Pregnant Eboni K. Williams Talks Having Her First Child At 40: ‘I'm Not Waiting.’
TV personality, Eboni K. Williams host is about to take on a new title: mother.
On June 5, the 40-year-old attorney and The Real Housewives of New York City alum exclusively revealed to PEOPLEthat undergoing IVF treatment, she is now pregnant with her first child, a baby girl.
"Anybody who's gone through IVF or attempted IVF will tell you so many things have to go right for the final result of this journey to be a baby," Williams told the publication. "That's why I've called this 'my remarkable miracle,' because it really does feel like I've been the recipient of some very enormous favor from God above."
Williams underwent an egg retrieval at 34 years old, without specific plans for the future use of the eggs. However, six years later, from that single retrieval, she had a successful embryo transfer; likening the experience to “fate.”
"I did one egg retrieval at 34 years old, not really having a clear intention on if I would use those eggs or when I would use the eggs,” she recalls. “And six years later, that one egg retrieval led to one genetically normal embryo which led to one successful embryo transfer and — one pregnancy later — I'll soon have, God willing, one beautifully healthy baby girl. So it really does feel like fate."
The TV host told the magazine that motherhood wasn’t always a “dream or fantasy” for her.
"I want to say that with conviction and clarity; I was not the little girl that grew up fantasizing about having kids and what I would name them and all of that," she says. "That was not my dream or fantasy. I had no real expectation around it."
For Williams, it was an existential reflection on “legacy, love,” and life during the pandemic, that led her to explore her options on growing a family. "I was really thinking I would never use them, whether I got married again or didn't," she says.
"It was the pandemic and having some real existential conversations within my own self about legacy and life and love and the different ways in which I really wanted to explore family."
The first-ever Black Housewife of RHONY added that after liberating herself from societal standards around family she broke free from the notion that she had to follow the conventional timeline and expectations set by others.
"I really freed myself of the rigidness of what legacy, love, and family could look like," she shares.
"Those are the three pillars I reassessed, and it helped shake me from this idea of, 'I have to have it this way on this timeline everyone else is following.'"
Williams' decorated resume allowed her to redefine her version of the “American dream.” After realizing she was capable of providing a stable, safe, and secure environment for her future child, she now sees motherhood as a unique way to cement her legacy beyond mentorship and release the “shoulds” out of her life.
"There will always be that voice that says, 'Maybe I should have waited to meet a man and remarry before I had a baby. Maybe I should not be trying to do this alone.' But f--- that!" she says. "I'm not waiting. I'm 40 years old. I'm not waiting to build assets. I'm not waiting to build my career. I'm not waiting to travel. And I'm certainly not waiting to start a family."
She continues, "I just refuse to wait one more day, that's where I'm at. Everything I want to do, I'm doing right now. And I'm excited. I feel as ready as I'm ever going to be."
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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We Shed More Hair During The Fall. Here's What To Do About It.
If you’re someone who likes to rock shorter hair during the spring and summer seasons, only to then decide to gain some inches when it’s cooler outdoors, on a lot of levels, that makes sense. Although protective styles like braids and twists work well throughout the year, weaves and wigs tend to be more comfortable during the fall and wintertime because there is less heat (and sweat) to deal with.
At the same time, though, if you think that all you need to do is cornrow your tresses, put on a wig, and go on about your business in order to get the hair results that you want come St. Patrick’s Day, you might want to keep reading. Believe it or not, although hair shedding is perfectly normal (more on that in a sec), it’s actually around autumn when it tends to happen the most.
That’s the bad news. The good news is, I’m about to tell you why — and what you can do about it.
First, What You Should Know About Hair Shedding, in General
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Okay, so you’ve probably heard somewhere that your hair goes through four cycles when it comes to growth: there’s the anagen phase (it’s when your hair grows and it can range from 3-7 years; your genetics play a part in the timeframe), the catagen phase (it’s when your hair follicles begin to shrink and the growing process slows down; it lasts for around 10 days), the telogen phase (your hair “rests” in this stage; it doesn’t grow or shed and it lasts for about three months) and finally, the exogen phase — which is when your hair sheds.
Since each hair follicle is basically on its own kind of schedule, that is why different hairs shed at different times. What you can know for sure is you’re going to probably shed somewhere between 50-100 hairs a day — and that is totally normal.
While we’re here, it’s important to know the difference between hair shedding, excessive hair shedding, and hair breakage. On your head, you have somewhere around 100,000 hair follicles; that’s why losing 100 strands of hair a day isn’t really that big of a deal. However, if when you (gently) tug on your hair, 2-5 strands come out at a time or when you comb or brush your hair, you notice a lot more than 50-100 strands in it, that would fall into the category of excessive shedding.
It should also go on record that somewhere around 40 percent of women lose more hair than they actually should on a daily basis because of how much and/or the way that they style it (which is probably when your hair has been in braids or twists for weeks at a time and you take them out, it seems like your hair has made a lot more progress).
Anyway, if you do notice a lot of shedding, that can be a heads-up that you have some type of nutritional deficiency going on or that you’re dealing with an underlying health issue. Since excessive shedding can sometimes lead tooverall hair loss, it’s a good idea to see your doctor, so that they can get to the — pardon the pun — root of the matter.
As far as hair breakage goes, pretty much, if the hair that is coming out has the bulb (root) attached, it’s a form of shedding. Otherwise, if you’re just seeing pieces of hair, that’s probably attributed to hair breakage. Many things can lead to breakage, including your hair being too dry, your hair products being too strong, you not trimming your tresses often enough, you not getting enough protein or other nutrients in your diet; your styling tools being too hot; your hairstyles being too tight, and also, you undergoing high levels of stress (health-related issues could be the cause here as well).
The “good news” about all of this is the process of elimination can help you to figure out what’s causing your hair breakage — which ultimately interferes with you experiencing length retention — so that you can get your hair goals back on track.
Now, Why Does Hair Shedding Increase During Autumn?
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Now that you know a little bit more about hair shedding, in general, what is it about the fall season that causes your hair to shed more than any other time of the year? Apparently, fall (and sometimes early winter) will go into another level of the exogen (shedding) phase in preparation for your head needing more hair in order to endure the cold winter season.
Yep, there is something about your body that is intuitive enough to sense that your head needs more “shelter” during the summertime to protect your head/scalp from the summer heat (reportedly, you tend to have the most hair on your head during the month of July) and then again in the winter season to keep it from freezing in the cold.
Something else to keep in mind is since, reportedly, well over 60 percent of folks find themselves being super stressed out during the holiday season, that also can contribute to more strands of your hair lying around (shout-out to those who are like me and fall into the 10 percent category instead; I see you — LOL).
As far as how your system is able to innately sense all of this, a part of it is due to how much sun exposure you get during the summer vs. the fall and wintertime. Since sun and weather do influence your hormone levels to some extent, that can also shed light on when your hair naturally sheds more or less, too.
So, what does all of this (ultimately) mean? Am I saying that whenever fall makes its way into your life that you’re supposed to just accept that less hair will be a part of your reality? Eh. Yes…and no.
5 Things That You Can Do to Prevent/Reduce (Excessive) Hair Shedding
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One of the good things about having this type of information is you can be proactive when it comes to cultivating ways to make “it” — in this case, hair shedding — less of an issue. Today, I’ve got five tips that can help you out as far as experiencing less hair strand loss (especially during this time of the year) is concerned.
1. Do a pre-shampoo scalp treatment.
Your hair follicles come out of your scalp, so you definitely need to “baby” it. Not only will it help to keep your scalp healthy, but it can also help to nourish your hair follicles so that they remain nice and strong. Allure has an impressive list of scalp treatments that you can check out here.
2. Deep condition.
On a whole ‘nother level. Hair and scalp hydration are super-duper important as the temperatures drop. That’s because you’re probably going to be spending more time indoors which means you’ll be dealing with the dry air of central heat and air units. So, if it’s normal for you to deep condition your hair for, say, 30 minutes, kick that up to 45 minutes or an hour (with a hair steamer). Don’t forget to apply a leave-in conditioner to your hair as well, just to give it some extra moisturizing support.
3. Oil your scalp a couple of times a week.
Although this can be a bit of a controversial topic with — eh hem — other folks, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with oiling your scalp. In fact, it’s another way to give it some of the extra hydration that you may need when you’re in between wash days (check out “How To Use Oils Properly If Long And Healthy Hair Is Your Goal”). The key is to avoid things like petroleum (directly on your scalp) because that can clog your hair follicles and potentially even dry your scalp out. Instead, go with lighter pure ones like sesame, sweet almond, rosemary, jojoba, or, a personal favorite of mine, grapeseed oil.
4. Wrap it up.
I’ve had a hair regimen without wrapping my hair up at night and one when I have — and there really is a big difference between the two. When your locks are wrapped up in silk or satin while you’re sleeping, it reduces friction, which reduces the kind of pressure on your hair that can lead to shedding and breakage. So, definitely make sure to wrap your hair up every night, especially during the fall season. You’ll notice how much it benefits your hair if/when you do.
5. Watch your diet.
As far as fruits that are in season during the fall, pears are packed with different forms of vitamin B, which can help to stimulate your hair follicles while pumpkin can help to make your hair thicker. Foods full of omega 3s like salmon and Brussels sprouts can nourish your scalp and hair follicles and increase blood circulation to them while ginger can also strengthen your hair and even slow down its aging process.
And definitely take a multivitamin; it will compensate for some of the nutrients that your diet may be missing. Oh, and don’t forget to read “10 Teas That Are Great For The Fall Season — As Far As Hair Growth Is Concerned.” It’s got some tips to keep you and your scalp/hair warm and hydrated too.
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Fall is definitely my favorite season of the year. Hair fall? Not so much. If you can relate, now you don’t have to stress about hair shedding so much. You can embrace autumn and all it has to offer — with more hair on your head and less in your detangling brush. Enjoy!
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