How I'm Staying Rodeo-Ready For Riding Cowgirl
We can discuss all of the awkward parts about riding d*ck, but it has to be acknowledged that so much of that awkwardness seems to come from your damn thighs being tired. I commend guys for their stamina and the work that they put in to get and give that nut when they're stroking because hooooney, my thighs turn into Jello after what feels like 30 minutes and is truly only about a quarter of that. Right about then is where I just fall flat on dude's chest and silently beg for him to flip my ass like a burger on a flat top grill.
I'll throw this ass back for you all day long if it means you'll get me a cookie, some water, and a pat on the back for that thorough ass five minutes that I put my life on the line trying to saddle up.
If cats have nine lives, then I've used three of mine trying to master cowgirl while being out of shape. Yet, this is something I so badly desire to master. Every time sex is on the books, I find myself purging the internet looking for ways to improve while not sounding like I need an oxygen tank after a short while. Like Allen Iverson when he graced the courts back in the day, Sexpert Tyomi Morgan-Najieb was the answer with her online riding workout.
But it was working out, so of course, I talked my roommate into doing it with me. Months passed and my roommate completed the series of workouts and I was still stuck. Fast forward nearly a year later, I got myself together and hit play on the first workout.
Days deep into the New Year, working out was still high on my list of year-end resolutions and this was me trying to make good on them but clearly, I wasn't ready-ready because in what world does someone who hasn't worked out at all in the previous year come empty-handed without a water bottle? Especially because each of the workouts is anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes. I pushed through and here's my review of the four-part workout, which, full disclosure, I did in a one week span (if you value life, maybe don't follow my example).
Burn Baby, Burn
Experts estimate that while riding or in cowgirl, women burn anywhere from a buck twenty in calories to a buck seventy-five, depending on how hard you get your blood pumping. This can be done by incorporating more hip movements and with this workout, you will have the stamina to do so.
The main muscle being worked while in cowgirl are our quads, but as always we forget how valuable and useful our cores are. One thing I can undoubtedly say is that Tyomi makes sure she hits the core and every other muscle you will need to use to take first place at the Rodeo — every week was a full body workout and left me gasping for air. Of course, this got easier over the course of the week like any fitness routine.
Find Your Flow
What I will say is that with this being a workout that required me to channel my sensuality and thus confidence, I felt uber uncomfortable watching my awkward but full hips roll in the mirror. Yet, thoughts of self-doubt distracted me from the slow burn I was feeling in the lower half of my body and that's definitely a benefit. As someone who hates dancing, mostly because repeatedly saying I can't dance has become a self-fulfilled prophecy that I play up to avoid uncomfortable attention — I often transfer that same energy to sex because they feel as though they're one in the same.
But with every day that I carried on, I took Tyomi's advice and truly tried to wrap my mind around doing it for myself. I mean I'm not having sex and haven't in quite some time, so in a way, it was for me but everything in me was still worrying about how embarrassed I'd be if I actually mirrored what I saw in the mirror on the D.
In overthinking, I realized I was making the experience about men and their pleasure and not myself, my pleasure, and my comfort. Although these thoughts were still present, I did these workouts in the span of a week but if I were to do them three times per week (as suggested) for the next couple of months, I could envision the inevitable change in my confidence and body that might come.
Have Fun With It
And, while I have no doubt that the workout would improve my skill, I'm adamant that developing my abilities in the bedroom has a lot to do with the growth of confidence in ways I hadn't even realized I lacked. The confidence that comes from simply letting go and embracing where you are in order to just have fun with it.
One might say it's one part core and quads working and two parts confidence that builds the skill we're all looking for when it comes time to be on that tip.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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