5 Relationship Commandments That Will Improve Your Love Life
We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up–how many of us are over that pattern?
As cliché as it may seem, the new year is a time for rejuvenation and closing the chapter on what was, in favor of opening your pages to what is. What better way to embrace the new year than with new emotion?
Every relationship is different, but a lot of the ebbs experienced within one are common among all relationships. Do we know how to speak to one another in a language we both understand? Do we know how relate to each other when times are bad just as well as we do when times are good? Do we know how to be here, really be here? Relationships are work. A choice is made every day to continue to build with your partner, but what good is building if the framework is all wrong?
Below are five relationship commandments that will improve your love life, one day at a time.
Thou shall not talk about the past
That goes for exes and double for bringing up issues that have been laid to rest. Hurt people, hurt people. A lot of times in relationships, a cycle of resentment occurs and creates passive aggressive behaviors that make waves. Too often we aren't honest about how something makes us feel and don't properly address things that stir those feelings, so the circle of hurt goes on and on. A disagreement about date plans becomes about the time he forgot your anniversary two years ago. Why? Address issues as they come. Relay to your partner how you feel, forgive, and move forward. A conversation involving negative emotions is not your cue to dig up dirt from the past to throw at your partner in an attempt to hurt him/her the way that you are still hurt. Walks in the park talking and recapping childhood memories can be a beautiful thing, but keep what you have chosen to forgive your partner for out of your love garden. That encourages growth.
Thou shall figure out what effective communication looks like and utilize it
Not every blurb of advice is going to work for every couple. Communication is one of those things that is often easy when speaking positively or in high spirits, but its real test is how you relate to one another in times of grievances or when the subject at hand is a difficult one. If you're talking more than listening, you're probably doing it wrong, and if every tough discussion becomes a fight, you're definitely doing it wrong. What's effective for your partner? Do you find that they are more compliant when spoken to directly without accusatory language? Or is it better to write down bullet points about what you wish to say and end things with "can you help me with a solution for this?" Sensitivities get the best of us in high stress situations, so the best thing to do is note what works for you as a couple and save yourself the headache and tears in the wake.
Also, some noteworthy info can be found in this extra credit read: The 5 Love Languages.
Thou shall not invite another into your relationship
A lot of the time issues come about because there are too many cooks in the kitchen. Your best girlfriend knows every grievance you've ever had with your man and instead of calming the fire, she fans the flames. People often look at this commandment as an obvious one because when we think about inviting other people into our relationship, our minds automatically go to cheating. But just like there are different ways to cheat, there are different ways for a relationship to be burdened by taking on far too many energies.
Thou shall put that phone down
I'm guilty of this sometimes, and honestly have to make a conscious effort to put my phone down because it has become synonymous with curing boredom and with time, our attention spans have decreased. I even notice I do it as a response to someone else doing it in front of me. Putting that phone down is not only a sign of respect, but it's a reminder to stay present. I know Instagram and Snapchat are huge things in this day and age, but if you and yours are spending time together, keep the usies and the food pics to a minimum. It's the quality of the person around you, not the quality of the photo you're taking for the likes.
Thou shall never forget to take care of thy self
It's a delicate balance that we often do not get right enough. When you are not happy and believe it is an obstacle for your partner to fix, you're damaging the relationship.
Although your partner should add to that and not subtract from it, your happiness or lack thereof is not their burden to bear. When you forget to have self love or allow your self-care practices to take a backseat to your love life, your career, your family, your friends, etc., you are depleting yourself of your capacity to have good love. That in no way means to be selfish in your relationship, but it is okay to draw boundaries and be selfish with yourself.
What are some ways you're working to improve your love life in 2017? Share it with us below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Robyn Dixon Confirms She Will Not Be Returning To 'The Real Housewives Of Potomac' After 8 Seasons
Robyn Dixon has officially confirmed the rumors of her exit from The Real Housewives of Potomac after eight seasons.
In the most recent episode of her podcast Reasonably Shady with co-host and her now former RHOP castmate and best friend Gizelle Bryant, Robyn revealed to listeners that Bravo did not ask her back. "It's reality. I was fired, for lack of better words," she said.
"And I will not sugarcoat the situation and say, 'Oh I am walking away' and this is a break or anything like this. This was a network decision. And, you know, I'm okay with it because nothing lasts forever."
News of Robyn's exit first made headlines in late March, as reported by The Jasmine Brand. On the Monday, April 15 episode of the Reasonably Shady podcast, Robyn explained the reason behind her decision to wait to confirm her departure now versus then. "I wanted to speak my own business, my own life, my own news, my own life, my own news, and I wanted to share it out of my own mouth when the time was appropriate.
"And I felt like the appropriate time would be once season 8 of The Real Housewives of Potomac was finished airing, which it is. now finished airing; the last reunion episode just went off last night. And I wanted to respect the network and respect the show and wait until the season ended, which I think makes sense," she continued.
Robyn's announcement comes shortly after news of Candiace Dillard Bassett's decision to 'take a break' from the franchise which came during the airing of the eighth season's three-part reunion special. Robyn has been a part of the Maryland version of The Real Housewives franchise since the beginning with viewers being privy to a lot of the series' vet's highs and lows, including her tax issues in season five where the reality star owed close to $90,000 in back taxes, and her engagement and subsequent remarriage with on-again-off-again partner turned husband Juan Dixon.
Some of the pair's trials as a couple became the center of controversy when cheating rumors swirled and the Dixons maintained a united front with both of them vehemently denying any outside affairs. In a slightly controversial move in 2023 following a season of denials of Juan's alleged infidelities, Robyn placed her transparency behind a podcast paywall instead of airing it out on the show, a decision that might have been seen as the beginning of the end for the 45-year-old.
The Real Housewives of Potomac has sparked much criticism over the years, largely stemming from viewers feeling as though the reality show suffers from colorism and perceived favoritism shown to particular cast members depending on skin tone and the emphasis on "fake" storylines instead of focusing on what is real amongst the group of women.
Some of those pain points were explored during the latest season's reunions with the cast members not getting very far in understanding their colorism experiences. "There's no better group of Black women on the Bravo network to talk about that than us," fellow housewife Karen Huger said in the explosive conversation in the second part of the reunion special.
"No, actually, that's very incorrect," Wendy Osefo interjected at the time, "because if you want to talk about colorism, then you need to have the range to talk about it. And a lot of people on this couch, whether you want to admit it or not, do not have the range."
Candiace has been very vocal about her perspective on colorism as it relates to the cast and it is speculated that that as well as favoritism played a part in the reason she announced her own departure from the Bravo series on March 25 after six seasons. Though she emphasized it was "not a farewell," but a "'see you later.'"
The 37-year-old singer told PEOPLE exclusively, "As I embark on a new chapter after six remarkable years with The Real Housewives of Potomac, I am filled with gratitude for the enriching friendships, personal growth, and moments of introspection that have defined this journey."
She continued, "With a whirlwind of new opportunities and responsibilities on my plate, I have decided to take a break from RHOP."
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Featured image by Mindy Small/Getty Images