Many things work-related have gotten more weird and annoying post-pandemic. From the awkward mental debates about whether to turn your camera on during Zoom meetings (I often don't), to those team members who still always seem to be disinterested, disgruntled, or mentally distracted, to reports of companies now gaslighting employees to come back to the office after they've raved about putting wellness first and allowing professionals to work remotely---several major aspects of everyday work culture have become a wacky hot mess.
And let's add "networking" to that wacky list.
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I absolutely love connecting with other women. It's something that fuels me and makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world, especially when it comes to the work that I do. Post-pandemic networking, though, has looked like a struggle.
It would take more fingers than I actually have to count how many times I've been ghosted, made to feel like a fool for giving energetic, down-to-earth vibes to the wrong snob, or been forced to simply make a choice not to waste my time due to a half-ass attempt to use me for a favor or hook up.
Research has shown that the pandemic did a number on our social circles and connections, with professional and personal networks decreasing by 16%, and while that might not seem like a large number, think about the fact that many of us only have three or less close friends and only 2 out of 10 adults have a work bestie. (Hey, maybe that's why most popular "girlfriends" shows like And Just Like That..., Run the World, and Harlem always cap at four friends, and even that's been in jeopardy with one always seeming to "move away" during the course of the shows.)
It's been more than three years after the whole world officially shut down and we're still struggling with being ghosted by current and potential friends, business contacts, and acquaintances. And this is concerning considering that social capital is vital for not only career success but overall life fulfillment.
How many of us have actually connected another young woman to someone else who they might learn and grow from or who they might be compatible with as a potential friend? How many of us have agreed to call someone (not text or send an IG DM) to have a conversation just because?
How many of us have gone to so-called networking events or conferences, smiled for the IG photo ops, shared our deepest desires, insecurities, and life stories, only to go home and never talk to one another again?
I find it strange that someone would literally have lunch with you, tell their whole life story, and give you their email address or phone number, only to never follow through on keeping in touch. Where they do that at? Maybe I'm old-school, but I don't waste time having hour-long personal conversations with folk if I genuinely don't want to connect or potentially become friends.
Well, if you're in the same boat as me, frustrated about how lame networking has become post-pandemic, here are a few tips that I'm going to challenge you (and myself) to do instead of letting bitterness and frustration win.
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1. If you're networking exclusively for business purposes, keep it real and stop treading the line between professional and personal.
I've never been a huge fan of networking in the traditional sense---a forced waste of time that oftentimes does not lead to authentic or long-lasting connections. You know that whole version of networking where someone walks up to you to ask you 50 questions centered on what you do, how long you've been doing it, and how they can work with you. Or worse, when someone skips the disingenuous pleasantries and simply shoves their resume, business pitch, or card in your face (whether verbally or on paper), and asks you for a job, favor, or to "partner up." (Sis, we don't even know one another.)
Get clear on the difference between networking and connecting. Every interaction with every human being at an event doesn't have to be about making money or what someone can do for you, but if that's your prime purpose for networking, be honest with yourself about that and get strategic in your approach and the types of events you attend.
In this case, instead of leading with that personal story about your family, something you're struggling with, gossip about others at the event, or your very personal life story, keep the interaction focused on professional aspects of why you do the work you do, how someone can contact you, and why it would even make sense to talk business with that person in the first place. If you don't have a why, do your research beforehand and be more strategic so that you don't send mixed messages or make a terrible first impression.
2. Be deliberate about making new connections and actually commit to doing your part to maintain authentic relationships.
Here's a hard truth: Many of us do not like telling people no. We have a hard time not only speaking up for ourselves as much as we should, but we also fear letting people down. Some of us just don't want to say no because we don't want to miss out on a potential opportunity, so we overextend ourselves.
It's one thing to cancel due to an emergency or to offer proper notice a few times when you can no longer show up. It's another to be that strange person who never does what she says she will when it comes to actually building a relationship---business or otherwise---with another woman.
Please, stop. It does more damage than good to say you're going to call someone, keep in touch, or schedule time with someone only to dodge them like they're a pesky ex or bill collector. Simply say no and stop inviting folk when you know you have no business doing so.
Check your calendar before inviting someone out or saying yes to meeting up with someone. Find out what the meeting will be about, and be sure you're actually interested in doing whatever the other person wants to do during that meet-up. Be clear on whether they're someone you actually want to know before saying yes.
And when you do say yes, have the discipline to follow through. Hey, we all get tired or overwhelmed, but we certainly show up for what's important to us regardless. That whole "I agreed on Monday, but now that it's Friday, I don't feel like it," is tired.
If you really want to revive your social life, make new connections, or you really value the friends and contacts you have, be deliberate about that follow-through and make it a habit. Evaluate how you're managing your time, what your values are, and goals are when it comes to your social life, and what makes you happy about having friends within your community or industry.
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3. Find other ways to connect and keep in touch that work for your busy schedule or lifestyle.
If it's a commitment to have lunch once a month, put it on your calendar and show up. Can't attend a wedding or a birthday dinner? Send a gift with a handwritten note or card. Want to hang out but don't like clubbing or drinking? Plan the next girls' night out (or in) and let your friends know how you feel (or maybe even find another set of friends to do things you like to do. I mean, maybe your idea of fun just isn't their cup of tea).
If you spent the whole conference weekend with someone, going to every panel or breakout session together and having drinks afterward, actually email, text, or call them when it's over and schedule a virtual tea or another way to connect again.
Send a card of congrats if you see them celebrate an accomplishment on IG or elsewhere. Get beyond just lurking on IG Stories after meeting them and try a personal gesture that says you want to be friends or at least that you're attempting to keep in touch.
Share events announcements, top news articles, or other useful information that reflects that you actually are thinking of a potential friend or contact and want to keep building. Support their events or businesses through action, not just a like on a post.
Ya'll, we have to put a stop to the way things are going with networking nowadays. There are major mental health, career advancement, and developmental benefits to being social, having friends, and interacting with your peers. Let's start making friendships and authentic professional connections a priority. Our long-term success as powerful Black women depends on it.
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023