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It’s the BET Awards weekend, and L.A. is the place to be, according to power-house entertainment marketer and entrepreneur Miss Diddy. “It’s always been a time when people come from all major markets and they want to be in the city and everything like that,” the LA Native tells xoNecole.
That’s why every year, Miss Diddy kicks off BET Awards weekend by hosting her annual LA event, A Toast to Black Hollywood. Founded in 2014 initially as A Toast to Young Hollywood, the event was born from Miss Diddy’s desire to celebrate people who typically don’t get the recognition they deserve for their impact on the culture. “Years ago …it really started for me to really give an ode to the people that were moving the culture forward,” she says. “So the executives, the people behind the scenes, the people who had a big effect on my career as well.”
In the event’s first year, the honorees included Meagan Good, Baron Davis, Eric Bellinger, and Steve Rifkind. This year’s honorees include Valeisha Jones, Nina Parker, Cynthia Bailey, and Shayla Cowan, among other movers and shakers in the industry.
After a two-year hiatus due to the pandemic, Miss Diddy is relaunching the event under its new name, A Toast to Black Hollywood – a shift that came in response to everything that happened post-2020, including the protests against police brutality. “As soon as everything kinda changed in the world during the time of the pandemic, and everything that happened as a culture and as a community, I wanted to make sure to change the name to A Toast to Black Hollywood,” Miss Diddy tells xoNecole. “We’re being really intentional about our messaging moving forward and what’s important to us as a community.”
Alongside the new name for the event, Miss Diddy also prides herself in the charity work she does for the community. “I’ve partnered with the mayor of Compton, Asia Brown, to do many community initiatives,” she says. “Whether it’s Thanksgiving, making sure we’re feeding families, handing out turkeys, serving the elderly. Whether it’s Christmastime and I’ve partnered with Champion for them to give us so much clothes for the community. Mattel is one of my partners that come and give our kids in Compton so many toys.”
Since the beginning of her career as an entertainment marketer, Miss Diddy has had a front row seat to culture defining moments. “When Kanye started Good Music, I started over in the promotion department with [West’s Co-manager] John Monopoly and just built my career from there.” It wouldn’t be long before Miss Diddy would begin facilitating her own legendary moments.
When reflecting on what moment from over the years at The Toast to Black Hollywood event stands out to her, Miss Diddy points to 2018 when the event honored Lauren London who was attended by her partner, the late rapper Nipsey Hussle. “Nipsey was there and just having a great time with us. He was so proud of Lauren and so proud of me.”
Miss Diddy credits her drive and tenacity to her Los Angeles rearing. “It’s a place I was born in, grew up in, raised in, and became successful in – extremely successful,” she says. “This is where people come to make their dreams come true. They come here to be in the city that we built with our hands. Everything about Los Angeles has shaped who I am.” With the forthcoming Toast to Black Hollywood event and all the work she continues to do in her career, Miss Diddy is certain to always put on for her city.
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Celebrity News
A Look Inside Martin Lawrence’s Daughter Jasmin Lawrence And Eddie Murphy’s Son Eric Murphy’s Relationship
22 June
What happens when the children of two comedy kings begin dating? You get Black love and, of course, jokes. Martin Lawrence’s daughter Jasmin Lawrence, 26, and Eddie Murphy’s son Eric Murphy, 32, are officially a couple. While it’s unknown how long they have been dating, Eric revealed their relationship in June 2021 declaring that he was “Head over heels in LOVE” with Jasmin.
In July of that same year, the budding actress wrote a touching birthday tribute to Eric. “Happy birthday, my love! I’m so incredibly blessed to know you, to love you, and to have you by my side,” she wrote. “Cheers to many more blessings, laughs, and beautiful memories! I love you so much!! 🖤✨”
From there, the couple have shared more photos of each other and in January, Jasmin gave insight into their relationship and how they met. In an interview with InTouch Weekly, the Relatively Famous: Ranch Rules reality star shared that while her dad and Eric’s dad have starred in two movies together, they aren’t responsible for introducing them. “My uncle actually introduced us. It wasn’t even our dads and they’ve done two movies together. They’re friends,” Jasmin said.
She also said that she and Eric started off as friends before dating. “We became really good friends,” she added. “We bonded on a lot of things. Obviously, we have similar backgrounds so we understood each other on a certain level and over time it just became more.”
The Bad Boys for Life actress also dished on what makes their bond so special.
“He’s my best friend. And it sounds cliche like you should be best friends but it’s so true. We just love each other’s company,” she explained. “We laugh together. A lot of laughing as I’m sure you can imagine and having similar backgrounds definitely helps because there’s certain things that I don’t have to explain. He just gets it and he knows.”
She also assured that their parents are supportive of their relationship. In a recent interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Martin spoke on whether he and Eddie have talked about their kids dating. “We haven’t talked about it,” Martin confessed. “We kinda stay out of their business and let them do their own thing and respect their thing.”
But if Jasmin and Eric end up getting married, Martin joked, “I’ma try to get Eddie to pay for it.”
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Featured image via Jasmin Lawrence/Instagram
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I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 7th grade. Whenever I reveal that, there’s always that great debate of whether my doctor is simply trying to dope me up or not. While I do agree that this occurs, I also believe it was the correct diagnosis for me. With that said, I have struggled for years socially because of what may appear to come across as my being rude or unorganized.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more aware and often feel the need to throw out a disclaimer whether I’m on my meds or off my meds, because truly, you cannot win on the social side of things. When I take my meds, I’m hyper-focused and lose my personality for a touch of time. I tend to not laugh, catch jokes as quickly, or my own humor is nonexistent. When I’m off the meds, especially after taking them for some time, I drift in and out of conversations that last for longer than five to10 minutes. And overall, I often find myself apologizing for my ADHD in social settings.
This doesn’t even begin to touch on the disorganization: losing car keys for days on end, locking myself out of the house, and forgetting things. The irony of it is that people with ADHD are often advised to make lists which is something that requires you to have some semblance of organization skills. I make mention of all of this because I often feel the perception regarding me in both my professional and personal relationships is that I’m this hot-ass mess–that’s the extent of the explanation. In reality, there’s so much more to unpack here.
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What I didn’t know was that ADHD could present itself differently based on factors like gender. In a 2019 study, it was shown that men displayed external symptoms more often than women, leaving women with ADHD misdiagnosed or undiagnosed. I have only recently discovered this and in learning this, I further wonder how it might show up differently for Black women as a whole. As with anything, culture has the ability to change the way disorders manifest within a community.
Furthermore, I became curious about how ADHD affects Black women in relation to our dating lives and challenges in our relationships. To confirm some of my thoughts, I reached out to Angela Banks, a licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC) and clinical supervisor known as The Strong Friend's Therapist.
How ADHD Presents in Women
“ADHD tends to manifest as inattentiveness in women. It can impact their ability to focus, concentrate, complete tasks and stay organized,” Banks says. “These symptoms can cause people to stereotype Black women and assume they are ‘lazy’ or ‘have an attitude.’ These types of stereotypes can play into a woman’s self-esteem and cause her to feel like she is lazy, or it can cause her to work overtime to prove the stereotype wrong and overperform.”
According to Banks, this further impacts Black women, generally speaking, because they “are often viewed as ‘strong’ which means that people have higher expectations for them, and they also have those same high expectations for themselves. These types of expectations cause Black women to feel overwhelmed by obligations and feel the need to do more with less resources. When a Black woman’s functioning is affected by ADHD, she may view herself as a bad mom, wife or friend if she’s unable to meet those unrealistic expectations or perform at the standard that society has created.”
In addition to ADHD manifesting in women as inattentiveness, another symptom is indecisiveness. Banks explains, “Black women are at the bottom of the totem pole and already must make decisions while encountering oppression at almost every turn. There’s also a stigma related to mental health in the Black community, so even the idea of treatment or intervention can be overwhelming for a Black woman." Banks concludes that plus limited access to culturally responsive mental health providers sometimes influences whether or not Black women seek treatment or evaluation for ADHD.
Black Women, ADHD, and Romantic Relationships
And just how does this all affect Black women’s romantic relationships?
Banks notes that when we are not meeting expectations based on the role we assign to ourselves, it can be easy to feel less than and therefore less deserving of love. “Black women may find themselves feeling insecure in their relationships because of these challenges with ADHD. Black women have been expected to equate their value to their role in others’ lives for many years, which creates that insecure feeling. If I don’t value myself outside of that role, and I’m not meeting the perceived expectations of that role, it can ultimately impact self-esteem."
She concludes, "If one believes they are not performing well in their role and not reaching certain expectations, they may start to feel like they are not deserving of receiving healthy love. We sometimes call that ‘imposter syndrome.’ This can ultimately cultivate mistrust and might make it difficult to build those healthy romantic relationships.”
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Getting Out of Your Own Way: ADHD Help for Adults
Banks remind us to seek support, therapy included, in order to help us develop various coping skills but especially the ability to be vulnerable and transparent in turn helping to improve our relationships all around. From my personal experience, I will add that the difficult part about being vulnerable enough to seek help from the various systems in our lives will be the side-eying that occurs from doctors who think because you’re Black you’re abusing your meds or because you use Medicaid they don’t prioritize you or generally don’t view you as an autonomous being. For instance, my doctor refuses to give me my meds during my pregnancy because he thinks I need to wean myself off. This is despite the fact that my OB (not the same as my prescribing physician) has warned me that expecting moms who are ADHD have an increased risk of postpartum depression.
While I pray this isn’t so, this will impact every aspect of my life from my financial well-being to my ability to build a bond with my son, not to mention those who didn’t come from my womb. I said a mouthful to point out that support can feel difficult to access – easier said than done for sure – but despite this, we must continue to reach out for it. “A good therapist can also teach strategies to cope with ADHD and will provide an opportunity to practice that vulnerability and transparency with a person. Also, becoming okay with experiencing unpleasant feelings and emotions is a good way to be more transparent with others. The best way to be more open with others is to practice and put yourself out there to be uncomfortable. Once support is given from others, it will become easier to open up and build a solid support network.”
As far as expanding access to support based on cultural beliefs and systemic racism, Banks holds society accountable as well. She states, “Society needs to be understanding of how years of trauma and oppression have affected Black women. We need to be humanized and treated with compassion and empathy. Try putting yourself in our shoes and see if that helps in understanding a Black woman’s experience.”
And by society, this extends itself to significant others and potential partners. Be aware of comments and thoughts that suggest ADHD is fake – read the room. I think healthy dialogue is fine, but accusations are not, especially if your person feels the diagnosis and medication help.
Essentially, the key to improving your romantic relationships while coping with ADHD will be the same key that allows you to improve every other relationship in your life. And much like anything in this life, the last, and the next – it requires two! You can do all you can to be vulnerable and that won’t mean much if your partner refuses to acknowledge your diagnosis. Meaning it also requires you to be conscious and have discussions around belief systems.
While ADHD doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to those on the outside, it is a lot for those of us dealing with it from day to day. Practice empathy.
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Featured image by Getty Images
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Does anyone else feel like they aren't feminine enough?
Last year I was having dinner with a friend and we started discussing feminine energy. I shared that I wanted to be more feminine or get better at exuding it, whatever that meant. She laughed, leaned in, and said, "Erica, you give off feminine energy. You have nothing to worry about."
The thing is, I was never worried about being "feminine enough" before that.
Feminine energy is characterized as "being." It's centered on receiving, flowing, creating, feeling, and being vulnerable. On the converse, masculine energy is rooted in "doing." It's based on giving, planning, achieving and remaining focused. We are constantly floating between our masculine and feminine energy, and maintaining a healthy balance of both energies allows us to live a harmonious and fulfilling life. Unfortunately, we live in a society dominated by "doing," and patriarchy deems feminine energy inferior and only purposeful for domestic duties. So, many of us live out of balance because we fear seeming weak or unproductive. But feminine energy is powerful.
I started thinking more about the power of feminine energy when I stumbled upon Ayesha K. Faine's work Women Love Power in 2017. I loved that she was helping women recognize the importance of harnessing their feminine energy and telling the world that bringing feminine energy to the forefront would be crucial in establishing balance and harmony worldwide. I also enjoyed learning about my feminine archetype (I was a Gamine then). Ayesha taught us how our archetype manifested in our lives, how to use feminine energy to be successful, and how I could use it to gain a deeper understanding of myself and improve my relationship with others. Her work was empowering.
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Recent conversations about feminine energy seem focused on shaming. Statements like,
"You're not feminine enough."
"You're too masculine."
"You need to lean into your feminine,"
seem to have replaced with statements like,
"You need to do this to get a man."
"You don't know how to let men lead."
and (my favorite),
"This is why men don't like you."
The conversation is tired, old, and problematic.
Attempting to shame someone into embracing more of their feminine energy isn't helpful or loving. Black women can be loved and encouraged to make decisions that will help them love, nurture, and care for themselves. Encouraging Black women to embrace softness instead of unyielding strength is an act of love. Reminding Black women they are worthy of receiving help from others and that they aren’t a burden is an act of love. Creating safe spaces for Black women to be vulnerable and receive care is an act of love. All of these things give Black women the freedom to incorporate more feminine energy into their lives in a way that benefits their mental, emotional and physical well-being. None of these benefits are men-centered or men-focused.
Everything can't be about men. Everything can’t be about appealing to the male ego. If you are someone that wishes to be in relationships and community with men, it's natural to care about what they think. But it isn't healthy to be controlled by what men think. Because who is the deciding voice on whether or not you're “feminine enough”?
Who are you giving that power away to?
I would hope no one. But I'm on the internet more often than not, and I have conversations with women I love all the time. The femininity conversation always goes back to finding ways to maintain or obtain a man's attention. And it doesn't serve us to be men-centered in that way.
Centering men in our decisions can cause us to abandon ourselves. We attempt to bend, fold, contort and conform to fit a phenotype or personality that doesn't come naturally to us and become resentful when it doesn't result in us being chosen. It's madness and deeply unfulfilling. But the reasons were ready to listen to someone tell us were inadequate or fail to measure up are understandable. We’re scared. We don't want to be alone. We don't want to be the person that doesn't get chosen.
But allowing people to continually profit off of our insecurity is hurting us.
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Some of the femininity rhetoric is anti-Black and being used to shame Black women for adapting to environments that required us to lean into more “masculine energy.” For example, I struggle with letting people help me; many of us do. It's not intentional. I'm not resisting my feminine energy to be combative or difficult; I doubt anyone is. Framing the conversation that way doesn't help. There are various reasons someone may be unable to embrace more feminine energy. Maybe their environment isn't safe enough for them to be "soft." Perhaps they aren't around people that can lead in non-egocentric ways. Maybe they had to become hyper-independent to survive as children.
The way we approach people and the way we approach having these conversations with ourselves is important. Conversations rooted in kindness, compassion empathy are transformational. Conversations based on shame lead to low confidence and a lack of self-love.
If you're going to embrace more feminine energy, do it for yourself. Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you see it improving your life and your well-being. Don’t do it because you’re seeking the validation and approval of a stranger. Don't do it because you're hoping to obtain something outside yourself because you can't control anything outside of you.
Stand in your power and be the deciding voice on whether or not you are enough.
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- What Is Divine Feminine Energy? - xoNecole ›
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Celebrity News
Jennifer Hudson Talks New Talk Show: ‘I Cannot Wait To Connect On A Deeper Level’
22 June
Jennifer Hudson is taking her talents to daytime television. The singer has accomplished many things in her career. After first capturing the attention of many on season three of American Idol, the “Spotlight” artist won the hearts of audiences everywhere when she starred as Effie White in the 2006 film Dreamgirls, leading to her securing an Oscar for her riveting performance.
She recently became the youngest female and second Black woman to become an EGOT winner after receiving a Tony for A Strange Loop. Before that, she won two Grammys, one for her debut album in 2009 and another in 2017 for The Color Purple Broadway recording, and she received a Daytime Emmy as an executive producer for Baby Yaga in 2021. On the heels of her newly EGOT status, the multi-hyphenate shared the news that her talk show will premiere on her birthday.
I can’t believe I get to say this, but welcome to my show !!! ✨ Let’s light up daytime beginning September 12th ! Wait a minute that’s my birthday !!! pic.twitter.com/YzIrUgmCp4
— Jennifer Hudson (@IAMJHUD) June 16, 2022
“I can't believe I get to say this, but welcome to my show !!!" she tweeted. "Let's light up daytime beginning September 12th! Wait a minute that's my birthday !!!"
The Respect actress also opened up about what fans can expect from the show in a statement.
"I have experienced so much in my life; I've seen the highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows, and just about everything in between but as my mother always told me, 'Once you think you've seen it all, just keep on living,'" she said.
"People from around the world have been a part of my journey from the beginning — twenty years ago — and I'm so ready to join their journey as we sit down and talk about the things that inspire and move us all," she continued. "I have always loved people and I cannot wait to connect on a deeper level and let audiences see the different sides of who I am, the human being, in return."
The Jennifer Hudson Show will premiere on the Fox network.
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