6 Awesome Ways To Answer, "Why Are You Leaving Your Job?"
“Why are you leaving your job?”
This is a question that I have heard countless of times in interviews, and as a hiring manager, I am guilty of asking that question too. Hiring managers like myself are naturally curious people so we want the tea on why you are leaving so that we can make the best hiring decision on our end. If your answer gives us the signal that you are leaving on a negative note, then that will definitely be something we consider when deciding upon hiring you - remember, no one wants to hire a Negative Nancy.
When you are asked this question, I know you would rather respond by saying things such as:
“My pay is crappy and I need more money.”
“I can’t stand my boss and my hand is itching to slap her every day.”
“I’m bored at work and Snapchat isn’t that much fun anymore.”
However, responses like that in an interview will get you nowhere. Even more, responding like that will get you an unexpected end to your interview and probably not even a courtesy, automated rejection email.
When I left my last job, I left because of a scheduling conflict. I had dreams of going back to school and the hours that I worked wouldn't allow me to pursue my dream. Instead of saying that I couldn't work the hours or I didn't like the schedule, I said this in my interviews,
"Recently I have decided to further my education in graduate school to earn my MBA. This MBA will be valuable to my professional development and for any organization that I am apart of. With my current employer, I work on the weekends, which prevents me from attending classes on Saturday. For this reason, I am looking for a new company with flexible a more flexible weekend schedule."
In interviews when the hiring manager asks you this question, instead of being brutally honest, use my examples below for a more softer and respectful answer. As my mom has always told me, “It’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.”
You can’t stand your boss and wouldn’t flinch if she burned in hell
I’ve been in a position where I hated my boss. Honestly, I’m not sure if "hate" is even the best word to describe how I genuinely felt. If you dislike your boss and think that he or she is the worst, I’m sure you are itching to get away from them.
Nonetheless, walking into an interview and bad-mouthing your boss will not get you the job. If this is your reason for leaving, try saying this:
“Recently, I realized that the energy and goals with the leadership team is different from my own goals and values. I am looking for a company that can better match my own values and interests. Taking the direction to leave my job is a hard decision because I love the mission of my company, but I think it is only right that I do what is best for me and my professional development.”
You are tired of getting low pay and want more money
It is nothing more insulting than to work hard for someone and not see the monetary benefits. While you are spending most of your time and energy at work, you want to be properly compensated for it. The average American feels as if he or she gets paid less for what they do. If you feel the same way and want to leave your job, communicate this to the hiring manager by saying:
“While at my company, I have learned “X” amount of skills and have developed a substantial amount of knowledge in “X” areas. While I have learned a great deal, I am looking to join a company that can bring more value to my newly developed skill set and yearning to excel in my job."
Your job doesn’t want to promote you so are looking for a company that will
It is the worst to feel stagnant in your career and like you are going no where. Normally when you have increased your skill set and have become better in your area of expertise, you want to be promoted. Yes, you want more money, but you also want more responsibilities and want to be recognized for what you know. If this is your reason for leaving, try telling the hiring manager,
“Although I love the people that I have worked with and my company, I have grown tremendously and I am ready for the next challenge in my career. Instead of being complacent, I am looking for a job that will challenge me and will continue to develop me.”
Your coworkers are messy and you cannot work with them
Petty Betty and Messy Ann are people that you don’t want in your life, but sadly in some way or another they become your coworkers. Working with people that love to gossip and bring drama can really take a toll on your work and energy. Instead of saying that your coworkers annoy you and that you are tired of the drama, try saying this:
“I am looking for a place where my values and work goals are mutual. While I love the mission of my company, I feel that I am in a different place with the team that I work with. As a result, I am looking for a company culture that better suits me.”
width="376" height="282" />
You work a ton of hours and want more time to have fun and hang with friends
With all of the hours that you put in at work, it is hard to turn up on a Tuesday or have a little Sunday Funday loaded with mimosas. You are tired of being overworked and not having a real work and life balance. Being able to spend time with family and friends is very important for your well-being and you understand this. In order to communicate this effectively to the hiring manager, say something like this:
“For me, having work and life balance is very important. In my current position, I am not able to achieve the balance that I desire and I would like to find a position where I can achieve, focus on work, and spend much needed time with my loved ones.”
Your job isn’t teaching you the skills that you want and your are bored at work
I’ve had a job where I literally just scrolled on Facebook and pinned cute outfits and yummy recipes because I was bored at work. When you are working at a company that isn’t developing you, you become bored, and one thing leads to another and you are Snapchatting at work. If this is you, communicate this to the hiring manager by saying:
“While I enjoy working at my company, I am looking to develop as an “X” professional and I think I can get this from your company after reading more about your company. Outside of work, I have done research on how to become a better person in my career field, but I know if I found a company where I could do the work on a daily basis, I would benefit tremendously (and so would the company)."
width="400" height="226" />
If you didn’t notice by now, all of the responses above have one thing in common: positivity is key. No matter what the reason is on why you are leaving your current job, remain positive and demonstrate this in your response and tone.
If you have any additional advice on answering the aforementioned questions, drop a comment below and let us know!
Get more career tips and tricks by visiting our xo Business section!
- How to Explain Your Reasons for Leaving a Job (With Examples ... ›
- Best Answers for "Why Did You Leave Your Last Job" - 20 Good ... ›
- Reasons for Leaving a Job: Best Explanation for This Interview ... ›
- 10 Good Reasons For Leaving A Job ›
- 9 Reasons for Leaving Your Last Job That Hiring Managers Will ... ›
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
____
Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images