Jordyn Woods Said She Felt Like A Black Woman For The First Time During Tristan Thompson Scandal
When I was little, I didn't own white barbie dolls, and I never saw movies like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Beauty and the Beast. My version of Aesop's fables had a Goldilocks story featuring a little Black girl with gold dreadlocks. It wasn't that parents didn't like white people, but they did want me to understand that a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes wasn't the only depiction of "beauty".
My mom made me aware of my privilege as a high-yellow (that's what we call it in the South) Black woman but also made it a point to let me know that I was a Black woman nonetheless. But as I grew older, as the only Black girl in my grade school class, I tried to dismiss the idea that I was different just because of my skin tone. I was sadly mistaken.
We all know, kids can be mean; and as hard as I tried to fit in, I always felt like an outcast. Nobody called me a n*gger or blackie, but I know for a fact that I was treated differently.
In these subtle moments of indifference, I understood that the color of my skin wasn't the only thing that made me Black, it was my experience; and when I say experience, I don't just mean the bad ones.
Hold that thought, I'll circle back.
Recently, Jordyn Woods was placed dead in the middle of a scandal featuring the Kardashians and Tristan Thompson. After being excommunicated from the clan by her former best friend, Kylie Jenner, and sister, Khloe Kardashian, Jordyn did an interview on Red Table Talk with extended family member, Jada Pinkett-Smith, where she was given the opportunity to shed light on her truth and deny the accusations against her.
Red Table Talk / Facebook Watch
Since then, Jordyn has been booked, busy, and tight-lipped. Last weekend at the Nigerian Homecoming Festival, the influencer spoke out once again, explaining how her family has gotten the brunt of her negative media attention. She explained:
"My little sister was bullied in school, and I wanted to show her that I was bullied by the world."
The statement that followed has gotten Jordyn in some serious hot water with Black Twitter:
"I understood for the first time what it's like being a black woman in a just society. How we can be so disrespected, and nobody can really understand to that extent until you have lived it."
Jordyn, girl. I'ma keep it real with you because I have love for you. But somebody taught you wrong about what it means to be a black woman. Although we sometimes feel defined by our experiences, struggle is not what makes us who we are.
To some extent, I feel where Jordyn is coming from. The most disrespected woman in America is the Black woman. The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman, the most unprotected person in America is the Black woman, the most neglected person in America is the Black woman. Word to Malcolm X, I feel you, sis; but in 2019, Black women in America have been given the privilege by our ancestors to have other experiences, good experiences that define us, too.
I decided to take it to the streets and ask 4 women what they had to say about what it really means to be a black woman:
Sheriden Chanel, Managing Editor
"I've had many reaffirming moments about my Black identity throughout my life. Whether it's being acknowledged by a fellow Black woman that I'm glowing or yesterday, when the lady in the lobby told me that I was giving her a melanin charge with the embrace I gave her. I think the first time I ever felt that way specifically was the constant my dad provided in repeatedly making me aware of my magic. My skin is beautiful, my hair is beautiful, I am beautiful. My dad instilled the power of being Black AF in me always. When I have my fro out and when someone acknowledges my crown or whenever I referred to as a Queen -- I feel Black AF daily but the little moments other people bear witness to my magic makes me feel that power even more."
Michelby Whitehead, PR Specialist
"Trust me; I too get annoyed when white people scrunch up their faces in confusion right before I speak, acting like it's automatically difficult for them to interpret what I'm about to say. But the way white people see us has never resonated with my actualization of what it is to be Black. Every time I hear a new song of any genre and my hips catch the beat in less than five seconds, it's a reminder I'm Black AF. When I'm ready to embark on a new venture and see melanin faces that have done it before me with little resources, I'm reminded of what Black Girl Magic is."
Pep Holman, Bridal Coach
"One moment that made me feel Black as hell was during Hurricane Katrina. At the time I was in the National Guard and we set up a distribution center where we gave out food and water to families who just lost everything. I remember handing a box of food to a Black woman who looked completely shaken up. When she made eye contact with me, she gave the slightest smile and whispered, 'Thank you!' On that particular day, I was the only Black female sergeant on duty. I can express how proud I felt. I just know one thing, when you're in a crisis, there's a certain level of comfort that Black women provide -- Black Girl Magic."
Shellie R. Warren, Life Coach & Writer
Cody Uhls
"Every time I wear a graphic tee that praises unapologetic Blackness---from my one that shouts out Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee to my A Different World throwback to the one with Nipsey Hussle on it, every time I get complimented on my 'fro, every time my goddaughter tells me that I'm pretty, every time I look at the cover of my first book and know that the cover art is me...every time a Black man I don't know approaches me and says things like 'Thanks for remembering what you look like' on the days when I'm totally au naturale (true story right there)...I could go on and on about what makes me feel good about being a Black woman."
"For me, the reality of being Black is far more of a privilege than it could ever be a struggle. It's dopeness personified and amplified. Daily. My self-love and ever-evolving Black awareness makes anyone's issues with how God made me totally irrelevant. To me, anyway."
Jordyn, I'm sorry if you've never had these experiences, and that the only way you know how to define Black feminity is through struggle. There's so much beauty in our experiences, as well as who we are as Black women, even if you don't see that reflected in the mainstream.
Featured image by Jordyn Woods/Instagram.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images