
Not too long ago, I was talking to a senior Black woman who has super long, healthy hair about what her secret was. Her immediate response is what inspired me to pen this because, low-key, I couldn’t agree more with what she said. “I know everyone thinks that the internet knows every damn thing these days, but I still grease my scalp. It worked for my grandmother, it worked for my mom, it works for me and my own daughters and granddaughters.”
LISTEN. And what’s wild is, when it comes to Black haircare, few topics are more polarizing than whether you actually need oil — or not (Google “should you grease your scalp” to see what I mean). While I do agree that, for the most part, you should avoid things like mineral oil and petroleum-based products because they can clog your hair follicles, weigh your hair down, and sometimes even make your hair drier and harder (because the oil is sitting on top of your hair instead of actually penetrating it), I firmly believe that certain oils can perform all sorts of miracles and wonders for your hair and scalp. It’s all about knowing your hair type, what it needs, and how to apply oils properly and effectively.
How To Use Hair Oil Properly
Are you ready to learn how to do that? Let’s get into it.
Massage Your Scalp

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Let’s start with the foundation of your hair: your scalp. First up, if you want to reduce stress, pretty much anywhere on your body, a massage will help make that happen. In fact, there are even studies to support that a scalp (head) massage can also help lower your blood pressure and ease headache and migraine tension. As far as hair growth goes, using your fingers to rub your scalp can also reduce hair shedding and increase the thickness of your hair (by slightly stretching out your hair follicles) over time.
And here’s the thing: If you warm up an oil like rosemary to massage your scalp with, thanks to the antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and antimicrobial properties that are in it, it can help stimulate your hair follicles. Also, if you battle with dandruff on some level and you bring a few drops of tea tree oil into the mix, its antifungal properties can help to bring relief to itching and flaking while actually reducing some of the fungi that create dandruff in the first place.
(For the record, some other essential oils that are great for fighting dandruff and overallscalp irritation include frankincense, peppermint, and cedarwood.)
Pre-Poo

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It’s kinda wild, the small steps we will skip, thinking that they are no big deal when they actually are. In walks, pre-pooing. I’m thinking that a lot of you know something about the concept; however, just to be on the safe side…since shampooing can oftentimes strip your hair of the moisture that it needs, pre-pooing is all about applying conditioner, a hair mask, or some type of hair oil to your tresses, before washing them, in order to retain hydration. Since this article is all about oil, I’ll focus on some of the ones that are great for moisture retention as far as pre-pooing goes.
- Olive oil is a dope one because it’s loaded with antioxidants and fatty acids.
- Avocado oil is beneficial because it has biotin, vitamin E, and moisturizing properties in it.
- Jojoba oil is good because it has the ability to add moisture to your hair from the inside out.
Once you’ve selected the oil of your choice, divide your hair into 4-8 sections, generously apply the oil to dry hair (you can dampen it a bit if you’d like), and allow it to penetrate your hair for about 20-30 minutes before you shampoo your hair. That way, your hair will still be soft, manageable, and pretty protected as far as dryness goes before the shampoo starts doing its cleansing thing.
Add Some to Your Conditioner

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Listen, I don’t care who you are or what your hair type is; if there’s something that you definitely should be doing, it’s deep conditioning your tresses. As someone who does it religiously, to do a thorough job, you’re gonna need about an hour just to accomplish that. So, what if you’re pressed for time? Another thing that you can do is add some oil to your hair conditioner, apply it, put on a thermal heating cap, and leave it on for, say, 10 minutes or so. The mixture of the oil with your conditioner and heat while your hair is already damp will penetrate your cuticles and make them feel like you did a pretty solid version of deep conditioning.
Oils that are great for this? Thanks to all of the vitamin E that it contains, argan oil; if you want to add some additional shine, macadamia oil, and if you’re looking for something that will help to reduce the damage that hair dyes can cause (like drying your hair out), camellia oil.
Lock in Moisture (with Layering)

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Speaking of adding (additional) moisture to your hair, something that many sistahs do is either take the LOC (Liquid, Oil, Cream) or LCO (Liquid, Cream, Oil) approach. It’s pretty explanatory yet the bottom line is, if your hair is particularly dry, layering a liquid with a cream or oil could help you keep moisture in your hair for longer. As far as whether LOC or LCO is best for you, LOC fans typically have high porosity hair (meaning that your hair both takes in and loses moisture quickly because there are “holes” in your hair’s cuticle), and LCO is best for low porosity (which means it’s hard for their hair to get moisture to penetrate).
As far as the cream goes, it can be anything from a creamy hair conditioner to a hair butter like mango or shea butter. Oils that are effective include evening primrose oil, pumpkin seed oil, and moringa oil because they all help strengthen your tresses.
Seal Your Ends

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Because the ends of your hair are the oldest parts of it, you need to be intentional about giving them as much TLC as possible; that’s the only way that you’ll ultimately be able to retain length long-term. One way you can do that is by sealing your ends, which simply means that you apply some oil to the ends of your hair while it’s damp. Sweet almond oil deeply hydrates dry hair without weighing it down, soybean oil is full of fatty acids, and Jamaican black castor oil is also a deep moisturizer.
For tips on how to seal your ends properly, check out this instructional video here. Oh, and if some of you were waiting for me to mention coconut oil, although it doesn’t personally work for me, there is a YouTuber who shouts it out as far as hair sealing goes here.
Add a Bit of Oil At Night

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Probably until each and every cow comes home, there’s gonna be a debate about whether or not it’s beneficial to apply oil to hair while it’s dry. Personally, to get the most lasting effects, when it’s damp is always gonna be best. Oh, but don’t sleep on applying a bit of oil to your hair at night before turning in, too. I’ve been doing it for quite some time now and I’ve noticed that it’s helped to pamper my ends in between wash days. What I like to do is cornrow my hair (to keep it stretched out without the use of any heat) and then apply oil to the ends before tying it up and turning in.
Oils that I recommend? Carrot seed oil helps to prevent split ends, hemp seed oil helps to strengthen your hair and reduce breakage, and grapeseed oil is a potent moisturizer that also reduces frizz.
BONUS: Blue Magic, Anyone?

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As I wind this down… back to the whole, “greasing your scalp” thing. A few years back, I wrote “Looking For Hair Growth? It Might Be Time To Bring 'Blue Magic' Back” for the platform because if there is one woman whose hair is something magnificent out in these internet streets, it’s a woman whose YouTube channel is EfikZara. When I tell you that she ain’t tryin’ to hear nobody tell her to give up petroleum and mineral oil? Not one bit. Anyway, one of her videos is inside of the article if you want to check out her regimen.
What I will say for now is I tried it on my mostly 4B hair, and I hard passed. Blue Magic ultimately made it hard and stiff. HOWEVER, I know some people with 4-type hair who have low porosity, and when they applied grease to damp hair, they said that it kept their locks soft and moisturized longer than just about anything else.
Bottom line: Figure out what works for you and stick to it. And chile, if that happens to be hair grease…so be it, sis. DO IT.
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I’m hoping that I did a thorough enough job to where, if someone tells you that oiling your hair is futile, you can immediately refute those claims. Oil can be a real godsend — so long as you know what you’re doing.
Hopefully now…you do.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Whew. Did you know that somewhere around 122 million Americans travel during the holiday season? Listen, I went to see my godbabies this past September and got caught up in a crazy ass traffic jam at BNA (the Nashville airport) that damn near has me considering air travel ever again — especially during this time of the year.
Besides, it’s not like it’s a written rule that you have to travel over the holidays. In fact, if you want to play it chill this year, why not enjoy a staycation instead? Although it might seem like it’s a “poor man’s compromise,” as you’re about to see, it actually…isn’t.
1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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