In xoNecole's quarterly series Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
Outside, the brisk January air sent cold shivers up our spines, but inside Jersey-based interior artist Bailey Li's firehouse station loft, warmth radiated from the bright hues and plush fabrics adorning her space.
Everywhere we looked – the textured, downy sofas in the living room, the canopied bedroom boudoir area, the gilded bar cart – vintage artifacts and structurally bold pieces intermingled in a delicate dance. No piece overpowered the other yet demanded attention in its own right. An artistic oxymoron if you will.
Even warmer than the heat radiating from the clusters of candles arranged throughout her space, Bailey's smile drew us in immediately. "Every time I design a space or paint a technique on a wall, I am tapping into infinite intelligence, source energy, and the pulse of unlimited love that I always have access to. I never want to forget to show love and compassion to others who could very well be out in the world feeling alone and/or suffering from depression— especially Black women. If I had my way, everyone would have a well-designed space that makes them feel extraordinary; I truly believe it's essential to one's well being."
Tell us about yourself.
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"My clients say that I'm an artist. Lately, many of them have been calling me a 'life-changer', which is music to my ears! That's what this is all about for me – transforming spaces and lives through my artistry. I'd like to think of myself as an interior artist/creative who designs spaces, hand paints walls, makes bespoke chairs, and more. Interior design has helped me uncover my true passion—bringing out the best in people by interpreting who they are at their core and translating that through their environments. The impact that my work has on my clients' lives is truly the reward I seek."
Tell us a bit about what environment you were seeking to create in your space and the thought process behind your decorative choices.
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"My space is representative of three components: who I was, who I am, and most importantly, who I am becoming! Deep down I've always been fearless, it's just who I am. It's exemplified through my work and now my home. My ability to curate and recreate the old with the new, adding a modern pop to an antique is something I've been doing for over 10 years. The craftsmanship and character of antique and vintage pieces are so intriguing to me.
"The fact that I live in a firehouse loft/art gallery blows my mind. It's a creative live/work loft and it speaks to the artist that I have become. I have pushed myself and stretched myself; as a result, many talents I had no idea I possessed emerged. My bespoke chairs and hand-painted walls have become my canvases. I truly feel like an artist in my home and my artistry is being actualized by the fact that I am able to live and create in the same space."
"It's a creative live/work loft and it speaks to the artist that I have become."
How did you approach finding and financing your place?
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"I live in a creative live/work art gallery loft located in the Valley Arts District of Orange, New Jersey and I've been renting here for two years. Discovering the Valley Arts District through an organization called Hands Inc. was such a huge breakthrough for me. I am able to lease this beautiful firehouse abode at a reasonable rate. I recommend anyone who is an artist/creative to seek out communities that have active art initiatives in place. They typically offer affordable live/work, loft-style spaces to creatives – it's a great way to gain exposure and be surrounded by like-minded people."
How do you feel your space impacts your mental health and happiness?
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"The shape of furniture, the colors of the walls and floors, the lighting and arrangement of it allabsolutely influences how we feel and perform on a conscious and subconscious level. I'veincluded subliminal reminders and cues that stimulate positive feelings and thoughts throughoutmy space. For instance, if you look closely at my hand-painted copper colored doorway it hasthe words 'You Are Not Alone' inscribed on it. I painted those words as a reminder to myself thatI am not alone; every waking day is proof that the creator is present."
In addition to an apartment tour, xoNecole was able to sit down with Bailey to discuss her design ethos, neuroaesthetics – the impact of our spaces on the way we feel, and some of her favorites pieces present within her Orange, NJ firehouse station loft:
Vaginas Are Lit
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"Recently, I did an art exhibition where I featured my art installation, 'Vaginas Are Lit'. I created these paintings on canvases with silhouettes [of vaginas] with antique light switch plates and bulbs that lit up. It was an interactive moment for people since they could actually come into the exhibition and 'turn on' the vaginas. Whoopi Goldberg happened to be a fan of [the installation] and ended up purchasing the first two [pieces], which was a very proud moment [for me]. 'I was like, Oh my God, I'm an artist!'"
Sweet Escape
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"Growing up, there were times that I didn't have my own room. I remember visiting my sister's friend's house when we were young and seeing her bedroom. It was a little girl's dream come true! She had a canopy bed with drapery to match, beautiful pastel walls, and dolls for days. I remember leaving there feeling sad knowing that my grandparents could not afford to give me a room like that.
"As an adult, I can finally have my version of a dream canopy. It's nothing like that little girl's bedroom, but it certainly represents the girl in me. The feminine canopy is juxtaposed with a masculine leather and sheet metal aviator headboard, gauzy sheer drapery with jute trim and huge industrial style metal light fixtures that I also embellished with jute trim.
Although it's one my favorite areas in my apartment, my boudoir was a painstaking process because I did not know where to put my bedroom in this wide open space. I originally had my bed over by where the living room is, and then I decided that I wanted to switch it up. I created this canopy to give me a little bit of privacy and delineate the areas [in the apartment], but still, leave it wide open."
Something Old, Something New
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"15 years ago, I bid on [this couch] and it was originally Pepto-Bismol pink! I had it reupholstered in the black velvet that you see here today. It was originally in my showroom for sale and I was so happy no one bought it because… it's mine."
On the Run
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"In my early twenties, I always dreamt of driving around town in a Vespa wearing high heels; my vintage scooter console satiates that desire! Every time I look at it parked in the middle of my loft, I feel adventurous and free.
"I discovered this vintage scooter console at Sierra Trading, believe it or not. I just fell in love. I had to have it. And, it lights up, which I thought was really cool! In a loft space like this, I thought it was a great aesthetic piece that serves a dual purpose. It's a shelf where I can display my favorite objects – my favorite shoes, my favorite books, stones that I love. Again, [this loft] is an open space and it's very hard to find storage and this [console] can be used to show some of my favorite things."
Indoor Picnic
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
"My dining room table is a unique experience. I don't have room for a full-out dining area, but I did want to create an indoor picnic moment where you can have anything from a romantic dinner to a nice little community area where you can catch up with friends."
Photo by Ana Rice for xoNecole
All photos by Ana Rice
For more Bailey Li, give her a follow on Instagram @interiorista_baileyli and @designedbybaileyli.
RELATED
Yep, I’m back here today, once more, ready to discuss yet another reason why climaxing may be easier for some than others because, as I pretty much said in the article, “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms,” there are several things other than sexual chemistry, a man’s performance and a couple’s compatibility, that can make having an orgasm…challenging. For instance, as I said in that particular article, it could come down to basic anatomy in the sense that your clitoris and vaginal opening may be far apart (which can make having a vaginal orgasm difficult).
Or, as I just stated a second ago, you may need to see where your estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels are (especially if not being able to orgasm has only recently become a problem for you). Or, it could be that your genes are the underlying issue. Your genes? Yep. Believe it or not, there is also scientific research that says a part of the reason why some women can cum with ease while others seem to struggle could be due to what’s happening up in their DNA.
I’ll explain.
What Your DNA Has to Do with Your Sexual Pleasure
GiphyGoodness. Talk about putting a whole new spin on Victoria Monét's, “On My Mama” song. Yep, believe it or not, there are studies that say that having orgasms has quite a bit to do with one’s genetic material. See, some intel states that if a woman does have a problem with “getting there,” she might want to do some digging into her family tree because there is a significant amount of evidence to support the fact that if she can’t climax, her sisters, mother and grandmother(s) may have a hard time in that area too.
And how much of an impact does DNA make? Some say as much as a whopping 60 percent! A part of the study came from the result of testing identical twins vs. fraternal ones and seeing the sexual commonalities that they had. What they discovered is the identical twins had a lot of orgasming or not orgasming in common.
Now, I’ll be honest with you — there is a lot of science involved in all of this including things like what your dopamine levels (which plays a role in regulating pleasure) may be genetically if you have a predisposition to depression and anxiety; what your androgen levels (which are a type of sex hormone) are, and where the exact location of your G-spot is (although people are still debating if there is even such a thing; for the record, close to 60 percent of women believe that they do indeed have one).
If you add to this what I already said about your clit-to-vaginal opening factor (which definitely is an anatomy issue) — can you see how it really does make sense that your DNA plays a role in your (peak) sexual pleasure (as far as orgasms go)?
And why should you know all of this? Well, if you are climaxing easily — you know, you’re the kind of person where it really doesn’t take much to get you going — and you’ve always wondered why, your gene pool would like a bit of praise. On the other hand, if you’ve been doing all that you can to either have orgasms or to experience more consistent ones…try and give yourself (and your partner) a bit of a break. As you can see, some of what’s going on has nothing to do with you — or him. And does that mean that you just have to surrender to never “reaching the mountaintop?” No. I’ll get more into that towards the end of all of this.
Before sharing some (hopefully) helpful hacks, I first want to bring up one more thing that I found while reading up on this topic; something that caused me to partly chuckle and partly roll my eyes.
Something Else That I Found to Be…Interesting
GiphyOkay, so, although I personally think that something in the buttermilk ain’t clean (as far as tone goes) with a particular article that also touches on this topic, some other intel claims that another reason why some women cum easier and quicker than others is that — get this — they are more willing to settle for “low-quality men” (somebody sounds like a hater to me but…).
What’s the connection? Well, it would appear that, once upon a time, a part of the indication that a man would be an overall good provider and that he could be relied upon is if he could bring a woman to an orgasm. The theory is that since it takes a woman around twice the amount of time to have an orgasm as a man, if a guy is willing to put his needs aside to make sure that hers are met, then he is worthy of a relationship — and that a woman should require a man to “show up” (and some might say show out as well) in this way.
I don’t see a problem with any of that — in theory. Two things to consider, though: one, implying that the women who don’t need “the compromise” are settling when it comes to men is pretty close to ridiculous. Two, it really is time out for thinking that only men are responsible for women having orgasms. In fact, all of the stuff that I said about genetics and climaxing? That wasn’t just about when two people are engaged in sexual activity; many women who can’t have an orgasm aren’t able to do so via masturbation as well — and since we all know that it consists of having sex alone…well…that can’t be on the fellas, now can it?
Still, there is a takeaway from all of this that should be emphasized: If orgasms don’t come easily and naturally to you, do make sure that you have a partner who doesn’t Elmo shrug that off. Because although you can have great sex without an orgasm, a good partner will want to do what they can to help you get the absolute most out of intimacy with them — orgasms included.
With all of this out of the way, if you sense that a lot of what’s been standing in the way between you and some or more orgasms is indeed your DNA, what can be done? I’m glad that you asked.
What You Should Do If You Are Someone Who Has “Gene Pool” Challenges?
GiphyOkay, I’m gonna be real with you — DNA is DNA. So, I’m not gonna sit up here and act like there are some overnight miracle cures in this department. At the same time, though, because some of this is simply about having lower hormone levels than others naturally do, there are a few hacks to keep in mind.
If your dopamine levels are what’s on the lower side, it’s important that you get an amino acid known as tyrosine into your system. It’s beneficial because it is what dopamine is actually made from. Some foods that contain tyrosine include protein-enriched ones like beef, chicken, and fish, as well as white beans, squash and pumpkin seeds, and wild rice. Other things that can kick your dopamine levels up a few notches are exercise, reducing your sugar intake, meditating, listening to some of your favorite (non-triggering) music, and getting no less than 6-8 hours of rest every night.
When it comes to things like depression and anxiety, did you know that some studies say that around 50 percent of depression-related causes are considered to be genetic and that anxiety has some heredity tied to it, too? Just one more reminder that if you’re struggling in these areas, it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
See your physical doctor (so that they can check your hormones and other aspects of your health) and consider also speaking with a reputable therapist and, when it comes to sex-related stuff, a sex therapist as well (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”).
As far as your androgen levels go, although different forms of therapy are available to get it on track since testosterone is the main focus when it comes to androgen, consider doing things like lowering your stress levels, getting more ginseng and zinc into your system, staying at a healthy weight, consuming less alcohol and refined grains (because they can mess with your blood sugar levels and that can jack your testosterone up).
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Y’all, knowledge really is power, and one of the things that I appreciate about findings like these is they’re a reminder to stop pressuring yourself when it comes to things like orgasms. Contrary to popular belief (or assumption), climaxing is not a black-and-white issue. Many layers go into why it’s easy for some and…not so easy for others.
And since one of those layers just happens to be your genetic material — please don’t beat yourself (or your partner) up (anymore). Do some (more) research. See your doctor and/or a therapist. Be patient with the process of learning more about what your body naturally needs. And with a few tweaks here and there, you never know what could happen — how you can buck your DNA all the way, chile.
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Featured image by Giphy