Meet The Full List Of 2020 Presidential Candidates So Far
On the morning of November 5, 2016 when I discovered Donald J. Trump would now be the leader of the free world, I, like hundreds of thousands of other Americans, was hurt in real life.
Around midnight the previous night, I decided to turn off the news and go to sleep, hoping I would wake up to a nasty upset where Hilary would come through like the underdog that she is and hit the polls with a mean alley-oop. That never happened, and I wondered what type of world we would be living in moving forward. Despite winning the popular vote, Hilary lost and reminded us all that it's not important to win the battle as long as we expect victory in the war, and that war is far from over.
More than 50 years after the civil rights movement, racial and social disparity are still in full effect and from poverty to police brutality, we see that reflected on a daily basis. It was scary to imagine an America led by someone so intolerant, and I had no idea what the next four years would look like, but I now know exactly what I'm looking for in a 2020 president-elect.
I have a dream of a world where men and women can walk around without being profiled for their skin tone, religion or headwear, whether that be a hijab, durag, or bonnet. I want to live an America where our criminal justice system protects instead of does harm to people that look like me. I hope that one day I'll be able to send my kids to school without worrying about a terrorist with mental health issues shooting said school up. We are very far from this idealization of America, but it is not impossible to make this vision a reality. The thing is, that can't happen without choosing a qualified leader. Since lately, Barack and Michelle Obama are booked and busy, we'll have to evaluate our other options.
Voting season is sneaking up on us faster than we can research the candidates, but never fear, xoNecole is here with a guide to every single candidate running for President of the United States in 2020.
Cory Booker
Age: 49
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Cory Booker attended a trifecta of highly ranked schools (Yale, Oxford, and Stanford) before he became the first Black U.S. Senator of New Jersey. He's currently dating actress Rosario Dawson and plans to reform the Democratic Party using love and unity. Sen. Booker believes in Medicare for all, legalization of marijuana, and also helped introduce the Keeping Families Together Act to Congress. He supports ending the pay gap and increasing nationwide minimum wage to $15/hour.
What He Said: "We have a choice in this election. To make it about one guy and one election and just get rid of him? I understand that call, but it's got to be about something bigger than that."
"We Democrats in this room, it can't just be about beating Republicans, no. This is a moral moment in our country where it's got to be about uniting Americans."
Pete Buttigieg
Age: 37
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Pete Buttigieg will be making all kinds of history if elected in 2020. Not only will he be the youngest person to ever hold the title in history, he will also be the first openly gay president-elect. Buttigieg was actually one of the first candidates to spark the conversation about reparations in this election, and believes in universal background checks when it comes to gun control. As a U.S. veteran who served in Afganistan, the Harvard grad has even gotten love from President Obama.
What He Said: "One of the things that every person should think about in the run-up to 2020, especially because there are so many people, is that it is not only the outcome, but it is the conduct of campaigns that will make an impact on political life in our country. The world is changing, but it is not changing on its own. So, if by bringing forward good ideas I can be part of chipping away at that, that is one more reason to give this a look."
Julián Castro
Age: 44
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Julian Castro, former mayor of San Antonio, served under President Obama as the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and was considered as a viable VP during Hilary Clinton's campaign. As the grandson of an immigrant, this DC rookie is a supporter of Medicare for all, universal Pre-K, and reformed immigration policy.
What He Said: "I'm running for president because it's time for new leadership because it's time for new energy and it's time for a new commitment to make sure that the opportunities that I've had are available to every American. When my grandmother got here almost a hundred years ago, I'm sure she never could have imagined that just two generations later, one of her grandsons would be serving as a member of the United States Congress and the other would be standing with you here today to say these words: I am a candidate for President of the United States of America."
John Delaney
Age: 56
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: While most of the presidential hopefuls announced their bid earlier this year, this man has literally been running for president since 2017. Now that's dedication, people. The former banking CEO supports legal access to abortions, marijuana legalization, and universal Pre-K. I'm sure Delaney's an "OK" guy but I haven't seen any policies that particularly focus on people of color. Thank you, next.
What He Said: "I'm running on intentionally doing things to try to end the divisiveness. I think many other people are running on a more divisive approach and a more divisive agenda. The problem with that is it will leave us more divided and less prosperous because we won't do the things we need to do because we'll spend all our time fighting."
Tulsi Gabbard
Age: 38
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: This socially and economically progressive 37-year-old Iraqi war veteran did not come to play with Washington. Tulsi Gabbard was the first Hindu woman to join the United States congress and was endorsed by her Hawaiian hometown homie, Barack Obama. But here's the tea, as we all know, the internet doesn't let anything slide, including some homophobic comments Gabbard made in 2004 that she has since apologized for.
What She Said: "Our cause is to create a new and different path that reclaims our destiny and restores the uniquely American ideal: to seek a higher purpose greater than ourselves, to put service before self."
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand
Age: 52
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: This former U.S. House Representative is an anti-Trump sexual assault advocate who wants your vote, even if that means ignoring the fact that she can sometimes switch when it comes to her political stance on issues like immigration and gun control.
What She Said: "I am going to run for president of the United States because as a young mom, I am going to fight for kids as hard as I would fight for my own. It is why I believe healthcare should be a right, not a privilege. It is why I believe we should have better public schools for our kids because it shouldn't matter what block you grow up on. And I believe that anybody who wants to work hard enough should be able to get whatever job training they need to earn their way to the middle class, but you are never going to accomplish any of these things if you don't take on the systems of power that make any of that possible."
Sen. Kamala Harris
Age: 54
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Many people will say that I'm voting for Kamala simply because she's Black. And to that I say: You're damn skippy. Despite the multitude of criticism she's received about her political missteps as a prosecutor, this Oakland-born politician has been vocal about her beliefs in reforming gun control policy, Medicare for all, combatting the affordable housing crisis, and offering the middle class a tax credit if she's elected.
What She Said: "If I have the honor of being your president, I will tell you this: I am not perfect. Lord knows I am not perfect. But I will always speak with decency and moral clarity and treat all people with dignity and respect. I will lead with integrity. And I will speak the truth."
Sen. Amy Klobuchar
Age: 58
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Yasss, Amy. Come through with the purple scarf! This Minnesota senator has a reputation as a difficult (and even demeaning) boss who believes in bipartisanship. In the past, she's fought to lower student debt and has plans to reform both immigration policy as well as the Immigration and Customs Enforcement department.
What She Said: "I'm running for every parent who wants a better world for their kids. I'm running for every student who wants a good education. For every senior who wants affordable prescription drugs. For every worker, farmer, dreamer, builder. For every American. I'm running for you. I don't have a political machine. I don't come from money. But what I do have is this: I have grit."
Sen. Bernie Sanders
Age: 77
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Bernie's a leftist socialist who just won't quit. After losing to Hilary in the Democratic Primary in 2016, Bernie didn't give up his fight to turn America blue. He raised $6 million from donors in less than 24 hours and now, he's ready to make America feel the Bern. He was the lead sponsor on the Medicare For All bill in 2017, is a supporter of marijuana legalization, and wants to establish a path to citizenship for immigrants.
What He Said: "I'm running for president because, now more than ever, we need leadership that brings us together — not divides us up. Women and men, black, white, Latino, Native American, Asian American, gay and straight, young and old, native-born and immigrant. Now is the time for us to stand together."
Donald Trump
Um… Let's move on.
Gov. Jay Inslee
Age: 68
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Jay Inslee is the current governor of Washington and plans to tackle climate change head-on if's he's elected. Haven't heard him say much about women or people of color though. *Kanye shrug*
What He Said: "I'm Jay Inslee and I'm running for president because I am the only candidate who will make defeating climate change our nation's number one priority. We're the first generation to feel the sting of climate change. And we're the last that can do something about it. We can do this. Join our movement. This is our moment."
Gov. John Hickenlooper
Age: 67
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Hickenlooper is the former governor of Colorado and mayor of Denver. In the past, he was a geologist and business owner. Hickenlooper believes in expanding Medicaid and passing gun control legislation, but even if you don't vote for him, isn't his name just fun to say?
What He Said: "I'm running for president because we're facing a crisis that threatens everything we stand for. As a skinny kid with coke bottle glasses and a funny last name, I've stood up to my fair share of bullies. I'm running for president because we need dreamers in Washington but we also need to get things done. I've proven again and again I can bring people together to produce the progressive change Washington has failed to deliver."
Beto O'Rourke
Age: 46
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: When Beyonce has your back, you know it's real. Beto O'Rourke may just be the realest white guy on the ballot. In the past, he went viral with his amazing response to a voter who criticized Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players for taking a knee. The former El Paso congressman doesn't believe in a border wall, wants to improve immigration policy, and is in favor of abortion rights. But, on the other hand, homie gets a major side-eye for voting with Trump 30% of the time he was in office and nearly replacing a barrio in downtown El Paso with a big-box department store.
What He Said: "I am running to serve you as the next president. The challenges we face are the greatest in living memory. No one person can meet them on their own. Only this country can do that, and only if we build a movement that includes all of us."
Wayne Messam
Age: 44
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Wayne Messam is a former Florida State University football player who later became the first Black the mayor of Mirimar, Florida.
What He Said: "When you have a senior citizen who can't afford her prescription medicine, Washington is broken. When our scientists are telling us if we don't make drastic changes today, the quality of our air will be in peril, Washington is broken."
"Everyday people are graduating from universities with crippling debt stifling their opportunity for financial mobility, that is what's broken with this country. America belongs to all of us. The promise of America belongs to all of us. That's why I'm going to be running for president. To be your champion."
Rep. Eric Swalwell
Age: 38
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: This California politician has represented his house seat for 40 years and supports Medicare for all (without eliminating private insurers), banning assault rifles, removing interest on federal student loans, and reforming Trump's immigration policy.
What He Said: "I've talked to people who are just like me who are the first in their family to go to college, got a lot of student debt, can't buy a home, can't start a business. I've talked to kids who sit in their classroom afraid that they'll be the next victim of gun violence and they see Washington do nothing about it after the moments of silence and they see lawmakers who love their guns more than they love our kids. None of that is going to change until we get a leader who is willing to go big on the issues we take on, be bold in the solutions we offer, and do good in the way that we govern. I'm ready to solve these problems. I'm running for the president of the United States."
Marianne Williamson
Age: 66
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Best known as Auntie Oprah's spiritual advisor, best-selling author Marianne Williamson announced her bid for presidency at the end of January. Marianne stands behind reparations for Black Americans and fighting against the "spiritual and moral rot" that currently exists in DC.
What She Said: "Our national challenges are deep, but our political conversation is shallow. My campaign is for people who want to dig deeper into the questions we face as a nation and deeper into finding the answers.''
Rep. Tim Ryan
Age: 38
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Tim Ryan is an Ohio congressman who supports tech manufacturing, fair trade policy, and investment in Midwest companies.
What He Said: "I'm running for president because we have a real shot at uniting again — to restore the dignity of work and the feasibility of the American Dream. We have a chance to once again unite this country under our core principles and ideals."
Rep. Seth Moulton
Age: 40
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Seth Moulton is an anti-Trump war veteran who launched his campaign with a focus on national security.
What He Said: "I am running because I am a patriot, because I believe in this country and because I have never wanted to sit on the sidelines when it comes to serving it. I'm going to talk about patriotism, about security, about service. These are issues that for too long Democrats have ceded to Republicans, and we've got to stop that. Because this is actually where Donald Trump is weakest."
Gov. Bill Weld
Age: 73
Political Party: Republican
Bio: Is it me, or does this fella look like he's said the "n-word" a few times in his day? My bad, I know you can't judge a candidate by his cover so let's review the facts. In the past, this former Libertarian has supported LGBTQ and abortion rights and was a known whistleblower against corruption in the late 80s so I guess you aight wit me, Bill.
What He Said: "It is time for patriotic men and women across our great nation to stand and plant a flag. It is time to return to the principles of Lincoln — equality, dignity, and opportunity for all. There is no greater cause on earth than to preserve what truly makes America great. I am ready to lead that fight."
Andrew Yang
Age: 44
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Andrew Yang is the name and Universal Basic Income is the game. This presidential hopeful wants to give you $1,000 a month just for being American.
What He Said: "I've got a wife and two kids and I'm running for president to solve the problems of this era. We have this sinking feeling that our government is way behind the curve, and I'm trying to catch us up. I'm a lot more of a normal American than I have a sense that most people believe just by looking at me from afar."
"The issues are real. And so when I talk about issues that matter to the American people and propose solutions that people are excited about, then I'll take any voter — within limits. If they have racist or bigoted ideas, then I don't want their votes. But the vast majority of Trump voters I believe are just looking for some path forward."
Elizabeth Warren
Age: 69
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: The original O.G., Lil' Liz is currently a Massachusetts senator and has been in the game for a minute. Her current platform is universal childcare, making college free and erasing student loan debt, affordable healthcare, and issuing a tax on the 1%.
What She Said: "So here is the promise I make to you today: I will fight my heart out so that every kid in America can have the same opportunity I had — a fighting chance to build something real. I will never give up on you and your future. I will never give up on your children and their future. I am in this fight all the way."
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for NAACP
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
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This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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