Gabourey Sidibe's Sex Scene On 'Empire' Was Groundbreaking
Gabourey Sidibe proved that Drizzy isn’t the only one who likes his women BBW when her character “Becky” got some good loving on last Wednesday’s episode of Empire.
But some fans weren’t as hot as much as they were bothered by the scene that the actress described as “that fine ass Becky on a rooftop in the afterglow of doin’ it all romantic-like with some mostly naked dude,” in a blog she wrote for Entertainment Weekly. The internet instantly made a mockery out of Becky’s love-making with memes that featured captions like:
“Damn, some of you people can’t even get a text back.”“When the rent is due.”
All of the jokes implied that “Becky” was less deserving of sexual satisfaction because she wasn’t a size six or some Brazilian bombshell emerging from the pool in a Trey Songz video. Despite the criticism, the actress told Entertainment Weekly that she felt sexy doing the scene, whether fans were turned on or not:
“I, a plus-sized, dark-skinned woman, had a love scene on primetime television. I had the most fun ever filming that scene even though I was nervous. But I felt sexy and beautiful and I felt like I was doing a good job. I’m very proud of the work we all did to make that scene a great opening for the episode.”
She also added in an interview with People, that the scene was ground-breaking for primetime television:
"After we were shooting it, the camera guy came over, and he said, 'I've never shot a scene like this. And I've never seen a scene like this. I was really happy to be part of something that's never been seen on primetime television before. And you don't notice it because you don't have to notice it, but there's never been someone of my skin color, my size, with somebody else of the same skin color in a love scene on primetime television.""It's never happened," she added, laughing again. "Just go through the books, it's never happened. And I'm not sure why it hasn't happened, but I hope there's more to come."
That’s right, Gabby. Shut the haters down. Despite popular belief, a lot of people have sex every single day and we all don’t look fresh from a Skin-e-max set every single damn time. At the end of the day, what really makes the best sex scene is chemistry and confidence. Sidibe clearly brought both to the screen flawlessly, and thinks you all have too much time on your hands to be finding the flaws in love:
“I keep hearing that people are “hating” on it. I’m not sure how anyone could hate on love, but that’s okay. You may have your memes. Honestly, I’m at work too busy to check Twitter anyway. #Booked. Hope you enjoy next week’s show!”
OK??? Gabby makes a great point.
How many of us have been so busy being self-conscious during our own sexual encounters that we forget to actually enjoy ourselves?
We’re too busy making sure our track isn’t showing, taking our body shapers off in the bathroom, or getting undressed under the covers to actually allow ourselves to feel good. Shoot, I’ve even found myself reaching for a runaway satin bonnet before my husband stops to remind me that he’s not worried about my new growth as much as he’s worried about being intimate with me in that moment. I can’t help but wonder if the hate that some harbor for Gabby’s appearance isn’t just a projection of their own insecurities. Co-star Jussie Smollett recently shared his thoughts on the scene and says that one of the sexiest things about Gabby is that she “owns it”:
“She owns herself and she’s sexy and fearless and it was dope. I thought it was beautiful to see her on screen in that way. “
As for the haters, Mr. Smollett reminds us that they always have the option to look away if they’re offended:
“Well they should close their eyes and shut off the TV then. I wanted to see it and millions of other people wanted to see it.”
Unfortunately with the same images being presented to us repeatedly with the narrow idea of what sex is supposed to look like, many of us forgot that what it actually looks like: Elderly people have sex.
Plus-sized people have sex. Men who are two weeks overdue for a shape-up have sex. Women have sex in stocking caps with their wigs lying next to them. And we need to get over this myth that we need Beyoncé’s body, Nicki Minaj’s attitude topped with a Serena Williams’ split to look sexy doing so.
Besides, who decided that you shouldn’t be having sex on the big screen if you’re over 110 lbs.? Creators of the show Mike and Molly starring Melissa McCarthy faced similar criticism when the show premiered in 2010. Blogger Maura Kelly posted an article called "Should Fatties Get a Room (Even on TV)?" in which she slammed the show’s title couple saying:
“I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other...because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room…”
You’ve got to be kidding me. Kelly attempted to spin the article into a statement against the promotion and celebration of obesity, but fans were not having it and the publication quickly posted an apology. Because it’s OK if we have to see Kerry Washington get it popping with the President every week, but when someone who doesn’t fit the description of a Sports Illustrated model gets some action, we suddenly become so concerned about living healthy and tackling America’s obesity problem?
Don’t get me wrong, I get that sex is about attraction as much as anything else, and Gabby may not be everyone’s dream girl, but one man’s Precious is another man’s Pam Grier and sometimes I think we forget that although Sidibe is playing a part, there’s a real person behind the character. The fact is whether you’re in your bedroom or basking in afterglow with some naked dude on a rooftop, if you feel sexy and beautiful, that’s no one’s business but your own, and we need to stop allowing others to define what sexy is and limiting pleasure only to those that fit the media’s narrow definition desirable. Besides if you’re leaving your bed with your wig straight and perfectly winged eyeliner, someone isn't doing it right.
Maybe we need more scenes like these to remind us that sex doesn’t have to be all six-packs and perfectly placed beads of sweat to be enjoyable.
Related Post: The Power Of Black Sex On Screen
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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My name is Yasmine Jameelah, and I’m a founder, journalist, freelance writer, and dog mama. Wellness is at the intersection of everything that I do.
Six years ago, I started a small wellness community on Instagram after embarking on a healing journey in my mid-twenties that I documented via a blog where I wrote about healing, therapy, celibacy, and growth after what felt like years of chaos. Six years later, that wellness community has blossomed into one of the largest online wellness platforms for Black women called Transparent Black Girl which has a reach of over five million Black women.
It still sounds crazy to say that aloud, to know that a 24-year-old girl planted the seeds of the life that this 30-year-old woman gets to live now.
While I was growing my company, because my love for writing was so strong, I went back to school and obtained my master's in journalism. I’ve worked as a freelance writer, an editor, and a frequent contributor to publications that I respect greatly, xoNecole being one of them! My journalism career has been a reflection of my passion and heart for wellness and the culture. My day-to-day is busy, but we manage to get it done, and on the days that I can’t, I give myself grace to do what I can with the time that I have.
My days consist of events, long walks with my dog, freelance pitching, and deciding what content creation and events will look like for my wellness collective, Transparent & Black.
Now, follow me on a random day in my life.
Morning
5:00 a.m.
My Goldendoodle keeps me on a schedule, so every morning, like clockwork, he wakes me up to use the bathroom and eat breakfast, at 5 a.m.! Am I usually over it first thing in the morning? 100%, but his being on a schedule challenges me to stick with mine and start the day on a productive note. He’s a wellness dog which means I feed him home-cooked meals and give him supplements daily to support his health, and he has a daily dental treat to keep his teeth healthy. Canine dental hygiene is imperative for a long life and a good smelling breath!
Today, I’m heading into the city, and I’ll be there almost all day, so when I’m gone that long, I take him to doggy daycare.
7:00 a.m.
Doggy daycare drop-off is filled with tons of barks, and my dog is practically jumping out of the car with excitement to see his friends. Now, some of y’all might be thinking, doggy daycare, sis, that’s too much for a dog! But it’s not, socialization is key for dogs, and so is keeping my house intact when I’m gone for long periods of time. Does he go daily? No, we aren’t rich (yet, we gotta manifest!), but when my dog is happy and experiencing play, and I’m happy attending events, I feel accomplished.
Having a pet is a serious responsibility, and I pride myself on knowing that I am invested in his mental and emotional health by encouraging his socialization with his friends.
7:30 a.m.
Headed to my local coffee shop to grab my go-to order. Iced coffee, a single shot of espresso, half and half, and 3 pumps of agave. Winter, spring, summer, fall, I am an iced coffee girl. I love it, especially after a workout where I’ve broken a sweat - nothing about having hot coffee after I’ve been sweating for over an hour feels good to me.
8:00 a.m.
Back home listening to Carlos King's commentary on YouTube in the shower (what can I say, commentary on reality TV drama relaxes me, don’t judge!) and prepping for the first stop on the agenda for today which is an event in the city. Without traffic, I’m about a 25-minute drive to Manhattan but it’s rush hour, so that 25 minutes is about 55 which means I have to head out soon so that I can arrive on time.
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9:00 a.m.
Headed to Manhattan for a Black History Month event with Meta, Peloton, and We The Culture. I wanted to take the train, but I ran out of time, so I hopped in an Uber because I didn’t want to be late, and I had my daily check-in with my best friend while I rode in the Uber. We talk daily and have since our early twenties to check in with each other. I'm grateful that while many aspects of my life have changed, this is still a constant. As we age, prioritizing our friendships for sure gets harder, but it’s not impossible in the least bit when both parties are invested.
9:30 a.m.
Emailing my editor from the car to ask for a deadline extension and sharing with her my ideas for pieces for the month! I’m grateful to have been on both sides of the journalism space. I’ve been a managing editor for years for publications, and I’ve also had the honor to work with managing editors, deputy editors, and editors-in-chief who have poured into me and understood how quickly my schedule can change, I’m honored at the magic we’re able to create together.
As a storyteller, from content that I share to my platform to pieces that I write, I’m having fun again in this season of my life, and I am loving it.
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10:00 a.m.
The event begins, and I can’t lie, when I host my own events, I’m not scared, but as a social anxiety girlie, events sometimes can be a little scary. I am naturally a very shy girl, but wellness events always feel like home to me. You don’t have to dress up; you can show up in workout gear because most of the time you’re experiencing some form of wellness and fitness even during the event. Moments into the panel discussion we experienced a seated meditation led by Peloton instructor Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts - talk about a way to kick the day off!
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The discussion hosted by Meta and Peleton touched on the importance of taking up space in industries and spaces where Black women and people are underrepresented, our self-care regimens, and We The Culture also shared how their work came to be. It was such a powerful event, and of course, we got the inside scoop on Peloton’s newest machines! I also spoke with some people (it’s important to me to always say hello to those who put on the event) and ended up sitting next to THE Pilates girl herself, Raven Ross. She was such a sweetheart, and we talked about our love for Pilates and the importance of community events like this.
Afternoon
2:00 p.m.
Leaving the event, I headed to Sephora to see if I could find Topicals' always sold-out Slick Salve, but to no avail, so I pulled out my phone and ordered it on their website as I walked back to the train station to head back home. I am a girl who loves to walk, so I’m always down for a long walk to the station and a walk back home when time permits, so that’s exactly what I did. I did about four miles just between walking back to Penn Station and walking back to my apartment once I got off the train!
4:30 p.m.
My phone started blowing up because the piece that Oprah Daily asked me to write was published for Black History Month, and my face was on Oprah’s website, AOL’s homepage, and the publication's Instagram page! My mama, aunties, cousins, dad, and everyone who has known me since I was a little girl were beyond proud and excited to see that and how far I’ve come.
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Evening / Night
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5:30 p.m.
I headed to my gym in my home (praise the Lord for apartment amenities) for a quick swim before I picked up my dog from daycare, and then I headed to the sauna and ran into a neighbor who is another successful Black woman killing it in her own right in the tech space. We chatted about life updates and the importance of taking time for our mental health and it felt good to ground myself with swimming. Much of my life has changed in the past few years, but swimming has remained a constant.
Whenever something amazing happens I soak it in and then immediately do what I can to ground myself to stay present, humble, grateful, and focused on what’s ahead.
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6:30 p.m.
It started raining badly and my anxiety is all over the place on the drive to pick up my dog but I practice some deep breathing and remind myself that I have had a calm day and it can end calm as well. I don’t need to rush there, I can drive at a pace that feels good to me. My mother calls to check on me because she sees the weather is terrible and asks me to let her know when I arrive safely.
7:00 p.m.
I arrived at doggy daycare, and the rain is calming down. Can y’all see why I take him?! They watch him all day! My dog is exhausted in the best way and ready to go home and sleep, and I can sit down and relax when we head back home.
9:00 p.m.
I’m back home, took a bath, ordered my favorite healthy Chinese takeout (beef and shrimp with broccoli, light sauce with brown rice), and I’m on the couch with a glass of sustainable wine from one of my favorite Black-owned brands, House of Brown watching Sistaswith a side of kimchi to enjoy with dinner. My candles are lit, I’m letting the highs of the day sit with me and stillness come over me as I prepare for bed.
10:30 p.m.
I took my dog out for a final walk, gave him his bedtime treat, and it’s lights out to prepare for another day.
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Featured image by courtesy