Heal Your Feminine Energy To Reveal The Divine Being Within You
In westernized society, we have rejected so many aspects of the divine feminine and feminine energy. At this moment, women are being criminalized by their own reproductive system and women fighting for their rights are seen as vulgar, unattractive, and undesirable. We blame Jezebel without acknowledging Ahab's responsibility. The features of Black women are desirable, while actual Black women as a whole are given a hard time, and then people wonder why we are sometimes defensive. Women empowerment has been a marketable business for women who behave like mean girls in real life *sips tea*. But as you heal your feminine energy and accept your feminine power as an individual, you create healing all around you.
Everyone has divinity within them because we were made by the divine source, God.
Some of us walk in it, and some of us simply do not know how to. We try to suppress our feminine energy, thinking if we think like a man, we will get ahead in life, especially in dating; but the truth is God made women and men differently for a reason and it isn't punishment. Some of us don't really know how to honor our femininity, nonetheless, let it empower us and bring us together as Black women and embrace the fact that our femininity is unique.
We suppress our true selves and resist our true desires and measure our ability to endure pain as strength.
Despite the negativity we were taught about femininity throughout history, it actually represents abundance, growth, creativity, fertility, expansion, connection, flow, and joy. We never stop to think about the reason why the Earth is referred to as "Mother Earth" and nature as "Mother Nature", and here is a hint: it's not because she plays small. To truly unlock your power, keep reading.
How You Can Start Healing Your Wounded Feminine Energy
Identify where you are wounded because there is most likely a broken little girl inside of you.
This step is the hardest because you have to address when, how, and why you were wounded. For example, is your self-esteem wounded? If so, investigate how it got there. Were you teased by other girls because of your unique look, and now as an adult, you don't trust other women? In instances like these, or any example where other people are involved, remember that whatever pain or insecurities they incite are reflections of them, not you. Forgive them, let it go, and stop wounding yourself and others by carrying that burden with you. It's not yours to carry.
As a grown woman, you have just validated your pain while reworking your inner narrative to better serve your higher purpose. A lot of us are stuck in the heart of a little girl who may have been molested, raped, raised in an invalidating and strict household or one of neglect, etc and it shows. It is not your fault what happened to you but it's time to choose your beliefs because until you do, that little girl is going to keep on picking broken people to love, and repeating broken unhealthy patterns. Therapy, prayer, meditation, and positive affirmations do wonders at this point in the healing process.
Make taking care of yourself inside and out as essential as the air that you breathe.
Your self-care has to be as automatic as making your morning tea with a face mask on after prayer and reciting your affirmations. Your pores must ooze "I love me" and this is internal work, not external. You must eat as if you love yourself, talk as if you love yourself, love others as if you give a damn about yourself, and even if you lack in this area, you will start to vibrate higher. Love yours, all of yours, especially you in your natural state.
Make a conscious effort to find new ways to be comfortable in your skin. If you are a woman who depends on makeup and weaves to the point that you feel like a complete mess if you miss your hair appointment or leave the house bare-faced, learn how to love and take care of your hair the way it grows naturally out of your scalp and your skin without makeup. Letting your hair, your skin, and the rest of yourself breathe is essential for growth and healing. This is an act of resistance; you were divinely made and while society may want you to think you are missing something to sell you products, you have all that you need to be beautiful already Ms. Melanin. Let it pop sis!
Surround yourself with other women who have a high vibration, and other sources of feminine energy.
Hanging around dope women is how you recharge your feminine battery. The competition between women is because of the illusion of scarcity. The sooner you realize other women are not your competition, the better because we can all shine. Start surrounding yourself with women who you admire, who light up a room, and who are comfortable in their skin. When you see a woman who hates on other women and/or has little compassion for women but sings men's praise all day, pray for her and stay away from her, she is wounded.
Most of the negative feelings you may have about other women stem from a place where you are wounded and what you say about other women in malice speaks more about you than them.
Every bomb woman you run into is not going to be your friend, and that's okay. Every woman interprets their femininity differently and there is no use in policing them; instead embrace them and let them empower you to embrace yours. It helps to turn off the trap music on the way to work and listen to some female rappers/singers to help you connect with yourself. Don't you remember that vibe of making a playlist of your favorite music to listen to on your CD/cassette player? Get back to that place where you were belting out " Weak" by SWV, and vibing to "That's the Way Love Goes" by Janet Jackson and trying to repeat the tongue-twister in Missy Elliott's "Work It" while doing your cleaning in the house. Art by black women, including music and literature, were created while she was flexing her divine feminine energy in the form of creativity. Soak that up, she left it for you.
Make pleasure a core principle.
Close your eyes and masturbate to your imagination sometimes. Buy something made with your favorite textured fabric because you love how it feels against your skin. Stop by Lush or Whole Foods to splurge on some high-quality moisturizing soap. Cook a meal that is both rich and flavorful and healthy for you so you can close your eyes and really enjoy the taste. Pamper yourself at least once a week! Enjoy life and connect to your positive feelings and the glow will come from within. These types of activities help you connect back to your senses and feelings, which are some of your biggest assets.
Express yourself creatively.
This is major because as women we are natural creators, not only from the womb but from the mind. Fashion, cosmetics, hair, music, art, literature and many more forms of creativity help you express yourself and connect with others. If you usually rock your own hair, experiment with some extensions every now and then to create a new look. Add some pieces to your wardrobe that challenge your usual vibe. Be playful with your appearance sometimes! Dive back into a creative outlet that you enjoy, and you will see yourself looking to it as catharsis instead of letting frustration build inside of you. The great part is, the way you express yourself creatively most likely can convert into profit.
Abundance honey, abundance.
Learn how to get comfortable receiving.
Many of us have a hard time taking something as minute as a compliment, and then wonder why we aren't manifesting the way we want. We need to start not only being okay with receiving but to actually start expecting miracles in our lives. Women were built to receive! So many of us operate solely from our masculine energy out of necessity because we feel like we have to. In order to survive, some of us have to be aggressive, constantly on the move, highly analytical and logical.
Give yourself permission to lean back and surrender to this beautiful thing called life every once in a while because you have survived your worst days and it is time to thrive. It's time to restore balance. Get in touch with your God-given intuition and let it guide you sometimes because that's how you strengthen it. Learn how to surround yourself with people you can submit to. Be vulnerable every once in a while and show your underbelly so the people close to your heart will show you theirs.
By taking steps and educating yourself on feminine energy and how to heal yours, you will love yourself deeper, radiate love, and invite more divine masculine energy into your life. Let it flow, let it glow, and lastly thank God you're a woman!
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Originally published on August 18, 2019
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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