when Kurlee Belle founder Terrinique Pennerman stressed to me the importance of putting major space between herself and negative Nancys as a way to preserve your peace––I was all ears. "Don't answer every time they call or change the subject if they bring up topics you do not like. Protect your mental space."
Wise words and sound wisdom from the Bahamian businesswoman.
Courtesy of Terrinique Pennerman
Kurlee Belle got its start in 2013 after Pennerman made the transition from relaxed to natural and saw that the abundance of luscious and naturally grown island ingredients were perfect for her hair. She began mixing recipes in her kitchen and soon found her natural curls thriving, wearing them with pride and confidence––stigma be damned. Since then, the brand has expanded into over 1,600 Sally Beauty stores and is available in the Bahamas, UK, Jamaica, Paris, and beyond. And even with a global pandemic rocking Black-owned businesses especially hard, things have yet to slow down for the Duke University MBA grad. In fact, Kurlee Belle's e-commerce and retail sales have skyrocketed ever since by a whopping 997% year-to-date and 100% in the last month, respectively.
When asked what she attributes this massive success to, she tells me that nobility and strategy played a major role. "Coupled with the fact that we are a long-standing brand of integrity, our expansion in Sally Beauty and hiring more talent to work on specific parts of the business is what assisted with the upswing. I would [strongly] encourage business owners to stay consistent in their business. If there is an area that has been proven to be successful, focus your attention on that area to reach higher heights."
She continues, "If you offer a superior product or service that you believe in, the customers will find you if you do not give up. If you have to offer your services on a smaller scale than you did prior to the pandemic, then do that, but do not give up. We can do many things in this life and if you have to work a second job to take care of your family, do what you need to do, but do not give up on your business because of a temporary setback."
In this conversation, we talk with Terrinique about balancing her business, prioritization, and self-care.
Read on for more.
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause?
Terrinique Perniman: About two years ago when I had my daughter. I was used to doing life on my terms but she came along and taught me patience and that I should stop and enjoy the moment.
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of?
I wake up around 5:30, hit the gym for an hour, make breakfast, answer emails, go over my to-do list and wait for my daughter to wake up before we leave the house. I go to the office, check more emails, and run errands. After work, we go to the park so that my daughter can run around, then we go home and eat dinner. When she is asleep, I plan for the next day: to-do lists, emails, etc., turn on Netflix and fall asleep.
Courtesy of Terrinique Pernnerman
What are your mornings like?
Mornings consist of getting in a workout, sitting in silence with a cup of tea while my daughter sleeps, spending time with God, checking over my to-do list, and priorities for the day.
How do you wind down at night?
I wind down by taking a hot, steamy bath—the hotter, the better. [After that] I slip into comfortable pajamas, read a book, or turn a good show on Netflix or Hulu.
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
Remembering to do everything. I write things down in my notepad or use Notes on my phone. For me, it is important to keep lists, prioritize what needs to be done first and check off after completed. I try not to store my to-do list in my head.
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
I am all about self-care. I love to get my nails done, so I will pop into my local nail salon that serves wine while they serve you. Or I will book a massage at one of the luxury hotels on South Beach or Downtown Miami. Self-care for me is also just sitting in nature and observing. We go to the park a lot, so I like to find a shaded tree, feel the grass and dirt under my hands and feet, and just be still.
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
Self-care is really just taking some time out for yourself. In the evenings when you wind down, put on a cheap $1 mask from Sephora with a glass of wine. Drive the scenic route back home. Take a walk outside without your phone. Just sit and enjoy your loved ones without distractions. Avoiding negative people is also self-care—do not answer every time they call or change the subject if they bring up topics you do not like. Protect your mental space.
Courtesy of Terrinique Pernnerman
"Avoiding negative people is also self-care—do not answer every time they call or change the subject if they bring up topics you do not like. Protect your mental space."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Friends, most of my friends are childhood friends that live in different cities and countries. We check in every week or sometimes daily just to keep each other on our toes through FaceTime, WhatsApp, etc.
Love/Relationships?
I'm still figuring this one out.
Exercise?
Exercise is a must for me. I feel my best when I have exercised, so if I can't make it to the gym, I will walk/run around the park or do anything that makes me active.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like?
Yes, I do. I detox mentally and physically by prayer and fasting. This helps me become aligned with what God wants for me and refreshes me physically.
Lastly, what does success mean/look like for you?
Success to me is being happy and being able to provide for my family. Success to me is liking yourself as a person and being good to others.
For more of Terrinique, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Terrinique Pernnerman.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy